I never got Haiku previously, I always, honestly, thought they were dumb. Not really "dumb" really but I'm sure something is being lost in translation and there is some sort of disconnect when these Haikus are translated.
You know, you read a Haiku, and you know it is supposed to be 5-7-5 in the syllables sequence ... and that's mostly what Westernized people know about it ... it's all I knew about it. So when a Westerner tries to write one it is usually bad like something I can cook up now ... something like:
Walking Down Old Road
Saw Nice Candelabra There
Thought Liberace
-A Haiku by Me, D.
That is a Haiku but it is not a good one. That's the Western World's understanding of the genre. I only very recently started to get why they are a big deal over in Japan. I used to think it was like an aristocratic or high society thing but it is actually the opposite. The original Haiku Masters (Basho, Shiki, etc.) were pretty beat and just common people.
Matsuo Basho is the writer that really made me finally "get" Haikus. Basho was a guy who's house burned down so he just started walking around for the rest of his life. He was a wondering soul ... a real rambling man ... an aimless wanderer. You might even call him a hobo. The Haikus he wrote were small fleeting moments of his wandering life.
A good Haiku is a small fleeting moment in the life of the wandering soul ... and in the end ... aren't we all just that? Just wanderers enjoying fleeting and finite moments in our life's journeys? Check out this Haiku by Master Basho right here:
Winter solitude...
In a scenery of one Color
...The sound of the Wind.
-A Haiku by Matsuo Basho
Wow, that's nice. All of his moments from his aimless wanderings are personal to him but also personal to history. He was alive, in the world, and he left Writings on things he experienced whilst being on this world. Time, a topic I wrote about last year, is the main theme of Haikus. The opening line is usually a subtly nuanced opening statement to let the reader know what Season it was when he saw something on his wanderings.
I finally get the ending to Mega Man 2 now. I always found it sort of humorous that this robot man would walk through all the seasons at the end of the game and finally make it home. Mega Man in the second Mega Man game on NES just became a Wanderer after beating all the robot bosses ... just like Matsuo Basho before him. It is actually a very noble ending.
True Beauty. Beauty has no Truer Form. Does it not?
Once you "get" Haikus and understand why they are good ... this ending takes on a whole new level of Artistic Greatness. I'm glad I have beaten this game like a hundred times and have seen this Ending one hundred times. Let's finish this Haiku section off with a Mega Man 2 Haiku:
The Changing Seasons...
Journey Home flashes quickly
Rest now Robot Man...
-A Haiku by Me, D.
Alright, so if anyone is scoring at home, I "get" Haikus now. So.... let's move on.
George Ade
The other thing I've been into lately in the Wide World of Words has been the works of George Ade. I started reading a Goerge Ade book and like Haikus ... I didn't get it at all at first. I thought it was so stuck in its Time Period that a person reading it in 2019 would just see 1914 as like a Foreign World that made no sense. I didn't give up though ... I tried to place myself into the Flow and the Pacing of the Time so I cranked up some Knuckles O'Toole on the youtube and then re-attempted to read the works of George Ade...
Light-Hearted Turn-of-the-Century Piano-Stylings
... and they started to make a ton of sense. The choppy pacing and silly clunking of the George Ade style started to flow a little better with some Knuckles slappin' the piana as accompaniment. Similar to Haikus ... the "George Ade" style is pretty unique. The paragraphs range from one line to five lines and then some broken half-line stanzas sneak their way in at times. It's like the Rag-Time of Writing I'd call it. The other key component of the George Ade style is Capitalization is assigned to just about every slang noun or portmanteau word he writes ... and he writes about two or three of those per sentence so the Caps are Flying. The Capitals are Flying all Over the Place.
Similar to the Haiku section above ... I want to do a "George Ade" fable right now. I need to cleanse my brain of Haikus and catch a little Ades right now ... gotta give my brain some George Aids for the next half hour or so....
....Okay, I think I made the switch. Let's outline what I believe is the crux of the style first off ... in case maybe you want to catch some George Aids yourself and write an Ade Fable of your own.
I think he writes the "Moral" first ... then the three or four somewhat poetic broken-line stanzas ... then he envelopes the stanzas with nonchalant rag-time silliness ... then gives it a Title. So what I think his (and I can't prove this by the way) process was is:
1. Moral
2. Three Stanzas to Set Up main Story
3. Asinine Small Talk inserted between the Stanzas
4. Title
Okay so I can handle that. This following story is written by me ... it is only my suspected Process of how he constructed the fables that is being emulated here.
