This One: Script 1
That One: Script 2
I'm gonna try and start smaller with fiction. Gonna write a couple shorties. This first one I did tonight is called .... "The Swamp."
What's it about? Well ... I guess you'll have to read on to find out.
The Swamp
-A short story by D.
1
... and they saw me walk away. Walk away from it all. The fame. The glory. Everything.
Where did I go? Well that's hard to say. Some people tell me I can never escape the past and I'm still there in those swamps ... but I know better. I'm just an old sack of saw dust now a days ... but back then? I was really Someone.
It all started the day Weston died. He told me, "Jake .... you can't turn your back on those people ... they need ya."
Weston was a good man, he knew life inside and out ... and I knew he meant what he said that day. That day that he died. He meant every damned last word of it. And me? Did I care? No. Did I even pretend to care? No, I did not. I could have cared less about that dying old man's words of wisdom. To me they were worth less than dirt. Filthy rotten dirt.
I turned my back on those people because I had to, or so I thought at the time. I buried Weston and read all the proper rites ... he told me he was Christian once ... so I read him some Christian rites over his dusty old hole which would forever be his final destination on his road of life.
My road of life is only beginning .... it began that day I turned my back on it all. On Everything.
2
What did Weston mean ... that they "needed" me those people. What did he mean? They were all good folk and they didn't need an old hired ranch hand like me. How could they have? My boots 'aint even worth a red cent, not even a cent. My hands are all crippled and in pain. My back sure is not what it used to be. What did they need a dusty old ranchman like me in that swamp ... they didn't even have livestock in that swamp ... unless ya count fish and water fowl as livestock ... which I don't.
That Weston sure was a character. All those people in the swamp were ... now that I think about it. Characters the whole bunch of 'em. Characters.
There was Reggie. Me and him got along plenty fine. He wasn't a character as much as he was a compadre and amigo. Black fella. Trustworthy as humans come.
And Huang Si, Chinese fella. Didn't know too much karate ... but that's okay. He didn't need it much in the swamp anyhow... all anyone needed in that swamp was a couple of hardworking hands and ethic. An ethic that we all lived by. The Code.
Gertrude ran the bar. Nice lady. Spoke well.
Weston .... that old goat. Bad ticker. Breathed poorly ... and smelled. Smelled of tabaccy. But I liked 'em. Nice guy.
Weston. That swamp woulda fell apart without him. He knew that swamp like the back of his hand .... but only because he tatooed a map of the swamp to it, that is. He knew all the brooks and brannies of that filthy ol' swamp ... all the ways in ... and all the ways out. He knew where all the ducks hung out ... so he could shoot 'em and eat 'em whenever he wanted.
I knew that swamp like the back of my hand too now that I think about it ... and I didn't even have a map of it inked on my hand. I knew it from smarts, just plain old smarts.
Damnit Weston. Damnit. Damnit. Damnit. Were you right? Naw .... the swamp is better off without me. I'm the one who brought them there. They followed MY scent somehow those things. They followed my scent or maybe it was my heat. Maybe they followed my heat. Either way it don't matter ... all that matters ... is that the swamp is better off without me.
Reggie told me once ... "The only way I'll ever leave the swamp is if the swamp leaves me."
Well, I'm sorry Reggie, it's sad to say but that swamp is as good as gone. Our home. It's on its last legs, Reg. Its last legs.....
3
I turned back to look at it. The Swamp .... it's almost out of sight now ... all I can see is the restaurant boat. Yup, a restaurant on a boat ... 'aint that something. God damnit I miss the swamp. Ya just hook up your motor boat to the restaurant boat and ol' Moms Yeager would set you up with all the fixins and swamp watta you can sink your hands into.
I remember when me n' Reg first found the swamp ... we loved that boat restaurant. We loved it more than anything in this world. It was a restaurant ... on a boat. It was really something else.
I ate there every day. Eatin' fixins n' drinkin' swamp watta, daddy-o ... that was me. Now as I look at it, the last visible piece of the swamp hoverin' over the horizon, I'm startin' think maybe Weston was right ... maybe those people really did "need" me.
Can they fend them off? Reg is a big guy ... and Huang Si knows a bit of ol' karate ... I'm sure they'll be okay. Right?
Gertrude's got that stick thing ... with the blade thing on it. She could probably fend some of them off. She's a tough gal. Yeah ... they'll be alright.
Better keep walking ... walking away from that swamp .... away from my Home that I Love.
4
I played the best concert of my life in that swamp ... me on guitar, n' Reg on bass, n' Huang Si on drums. It was the best performance of my life.
H-Si had a way about him on those drums. His set up was pretty elaborate for a swamp band. He even mad a microphone on the kit so he could sing some back up vocals. He didn't do much singing ... he'd do some though ... here and there.
When we'd cover Walk the Dinosaur, usually midway into the set, H-Si would do the "Boom Boom - Chaka Laka - Boom Boom" part and then me n' Reg would sing the "Open da door - get on the floor - NOW EVERYBODY WALK THE DINOSAUR!" part ... and the crowd really enjoyed that number. They really enjoyed that number, the crowd.
