The Haunted House

Let us begin,

The Haunted House
a short story by D.


Chapter 1

It was the best of the times, yet, in some ways you could also call them the most worst of the times. It was the late 1960s and a very famous pianist sat in his vacation villa on the Isle of Man in the Atlantic Ocean. It was a humble abode with just but the one expansive and elegant dining room. It was on the waterfront overlooking the ocean, a simple but effective getaway spot where a famous pianist could get away from it all, relax, and bone up on the classics.

Tchaikovsky, Paderewski, and of course, Rachmaninoff. The classics.

Tinkling away on the ivories in his villa, one might say this man was lonely, but who could truly be lonely when the compositions of all the greatest composers of the past were sitting on his bookshelf just waiting to be opened and played for the one thousandth time in his life. Tinkling off a Rachmaninoff on an antique Steinway Grand? Would it lose its luster when played for the thousandth? No, something like that would never cease to embolden the human spirit and soul.

Sometimes he wondered to himself, ever so elegantly punching up these piano keys, while over looking the vast ocean, if it would be even more splendid with a lady by his side to appreciate his playing. Someone of letters who loved the classics as much as he.

He sighed, paused his piano playing, and looked at the ocean. The waves crashing against the hard rocks of the Isle of Man. The sound they made was almost rhythmic. The ocean must have heard him playing, thoroughly enjoyed his music, and wanted to serenade him back with its own concerto, he thought to himself.

What a wondrous thing the ocean is. Able to make the most beautiful of sounds without even trying. Our lonely pianist spent a lifetime in training to become famous the world over. The ocean? It was simply born with the ability to make timeless music.

Now quite jealous of the ocean, he sighed anew.

Just then his inner thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of his vintage telephone he obtained on a trip to Versailles in France a decade or so ago, it was inlaid with gold and each number on the rotary dial had a single gemstone engraved onto it. It was in many ways... his favorite telephone.

Our lonely pianist, Lee, answered it...


Lee: Hello?

Caller: Hello? Is that you Lee? It's me Danny! I got word, down at the docks, that you were on the Isle of Man!

Lee: Oh hi, Danny! What a pleasant surprise! Yes, I needed to get away from all the stress of the life of being on the road. Being a world famous pianist isn't always easy. I needed to get some rest.

Danny: I know how it is, Lee, I know how it is. Being out there, entertaining everyone, and giving happiness, laughter, and hope to the millions. It must become a bit too much, at times, I'd assume.

Lee: Oh, yes.

Danny: So, old man, what are you up to?

Lee: Just tinklin' the ol' ivories, Danny boy, you know... punchin' up a little Rach on this Steinway Grand.

Danny: ...maninoff?

Lee: Yeah, maninoff. Are you in the area as well, Danny? Would you like to come by my humble villa? I can make lasagna.

Danny: I'm not on the Isle of Man.... I'm in my neighborhood... Ireland. I'm just taking in the grey skies and the whole.. grey... of it all. You know?

Lee: I thought people regarded Ireland as being green, no? Like clovers and endless pastures and...

Danny: No, no, no.. Lee... I've been here me whole life, you see, and this place is grey. Grey as the interior of a World War I battle ship, ol' chum. It's green when the sun's out but that's a rare sight, indeed.

Lee: Would you like to come to the Isle of Man, Dan?

Danny: No can do mate, I'm soon off to jolly ol' England.

Lee: Oh, how I adore England. I haven't been there since I last played for the Queen. She's such a lovely person. I should really try and make it back soon.

Danny: She's so nice, she's great. I really love the ol' gal. I'm actually going to see a house there. I was wondering if you'd like to come with? It's said to be one of the most splendid houses in all of London.

Lee: One of the most splendid houses in the whole of London!? Why didn't you say so sooner? Of course I'll accompany you on such an emboldening adventure. You know just how much I love the skilled craftsmanship and architecture of England, Danny.

Danny: I knew you'd be game, Lee! This house isn't just about great architecture... it is covered, wall to wall, from the first inch to the last... in priceless antiques!

Lee: ...

Danny: Oh, and don't get me started on the murals! The entire ceiling of a room is a 16th century painting. High Renaissance style, Lee. High Renaissance.

Lee: ..........

Danny: Are you still there, ol' man? Have we lost connection?

Lee: No, I'm here, Danny. I just... I just lost my composure for a moment and dropped my telephone on the ground. I was getting excited and I was.... losing my breath.

Danny: You must keep calm! I know how starry-eyed you get over priceless antiques and exquisite art but you must carry on!

Lee: I'm going to cancel all my plans for this week, Danny, and come meet you in London. I have to see this house... it is all I can think about.

Danny: What about Rachmaninoff?

Lee: Oh, Rachmaninoff Shmackachmaninoff! He can wait! I need to see this house, Danny!

Danny: Great show, old man! I'll be at my estate in London... phone me up when you arrive.

Lee: Will do, Danny, will do. Good bye, now. Thanks for calling.

Danny: Good bye, Lee. Can't wait to see you.


Our gentleman pianist hung up his phone, put his Rachmaninoff composition back onto the bookshelf, closed his Steinway Grand piano and went to sleep... he dreamt all night long about what historic treasures and ancient relics were in this splendid London house Danny had just finished telling him about.

Meanwhile in London...

A great actor had just finished another brilliant performance of Shakespeare's Macbeth down at the Old Vic. He was deeply fatigued and famished. Many considered this man as the greatest actor in the entire world. He slowly made his way to the actor's lounge, opened a bottle of warm wine, drank it quickly while it was still warm.... and deeply sighed.

He might have been the greatest actor in the entire world but he was also deeply troubled. He was recently on a whirl wind love affair with a smashing lady who he was madly in love with. She was in the audience that night... she had long raven black hair.... and eyes that could make a man's heart melt.

Yet... curiously she wasn't even looking at the stage at all. He had shed a single tear while talking to his father's ghost just moments ago on stage... yet... when he looked over at his beloved... she wasn't even looking at the stage. She was writing something in a notebook.

Maybe she just remembered something she badly needed to do and scribbled it down? She needed to buy bread or some of that lady cream to shave her legs with after the play... maybe. He thought, trying to justify her utter lack of respect for the thespian arts.... but he could not justify it.

Foul temptress! He had poured his heart out speaking to his father's ghost in this play and she wasn't even watching!? He could barely compose himself. He had quickly gone from loving this beautiful creature to literally hating her with an undying passion!

He gazed solemnly at the slow burning fire in the fireplace in the actor's lounge. Rage consumed this man! He smashed the wine bottle against the logs of the fire! He loathed her. He went from being out of controllingly in love with her to outright... loathing her.

He absolutely loathed her and needed to end this relationship post haste!

He needed to talk to someone, an old mate, a trusted friend... someone he could confide with and he trusted greatly. He walked over the smashed glass of the wine bottle next to the now roaring flames of the fireplace and picked up the telephone. He dialed the number of a trusted colleague.


Danny: Hello?

Troubled Actor: Danny, is that you? I need to talk to you, mate. Quite badly.