Two more elements of the Ade style must be included to make it a real homage short story though. The Capitalization Assignment will be Adian in nature and the theme of the story will be a George Ade theme. Thus, it should be noted that about 85% of George Ade's fables are about some pseudo-wannabe-rich-idiot who wants to get rich and be part of high society but always finds some way to fail or make a fool of his or herself.
Alright so let's begin our emulated Fable. First we need a Moral ... this is gonna be pretty arbitrarily chosen ... the song currently playing right now on my computer for me is "Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue" by the powerful rock and roll group The Ramones. So, our Moral shall be...
MORAL: Don't Sniff Glue!
If you think that's a dumb moral ... believe me ... there's dumber George Ade morals than that. This is a quote of a George Ade moral for instance:
"MORAL: Don't get acquainted too soon."
Yeah, don't get acquainted too soon. That's a George Ade Moral. He's right though. My Moral of "Don't Sniff Glue" is perfectly acceptable along the lines of a George Ade Moral.
Next let's write three broken lined stanzas about our poor sap who at some point in the story will fall from Social Grace and become a Glue Sniffing Bozo... and probably die too.
Tommy came from a Good Family, he had three brothers
who enjoyed his Company and who engaged in Good
Hearted pursuits of Artistry together.
Their Social Standing was Great.
Walking out of the Hardware Store he noticed his brother Joey
had purchased a Model Aero Plane set to Construct
as it was his Hobby he was Pretty Enthusiastic
about. The Box contained two Squeezable
Doo-Hickeys of Glue to bond the pieces.
Tommy was Chilling at the local Chautauqua Center
just sniffing some Good Glue like a Big Idiot.
His Brothers took the Smell-Wagon upstreet
to the Speak-Easy on 53rd and 3rd but
Tom had more important matters to
heed. Namely the Sniffing of Glue.
Okie dokie. There's the story fleshing out now thanks to those three broken lined stanzas. Now ... all we got to do is write a few dozen paragraphs around them ... some paragraphs as short as one line ... and they don't even really have to be that tied to the story. I've read George Ade fables where he'll just start talking negatively about salad or just jam out some nonchalant fourth wall breakery.
Alright soooo. Here is a New Writings on Subjects II Stronger Fable:
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In the Suburban Region of Up State New York once lived a man of Acute Social Learning who was for the most part The Talk of the Town. He was Cool and Everybody Liked Him Very Much. He always wore a sharp Leather Jacket and usually could be found in the CBGB and seen with Sun Glasses.
His Parents were Well-To-Do and Pretty-Darned-Smart. They owned a stake in the Coney Island and were never short of Dough or searching for Scratch-ee-oh-Lee.
His name was Tommy. Many women found him Fanciful and Dandy.
Tommy came from a Good Family, he had three brothers
who enjoyed his Company and who engaged in Good
Hearted pursuits of Artistry together.
Their Social Standing was Great.
His Tallest Co-Frere went by the Monicker of Joey and was Sickly-Looking and Spindly like a Shivery Worm. Joey was very High on the Ladder of The Punk Rock Scene and was very Able to Lean on Walls and wait for the Fairer Sex to Stroll on by on any Given Sunday. A simple wink and shimmy was all that was Needed To Seize the Opportunity.
Brother Dee Dee was a Man for All Seasons. A True Bulwark of the Era. Dee Dee could best be Tallied Up in Description by letting the Reader onto the information that he was Fa-Fa-Fa-Fa-Fa-Funky ... a Real Funky Man.
Dee Dee was A Reputable Fellow on All Accounts I mere-do say.
The Final-Most of his Respectable Brothers in Arms was that of Johnny. Scared of Basements he Never Entered Them. Not even A Once. Calling loose and out to Daddy-oh he Feverishly would say Hey Romeo in a clamor and outright Refuse to Go Down There!
What Farce you may think of him but Not Wanting to Go Into Basements is Short of No Crime or a Breach of Any State Laws.
One mustn't be Short on Smarts to divine that Tommy's Parents, being of a High Sort and who Dined Weekly on Chicken Vin-Da-Loo would Oft Pest their eldest Leather-Bound Progeny to Wed a Nice Lady and have some Young Children with.
Our Hero (Tommy) was not Jumping-Over-Boxcars to find a Crumpet to Stuff. He found many of the Maidens at the CBGB to be Somewhat-Ugly and didn't really want to Walk Around with Them.
Such Greatness on All Fronts and Kings of the Scene were these Brothers. Johnny at Fast-Glance at a board of Street-Signage provoking the advertising of some such concoction be it Gummy Bears or Wheat-Germ or What-Not-Have-You wanted to take a Fast-Five and/or a Hot-Second to duck into the local Bodega to purchase himself some Tasty Snacks to satisfy his growing Hunger.
