Halloween Season!

Last year I started writing a long Halloween scary story after listening to many episodes of Arch Oboler's Lights Out. It was a long homage that was fun.

Seriously, to think that a year has passed since then, is weird.

Doesn't matter. I started that Halloween story early because, in my day, some popular internet people made Halloween start early every year too. People like Roger Barr from I-mock and Dinosaur Dracula from Dinosaur Dracula. They started Halloween on September 1st and lead into the October finale date with two months of extravangazery and such. Homestar Runner made Halloween last a while too... they even merged Halloween into a Decemberween thing that went on for months, I think.

Now a days, it's great men like Nick Lutsko keeping the Halloween traditions alive and well. He is the official King of Halloween recognized by all after swearing a sacred oath on a copy of Ernest Scared Stupid.

I did my Halloween story early last year in the same vein as those internet trail-blazers who made their months-long lead-ins into the festivities of All Hallow's Ween extended and fun and cool.

I will start my Halloweening now too, again.

My entries in this blog until October Halloween Night, of 2021 will be all in one entry. I don't want the story to be so dark as the one last year. I will be writing MULTIPLE light-but-good stories when-I-feel-like-it from now until All Hallow's Ween.

These will be shorter and more funner than last year's Lights Out.

My first ghostie story this year is influenced by Greek Mythology and takes place over three chapters and features three Greek celebrities from the days of yore who each live on a separate plane of Greek mythological existence. 

For the untaught, the three planes of existence in question are:

Mount Olympus: Land of the Gods
Hades: Hellish Land of Cursed Demons
Mortal Realm: Earthly Alive People like You and Me

The three Greek celebrities who will be in this ghostella story are...

Residing on Mount Olympus: Harry "The Golden Greek" Agganis
Residing in Hades: Telly Savalas
Residing in the Mortal Realm: Jen Aniston

Alright, I already see this multi-layered, multi-realm, multi-generational, ghost story in my mind's eye so let's type it out before I get distracted and play some Dragon Quest or something and forget it.

It's somewhat inspired by a 1990s Weekly World News article where Telly Savalas was apparently taken on a ghostly cab ride in a Cadillac... and the driver tells him he's actually Boston Red Sox first baseman Harry Agganis... and then disappears. It's the most incredibly stupid article of news I've ever encountered...

...but this short pointless article of Telly taking a cab ride in a black Cadillac with Harry Agganis left young Me with so many questions about ghosts, life, the after life, and Greek Mythology... so let's expand it into something better so all of Society can learn something, shall we?

Truly, how this Ghost Story goes in my head, is good. I cried at the end... but typing this thing out in words is going to be weird and hard. 

Maybe I'll take some time with this one and stretch it out a bit. If it, at all, comes out like how this works in my mind... it could be good. I think for a Ghost story, it's touching at parts... and it does expand on the angle of Harry Agganis meeting Telly Savalas... so..... there's always that going for it, too.

Chapter One
The Golden Greek goes Upstairs

The year was 1955, The Boston Red Sox had not won the World Series since 1918, a full thirty and seven years to the date. The team had its hopes high and were looking brightly at the future.

The future looked bright, they had Ted Williams, who hit .406 in 1941, he could've sat out the last game, as his coach ordered, and still won the batting title with an average of over .400... but he refused that order, played that game, and got more hits... finishing the year at .406... which sent tremors of majesty throughout the world and these tremors of majesty even pierced to the the heavens above...

Meanwhile in Heaven...

Zeus: Did you hear? Ted Williams hit .406 in 1941... he could've sat out the last game... but refused... it was a double header, Apollo, and guess what?

Apollo: What?

Zeus: He went six for eight in the double header and finished the season hitting FOUR OH SIX!

Apollo: No way.

Zeus: Yes.

Apollo: But, in our soft ball games... even after we eat the longevity peaches, and all the elixirs of might... you've never even hit .400, dad.

Zeus: I know that. I don't understand this "Ted" creature. This Ted Williams. He's a mortal.... how can he hit over .400? I just don't see how it can happen.

Apollo: It must be some kind of happenstance error in the mortal world.

Zeus: May be Yes, May be No, May be nothing but an Omen of Hope... or that something is amiss in the land of the mortals. Send someone to the Red Sox of this "Boston".... immediately.

Leto: Someone is already there.

Apollo: Who, mother?

Leto: Please excuse us, my son. I must speak to your father in private.

Apollo: Yessum, Mother.

Zeus: Who doth thou speaketh of, Wife?

Leto: Your mortal concubine, Maggie Agganis, she gave birth in that region recently. I can assure you that your offspring with that mortal.... one Harry Agganis.... shall soon rise to prominence and reclaim our ever-lasting glory in the realms of mortal world Sport.