Danny: Oh hi there, Richard. I can't exactly talk right now... for I'm planning a very nice trip and need to pack my things. I need to organize my luggage for my excursion.

Richard: Danny, I'm troubled. Listen, we're both countrymen from the Great Nation of Ireland. You understand me, Dan! You must listen to my many troubles!

Danny: I'm sorry, Richard, I wish I could.... but I can't.

Richard: During my soliloquy tonight, Dan ... I was getting all into my "To be or not to be" portion and I glanced to her and she was.... asleep!

Danny: Come again? She was what?

Richard: Completely utterly asleep, DAN!

Danny: No!? How? What is her problem? Is she daft?

Richard: I don't know... she's so great and I loved her so passionately... but... listen to this...

Danny: There's more!?

Richard: Oh there's more, Danny. Oh Danny boy.... there's much more. You know what she was doing whilst I spoke to my father's ghost?

Danny: No, what?

Richard: She was jotting something.

Danny: Jotting?

Richard: Yes, you know, like in a notebook. A small notebook that fits in her purse. She was jotting something down with a pen.

Danny: She was jotting whilst you spoke with your father's ghost!?

Richard: Yes!

Danny: She is... the WORST!

Richard: I KNOW!

Danny: Richard, some things cannot be forgiven. Her lack of respect for thespianism is remarkable. You must end your trist. This trist of yours must end.

Richard: Easier said then done, ol' mate. I'm great at meeting birds but am utterly terrible at getting them to fly the coop. I just don't have the heart. I don't have the heart to see the pain and sadness in their souls when I give them the slip.

Danny: Yes, well, I must be on my way, Richard. I hope everything works out. I have to catch a plane soon, chap.

Richard: You've been a dear help my trusted friend. Thank you dearly for your sagely advice. Good bye, now, Dan.

Danny: Okay, good bye Rich, hope to see you soon.

Richard: Bye.


To be Continued.....




Meanwhile on the Isle of Man...

Lee took one last look at his most valued and prized possessions in his fantastic villa, said goodbye to them individually, then jumped in his Rolls-Royce and made his way to his private ship.

He arrived, waved a jolly hello to the admiral of his vessel, and boarded his ship. It was a quaint ship, a caravel, to be precise. It was made of solid teak wood, it had a splendid studded sail, ten cannons though they were no longer functional they were just decorative, and a figurehead on the ship's bow of the likeness St. George made from elm wood and molted bronze.

Lee made some small talk with the admiral of his private caravel to pass the time...


Lee: Sure is a great day for a sail, isn't it, Admiral?

Admiral: Aye.

Lee: That figurehead. It's of Saint George.

Admiral: Aye. Aye. The one man battalion of the Crusades. The lad fought armies by his own lonesome self. He will protect this vessel from any peril I assure you... from storms to sharks....aye.

Lee: When I purchased this vintage caravel... I mostly wanted it for the figurehead. The craftsmanship on George's face... it reminds me of someone. He looks ready for battle but also melancholy. Don't you find, Admiral?

Admiral: Aye, aye. Yes. So it is. Who does he remind you of?

Lee: Sigh.

Admiral: I didn't mean to pry. Apologies...

Lee: It's alright. He reminds me of..... my older brother George. I haven't been able to see him as often as I'd like to of late. Anyways, looks like we're almost ready to slow this baby down and enter the port of London.

Admiral: Aye.


The caravel arrived at the port of London. Lee debarked his vessel, waved a solemn goodbye to his trusted admiral and made way for another Rolls-Royce that was waiting for him at his private storehouse at the port of London.

He drove quickly for all he could think about was seeing this beautiful home, his greatest friend Danny, had described to him. He could almost picture the home in his mind and couldn't wait to finally see it.

Visions of antiques and finely crafted Victorian trinkets danced in his head as his wavy hair waved in the gentle breeze that kindly hit his face as he drove his Rolls. Many Londonders waved to him as he passed. They loved his Rolls.

He arrived at Danny's posh London estate and parked his spectacular vehicle in the expansive driveway. He made his way to the front door and rang the bell, the first piano bar of "On Mother Kelly's Doorstep" jollily tuned out to let Danny know a visitor had arrived.

What a great doorbell tune, Lee thought to himself.

Danny answered the door to his London estate and proclaimed...


Danny: Lee! How are you doing old fellow!? You arrived just in time for tea!

Lee: You know how I love to make an entrance, Dan. What do you think of my Rolls-Royce?

Danny: White? It's a little drab a shade for a Star, old man... but I cannot blame you. If the public knew it was you in town there would be a hooligan's riot at every corner to acquire an autograph from you. Plain is the way to go. Yes.

Lee: Now, let's get down to business. You have to tell me about this house.

Danny: In due time, my chap. In due time. You've only just arrived! We must sit in the drawing room and chat over tea and cakes.

Lee: ...and biscuits?

Danny: Of course, "and biscuits," old boy! Who would dream of chatting over tea and not eating a single biscuit!

Lee: Hahahahahaha.

Danny: Hahahahahaha.


They laughed and laughed as their very jolly souls made their way to the drawing room for tea, cake, and of course, biscuits.


Meanwhile in another part of London, in the hamlet of Hammersmith....

Richard, our favorite actor, was going through a bout of heart-wrenching yearning to see his beloved, yet, at the same time his heart boiled and roiled the seas of his blood with a loathing that was almost boiling over into pure hatred...

...for that raven-haired beauty.

She was driving him to utter madness. She was so hot, all he could think about was truly how breath-takingly gorgeous she was... but the very next split-second... all that flooded his mind's eye was reminders of her villainry! Her lack of respect for the thespian man's art! She was a foul villain! The foulest temptress of them all!

He compared his internal suffering to a man who had been stabbed in the heart and placed a bandage wrap around the wound. He knew his heart had been stabbethed and every time he gazed at the bandage it reminded him of his internal woe and inner torment. He knew he must do with this bandage what any real man does with any bandage... and that's rip it off!

He knew, Danny was right, he needed to end his trist before his heart was destroyed for eternity by her villainry. He picked up the phone and phoned up that raven haired temptress...


Raven-haired Temptress: Hello?

Richard: Hello, darling, it is I, Richard.

Raven-haired Temptress: Richard! My love! I haven't heard from you since your last performance and my heart was suffering from a tremendous yearning to hear from you! Hello!

Richard: Yes, yes, Hello, yes, fine, yes.

Raven-haired Temptress: Is everything alright, Richard?

Richard: Alright, fine, yes, every little thing is completely alright and fine. Yes.

Raven-haired Temptress: Are you sure? You sound somewhat on edge.

Richard: Edge? On edge?

Raven-haired Temptress: Yes.

Richard: On the edge... of what?

Raven-haired Temptress: I don't know...

Richard: .............

Raven-haired Temptress: Anyways, darling, I was thinking we could meet for tea this afternoon.

Richard: ......................

Raven-haired Temptress: Richard?

Richard: I can't this afternoon.

Raven-haired Temptress: Why not?

Richard: I've recently taken gravely ill. I am an ill man. I have caught the plague. I cannot go out today. Sorry.