He then swung into the Shop Next Door. Tommy et al. Followed Suit and All the Brothers entered the Hardware Store! It was a Splendid Sight to see all the Wares and Chachkies on Display in the Cases!
Walking out of the Hardware Store he noticed his brother Joey
had purchased a Model Aero Plane set to Construct
as it was his Hobby he was Pretty Enthusiastic
about. The Box contained two Squeezable
Doo-Hickeys of Glue to bond the pieces.
The Second-Of-The-Squeezable-Glue-Doo-Hickeys in the Package seemed to be Excessive and Joey did not need It even a Small Bit. He asked Tommy to throw it away into the Garbage's Can. Tommy swifted back and was about to heed Word of Refuse and Appoint the Doo-Hickey of Glue to an Early-Grave ... yet a Fantastic Aroma caught the undertappings of his Nose.
Our Protagonist (Tom or Thomas to his Folks at Times) was Caught-Short and Hog-Wiled by the Aroma of the Doo-Hickey's containments. He further-removed the Cap and took a Stalwart's Whiff of the Hickey's Interior.
Holy Smokes! All of the Sudden the World Began to Spin in front of He. Life ceased being Reality and Switch-Turned into being a Big Crazy Movie like those shown on the Orpheum Circuit! What manner of Merries-Go-Round had he accidently Got On? None! He was Not on a Ferris's Wheel in the Least for this was not Coney Island it was only the Exterior of the Hardware Store.
Poor Tom. With the Blink of Fate's Bad Eye and a Menacing Wink from Lady Luck's evil sister Lady Bad-Luck ... He had developed the Drug Habit.
Folly is that of the Mortal Man was a quote by Marshall P. Wilder (or at least this writer believes it so). Oh how it applies!
Tommy at Month's End was such a Dope Fiend to the Throws of the Glue that he would stop by the Hardware Store almost Nightly to acquire the Demon's Milk. He would consume the Illicit Make in the Alley Way and then be prone to bouts of fury and delirium like a Huge Moron.
His Three Brothers, of whom which were Getting on Great with the Ladies as of Still, began to grow Penchant with Worry for their dearest of Brothers.
"O Brother, Where Art Thou" is what they Said to One-Another.
Tommy was Chilling at the local Chautauqua Center
just sniffing some Good Glue like a Big Idiot.
His Brothers took the Smell-Wagon upstreet
to the Speak-Easy on 53rd and 3rd but
Tom had more important matters to
heed. Namely the Sniffing of Glue.
In a Delirium's Bout caused by the Devil's Make, Tommy accused his brothers of being Garden-Variety-Gnomes out to steal his Brain and give him a Teenager's Lobotomy. But his Sure-Minded and Ever-In-Reality's-Realm brothers assured him his Menageries were nothing but Fairy-Stories.
In a Delirium's Bout caused by the Devil's Make, Tommy accused his brothers of being Garden-Variety-Gnomes out to steal his Brain and give him a Teenager's Lobotomy. But his Sure-Minded and Ever-In-Reality's-Realm brothers assured him his Menageries were nothing but Fairy-Stories.
Tommy on the other hand was Glue-Sick and Un-agreeable. His Insides were taking the turn for worser days. He could see the Light at the End of the Trail's Tracks. It was almost the End for our Favorite Guy.
His Demise was a Pauper's Demise. He died like a Dirty Bum and No One Even Cared. His family was so Sick of his Ways that they did not even afford the laggard with a Proper Man's Burial instead opting to bury our Hero in a Pet Cemetery with the Likes of Canaries and Rats and Beagles.
Oh what A Shame, Tom, but at least you didn't get buried next to a Gnat or something old friend.
MORAL: Don't Sniff Glue!
Conclusion
I like that. I think that's not bad. It's better than my Haikus at the Very's Least. I mean very least. Kids, listen, that Moral is funny and everything and goofy but it's not a joke ... you really really shouldn't sniff model air plane glue, okay guys.
Okay? Cool.
Oh wait, I forgot to give it a title. A needlessly long title a la Ade. My fable is titled ... "The New Fable of the Brother Who Took A Sniff of The Air Plane Glue."
Alright, so with the Basho training and the Ade training ... I think I am almost ready to tackle the topic which has hung over this Blog's head for almost 10 years now like an Albatross. The topic of .... Liberace.
He's been mentioned in probably dozens of these "essays" but never had even a section of one even devoted to him. As we all know, May 16th of 2019 will mark 100 Years of Liberace .. yes it's Liberace's Centennial Fair ... and there's no better time to gather all my rusty writing ability and see if it's actually worth a lick.
In May will be..... Liberace.
