Hello everyone.
Everyone is freaking out and everyone is going bananas! I saw recently that trending in the Twittersphere was "Stop or My Mom will Shoot" which has led to wild rumors and out-of-hand ruminations on the matter. Is a sequel on the docket? It really seems that many are saying this.
If you're new to Estelle and Golden Girls, just remember when watching Golden Girls that it isn't like the Ninja Turtles and you don't have to have a favorite Golden Girl... you are allowed to like them all... unlike on Ninja Turtles where you have to have a favorite one.
Anyways, I have so many ideas for Stop or My Mom will Shoot 2 that my head is almost literally SPINNING right now. I have to get a game plan and a formula for this article or it's gonna be a mess.... okay,
1. Possible Titles
2. Sample Dialogue from a theoretical Good script of SOMMWS 2
3. An ode to Estelle Getty, who is no longer with us, probably with many Golden Girl Gifs
Okay, that's an easy article that will calm the raging torrents of ideas smashing through my brain's both hemispheres.
Writing is becoming my main hobby since the Plague began... and a lot of it is done in secret with hopes of completing stuff to get bought. I'm writing three secret movies right now. A Geddy Lee bio-pic that is similar to the F. Mercury one but 50% of it is set in Canada (and winter) ... Stop or My Mom will Shoot 2 (of course) ... and The Golden Child 2: The Return of Sardo Numspa.
If these ever do come out, my name might be a different one in the credits, because my main art is writing non-movies so my movie scripts will be written under a funny name like Dizzy Sizzly Gillespie Jr. or possibly Arthur Bagelson.
Okay so....let's get to the point here... my premise for Stop! Two! is a play off of My Mother the Car (the Tv Show where the mom's spirit gets trapped in a car). In my idea for this sequel to the smash-hit comedy Stop! Or My Mom will Shoot! ... Estelle Getty gets trapped inside of Sylvester Stallone's gun.
This way... Estelle Getty can still be in the movie... but just from soundbites of things she said in the first movie and also old .wav files from Golden Girls episodes ... like these great lines:
It makes an interesting caveat to write this movie now... because the dialogue has to be built around things Estelle Getty has said on Tv Shows and Movies. It's harder to write this movie than it sounds... I'm already experiencing difficulties. Basically, the Gun/Mom character as portrayed by Estelle Getty, can only be written with very certain fragments of dialogue that were already stated and the entire film needs to be built like blocks around the Gun's/Mom's dialogue fragments. Oy vey!
Alright let's get started now with the titles....
Possible titles for Stop or my Mom will Shoot 2 are:
-Stop! Or my Mom will Shoot! 2: First Blood
-Stop! Or my Mom will Shoot! First Blood: Part 2
-Stop.... or my Mom will Shoot........Again!?
-Stop! Or my Mom will Shoot! 2: My Mother the Gun
-Stop! Or my Mom will Shoot! 2: Look who's Shooting Now!
-Stop! Or my Mom will Shoot! 2: Say your Prayers you Bad Guys!
-Stop! Or my Mom will Shoot! 2: Estelle Getty's Revenge
-Stop! My Mother is a Gun!
-Stop! Or My Mom (who is now a Gun) will Shoot!
-The Estelle Getty Preservation Society Presents: Stop! Or My Mom will Shoot 2
-Stop! Two! Electric Boogaloo!
Alright those are all pretty good. Now we get to the fun part where I shall share with you some sample dialogue scenes from my super-secret script I am typing up....
Scene 1
Setting: At Sylvester's house
Characters involved: Sylvester, Mom/Gun, robot butler (Hubie)
Sylvester arrives home after a tough day at the job...
Sylvester: What a day, that case will never get solved and on top of it all it seems as though the cartel will attack the city in two months instead of three now! We simply don't have the man power down at the precinct to handle an attack from the cartel right now! You know!? There's gonna be like thousands of them! The cartel has more guys than us, you know?
Hubie: Young sire, you mustn't get so worked up over such things... that cartel always boasts of an attack yet they never follow through and you know that, young sire. Beep Boop Beep.
Sylvester: You don't understand, you know! It's just... I got too much on my plate, Hubie! What's for dinner?
Hubie: I have prepared braised leeks over duck d'orange, young sire... with a cream of mushroom soupe.
Sylvester: Again? How 'bout a burger for a change, you know?
Hubie: Burg? Ger? Beeep. Apologies, young sire, yet my high class memory banks fail to compute such a ghastly abhorrent concept of a dish as this. You mustn't request such low class menu items.
Sylvester: Hubie! You're ten seconds away from becomin' a toaster, you know!