Raven-haired Temptress: .....!?

Richard: Oops, did I say "the plague"... I mean a cold. Cough, cough, hack, cough. Yes, just a simple cold... it is not the plague. Oops.

Raven-haired Temptress: Oh well, I sincerely hope you feel better soon, my love!

Richard: Thanks. Goodbye.

Raven-haired Temptress: Bye!


He simply did not have the fortitude to tear off the bandage of his heartache and end the trist... he was, in many ways, a coward for not doing so. He was, now, even more troubled than previously. He made another phone call...


Danny: Yes? Hello?

Richard: Hi, Danny, it's Richard again.

Danny: Oh hi, Rich. I can't talk right now, chap, I am entertaining a guest in my drawing room.

Richard: I couldn't do it, Danny. She.... she.... called me Her Love... and my heart melted! It simply melted like the frosting of a cake that was left out for a long period of time in the rain!

Danny: Um, that's quite a silly analogy, Richard. It makes no sense.

Richard: What do you mean?

Danny: A person would have to be pretty daft to make a cake and then leave it out in the rain. Why don't they just eat it inside? Speaking of cake... anyways, Rich, I simply can't talk today. My best friend is over and we're eating tea cakes together... oh and biscuits too.

Richard: Your..... what?

Danny: My friend.

Richard: No, you said your best friend.... Danny.

Danny: No, I really don't think I did, no.

Richard: Oh, I am pretty perfectly sure that you did. We are countrymen who bleedeth the same blood, Danny! We are men of the isle of Ireland who have suffered the indignities and injustices of ten thousand lifetimes together! The indignities and injustices that BOND us like BROTHERS, Danny! The blood of the Irish boil inside of each of our veins with the passion of unending brotherhood! You have the nerve to make the boldest of claims... that I.... I..... I am NOT.... your best friend?

Danny: I... I think you're being a bit dramatic Richard. Are you shooting some lines off as practice for an upcoming show?

Richard: No. I am seething with an unquenchable rage! For if anyone was to ask me to chooseth only ONE BROTHER for my whole lifetime... the only thought that would cross my mind... I would without a doubt... choose thee, Danny.

Danny: I'm touched, Rich, really really touched.

Richard: Okay. Now, you have to help me figure out a legitimate method of ending my current trist.

Danny: Alright, my brother, I will think of something... please just give me a few days to come up with some sort of plan, dear man. Please, just a few days, old boy.

Richard: Okay, I'll be awaiting for your call, Danny. Thank you very much, bye.

Danny: Okay, take care, bye.



To be Continued....



Chapter 2

Lee and Danny had a splendidly short sojourn in Danny's posh drawing room. They spoke of many things that fancied them greatly, such as classical music, the arts, finery, and cakes, but Lee was growing anxious. He really wanted to see this house... quite badly.

They sojourned their siesta, put the lovely tea cups away, made their way outside, hopped into Lee's Rolls... and hit the free open road. The wind blew in their faces as they laughed joyfully. The weather was simply wonderful. They arrived and parked the vehicle in a nice expansive driveway.

They slowly walked up to the... Tower House.

It was quite grand indeedement. It was a simple red-brick-layed house on its exterior with pretty nice windows. The tower portion made it quite unique. It was quite literally a tower house.

Danny informed Lee that the realtor was sending an attaché, who hopefully shall arrive soon, to greet them and show them the house. They waited patiently for the attaché to arrive and engaged in a gentle repartee of small talk.


Danny: Wait until you see the interior of this place, Lee. You shall literally die on the spot!

Lee: Well, I sure hope not. I mean, I like to live in nice houses... not die in them. Hahaha.

Danny: The entire ceiling of one room is a bloody bally mural. The whole ceiling! It's very grand.

Lee: What's the painting of?

Danny: I don't quite remember... you know... the usual typical 16th century stuff... angels n' horns.... angels blowing horns.... and whatnot.

Lee: Gosh.... I really hope this attaché arrives soon. I want to see this place... I'm getting goosebumps.


Just then, a very lovely lady arrived, she was dressed very professionally yet still managed to exude beauty. She had light auburn hair and was super hot. Lee saw her approaching and was instantly taken by her charm and beauty. He was rarely caught off guard, being a very very famous man who was used to meeting ladies by the hundreds, by the beauty of women but this lady was magnificent. The way she walked up the staircase to the Tower House was like no other. She had poise, character, and charm to her walk. Her mannerisms were cool and unique.


Lee: Wow.

Danny: Aw, here she is! Hello, Judith!

Judith: Why, hello! Danny! Nice to see you again! Have you brought your friend to see the... oh........

Danny: ...everything alright, my dear?

Judith: Oh.....oh.....my. You're....you're....

Lee: Uhhhh.....

Judith: You're....

Lee: Why.... Yes, I am.

Judith: I didn't know I'd be meeting such a famous man today...I... I would have worn something a little more...

Lee: Don't be silly, Judith... you look perfect just the way you are.

Judith: Thanks.

Danny: Now that we're all acquainted, shall we?

Judith: Yes. We shall.

Lee: Yes, we shall!

They entered the Tower House, the floors creaked, and a light gust of cold wind hit them. They shook... but only ever slightly. The house was quite dusty and had a light off-putting aroma. Danny felt something odd inside of him... something he didn't feel the last time he was there. He sensed something was amiss but couldn't quite put his finger on what. He thought he might have caught a draft from the cold gust... but... it was not a chill he caught but rather a cold sweat. It was strange. The cold gust somehow... made him feel hot.

The house was full of well-crafted furniture, well-made chesterfields, and intricately-woven tapestries hung on the walls. The rugs were finely-woven and multi-colored... although riddled with dust and in need of a good wringing out. Lee was quite taken already by the house and he only just met it. He felt something special about it... it made him feel in a way that anything rarely ever did.

They made their way into the room with the mural... it was incredible. It depicted these imps who were playing horns...


Lee: I thought you said they were angels playing these horns up here on this ceiling, Danny?

Danny: I don't remember it looking this way...last time. I.... Judith do you recall angels or imps up there when we were here the other day?

Judith: No, it was imps. I remember it exactly as this. Can you really call them imps? I mean... you could call them cherubs, as well.

Danny: No, no, no, my dear. Cherubs are cherubic like angels. Those are not angels playing those horns up there... at all. Those are imps... or... maybe....

Lee: It's 16th century... it could be gothic demons playing those horns.

Judith: Gothic demons? Surely not... who would ever want gothic demons on their ceiling? I admit, they have pointed ears... and are greenish in color... but... the greenish color in the paint might be from oxidation... rust... or verdigris.

Danny: Verdigris? That's when brass turns green, my dear.

Judith: Perhaps they used brass paint.

Danny: There's no such thing as brass paint!

Judith: Maybe in the sixteenth century they cooked up their paints with brass.... who knows? I'm a realtor not an painter.

Danny: ....

Lee: There's an inscription over in this corner, up here, I can make it out... it's Latin.

Judith: Can you read Latin, gentle sir?