Everyone would bring their motor boats up to the stage and tie 'em to the posts and watch the concert from their motor boats n' drink crystal clear sweet swamp water ... that's what they did.
Man ... I miss the swamp. They'll .... they'll be fine without me. Won't they?
I don't know.
5
"YOU BROUGHT THEM HERE, YOU GREASY SON OF A SAILOR!"
That's what Moms Yeager yelled at me that day. That day the monsters came to the swamp.
"I TOLD YOU TA NEVVA GO INTO THAT WATERY CAVE UP ON THE NORTH SIDE OF THE SWAMP! THERE'S MONSTERS IN THAT CAVE ... YOU DUMB IDIOT!"
She was right. There was monsters in that cave. Swamp Monsters. And they followed me back to the swamp with their noses or maybe they have like heat sensing tendrils of something ... maybe they were following my heat with their tendrils ... y'know? I don't know. I really don't.
Alls I know is ... is that I am the one that they followed to the swamp after I disobeyed Moms Yeager's aged wisdom and went a spelunkin' yonder in that damp ol' watery cave on the northern side of the swamp.
Moms wasn't the only person of the swamp to chew me out something fierce that morning. Gerdie, Huang Si ... and even Reg...
"It don't matter if it was your smell OR your HEAT. Those filthy swamp monsters are in the swamp now ... and it's YOUR FAULT man," Reggie told me.
Huang Si told me to take ol' Weston away from the swamp. Weston was too old for this shit. He was much too old to be fightin' swamp monsters.
"Take the best of the motor boats and bring old Weston up to the eastern road ... he can make his way into Humphrey town by that yonder way," is what Huang Si instructed me to do.
And I did.
Until old Weston had a heart attack from all the excitement and just conked out on the east road into Humphrey town.
Now I'm just standing here, on old Eastern Road .... looking at a dead Weston.
6
I wasn't stinky that day. I wasn't overly hot that day. God damn it. How did those filthy watery monsters follow me from that cave all the way back to the swamp? It makes no sense. It makes absolutely no sense.
Wait.
Those big swampy monster ears. Could it all have been sound? God damnit! I was humming the whole way home! They followed my NOISE back to the swamp. God damn those filthy swamp monsters from that damp swampy cave!
I can't turn my back on the swamp. Weston was right. Those people DO NEED ME. Gertrude, n' Huang Si, n' Moms, n' Reggie ... they all need me back there .... BACK THERE FIGHTING THOSE SWAMP MONSTERS!
If those horrible wet monsters like my humming so much to follow me back to the swamp like that ... then maybe I need to put on a show for those slimy sons of sailors. I'm going back.
... to the Swamp.
7
I ran back down Eastern road back to the dock and jumped into our best motor boat and revved it up full power and made a bee line back to the swamp. I hitched the motor boat to the dock where we keep the drum kit and the amps for our guitars.
I jumped out of the boat and plugged my electric guitar into the amp .... I picked up that guitar and started to PLAY! I played my heart out on that guitar and its powerful rock and roll waves blasted throughout the entire Swamp.
BA NEEEEEEEEER NA NEEEEEEEEEER! NEEEER NA NA NEEEEEEEER! BA NEEEEEEEEER NEEER NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!
All my brethren and sistren who were fending off multitudes of swampy monsters lifted their heads and saw me blaring out hot licks on my guitar!
"It's Jake! He's back!" Cried Reggie.
"Damn it Jake! Is Weston okay?" asked Huang Si.
"Naw, he died of a heart attack. Ol' West died on the East before we got to Humphrey." I said.
"God damnit you stupid fool, it's not the time to be playing that infernal racket! Fight these swampy bastids with us!" exclaimed Moms Yeager at me.
"I am Moms. I AM FIGHTING! Look!" I responded in a frenzy while playing my electric guitar.
As I directed the denizens of the swamp to look at the swampy monsters ... they saw them covering their dirty ear holes and scurrying about like a buncha crazy critters!
"Look at them go!" yelled Huang Si.
"So it wasn't smell or heat ... it was NOISE" said Reggie whilst nodding.
I know with my broken up hands and my bad back that I couldn't be much help in this fight for the sanctity of our beautiful swamp ... but I still got my smarts, daddy-o. I still got my smarts.
"They're all running away ... except for that big one!" cried Gertrude in a fever heat.
"God damnit ... that's the biggest swamp monster I ever seen!" said Reggie.
"That's the way these swamp monsters swarm, there's always a hundred little bastids who just do the swarmin' n' monkey fightin', but then behind them is always the big one," explained Moms Yeager.
"I 'aint worried Mama, with my strength, Huang Si's basic knowledge of Chinese Karate, Gertrude's stick thang with the knife thang taped on it .... and Jake's tactical knowledge of the layout of the swamp ... there's no way in HELL that swamp monster can best us ... the PEOPLE OF THE SWAMP!" proclaimed Reggie with the will of a champion.
