Are Nerds Ruining Baseball?

In March of 2016 I wrote "Baseball: Trots,"

(See Here for "Baseball: Trots":  https://writingsonsubjects.blogspot.com/2016/03/baseball-trots.html )

To be honest, this is my favorite article in my arsenal of essays. I like this one. I really do. I think Baseball: Trots is a good essay. I can't say I'm proud of most of the crap I wrote in this very experimental writing training blog over the years... especially the earlier very crass ones which are sucky. With Baseball: Trots though .... even looking at it now ... it still holds up... it's something I think is good. I think it's my magnum opus.

There's unfinished work in this essay though, for it seems in the conclusion rests this ominous line:

"Are Nerds ruining baseball? Maybe, we'll have to look into that another time though."
(Baseball: Trots, March 2016)

It's about time we looked into this old chums ... for I feel there is no better time than right now. For I fear nerds are virtually on the verge of running amok all over baseball and this moment is literally the most crucialest of junctures if anyone wants to prevent this from happening.

Now, before you think I am some sort of anti-nerd nerd-hating jock ... let's clarify first off that I am not that at all. I am too ... A Nerd. This article is written from the viewpoint of one Nerd to Another and not from the viewpoint of a Jock to a Nerd.

Just take my word that I'm a Nerd, okay? I can lay down nerd Street Cred all day if you'd like that but time is of the essence, friends. Time is of the essence at this crucial-most path and I will not spend many a paragraph illustrating for you my Nerd credentials with a flurry of geeky anecdotes and references. I could wax off yarns and a half about 80s cartoons or some other manner of sweet n' sour silliness ... but there's no time.

Let's bypass the meaningless set up and dive right into the main point here.... and that's that Nerds ARE Ruining Baseball! They are.

If I wrote this in 2016 or 2017 ... I would have emphatically said that Nerds are not doing that ... but in 2018, as of right now, my stance has changed and I must eliquate as to why.


Why Nerds Are Ruining Baseball
They laugh at our clothes, they laugh at our hair, n' the girls walk by with their nose in the air!


Again, let me remind you reader, that I am a baseball stat nerd and love baseball stats more than pizza .... but the analytics shtick is going too far. It is.

I remember first noticing it when people were clamoring around that Billy Beane and his moneyball gimmick. I remember hearing things like "Billy Beane invented On Base Percentage, noob! Get with the Money Ball program there slappy!" ... and I'm like ... he didn't invent On Base Percentage. It had been on the baseball leader board since 1984 ... how did he invent it almost two decades later? To top it all off it gets a hollywood movie cast with a good looking actor to star in it ... if that doesn't shout "over-hyped" to you then nothing does.

From the second I heard of Money Ball I thought it was a stretch at best and silly/dumb at worst.

Yes, back in the early 2000s I was already skeptical about nerd-related advances on the game. It has really come into the danger zone now though. Things are popping up outta right field and left field that have really got me teetering on a slight slope.

I was reading an article the other month about how a minor league team in the Mexican league hired some analytics dude from some university to coach their games from his tv set in some posh American mansion. This is too far. It is. This is beyond the realm of reasonable. This is every fans dream (to coach the game from his arm chair) but it should remain so. The article goes on to say that like .... the posh American statistician was in awe that the lowly Mexican on-field on-site manager would not take his over-the-phone advice. If I was that Mexican Manager ... I'd leave the phone off the hook the entire game or maybe tell the bat boy to talk to the dude. You can't coach games like that.

I read in Bill Veeck's book that he let the fans coach a game once and held up signs like "shall we jerk the bum?" and the fans would democratically hold up a YES or NO sign. Even that's a saner managing style than having to phone a law professor on his couch in some mansion in the Nappa Valley to see what to do next. 

The hands-on approach of general managers and their reliance on "Money-Ball" style strategies is not just from some Mexican league team ... it's every MLB team is run like that now. They want 3 variables to think about and only 3 ... Walk, Strikeout, Homer. That's it. Three variables. That's all they can handle.

I'm talkin' Nerds Nerds Nerds!

Forget long stat lines, as long lost are the days where on baseball card backs you could see how many doubles, triples, homers, walks, steals, etc. somebody has. They want that condensed to ONE variable. They don't have time to look at a full stat line. They want ONE stat to sum up an entire player. Whether it's WAR or WOBA or WHATEVA.

Throw all the scouting reports out the window! Who needs 'em!? This guy's a .910 and that's better than this other bum who's just a .902 ! We don't need to know if he can run or field .... he's a 910 and that's 8 things better than a 902!

Baseball is being run by accountants! 

In 1985 a game had on average 5 strikeouts per game... in 2018 it's closing in on 9 per game. It's almost doubled. They're not good strikeouts either ... like I remember if Tony Gwynn or Tim Raines struck out everyone was in shock ... you had to earn a K on guys like that. So many of these 2018 Ks are guys trying to blast homers with 2 strikes on them. You blast those on 3-1 or 3-2 ... why you blastin' on 1-2 or 0-2 for? Then they throw the helmet and yell to make a show for the audience after they swing and miss. You whiffed by a mile on a 1-2 pitch .... it's not like you tried your best and failed ... you tried to do way too much and failed.

I've seen players, in the PLAYOFFS, with a runner on third with nobody out strike out trying to hit it out of the park. That's lunacy. Downright sweet n' sour LUNACY!

Neeeeeeerds.

You want power and walks? Well you got them. You got 2/5 tool players with 3 weaknesses. A lot of these guys are basically beer league soft ball players more so than terrific athletes.

Then there's the buzz words. All the silly stuff they do has to have corny gimmicks thrown on it. You use 12 pitchers in a game? That's called Pitchering ... oh I'm sorry ... Hash Tag Pitchering. You hit your pitcher 8th in the batting order instead of 9th? That's called Eightering. You write the line up card while standing on your head? They call that Heading.

Lay one down you egg heads!

They probably want baseball played by robots. Then the simulations would match up better to their predictions. But the joke would still be on them because even robots would get pretty hectic and chaotic out there. Remember Base Wars?

Gee Eugene, I wonder what Tank Bot's WRC+ Squared is with RISP!

Robots playing baseball wasn't a friendly stuffy simulation between competing Nerdlingers... it was WICKED and it was GOOD!


Conclusion

The Boys n' the Moos are Clappin' Along!

It's suffice to say, Nerds ... Goose Gossage was RIGHT on all accounts! You're ruining the game and everyone knows it and is calling you out on it! You're behind the eight ball now, NERDS!

All jokings aside, I'm still a big baseball stat-head ... I'm just cautioning that this analytics business can go too far. I think a vision for binary variables ... Homer, Strikeout (or walk) .... isn't a great idea. Obviously it would never get to that point .... but with strikeouts per game almost doubling in the last 30 years and other trends of that nature ... I think it is taking a lot away from the game.

I still love stats, and I still love nerds ... but have we reached Peak Nerd?