Lee: Of course I can read Latin, Judith. It says....

Ubi Cherubi

Amittere

Eorum Semita.

Danny: Probably the guy's name who painted the bally thing, old man.

Lee: No, it means... Where The Cherubs Lose Their Path.

Judith: Now, you see! I told you they were cherubs playing those bloody horns!

Danny: You were right, Judith! Bravo darling! Those are some cherubs up there tooting those horns!

Lee: ....Wow, you're... you're so smart, Judith....

Judith: ...Why, thanks. Thank you, Lee.

Danny: Anyways, tally ho! Let's scoot on upstairs and check out the tower portion me lovelies!


The three turned to walk away from the mural room... yet... something inside of himself made Danny turn back, once more, to look at it again. He was compelled to. He was puzzled... quite puzzled. The faces of the cherubs were once again pale... not green any longer... and their ears were no longer pointed... they were regular ears, now. Strange.

He rubbed his eyes and looked again... they were definitely angels playing those horns... but he kept it to himself.

Danny: Me eyes must be buggered from staring at the sun on the ride over. I must make sure to purchase some new sunglasses.

He thought to himself.

They went upstairs to the top of the tower and looked out the window. It was a marvelous sight from there. The leaves of the trees flowed gently in the wind. Lee and Judith's eyes? Oh, they briefly met and they stared at each other a little bit too long... until things became awkward ... but in the end, neither broke contact, and they both just gently smiled.

Danny: So, how do you like the house, Lee?

Lee: I adore it. I'm happy you showed it to me.

Judith: Are you interested in making a purchase, Mr. Lee?

Lee: Let us not get hasty... it's never a good idea to make expensive purchases on impulse. Next thing you know you might just be stuck with a couple of oil fields and a caravel!

Judith: Yes. I guess it's true what they say... that only fools rush in.

Lee: Yes.

Danny: ....

Lee: Is something the matter, Dan? You look a little pale.

Danny: I think I need some air. The dust in this place is getting to me. I don't think this place has been cleaned in quite some time.

Lee: I think it's time to get going. You're right. It's getting late and I need to be back at the docks soon. I can't keep my admiral waiting.

Judith: You have an admiral?

Lee: Yes, he navigates my caravel.

Judith: You.... really do own a caravel? One that like.... goes out on the seas?

Lee: Yeah, where else would it go? Would you like to see it?

Judith: I might. Um. Actually, yes... I would, actually. I'd love to see it.

Lee: Great! Now, let's get this show on the road!

Danny: If it's alright, Lee, I'll return to my estate now. I... was in the merchant marine for quite a number of years and have seen quite enough of the bloody sea, you see.

Lee: Indeed, Danny, I understand you salty ol' sea dog!


They exited the Tower House, Danny popped quickly back into the main room to look at the mural on the ceiling once more. The cherubs were still angelic, pale, and with ears unpointed. He really thought he was becoming ill, now. He shook it off and composed himself, the old soldier. He forgot about it, blaming it on looking at the sun, and joined the other two in the Rolls-Royce.

Lee and Judith dropped Danny off at his very posh estate and then made their way down towards the docks so Lee could relieve his admiral of the duty of guarding his vessel, show Judith his boat, then say his goodbye to her, and make his return to the Isle of Man.


Meanwhile in Hammersmith....

Richard was growing impatient at his current state of melancholy. The torment of his heart was raging like a tempest and his blood was boiling very badly. He picked up the wine glass he had just finished using and crushed it between his palm, thumb, and fingers! The glass shards entered his palm! Blood flowed! He was bleeding! Yet, he could care less for the blood that was on his hand was nothing compared to the pain that was in his heart... the pain of the yearning for his beloved who he loathed.

He was about to phone her up on his telephone. He thought he shall just give her a ring and sort this whole tawdry mess out once and for always! He looked down at his hand, stained in unfresh, dried, and now cool blood. The blood was no longer warm. The raging fires inside of him have tempered themselves... for now... it seemed. So he called Danny instead....


Danny: Hello?

Richard: It's Rich again Dan... just givin' you a jolly ring. Just to see what's up.

Danny: Not much. I'm gonna put on me pajamas and get some shut-eye, old chap.

Richard: You sound frightened, old boy. Have you caught yourself a mild scare?

Danny: To be truthful, not that one likes to admit to catching to fright.... but, yes, Richard.... I am currently frightened.... badly.

Richard: Why?

Danny: Well, chum, it's like this... I think I was just inside of a bally haunted house!

Richard: A... what?

Danny: A bloody haunted house! A house on the market for sale. It scared the dickens from me! It made me quite curly-wurly! It did!

Richard: It did?

Danny: Yes! IT DID!

Richard: You're curly-wurly right now, old man?

Danny: Yes! I am riddled with fear, captured by fright, and under deep personal duress inside of my pajamas... alone in my room... and I simply and utterly cannot sleep!

Richard: That's great!

Danny: No it isn't!

Richard: Oh but it is, old boy!

Danny: Can you explain to me, Richard, how in the RIPE NAME OF ALL IN WHICH IS GOOD... how it is a happy thing for you, to understand, that I am in currently locked in a mental CRISIS right now! In a crisis, in me peejays, alone in my room... and just about freaking out over a BLOODY MURAL I saw today!?

Richard: I think I need to buy it. I think I need to buy this Haunted House of yours...

Danny: ........


To Be Continued......



Danny: ....................

Richard: Bloke, look, check this out... let's say, listen to this, okay... let's say, just for the sake of argument, right, that I lived in a spooky house. Right? Now, I invite my temptress of the raven-haired-order over for afternoon tea to my haunted house, right?

Danny: Get on with it.

Richard: Right, so, what's it again a blasted mural with something?

Danny: It is a mural of angels and, or, possibly demons... or cherubs... or even imps hooting on trumpets and the like.

Richard: Right, right, right. Let's say we're there, me n' her, right? Now, she's drinking some tea, right? Eating a.... eating a croissant or something... she looks up... right?

Danny: Right.

Richard: ...and this mural, or whatever, thing. It scares her to her core. It frightens her to the very core of her rattling bones, right? And....

Danny: ....and she ends the trist under her own accord and you don't have to hurt her feelings.

Richard: Exactly! It's almost too easy when you think about it, isn't it? She'll still think I'm a swell bloke and say "hello-hello" to me in the streets if she ever bumps into me again... or a pleasant "Cheerio! Richard" if she sees me at the pub. Everyone is happy.

Danny: Can we discuss this tomorrow? I shall come by Hammersmith. Is my favorite bistro, La Patate de la Creme, still around? The one that serves the baked potatoes with the sour cream? The one next to the kebab place? Is it still there?

Richard: Yeah.

Danny: Alright, great, great. I need a good night's rest, old boy. I can't conspire these underhanded machiavellian machinations with you, now. I'm still shook up from that blasted mural.

Richard: Great! I'll see tomorrow for brunch. Sleep well!

Danny: ....I'll try. Now goodbye.

Richard: Bye bye.


