Writin' bout' War (What is it Good for? Something?)

There's a lot of war literature that has been written over the years, I'm not talking about like histories or things like that, I mean fictional data that is based on the tragedy of War.

Out of all of it ever written....you can actually divide ALL war fiction material into TWO categories. The first being "romance war books" and the other category being "un-romanced war books."

I know it is brazen to divide every single fictional piece of data written on wars into two polarized categories...but unfortunately it is true.

Firstly, Romance War literature regards the domain of Good Guys versus Bad Guys and promotes a "ra-ra-ra-Go-Team" sort of theme behind it. Some romantic war books are so sappy they feature Fencers who have a rose in their mouth at all times while conducting these super-fun nobleman wars. They feature characters that you wouldn't exactly find on a battle field in reality. These pieces of literature present war as a fun activity that is noble/heroic/right as the heroes defeat the villains.

Examples of Romance War book are the Epic of Gilgamesh where the noble King Gilgamesh defeats his enemies and saves his people from a flood (this story was re-worked into the bible/kuran), or War of the Roses...a highly pompous regaled affair about who gets to sit on the Throne of England. The most widely-read Romance War book of all time is Three Kingdoms which details the War-Triangle (as opposed to the Love-Triangle writing tool) between the regal Liu Bei and his foes Cao Cao and Sun Jian.

Romanced War books Main Textile: War is a heroic, noble, and pretty fun little game.


Secondly, the other polarized group of war fiction data is Un-Romanced war pieces. These tend to present the topic of war as un-heroic, disgusting, wrong, insane, and bad. You're not gonna have too much ra-ra-ra cheerleading in these...and when you're done reading them you're gonna walk away from it feeling quite depressed and even queasy. This may not be as fun, or pump-up-able as a Romance War book but these Un-Romanced books are aiming to be more realistic. They don't want to get you pumped over war....at all. They want you to have a negative opinion on war.

We're going to look at a few good examples of these in depth in the second section of the article. Just to throw out a few now....a good modern day example is something like Full Metal Jacket where the "heroes" aren't really heroes...they are unbalanced weirdoes who are thrust into a situation they can barely even function in and try their best to kill before being killed. There's nothing very heroic about the "heroes" of Full Metal Jacket. Another good example is the Japanese film Grave of the Fireflies....which depicts two Japanese orphans during WWII and it is probably like the saddest friggin' movie anyone's ever made. Those two japanese kids did not have a good n' fun time in that war movie that's for sure. Those two kids had no fun at all in that war movie.

Non-Romance War books Main Textile: War really sucks, it's gruesome, devastating, awful, terrible, and just simply no fun what-so-ever.


Mind Set of the Writers

When reading old fiction datum it is fun to try and think of what the writer/composer of the text had going through their mind at the time. I do honestly think, the Romance War books, are written by a certain subset of the given era's population which were probably of a very privileged background.

I was sitting in this building once, I forget why I was there, to deliver something I think for some job I was doing, and this building was the Black Watch "armory" in Montreal. It's called an armory but it's more of a little lounge-club for older military types to hang out at. I saw a documentary once called, The Valour and the Horror, which claims that the Black Watch contingent came into the new-era World War back in the day very unprepared for WWII and marched up to the enemy's new-age firearms (gatling guns) and were just mowed down, yet the general told them that real men don't retreat, so they all marched proudly into the bullets to be mowed down one by one. I don't know if that account is true but this is what that movie claims...I think it's maybe exaggerated a bit.

Anyways, in the Black Watch building I was in a few years ago, I saw a painting hanging in the main room over the fireplace which made me think twice about that Valor and Horror movie....it was a portrait of Prince Charles (yes the dopey Prince there who does the homeopathy talks and has no use/function in life that you see on TV all the time)...it was a portrait of Prince Charles on a war steed with a glorious sabre....and I thought to myself...this is the dumbest thing I've ever seen in my life. This portrait of Prince Charles depicted this way is absurd.