A third voice enters the scene from an undisclosed location....
Estelle: Soooo... another tenants meeting I wasn't told about. What's the topic this time... how to lose the old lady?
Sylvester: ....
Hubie: ....
Sylvester: Hoob, where did your memory circuits get that voice protocol from?
Hubie: Young sire, a harsh and low class voice such as that one would never be saved to any of my high class circuits and state-of-the-art processors.
Sylvester: Well then who was it, you know! I know that voice! If you think this is funny, Hoob, you know, you're gonna be in the scrap heap! You know!?
Hubie: Young sire, please hold thy temper. I shall scan the environs for the source of the broadcast. Please keep calm and carry thy self with stature and grace, young sire.
Sylvester: Stop callin' me young sire! I'm like old, you know?
Hubie: Young sire... the source of the broadcast seems to be originating from your.... gun?
Estelle: Good one, sherlock. Who'd you think it was, Molly Ringwald?
Sylvester: Ma! Not now! Wait..... Ma?
Hubie: Young sire, it appears your side-arm is speaking to you. Shall I bring it to you? Here you are, young sire.
Sylvester: Ma! No offense or nuthin', you know, but... you're gone! I was even at your funeral, you know?
Estelle: I am? Okay, pretend you didn't hear that. I'll see ya tomorrow.
Scene 2
Setting: In the Shower
Characters involved: Sylvester, Mom/Gun
Sylvester: La laaa la laaaaa... and the eye of the tiger is the king of the crop... he's got all of the eyes of the tie gers! Ba ba baaa ba... and he's the last known survivor when he's leadin' the pack, you know, with all of the other tigers maaa ba naaa na! I'm gonna be the eye of this tiger and sing in this shower all day and until it something-something-something 'til the eeeeeeeeeeeeend...... Of the Tiger!
Estelle: So, I thought I'd pop by the station today, you know, see where you work n' meet a couple of your friends.
Sylvester: Ma! I'm in the shower singing my tiger songs! I need some peace for at least a coupla minutes a day... you know!?
Estelle: Well, forgive me... my arthritis is bothering me, my social security check was late... and I realized today that I haven't showered with a man in twenty two years.
Sylvester: Ma, Pops' been dead twenty seven years.
Estelle: What's your point?
Sylvester: ..............
Scene 3
Setting: The Underground Lab of a Weapons Expert's Lair
Characters involved: Sylvester, Mom/Gun, Hubie, Weapons Expert "Low Dog" St. Claire
Low Dog: Lemme get this straight, you want me to turn this side-arm into a bazooka? Why wouldn't you just throw this crappy gun out and just buy a brand-new bazooka, mang?
Sylvester: You see uhhhh.... you know.... uhhh.... you know .... uhhhh... it's just that.... you know....
Estelle: The thing is....
Sylvester: Ma! Not now! No, no, no... that wasn't the gun talking! It was just the wind, you know?
Low Dog: ...?
Hubie: Let me field this conundrum, young sire. You see, Sir Low Dog, my young sire's attachment to the side-arm is purely sentimental as it was awarded to him for his honor and service many sorties ago and he would like to take all the components of this gun and re-fit them so this fine piece of equipment becomes a bazooka that can be mounted atop of me... so when I transform into my battle-tank mode... I shall be able to fire rockets at The Cartel... you see, old chap.
Low Dog: You two gotta be the craziest S.O.Bs that ever strolled into my secret under ground weapons laboratory... and I gotta say.... I'm diggin' it!
They all high five and the scene ends...
Scene 4
Setting: Rendezvous point during Counter-Attack mission against The Cartel
Characters involved: Sylvester, Mom/Gun, Hubie, Colonel Arnold
Hubie: Young sire, according to my maps, we are close to the rendezvous point with sir Arnold. It's only but a mere stone's throw away!
Sylvester: That's great, you know.... but part of me can't trust that shifty Colonel Arnold... something about him rubs me the wrong way.... you know? Oh no! Bogies at 5 o'clock!
Hubie: Shall we let your mother handle this attack, young sire?
Estelle: Let me at 'em!
Hubie: Oy! Vey! I must say!
Sylvester: Ma! Fire all rockets!
BOOM!
Estelle: See you in hell.... you HUMAN MATTRESS!
Hubie: Bloody good show, old gal!
Sylvester: Mom! I'm so proud of you!
...they arrive at the rendezvous. The Colonel lands down in his exquisite chopper.
Arnold: Sylvester, is that you, there? Are you, here, now?
Estelle: Hey pussycat!
Arnold: Oh hello there bazooka, my name is Colonel Arnold! I am happy that you are now here.