The very next day, a gorgeous raven-haired temptress awoke from her bed chambers to start her day. She was an aspiring writer who always carried a small purse-sized notebook inside of her bag. She was very sexy and severely hot.

She had nothing to do on this fair and pleasant day so she planned to go for a light nip of champagne and maybe a baked potato down at La Patate de la Creme. She did her hair, applied her exquisite perfume, did her nails, put on a smashing blouse and a short skirt and made her way out and on her jolly way to the bistro.

Meanwhile....

Danny had arrived to meet Richard at the same bistro fashionably yet modestly late only but moments ago. He sat down and began conspiring with Richard a scheme so underhanded that they couldn't help the sinister smiles escape their dastardly lips in unison. They were truly and clearly up to something clever yet fiendish to any on-looker who observed them.

Now, with their dastard's plan agreed upon, Danny, started eating his baked potato and switched to lighter topics of conversation...


Danny: Want to hear my latest joke? It's a banger.

Richard: Why yes! Of course.

Danny: Alright so it's in this German officer's quarters back in the World War II, back in the war times, you know, and uhhh these blokes... these two blokes...


Richard was listening intently to Danny's fine joke when out of the corner of his left eye... he saw a familiar silhouette come around the corner toward the quaint bistro. It was her! Oh no! It was her! That raven haired no-good temptress!


Richard: Danny! It's her! Over there!

Danny: Anyways, so, the first bloke goes..... what? That's her. What a beauty!

Richard: I must hide! I must flee the scene!

Danny: She's right there. You can't simply flee, now. This isn't the Old Vic... you can't simply Exit Stage Right whenever you see fit. Here, put this on.

Richard: A wig!? Bloody hell!

Danny: Put it on!

Richard: Make me you son of a.....

Danny: Put in on, NOW.... you BASTARD!


The raven-haired temptress was almost at the bistro. She arranged her blouse which had been slightly sent off-center by the wind, checked if her skirt was covering her legs enough... and then entered the al fresco area of the bistro.

For the faintest of seconds, she swore she caught a glimpse of her beloved Richard, sitting with a rather interesting-looking fellow... but... when she blinked and re-opened her soft brown eyes... the interesting fellow was sitting with a blonde woman. She was confused and approached the pair...


Raven-haired Temptress: Why hello, this may come across as odd, and I hope you don't mind... but... was, by chance, the very great and splendid actor Richard just sitting at this table?

Danny: No.

Blonde Lady: No.

Raven-haired Temptress: I see. May I sit here for a moment? I'm so sorry, I wore my high heels today and my feet are just killing me. I just need to sit for a moment. Sorry.

Danny: Alright.....fine.

Blonde Lady: He was in the MIDDLE of a banger joke, you know?

Raven-haired Temptress: I apologize. I... won't be long. I think I have a blister on my heel from these damned shoes. I... I'm so sorry. Please finish your joke, I... I'm sorry.

Danny: Alright, so, anyways, the other bloke goes.... "Yeah! That's why Joeseph only had the one ball and dear nasty ol' Adolf had none whatsoever!"

Blonde Lady: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaa! Oh damn, old man! Wowee! Whoopeee! What a banger!

Danny: Great? Eh?


They looked over at their newly arrived temporary guest, that no-good raven-haired temptress... and she was jotting. She had her purse-sized notebook opened fully in front of them and she was jotting, something, in it. No polite laughter to Danny's banger joke or anything. Nothing. At all.

Danny was incensed with thespian's rage over her lack of respect for his joke. He was incredibly taken aback by her behavior. He was close to being insane with anger... meanwhile... at the other end of the table, Richard, still in his blonde wig... just nodded knowingly. He was already used to her utterly negligent behavior in regards to her appreciation, or lack thereof, for the arts. It was nothing new to him.

Raven-haired Temptress: Oh, sorry, I.... didn't hear the start of the joke.... I didn't really understand it due to not.... I...I....

Danny: I think we'd like to be alone right now, madame, I would like to eat my baked potato in private with my friend, now please. Thank you.

Raven-haired Temptress: Yes, uh, sorry, I'm truly sorry for...


She left, very sad, she was so very very sad now... the poor thing... and before she even turned the corner of the street and was out-of-sight... Richard ripped off his wig and threw it into the waste bin.


Danny: She's dreadful. You were right.... she is truly and totally.... the worst person alive.

Richard: Now you see, Danny, you see why I was in such a tangled web of complete despair over her.

Danny: Why can't they just be great looking and have respect for the thespian man's endeavors?

Richard: It sends me to my wit's end, Dan. To my wit's end.... it really, really, really does.

Danny: To be honest, Rich, prior to meeting this buffoon.... I was having doubts about the morality of your duplicitous plan to end your trist with her. Deceit is fair game with someone as buffoonish as her.

Richard: I wish it didn't have to be this way.... but it does. Now, tell me more about this house.


To Be Continued.....



Chapter 3

Meanwhile at the port-of-call of London where Lee's caravel was anchored to the dock, Lee and Judith were saddened to see that the weather had changed to a murky, cloudy, drizzle. Soon enough the drizzle had turned into a storm. Lee's admiral administered Lee the bad news regarding these current weather conditions...


Lee: Hi, Admiral, I'm back!

Admiral: Aye, aye. I'm sorry Lee... but I cannot take ye boat out in such miserable conditions. It's a storm on those seas and a vintage vessel such as this would sink down to the murky depths in an instant, it would, if we were to set sail now.

Lee: Oh. I guess I'll stay tonight in the cabin on the lower deck. We can set sail in the morrow if the weather permits.

Admiral: Aye, Lee, aye.

Judith: It's a shame we couldn't go sailing, well, I must be on my way. I'm gonna catch a taxi back to my flat.

Lee: Hold on a second, Judith. Would you like to see what I have on the lower deck?

Judith: Uhhhh....I.... no, I don't think....

Lee: You're gonna love it.

Judith: The cabin, where one sleeps on long voyages, is on the lower deck, I heard you just say. You're not planning....

Lee: Oh no. Don't be silly. I don't want to show you my humble sleeping chambers, Judith... I want to show you what's next to it.

Judith: .....?

Lee: ....my antique piano collection! I just purchased them at an auction on the Isle of Man and plan to return to America with them. They are incredible pieces of history.

Judith: Oh! You want to show me your pianos? Oh....ok.

Lee: Excuse us, Admiral, I will be on the lower deck showing this beautiful mademoiselle my recent piano purchases.

Admiral: Aye, Lee. I will keep guard of the vessel and observe the patterns of the storm...

Lee: Thank ye, Admiral.


Lee and Judith made their way down to the lower deck of the caravel. Lee held her hand, ever-so gently, down the staircase, as the lighting in the staircase was not satisfactory and he didn't want her to lose her footing.

They arrived at the lower deck. Lee had purchased three vintage pianos, so far, on his vacation on the Isle of Man. The first was a Tchaikovsky, a grand piano ol' Tchaiky played on his first grand tour of ancient Russia. Lee explained that Tchaikovsky was a Wandering Pianist who, in many ways, was as much a vagabond as a pianist. He tinkled a few keys, a la Tchaikovsky, on his vintage Tchaikovsky-used piano. To say Judith was impressed by this was an understatement. She was absolutely enthralled and utterly impressed to the fullest by Lee's knowledge of the arts.