That portrait really made me remember that scene in Valor and Horror where they claim the Black Watch was a group of unprepared children ordered to walk into gun fire by their officers and die like cannon fodder. The portrait of Prince Charles on that horse with that sabre was so odd looking that it made me really start to honestly question whether the claim made in that film might be true. Because something about that little military lounge was just downright silly.

I believe the mindset of writers who write Romance War novels are the same type who can commission a portrait of Prince Charles on a steed with a sabre and not laugh at that when it's completed. They can look at a painting like that and think of Heroism and Ra-Ra-Ra whilst looking at Prince Charles depicted as a war hero.....but honestly, who can take a painting like that seriously? You need to be a special kind of retard to not laugh at a painting like that.

With regards to Writers of Un-Romanced War fiction, I think they have a far more realistic view of what war is actually about than the Romance people do. That's pretty much a fact.

The case of Three Kingdoms is interesting though. There's theories in China that Luo GuanZhong was commissioned by the government to write that and after he was done he was angry about what they made him write....so he wrote Outlaws of The Marsh (a story about bandits uniting together and fighting government officials) under a pseudonym years later in his life. I think that's a common theory now-a-days actually in China. The current form of Outlaws is pretty Romanced but it is suspected by Chinese Historians to have been heavily edited and believed in its original manuscript to be a very a Un-Romanced style work.


Choice Examples of Un-Romanced War Media

Okay, it's not that I want to spend more time on Un-Romanced works than Romance works and I don't necessarily think Un-Romanced is better. I mean, Three Kingdoms is still one of the most well crafted texts I've ever seen in my life....but I think in this day and age it is more normal to write Un-Romanced for sure. Romance War media is seen a sort of odd and out of place now. Like a modern Romance War movie like Black Hawk Down for instance is one of the most terrible films I've ever seen. It's this ra-ra-ra go-team movie about War-Boys fighting hordes and hordes of ravenous Africans...Black Hawk Down is almost like a zombie movie...it's fucking atrocious. Romance war movies really don't seem normal in this era, I find. The African people they were fighting didn't even have personalities...it was like the heroes were fighting monsters. It felt like a propaganda movie from the 1930s or something that Black Hawk Down. Romance War media really does seem odd in this modern era.

These next examples are good examples of Un-Romanced War fiction.


  

1. Johnny Got His Gun (by Dalton Trumbo)

This book is about a guy who got blowed up in the war and lays in a hospital bed for an entire book just thinking about stuff. He has no legs, no arms, no hands, no feet, no ears, no eyes, no nose, no nothing but a brain and a chest and some organs.

They keep him alive with tubes and liquids and stuff and he just lies in bed....thinkin' 'bout stuff....like his past, his old jobs, his old friends, his old love. Things like that. He never thinks with punctuation though. Just periods. Never any dumb commas or stupid things like that. He only needs periods really this guy. He has no fucking arms and legs what the fuck good are commas to him?

He thinks in short chunky thoughts. Never really here nor there. Old memories he takes some time thinking about or maybe he thinks about the rats crawling over him that he can't get off cuz he's got no friggin' opposable appendages. Poor guy.

Finally near the end he starts thinkin' 'bout war and goes into this big diatribe about how if he was running things NO ONE WOULD GO TO WAR AND NO ONE WOULD GET BLOWED UP! NO ONE WOULD LIVE LIKE THIS! HE EVEN GOES INTO CAPS LOCKS TO THINK ABOUT THIS STUFF.

It's a good book, really. I like the writing style of it....I'm not huge on commas and shit either. Trumbo was arrested and detained for UnAmerican Activities for writing this book. So if you read it you can hold it and go "wowee! This guy was arrested just for writing this thing!"

I think writing-style wise alone this book is very unique and interesting.


2. The Wars (Timothy Findley)

This book is about this kid who is pretty excited to go to war with the pistol his parents got him and to be like his hero, this cool guy from his neighborhood named Eugene Taffler....but war turns out to really really suck and he winds up trying to save some horses from a fire and then going completely bonkers. Poor kid, he just wanted to be a kid really....He didn't really want to go to war and die and everything.