Sylvester: You aren't freaked out that my bazooka can talk?
Arnold: No, I'm used to it... for you see.... my fatha is a helicopta!
Estelle: Oy! Vey!
Sylvester: We have so much in common, Arnold! What's your helicopter's name?
Lee Majors (as the Helicopter): My name is first lieutenant Lee Majors... of the U.S. Air Force!
Estelle: .......what a hunk!
Lee Majors (as the Helicopter): Well, hello little lady.... what a nice chassis you have.... what's your rocket-fire-per-second ratio on that fast-action propulsion launcher?
Arnold: Fatha! Behave yourself!
Estelle: Wouldn't you like to know?
Sylvester: Ma!
Arnold: Save the baby-talk for later you two! The Intel Squadron has given to me the exact location of Jackie Chan.
Sylvester: Jackie Chan is the head boss of The Cartel!? I should've known, you know!?
Lee Majors (as the Helicopter): Hop inside of me... I'll get us all to the next rendezvous point... come on Estelle I have a special seat reserved for you... right in the cockpit.
Arnold: GET TO THE FATHAAAA! COME ON! THERE'S NO MORE TIME! GET IN THE FATHA!
Scene 5
Setting: The Final Showdown with Jackie Chan
Characters involved: Sylvester, Mom/Gun, Hubie, Colonel Arnold, with a special appearance by Lee Majors, and featuring Jackie Chan.
Jackie Chan: So. You've finally found me? I'm not going down without a fight.
Sylvester: Yes.
Jackie Chan's Nunchucks: See! Told you! I told you, Jackie Chan! You always make mistakes! They found you! They found you! You should have listened to your auntie!
Jackie Chan: Auntie! No! Not now! Please!
Jackie Chan's Nunchucks/Aunt: Your uncle told you many many times, Jackie Chan, how to be a bad guy without getting caught ... but you don't listen. You just don't listen. You never got straight As in school either. Your parents were nice people but they did not raise you properly, Jackie Chan.
Jackie Chan: Auntie, I thank you for all you've given to me in my life... I am humble... but now is not a good time. I must fight them!
Jackie Chan's Nunchucks/Aunt: Don't swing me so fast Jackie Chan! That's why you never got straight As and good grades in school... like your cousins did! You are too reckless, Jackie Chan! You should be more thoughtful.
Jackie Chan: Auntie!!!! AAAAAIIIIIEIEIEIEIEIEEEEEEEEEEIIIIEEE!
Hubie: By the Gods and through the goodness of the graciousness of the Lords... this man seems to be having a mild conniption due to his aunt's, who also seems to be his nunchucks, constant naggeries! Please do something, young sire.
Estelle: Let me handle this... yoo hoo! Over here! Yoo hooo! Young man.... I know I am not your mother but I am a mother... and I was just thinking you can talk to me if that's all right....
Sylvester: Ma! It's serious over here! This is life n' death stuff, you know!?
Lee Majors: She has the voice of an angel..... Estelle.... I .... I.... I think I am falling for you.
Jackie Chan: Let this woman speak!
Estelle: I just want you to know that the man next to you... is my son... and God knows he and I have had our difficulties over the years... you see he was very small for his age and I made him this cute little dress and wig... he was adorable!
Jackie Chan: Oh my goodness... and I thought I had it bad. You have it so much worse than I do, Sylvester. Auntie... I'm sorry I swung you so fast.
Jackie Chan's Nunchucks/Aunt: It's okay Jackie Chan.... I was being too hard on you. You are a very good nephew. You are an intelligent and diligent nephew... maybe even the best an aunt could ask for.
Jackie Chan: Auntie......
Arnold: Jackie Chan, now that you are not crazy anymore because of the constant nagging of your nunchucks which is also your Aunt... maybe you can disband The Cartel... and return to being a respectful citizen.
Jackie Chan: I will, Arnold. I will become a good citizen now. Hmmm, I can't help but notice your helicopter seems to be very infatuated with the bazooka that talked me out of my conniption. I know someone who can mount bazookas onto helicopters... one of my uncles. If you are interested.
Lee Majors: I would want nothing more than to be forever bound to my new-found beloved. Please mount this bazooka onto me so we can fly around and blow things up for eternity.
Arnold and Sylvester are in tears of joy.....
Estelle: Come on Girls... let's go get some Cheese Cake!
Hubie: None for me thank you very much madame... I am watching my figure.
Everyone Laughs and the screen slowly fades....
END.
I don't think we'll do part three as the dialogue went on too long. Let's end this article on this happy note... of a helicopter and a bazooka living happily ever after.