Next, he showed her the Paderewski he had acquired. It was the piano Paderewski played at the signing of the Treaty of Versailles, which ended World War I. Lee wondered aloud if Paderewski's playing of this piano, itself, contributed to ending the war in some small fashion. They both laughed at the thought.... their eyes gently met and they both smiled... as Lee played in the style of Paderewski on a Paderewski-used piano on his caravel.

Last but not least, of Lee's newest antique piano acquisitions, was his brand-new vintage Rachmaninoff grand. Lee explained how Rachmaninoff used to impress the poor denizens of ancient Russia with his simple-yet-complex style of pianistmanship. He tinkled a few bars of Rachmaninoff in that simple-yet-complex style... and Judith was mesmerized. She had never seen such an incredible man!

Then, suddenly the rain? It stopped. The Admiral came down to inform Lee of the change in sailing conditions. Everyone was surprised the storm had suddenly stopped. They all returned to the deck of the ship.


Admiral: Aye! The storm's stopped! It has.

Lee: Lucky, us. Well, Judith looks like I shall now return to the Isle of Man. I will be returning to America shortly after. I...

Judith: Lee....

Lee: Judith....

Judith: Goodbye, Lee. It was a pleasure meeting you.

Lee: Likewise. Goodbye, Judith.


Judith turned to walk away....


Lee: Wait, um, I feel bad making you come all that way to show me that house and going back to your agency without making a sale. I'll buy the house.

Judith: You will!? Oh... well... that's.... great! Oh, I'm so happy!

Lee: Don't mention it. I'll use it as my London quarters on my next tour... then I won't have to sleep in my caravel any longer!

Judith: Hahahaha!


Meanwhile, behind a lightpost on the London Dock, a dastardly newsman had overheard the conversation. A dodgy newsman from The Standard. He had been tailing Lee since his arrival in London, looking for a saucy scoop... and now he finally had found one! That dastardly newsman! He knew Lee was going to purchase that great house!

To be Continued.....


The very next morning in Hammersmith...

Richard, our most favorite actor, was in his flat, sipping coffee, and sinisterly sneering over the cunning effort he and Danny had put into their flawless plan. He thought it would be a good idea to read the paper with his morning coffee. He picked up the Standard and opened it. He checked the cricket and football scores and then proceeded to read the lesser important parts of the paper.... when... lo... he struck an article which sent him into a bally clamor! This man was given quite a shock!

The article read...


Gaudy American Entertainer to Purchase a Great House... In London!?!?
by Jack "Jackie" Newsman

Seems that old almost abandoned yet quite splendid house known to locals as "The Tower House" will very soonly no longer be abandoned yet shall be very much lived in, when he feels like it, by that gaudy entertainer from America, Lee, you know the one who plays the piano?

He and another gaudy one, Danny, were seen at the house a few days ago and sources close to the Standard say Lee has already made an offer and will soon be the proud and sole owner of.... The Tower House!


Richard spit out his coffee and almost had a panic attack! He was sent into a fury of emotion! He had almost made it! He had almost crafted the perfect plan to permanently yet gently breakup with his current muse.

Why was Danny mentioned in the article!? He wondered. Richard flew into a complete rage and threw the coffee cup against the wall! Porcelain flew, like little candies, all about the room! He could not compose himself! His plan was foiled! This time he had almost made it! He almost made it, this time. Was Danny a cohort to this blasted treachery? He phoned him immediately!


Danny: Hello?

Richard: It's Richard, Dan, have you read the Standard?

Danny: Yeah, but just the important bits... like the cricket and the foot scores.

Richard: Go to page A3, Danny boy.

Danny: ...........

Richard: Let me take a wild stab at the dark here, Danny, "old pal", Danny, if that's even your real name, mate. You took that gaudy American pianist to MY house, didn't you?

Danny: I may have, yes, I did.

Richard: My plan is foiled, old man. Ye hathed foiled my plans!

Danny: I didn't know he would be so interested in the house. He could not have already purchased it. These deals take time and there's no way it can be finalized yet. Let me put you in touch with the agent from the realtor, the fairest Judith, and maybe you can make a counter-offer.

Richard: Right. Please do, Danny. My whole entire life as a thespian hinges on acquiring this scary house!


Danny told Judith about another of his dearest and close personal friends who wanted to make an offer on the Tower House. It was arranged that they shall meet, all three, at the Tower House at 3pm.

Richard arrived first and was an absolute nervous wreck. His whole life was being held in the balance of this realtor agent! He had to tip the scales in his favor by any means whether by hook or by crook. He needed this house more than anything on earth and there it was right in front of him now... The Tower House... in all of its splendor and glory! He reached out and put his hands on the wood of the door! He felt its power!

This was more than a House... it was his Destiny.

Danny arrived nextly and informed Richard that the agent, Judith, was on her way. They made some gentle repartee until she arrived.

Finally, she made it. She had arrived... and when Richard took one glance at this real estate agent... his heart just turned to sand. It melted. He was at a total loss for words just looking at her softly walk up the stairs to the front door of the splendid house.

Danny said his hello-hellos to her and then introduced her to Richard. She was dressed modestly yet her professionality and beauty shined through the modest garments she wore like demurred rays of endless sunshine. A great intelligence shone from her and Richard picked up on it instantly. She was a once-in-a-lifetime bird.


Richard: Uh, hello, I'm....

Judith: You're....oh my.....you're.

Richard: Yes. The one and only. I take it you've heard of me?

Judith: Of course! You're the terrific actor, Richard! Oh! If I would've known I'd be meeting someone of your stature and reputation this afternoon I would have worn something less modest...

Richard: Don't be foolish, milady, you look marvelous.

Danny: Can we get on with it? I'm not a big fan of this house, to be honest.

Judith: Why is that, Danny? It's such a wonderful home! It is lovely! Come on I would love to show it to you, Richard!


Judith, Danny, and Richard entered the Tower House. Danny was breaking out in a cold sweat and he wasn't even near the room with the mural yet. He instructed them that he would wait in the doorway while she showed Richard the house. He told them he'd seen it numerous times now and would just let them go about it themselves. When they were done and got back to the doorway he asked them what the mural looked like this time.


Judith: What do you mean by "this time," Dan? It's these imps or whatever with green skin and pointed ears blowing on some horns or clarinets or whatever.

Richard: Yes, it's very marvelous, probably 16th century... some bloody High Renaissance stuff.

Danny: Of course.

Richard: Anyways, Danny, I'm going to take Judith out for dinner, we're going to try and finalize the sale tonight.

Danny: Yeah, whatever, great show, great show....

Judith: Alright, bye bye, Danny.

Richard: Bye now, mate.

Danny: Okay, bye. Goodbye.