3. Slaughter House 5 (Kurt Vonnegut)

This book is about a nonchalant youngster who gets sent into a war and he doesn't really know what the fuck is going on, he gets captured, imprisoned, and fire-bombed, oh and all his friends around him start dying one by one...and then he gets so out-of-it and just wants to distance himself from his world that he actually zones out into outer-space and this alien lets him look at past moments of his life and explains to him that it takes no less than seven people causing 7 seperate action-chain events to create one human life.

Yo, this book is fucked man. It's pretty cool.


4. Suikoden II (Yoshitaka Murayama et. al)

This game, based on Outlaws of the Marsh and other fragments of Chinese history, is the story of two friends who unwittingly end up leading opposite sides in a civil war. They're best friends and don't want to fight each other but circumstances and reasons on both sides dictate they must fight each other to end this civil war.

The character you play as wins...and when it comes time to lead his newly united country as President....he just says goodbye to good ol' Viktor and walks out during the victory celebrations. He never wanted to fight this stupid war. He goes to meet his friend who lost the civil war just days before against him, and his friend wants to duel him. After fighting each other in a long and bloody war for 2 years...they grow tired of this duel as well...and they both just lay down their weapons and walk off into the sunset to travel the world like vagabonds.

What were they fighting this war for? Who knows and who cares in the end. They're both vagabonds now, traveling free and at ease....they don't even look back at the two countries they were fighting on opposite sides for. That's over and done with....that silly war.


5. Short Untitled Twitter Story (Norm MacDonald)

On May 25th of 2015....on Memorial Day....one twitter user typed out his Memorial Day tweet for all his followers to read, he did it in the form of a short story which used roughly 15 "tweets" as they call them.

Now you know with this N. MacDonald character that he often starts these long-winded set-ups just to lead you into a shaggy-dog puncher. Famed celebrity Andy Richter onced described his story telling style as, "it's like leading someone on a two hour walk up a hill just to point out a pile of dog poop"... so you wondered if Mr. MacDonald was just on some shaggy-d set-up with this story...but he wasn't.

When he was done tweeting out his chunks of text which comprised this mini-novel....it was a very well-written short-story....it was one of the best examples of Non-Romanced War fiction ever created.

It was a short tale about a young man sent to war, sent away from his gal and his momma....he was sent to watch the friends he grew up with die in front of him....like that poor soul Richie Bellman from the farm next door to him.

It was a short twitter masterpiece which perfectly encapsulated the style of writing known as Un-Romanced War fiction. It was a very nice Memorial Day story....

.....and then he deleted it. Why? Nobody knows. It's just stuff of legends now....stuff of Writing Legends. It seems No One other than those who read it that night of May 25th shall ever read it.....

Punchin' Up some Scripts.

I wanna learn how to write movies good.

I mainly write things in this blog to get better at the skill known as Writing. It's like any other skill, writing is, like you have to practice to get any good at it. I always used to read a lot but writing is more harder than reading and thus is a harder challenge to take on. Gettin' good at writing is like going to the driving range, or taking a car to a field to drive around and learn it....to really learn writing you got to go to a field (a paper or a computer screen) and start punchin' up keys 'til you gain proficiency as such.

This site mainly deals with essay-style writing because that's the only style I really know...but movie writing seems fun too.

I was on the internet the other day and saw someone a tweet a movie pitch he had to Jean Claude Van Damme over twitter. It was the internet writer Seanbaby and he pitched a sequel to Time Cop via twitter. He broke the pitch into 48 twitterable chunks and then assembled them chronologically backwards so if you are reading the film from his twitter feed...it would read from start to finish.

I realized while reading that Time Cop 2 pitch...that I've seen so many movies....that I can play a movie in my head and basically construct and visualize an entire film that doesn't exist in my brain. While reading the Time Cop 2 script I could easily visualize the goings-on of this film, no problem at all. It feels like I've already seen Tim Cop 2 even though it does not even exist.