...and he was right. With my tactical knowledge of the layout of the swamp ... that I know like the back of my hand .... we could do this. We could win. Not only that but for the first time I understood what Weston was trying to say.
I really was needed at this Swamp. Thank you for convincing me of that, ol' West.
8
Now I'm back at the Swamp ... where I belong ... and now it's time me to ... SHINE.
I proclaimed with renewed vigor....
"Moms! Use your broom stick! Bang it against Huang Si's gong that he brought from China! Make as much noise as possible to drive the remaining swamp bastards outta the swamp and back to their filthy cave!"
"Reggie! Gertrude! Huang Si! Set fires near the north, east, and west waterways so that big boss monster can't see those escape routes!"
"I'm going to the South waterway in our best motor boat! Everyone meet me there in 10 minutes ... and Gerdie ... bring your stick thing that has the knife on it!"
"YEAH"!
(Everybody Walks the Dinosaur begins slowly playing .... slowly getting louder and louder whilst they execute their counter-plan on the swampy monsters)
As everyone assembled at the South Water Way I continued orchestrating my battle plans....
"Alright is everyone here at the South Way! Good. Gerdie ... run up to that big dope and wave your knife stick at 'im all exagerated-like!"
Gertrude readied her 4 foot long stick with the knife taped to it and began swinging it about the air ceremoniously ... which appeared to either impress or frighten the Large Swamp Monster.
"Reggie ... get behind Gerdie and get ready to fight that thing mano-y-mano my brotha! Huang Si .... you get behind Reggie and conceal yourself behind him as so the swamp monster cannot see you!"
Gerdie executed a feint with her makeshift spear and then dispersed and retreated ... right on cue dependable Reggie was right behind her with his dukes up ready to fight the large boss swamp monster one on one with his adequate boxing ability. All the while ... Huang Si was lying in ambush behind the gigantic Reggie .... and the swamp monster was none the wiser as he could not see H-Si.
"Now! Reg! Duck, evade, n' scurry ... then skedaddle! When the monster tries to move in on Reg while his guard is momentarily down ... Huang Si .... spring out and ambush it with a powerful Chinese Karate Kick!!!"
(Everybody Walk the Dinosaur starts getting much much louder)
"HIGH! YAAAAA! BICYCLE KICK!" screeched Huang Si at the top of his lungs as he lunged his front foot at the monster's head.
The blow connected and the large swamp monster was visibly damaged by the high flyin' aerial assault of Huang Si ... but the marauding monster gradually gathered back its composure and continued his advance on the swampateers.
"God Damnit! That sonnafa sailor is still standin'!?" Exclaimed Gertrude in an alarming clamor.
Is this the end for our stalwart swamp heroes? Only time will tell. It seems they have gone from the fryin' pan and straight into the fire, daddy-o ... like a coupla dirty brine shrimps.
9
The ravenous swamp monster had eyes like iron rods, it was slimy and dirty like a pound of kettle fish, and had teeth the size of nails. It was coming right for our intrepid bayou billies and it had only one thing on its slimy swampy mind .... Murder.
Good thing I had a little more to my brilliant strategy then I had let on.
"NOW MOMS YEAGER! NOW" I YELLED.
Right then, as quick as a flume, Moms Yeager rose from her secret motor boat hitched to an old stump near the big red buoy ... and threw a pot full of rotten milk n' rotten cheese all over that slimy son of a sailor monster!
As the monster stood there covered in rotten milk n' rotten cheese ... I felt with victory in this engagement 100% ensured ... I could finally divulge my fail proof stratagem with this slimy monster. I don't rightfully know if it can understand human speak .... but for ol' Weston's sake ... I feel as if this monster deserves to know why it lost.
"Well, Mr. Monster. Do you rightfully know why I lured you to this southern waterway? It happens that we here in this here swamp like to refer to this inlet as Rodent Trench. This is where all the beavers, n' badgers, n' rats like to gather and scavenge for food ... and you Mr. Monster ... standing there all covered in rotten milk n' rotten cheese ... probably sure as sam must look mighty appetizin' to a myriad of hungry scavenging buck tooth rodents ... you reckon, Mr. Monster?"
It just looked at me ... like I was speakin' in tongues .... but as sure as the rain is clean .... and as sure as the night is brisk ... those saw-toothed filthy rodents of Rodent Trench covered that monster from head to toe like a buncha kids scurrying to a christmas tree on christmas ... boy did those beavers n' badgers n' rats chew up that slimy swampy monster. It was a sight to behold.
It's times like this I wish ol' Weston were still alive to experience things and see things with his gimpy bloodshot eyes. If he were still alive and he looked on this gigantic monster ... all covered in filthy rodents ... and being chewed alive ... I wonder what he'd say.
Just then I felt a cold wind hit my back .... and a smooth whisper hit the back of my ear.
....."Ya see that, Jake. I told you they needed you."
And thus concludes, "The Swamp."
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