Richard and Judith proceeded arm-in-arm down the road together. Romance must've ensued while he left them alone in the Tower House together, Danny assumed. He was prepared to leave also but just had to look at the mural once again. Something compelled him to. Danny went back into the Tower House, into the room with the mural, and gazed up at it. Once again... he saw angelic depictions of horn blowers. They had no pointed ears... their ears were unpointed. They were not green whatsoever and it was driving him to madness! He was becoming disoriented and was losing his breath!

He wanted to escape and flee this infernal house but could not. Something was holding him in place! He was immobilized and simply could not move an inch from this spot! He started to hear voices in his head...


Voice: Help.....us.

Danny: What? Who are you!?

Voice: Help us, Danny. We don't want to become demons, Danny. Please help us!

Danny: I...I... can't! I have many errands to run today! I must be on my way. Do forgive me, old ceiling, old friend, old painting, old boy, but I must be on my way.

Voice: You're the only one who can see us, Danny. You are the only one who can hear us, Danny. You are the only one who can help us, Danny. Please... help.... us. Help us. Please.


Danny finally broke free from his panic and skedaddled for the door! He shut it tightly and ran hightailed from the house and never looked back once. He was going mad and he knew it. This house, maybe the dust, or maybe Judith was right maybe there was brass in the paint or some blasted thing that was eroding his brain.... this house, he thought, was making him crazy! He was legitimately frightened of this dirty old house and made a vow to never to return to it ever again.

Meanwhile Richard had taken Judith out for a very nice dinner...

To Be Continued.....


Richard and Judith arrived at La Patate de la Creme. They were seated inside the bistro and were given menus. Judith ordered what she wanted, nothing too fancy, then Richard made his order to the waiter...


Richard: Yes, I will take two baked potatoes, with sour cream, a boiled potato... and... a corned beef on a barmbrack. Please. Thank you. Oh, and how's the black pudding tonight, old man?

Waiter: Delightful.

Richard: Tack a pood on that order as well, thanks.

Waiter: No problem. Won't be long.

Judith: My my my... you have quite the appetite, tonight, Richard.

Richard: Oh, yes.

Judith: Richard, it's rare to meet such a passionate man. The words you used to describe the Tower House while I was showing it to you... in all my years as an attaché for a real estate agency... I have never heard such poetic language used to speak about one man's love for a house.

Richard: I am very taken by the House. It warms my blood and sets my soul completely on fire.

Judith: Oh my. I have another offer for it, currently, but... if you feel so strongly about it... I... can't in good conscience entertain the previous offer for it any further. The way you spoke of the mural on the ceiling... was... incredible. You have a way with words in a passionate and poetic manner that...

Richard: ...that?

Judith: That sets my soul afire and warms my blood, dear Richard.

Richard: You don't say? Well, I'm glad I saw this house, today... and I'm glad I met you.

Judith: Richard....


The food arrived and they devoured it. It was very good and well prepared. After they were done eating, Richard ordered a bottle of wine. He poured her a glass, their eyes met... and their souls? They roared like a lion and caught afire in unison like a volcaaaaaano and a tornaaaaaado on doomsday!

They were falling for each other... but then... Richard's mind was reminded of Her. That no-good villainess... that Raven-haired beauty herself... the Temptress! Horror! Horror in the night! Why now? Why has his mind brought all of his memories of Her out of his heart's closet...now? All he could think about was the Raven-haired Temptress's eyes whilst looking into Judith's. Curse her! Foul villain of the night! His love for her was a curse! She occupied his soul like no other.

His memories were a whirlwind's tempest of fragments of her raven-haired beauty, swirling around his head, like a yearning hurricane of total passion. He couldn't forget her.

Judith: Is everything alright, Richard?

Richard: Yeah...it's just. Um. Look, can we finalize the deal, tonight? You understand how I feel about the House. I need it. I need it more than anything. Please, I ask of you, noble Judith, please forget about the other offer and make the paperwork tonight to seal my deal. Is it possible, noble Judith?

Judith: Of course, Richard. The house is yours. Consider it done.

Richard: You are incredible, my dear Judith. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Judith: Now, I think it's time we concluded our business and moved on to more personal matters. Don't you?

Richard: I'm sorry... but I must be going. I...

Judith: .....?


Richard's heart was muddied and clouded with nothing but thoughts of his vile temptress. He couldn't focus on anything else. He paid the bill and promptly left the bistro. Judith didn't really understand. He began walking home, in the cold, cold night.... and all he could think about was Her. He needed to rid himself of this curse before he went completely mad. He would invite her over to the scary house before even moving his things in, he thought. As soon as the house was his... likely in the next few days... he'd invite her for tea in the room with the mural and tell her a tale so frightening... he'd make up a wicked ghost story about the spooky mural... a tale so rich with fright and fear... that she'd have no choice but to not want to be with him any longer. That raven-haired villain of the highest order of treachery shall end their passionate affair of her own accord... and free his heart.

Free his heart... for Judith.


Meanwhile at Danny's posh estate in London...

Danny was under a tremendous distress. He was once again utterly curly-wurly over that blasted mural. Not only did it look different to him than everyone else who's seen it... but now... it was even speaking to him in a high-pitched voice.

Help us... it kept reiterating to him. The cherubs in the painting on the ceiling of the Tower House kept asking Danny to help them. But...why? Help them...how? Help them with what?

Danny knew the house was evil. He no longer chalked it up as being due to his eyes being buggered from excess sunlight or from something in the paint that made his brain erode. That house was Pure... EVIL.

It was a veritable Haunted House!

His phone rang...


Richard: Danny! Huzzah! Hahaha! Listen Danny boy! The Plan is back on course! I own the house!

Danny: You do? Uhhhh.... that's splendid. That's....uhhh.... that's great, old boy....

Richard: ....?

Danny: That's.....that's.... good for you. Um. That's great.


To Be Continued....


The next day,

Danny was under a deep mental malaise concerning the whole mess. He was feeling many different emotions all at once. He was quite relieved that he was no longer near that filthy house, yet frightened of what transpired there regarding the mural talking to him, and also, maybe most of all, he felt bad for Lee. He knew he was a cohort to Richard's slimy scheme and his pal, Lee, was the odd man out in this bizarre real-estate house triangle.

All things considered, the most powerful of the three emotions he currently felt... safety, fear, and regret. Regret was the most powerful of them. He knew he had to phone up ol' Lee and tell him the bad news. He arose from his comfy bed, adjusted his night-hat, and made his way for the telephone to inform Lee of the current events regarding the scary house.


Lee: Hello? Oh, Danny! It's you! Oh, how I think you're the greatest! That house was superb and what a nice lady Ms. Judith was...I... I think I might try and... ask her out on a date.

Danny's heart sank to the pit of his stomach. He felt like a weasel for helping Richard with his plan.

Danny: Yeah, about the house... and about Judith, Lee. Um, turns out she agreed to terms on a deal... with someone else.

Lee: Someone....else?

Danny: You know how these things go some times. You win some you lose some, Lee. You know... let me tell you something about that house. Trust me, you don't want it.

Lee: I do want it. My heart skipped a beat in that house.

Danny: Yeah, mine too, old boy... and do you want to know why? Well, it is because that filthy dusty old house... is bloody-well haunted!