Looking back, I've visualized entire films in my head over the course of a general-day many times....just from my imagination and nothing else. I look into the abyss of nothingness in my skull and then slowly visualize entire films from start to finish. Films that don't exist...films constructed from experiences of watching many films.

Sanguillen's Quest

Like one time, I read this article about how Pirates catcher Manny Sanguillen refused to believe that Roberto Clemente died in a plane crash and vowed to search the area where his plane went down and find his friend alive. While reading that article, I kept thinking, "damn, this would make such a touching film." The next day while at work and showering and stuff....that movie happened in my head. Manny Sanguillen's search for his friend kept me unbored while doing shitty stuff at work. This wasn't a great movie, though, it was a long time ago, it was probably like 10 years ago...my mental movies are better now. My imagination got too out of hand with this film and Sanguillen, whilst in the jungles of Nicaragua (or was it Ecuador?), had to battle lizards....and then the lizards kept getting bigger...and by the end he was fighting Dinosaurs with Lazor Beamz and it was just a silly place to take a heartwarming film such as this.

Committing these mental movies to some sort of existent record may be a fun exercise. Maybe it'll teach me how to write movies. You have to stick to your strengths when trying to write a new style of writing....and when it comes to movies...I seem to have some experience writing bio-pics for obscure baseball catchers.

Oh wait...I just remembered....

One time I did write a baseball bio-pic in school as a sort of joke thing to see what the teacher would say. I copied it to this blog and it's in this article over here....

(If you scroll all the way down in this mess to the pic of Steve Jeltz you can read Steve Jeltz Saves Christmas: https://writingsonsubjects.blogspot.com/2012/02/the-steve-jeltz-thing-from-school-i-did.html)

That Steve Jeltz Christmas story is a very very heartwarming story. I was young when I wrote that, re-reading it now...I think I was a better person back then.

Soooo.....the only experience I have in both fiction writing and story telling is with obscure baseball players so I might as well train harder in the Obscure Baseball Player Story Telling genre in order to not have to learn anything new or apply myself too much whilst practicing movie writing.

First we'll need an obscure player, and sticking with the back-up catcher motif, we shall try and write a back-up catcher bio-pic. Hmmmmm, how about.....

A Mike LaValliere romance-comedy? No.

A Tony Eusabio crime drama? No.

A Ron Karkovice buddy cop film? No.

A deep introspective kafka-esque Lenny Webster vehicle? No.

A Rick Cerone workin' man movie? Hmmmmm......Yes!


The Rick Cerone Story

Well, that's the movie I'm gonna play around with in order to try and learn how to write movies. So, you can stop reading now if you want or you can follow me on this amazing adventure in learning.

Baseball bio pics are pretty common....I read there's a Bill Lee one coming out produced by Eric Gagne. I'm gonna watch that for sure.

The premise for the Bill Lee movie (this Bill Lee movie is a real one not like mine) has him fooling around in rural Quebec from what I've read and I don't know how that will sell to American audiences. I think they'd make more money setting it in Boston, no? It's not even Montreal it's set in, it's set in like the Triple AAA league and in like Granby or something.

I watched that Jackie Robinson bio-pic with Harrison Ford and it was really good and it made big bucks. Montreal had a big role to play in Jackie's rise to success yet in the movie they really cut out any reference to Montreal except for a brief mention by Ford at one point. Honestly, I was a bit disappointed but I understand why they set it in Florida and that's because American audiences respond better to that. They don't want to hear about french Canada if they don't have to. The Bill Lee movie, I hope it does well, despite being set in rural french Canada. I think it's a great idea but I'm not sure how the American audiences will react to the non-american setting for the Bill Lee bio-pic.

Anyways, this article I'm writing is about my baseball bio-pic so we better get to it. My movie isn't gonna have any trouble with setting because it's gonna be set in the biggest city there is...New Fucking York in 19-fucking-81...The Big Apple, baby. That's the biggest setting there is!

Now we need some historical information to base our "based on actual events" bio-pic on. If you're not familiar with that phrase it basically means...."based on something we read once and it sounded cool so we stole the idea." I'm gonna use this New York Times article as my "actual events" as such.

"And Rick Cerone is STILL on Trial" October 12th, 1981:
(http://www.nytimes.com/1981/10/12/sports/and-rick-cerone-is-still-on-trial.html)

Did you read it? Now do you see why a Rick Cerone "workin' man versus the big wig" type of movie would be awesome? All the characters for the film are set-up from that 1981 Dave Anderson article. The working hero and the rich evil big wig boss that is keeping our hero down.....those two polarized characters are easy to work with. George Steinbrenner as the villain is a great character to work with, most people remember the back-of-his-head portrayed in Seinfeld yet my movie will portray all-of-his-head and even his body.

The first high-drama climactic scene will be based of the actual event of Cerone and Steinbrenner "exchanging expletives word-for-word." The schism event will be everyone turning on Cerone which makes him feel down and sad...but as you can see from the source-material article....the victory at the end will be "50,000 fans cheering for the hero" Rick Cerone.... and in the end his enemy will accept him as being "my type of ball player." So it will be a happy ending for sure.

Hmmmm, we need a few more characters. We need a comedy-relief dopey side-kick who plays Cerone's roomate, we need a cool black guy who doesn't dig Cerone at first but by the end really digs him, we need a sub-boss secondary villain and we need a hot-chick too. I can fill those roles by looking at the 1981/1982 Yankees rosters....and for the chick I'll just google a hot celeb from 1981/82 and pretend Cerone and her were intimate lovers.

So let's make a list before it gets too confusing, these are the basics so far.

Title: The Rick Cerone Story

Hero: Rick Cerone
Bad Guy: George Steinbrenner
Vice-BadGuy: Bob Lemon
Dopey Side-Kick: Lou Pinella or Bucky Dent
Cool Black Dude: Oscar Gamble
Hot Chick: Olivia Newton-John

Main Theme: A "Stone Cold vs. Vince McMahon" style thing of the Working Man fights back against The Boss.
Secondary Themes: Baseball, Italian Culture of the 80s, White person and Black person becoming best friends, swearing, toilet humor.

Schism: Steinbrenner's dislike for Cerone spreads throughout the entire organization and all the Yankees, even the FANS, start hating poor Rick Cerone. Will he quit baseball forever or will he win back his teammates and fans hearts?

Climactic Victory: Through strength of character and a timely homerun....Rick Cerone wins his teammates respect and the adulation of New York baseball fans.

Oscar Gamble = Cool Black Dude

Ooooooh, it sounds pretty good, this movie. Obviously we need a cast. Now, for that Bill Lee bio-pic they cast a real pretty-boy named Josh Duhamel to play Lee....but my movie's lead is a workin' man so I can't cast a pretty boy type. I need a big overweight Italian guy to portray Rick Cerone correctly.

We need an overweight, Italian, preferably a Yankees fan, who excels at swearin' and toilet humor....hmmm....

An image is forming in my mind, yes, it is. I can see who meets these criterion crystal clear in my brain. The ONLY person who I can think of who possibly can do justice to this film and tell the important story that NEEDS to be told with this Rick Cerone bio picture is...of course...

Artie Lange.

Artie Lange as Rick Cerone.

Lange is the only human on earth who could enter into the Rick Cerone character and really do it the justice it deserves. It's a perfect fit. We're talking oscar here...not Oscar Gamble this time....but oscar like award-oscar. If someone actually makes this film and casts Artie Lange as the lead....I absolutely guarantee it will be regarded as a cinematic triumph of the amazingest degree. No joke.

They'd need to dye his hair and stuff though so he can pass as being a 29 year old athlete....but he has range, Artie, so I think he can stretch the role and pull it off.