Lee: Haunted? Oh come on.

Danny: I'm in me pajamas right now, Lee, huddled in me bed... clinging to dear life to me pillow. The angels on the ceiling spoke to me! These high-pitched voices asking me to help them.

Lee: You didn't tell me about that when we were there.

Danny: It didn't happen that time. It happened when Me n' Judith n' me best mate Rich were there the other day.

Lee: ....?

Danny: Uhhhhh. Oh.

Lee: You're....what?

Danny: Me matey, Rich.... uh... the actor.

Lee: No, Dan... you said your best mate....and more importantly... why were you and your best mate at the Tower House...with the fairest Judith?

Danny: Look, I'll level with ya, Lee. Rich needed the house to scare off this bird he's grown bored of. I met said bird, a real raven-haired beauty, she was, but utterly daft in regards to the arts... and I couldn't help but have empathy for him, as a fellow actor me self, I was compelled to aid him in his endeavors. I had no choice.

Lee: No choice!? That SCOUNDREL! That TRAMP! Wonderful houses adorned with priceless artifacts are not to be used in sinister plots to break women's hearts! This is an outrage!  That man is nothing short of a sultry serpent! Give me your best mate Richard's number.

Danny: Why?

Lee: I shall challenge him to a duel over the Tower House!

Danny: Really? Are you really like a "duel" sort of chap, Lee? I don't know.

Lee: Maybe you're right, Danny. I think I might be over-reacting to this whole thing. I... just... wanted to think up some reason to see the house... and Judith... again, that's all.

Danny: I understand. I'm sure I can work something out. I really wish this whole bally matter could be solved with everyone being happy with the result.

Lee: I shall be returning to America in one week. I shall try to see you once more whilst I'm in this area, Dan. Goodbye now.

Danny: Ok. Bye....


Danny felt no better. Lee was right... just because a woman doesn't laugh at a banger joke doesn't mean she's a heartless evil buffoon. Danny had more regret over his actions than previously. Poor Danny. Poor poor Danny....


Meanwhile at the Tower House,

Richard was now the sole and rightful, in his mind anyway, owner of the Tower House ... he hadn't even moved his things in yet... and he had already invited his temptress over for tea... in the mural room.

He sat in there, gazing up at the impish devils tooting their olden days trumpets. What an interesting room. This house was literally as grand as can be... and he owned it! It was the biggest gift he had ever given himself... and on top of it all... this spooky room with the demons on the ceiling... was finally going to be the method of him ending his trist.

He thought up so many angles for his ghost story to explain the demons on the ceiling to her. One thought he had was that a bunch of dodgy thieves used to live here and they killed a bunch of people in this room! Ooooh, that's pretty good, he thought to himself. Another angle he cooked up in his dark and twisted mind was to tell her that some war criminals from the Great War lived here and performed unspeakable crimes and unnecessary surgeries in here. No wait... he had it! 

What about... pirates!? Yeah! Pirates! They stored their booty in this Tower and lived in the House portion and they drank and sang and murdered people all night long! Yes! That was it.

Just then... she finally arrived. She made it... that raven-haired temptress that had been tormenting his heart for many weeks. She knocked on the door of the Tower House and Richard let her in. She was wearing a flimsy black dress... she looked so hot it wasn't even funny... but Richard braced himself and kept his guard up. He wouldn't let her melt his heart, today, or any other day, any longer.

He greeted her and invited her into the mural room for tea and pood. She was so happy to see him... ecstatic even! They sat in the lovely room and he began telling her about his grand ceiling in his new house.


Raven-haired Temptress: Wait... you own this place!? Wow!

Richard: Yeah, now, my darling... look. You see all those demon devils up there? You see them? Tooting those horns up there? You see them?

Raven-haired Temptress: No.

Richard: What in the bloody hell!? What do you mean...No!?

Raven-haired Temptress: Those aren't demons up there, babe, those are uhhhh... cherbus, I guess. Like, little angels harking and heralding. Something good must be coming their way and they are harking up a storm up there... heralding the arrival of some great event or person or something.

Richard: You are utterly DAFT! You are the complete worst! Those are obviously DAMNED monsters up there! Tooting and heralding the arrival of a great and unspeakable evil! Now, let me tell you the wonderful story behind why those imps are up there harking about on the ceiling.

Raven-haired Temptress: Um. Sweetie, no. I know friggin' angels when I see friggin' angels, okay? Give me a friggin' break with this nonsense... okay?

Richard was about to fly into an insane rage!

Richard: You are as bad as Danny with this...this... this blasted cherub bollocks!

Raven-haired Temptress: Who's Danny?

Richard: You met him the other day! You don't remember!? At the potato cafe!

Raven-haired Temptress: ....?

Richard: Ohhhhh noooooooooo. Ohhhhhhhhhhhh. Ooooooh. No, no, no. Wait.....

Raven-haired Temptress: Richard... I'm confused.

Richard: Oops, no you're right... you've never met me greatest mate Dan. Sorry, nevermind. Anyways, let's get back to my story about this mural. It's a great story. It's great. It's truly marvelous. It's gonna scare the dickens from you, my darling! It has all sorts of intrigue and...

Raven-haired Temptress: I don't want to hear it. I'm so confused, now. Why would you tell me some spooky story about angels? What is scary about angels!? Angels are not, like, the prime place to go when you want to do a spooky story, Richard.

Richard: .............

Raven-haired Temptress: What?

Richard: You really don't. You really don't. You don't. You don't have any respect for the thespian man and his endeavors. You are quite bad. You are a very bad person.

Meanwhile, She was jotting something in her purse-sized notebook!

Raven-haired Temptress: Oh, sorry, did you say something? You know, babe, this pudding is pretty good. Wow. You know what we should do? Instead of going for pood, next time, let's go for ice cream. It's like pudding but cold. You know?

Richard: Get out of my grand house. This instant.

Raven-haired Temptress: Alright. Fine. Bye.

She got up and she walked away... but.... she turned back. He looked deeply hurt and sad... she was going to walk back into the room and sit down. She wanted to apologize for not listening to his story even though she was so annoyed with him that he was insisting these cherubs were imps. She almost walked back into the mural room... when she heard... a voice.

Voice: You can see us, too?

It was a high-pitched yet soft voice. She was drawn to it...

Another Voice: She can! She can see us like the other man did! She might even be able to hear us like he did!

Voice: Can you hear us?

Raven-haired Temptress: ...?

Richard: Is everything alright? I'm sorry for what I said. Please sit back down. I think it's a great idea to go for ice cream next time instead of pudding...

Raven-haired Temptress: Richard? What was that?

Richard: What was what?

Raven-haired Temptress: Those voices? Is someone else here?

Richard: No. I haven't even moved my things in yet. It's just us.

Raven-haired Temptress: If this is a joke....

She felt a cold chill run up and down her spine! The cold, for some reason, made her hot, though! She ran out of the house like a bolt of lightning.

Richard: Blimey ... maybe this bloody house really is bloody haunted. Wow, she's.... gone. Finally!


To be Continued.....