You should see how the movie goes in my head, it's great, like Artie is really really good in it. He's funny but he's also very believable and the audience really relates to him.

The other actors can be slotted in later...the villain has to be mean, the side kick has to be goofy, the black dude has to be cool, and the chick has to be hot...that's the only criterion for those roles.

Look, after I'm done punchin' up dis script I'm gonna shop it around to all the big movie people and shit so I'm not gonna just throw the script in the next section, but, I will provide dialogue samples from certain key scenes of the film.

Sample Scenes

Okie-doke, so here are some samplers from the script. I'll set them up so you know what the fuck is going on in the scene too.

Humorous Scene 2C:
In this will-be memorable scene, Rick Cerone is catching in a game but needs to use the bathroom to move his bowels. The umpire is another Italian man named Ron Luciano (who is played by Ernest Borgnine....oh wait...he's dead...sorry...Ron Luciano will be played by Pat Cooper).

This scene is based on the actual event when Hubie Brooks one time (this actually happened) called time out to go take a leak during an at-bat.

Hubie had to go to the bathroom.

In real life Hubie had to number-1 but in my Luciano-Cerone scene it is a heavy number-2 that Cerone needs to evacuate from his body. Both characters being Italian, you'll noticed that, they use a lot of Italianized english terms and talk a lot about Italian cuisine. The scene begins as Cerone catches a fastball and turns to look at Luciano and says...

Rick Cerone: Luch! Holy shit! I...I....I gotta go!

Ron Luciano: Go? Whaddya talkin' 'bout "go"? Go where? Wat the fuck you talkin' 'bout?

Rick Cerone: You fuckin' fongoul...I gotta fucking take a shit!

Ron Luciano: A shit!? What? There's NO SHITTIN' IN BASEBALL! Ya dumb segarsi!

Rick Cerone: Luch, man, I gotta go, I'm not fucking shittin' you man...I gotta shit!

Ron Luciano: Are you fuckin' kiddin' me? You're fucking joking ya stupid asshole! Skeevosa!

Rick Cerone: You're gonna see in about 5 seconds that I wasn't jokin' you fat piece of garbage!

Ron Luciano:  You cazzo-suckin' asshole! Turn aroun' and leave me the fuck alone!

Rick Cerone: Luch....on my grandmother's grave...I swear I'm telling the truth.

Ron Luciano: On....your grandmother's grave?

Rick Cerone: Ya. Man, I ate 2 cannolies, a pizza, and a buncha gnoccies for pranzo!

Ron Luciano: You crazy sonavabitch...........TIME!

(Wow, you should see Pat Cooper in this scene....he is simply impeccable....like his timing and stuff).

Confrontation Scene 1F:

In this scene Rick Cerone has just made a grievous mental error of a magnitude which most would describe as being  "game-altering".  George Steinbrenner (all of his head, not just the back of his head) calls Rick on the telephone and proceeds to tell him he's over-weight, stupid, and ugly.

Rick Cerone: Hello, it's me Rick Cerone. Who the fuck is this?

George Steinbrenner: Who the fuck is this!? Who the fuck do you think asshole!?

Rick Cerone: Oh, Mr. Steinbrenner hi, uh, howzit goin' ?

George Steinbrenner: Ooooooh just swell, just swell fatso.....

Rick Cerone: ....

George Steinbrenner: It's just that your dumpy mentally-crippled ass COST ME THE GAME!

Rick Cerone: Hey, hey...come on. Didja see how Goose pitched today? He sucked shit!

George Steinbrenner: No! You know who sucked shit out there, today? YOU DID FUCK FACE!

Rick Cerone: ME!? FUCK FACE!? Ya I'm a fuck face alright....BECAUSE I FUCK FACES!

George Steinbrenner: You fuck faces? NO! You have the face that gets fucked....fuck-face!

Rick Cerone: Wanna bet? How 'bout I come into your office and fuck you in the face?

George Steinbrenner: YOU fuck ME in the face? You fat stupid retarded asshole! FUCK YOU.
Rick Cerone: You're the fuck-face...you fucked-up fuckin' FUCK FACE. Fuck you MORE than FUCK ME! BYE! FUCKER!

(Ooooh that scene's intense. This is the eighties too so it's those rotary phones you can SLAM down hard and shit. Wow).

Reconciliation Scene 2B.1
In his scene Oscar Gamble and his humongous and wicked-cool afro come to make amends with Rick Cerone after Rick helps Oscar's girlfriend fend off creeps at a Detroit disco-tech after a road game.

Oscar Gamble:Yo smooth brother.....
Rick Cerone: ???

Oscar Gamble: I.....I.....I.....yo.....thanks for helpin' my girl back in Detroit.
Rick Cerone: Hey, it's nuthin' man.
Oscar Gamble: Smooth brother....I'm sorry for calling you a fat ugly Guinea Dego piece of shit.
Rick Cerone: Ya. I'm sorry for calling you a retarded moolie asshole.
Oscar Gamble: Hey man....what's done is done. It's water under the bridge, smooth brother.
Rick Cerone: Osc, you've really taught me a lot 'bout hittin' n' losin' weight....I.....
Oscar Gamble: Hey man, we're teammates and dats what teammates do.
Rick Cerone: Life is tough sometimes, Osc.
Oscar Gamble: Hey, life is always tough. They don't think it be like it IS....but it DO!

Words of Wisdom

Filler Scene 3A:

To fill up some screen time there's a part where Cerone goes down to Mexico to play some Winter Ball after the '80 season and he befriends fellow Italian Don Demola who's re-conditioning his arm after surgery down there. They are battery partners when A HUGE BRAWL breaks out after Demola hits a batter with a pitch and Cerone picks up the batter and helicopter suplexes him.

This scene is based on the actual event stated in Tommy Lasorda's book where he claims in a winter ball game to have hit a batter....then the batter charged the mound....and then Lasorda CLAIMS to have picked him up, spun him around like a helicopter, and then suplexed him. Personally, I don't believe Tommy Lasorda did this but it is stated in his book that he did and this is the "actual event" that this scene is inspired/stolen from.

(Note: Don Demola is a pretty funny Italian guy with a good accent.....See this interview)

(Note II: The brackets mean they're thinking to themselfs.)

Rick Cerone: (He wants inside!? Fuck, he's gonna nail this asshole!)

Don DeMola: (I'm gonna whack dis asshole. Fuck this guy. I'm nailin' him)

Rick Cerone: (Oh shit....here we go again.) *WHACK*

Don DeMola: Here he comes! Aaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeiiiieeeeeeeee!

Rick Cerone: What the fuck! He's getting his ass kicked!

Don DeMola: Yo Rick! Come fuck this guy up! Give him the helicopta suplex technique!

Rick Cerone: You ready!? You ready for the Rick Cerone Helicopter Suplex Mark II !?

Don DeMola: HOLY SHIT! HE'S GOT 'IM IN DA HELICOPTA SUPLEX! HOLY SHIT!

Rick Cerone: GRRRRRRRRAAAAARGH! BLAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGH! YAAAAAAAA!

Don DeMola: Whoa! Rick....dat was cool!

(This scene is really cool.)

Conclusion

Alrighty, so I'm gonna pitch my script to all the big producers and shit. It'll get made, probably. Someone'll probably steal the idea but it'll get made eventually I bet.....maybe.

It's so good this movie, it doesn't have T-Rexes like my Manny Sanguillen non-existant mentally visualized film but it's still very very good.

Pat Cooper's great in it, and the guy who plays Don DeMola is a kid who's new but really good at acting. Oh and fuck, the chick who plays Olivia Newtons-John is soooooo sexy it's not even funny.

Everybody wants the next big-thing and I can honestly ensure you that back-up catcher bio-pics is the way to go. It's the new thing.