Zeus: That takes a lot off my mind, Leto, and please do not be jealous of my concubine the Maggie Agganis of Massachusetts... she's not as beautiful as you.

Leto: ...............



Meanwhile in Massachusetts.....

Harry Agganis had no idea, none-the-better, or none-the-wise, that he was the Son of Zeus of Olympus. He won many accolades, scholarships, medals, and valors in his youth. When it came time to choose a sport to be the best at... he chose Baseball.

By 1955 he was the Boston Red Sox starting first baseman... they were doing well in 1955... yet troubles brewed in the locker room...

Ted Williams: Listen, Rook, I am Ted Williams, I hit .406 in 1941! I could've sat out the last game! Clutchie Cronin almost FORCED me too, Rook! But guess what?

Harry Agganis: What? What happened, Teddy Ballgame? 

Ted Williams: Well now, I'll tell you what happened, Rook... I told that salty Joe Cronin to go take a long extended up-and-down suck on the biggest jaw breaker candy ball he's ever looked at.... and then if he liked, and still needed something to maw his mouth over, he could chase that lick by taking a long horizontal left n' right suck out of a dozen rotten eggs!

Harry Agganis: No way!? You said that to 'em, Ballgame?

Ted Williams: I surely did. You think Teddy Ballgame is just gonna take a back seat with a .400 battin' average just so he can soak in a great record and aspire to history, Rook? That's not how baseball works. It's not.

Harry Agganis: So? What happened Ballgame?

Ted Williams: Rook, I went six fer eight in a double header and finished the season hittin' a cool Four.... Oh..... wait for it now..... SIX. It was the least I could do.

Harry Agganis: That's .... wow. I'm only hittin' three-ten right now, Ballgame.

Ted Williams: Three n' ten. That's a full lot less than .406... 'aint it now, rook?

Just then manager Pinky Higgins approaches...

Pinky Higgins: Naw, listen naw, here naw.... Ted. Why you gotta to be scarin' my three hundred hitters with these stories about hittin' four hundred now fer?

Ted Williams: Listen here now, Pinky, I hit .406 in 1941 and not you, not this lint-picking rook, or anybody else can ever take it away from me! This "Golden Greek" is walkin' around Massachusetts like he's the second coming of some Greek God or some hokey business! I was lettin' this kid onto who I am and who I be, Pinky!

Harry Agganis: That's right Mr. Higgins, ol' Teddy Ballgame wasn't trying to scare me none or nothing he was just telling me about that time in 1941 that he managed to hit .406 despite salty Cronin tryin' his mighty-hottest best to dissuade him....

Pinky Higgins: Keep your voice down naw, son! Joe Cronin's gonna hear ya!

Just then, General Manager, Joe Cronin approaches...

Joe Cronin: Now who is it in here, in this here locka room, who thinks it's a smart-best of an idea to be calling the general manager of the baseball club he plays for... SALTY?

Ted Williams: Give this rube a break, Clutch. This rook wasn't trying to make a fool from you. I was just tellin' 'em 'bout that time I was hittin' a smidgen over .400 and when the last game of the season rolled on in... a double header mind you... now... I was....

Joe Cronin: Teddy Ballgame... I remember that day like it was nothing short n' hot but just only but yesterday is what it was.... now you see... it was a soft September's day if my memories 'aint takin' to lyin' to me ... not quite fall but not even quite spring but not exactly even quite winter but not even really quite summer all that much ... and we were going against that son-of-a-slime-bag Connie Mack and his lint-suckin' n' egg-lickin' Philla Delphee A's... the dirtiest and foulest team in the entire American League!

Ted Williams: That's right, now. 

Joe Cronin: Now, I told this here Teddy Ballgame, this right-now-here Splendid Splinter his own very self, right to his butt-ugly, blue-jowled, low-hangin', hog-bellied FACE... so he could rightly hear me in his penny-candy suckin' mouth and right on up to to his taxi-cab-doors-stickin'-out ears! I told him... I said, Teddy Ballgame... listen hard...   

Ted Williams: Oh yes, that's right, now. That's it.

Joe Cronin: I told this cow-milkin', chicken-pluckin', lanky, bull-sucking, egg-fryin', salty, meat-smokin', stew-cooking MULE of a MAN... that he should take his stubborn donkey ASS... and sit that stubborn ass DOWN on the PINE... and sit out the last n' final game of the season... so then the very next day you can get that record, read your name in the paper... and join the annals of history, Ballgame!

Harry Agganis: Golly.....

Ted Williams: Golly alright... but good thing I didn't take this rube's advice.

Joe Cronin: That's right, Ballgame. You answered back right n' hot... and I remember-hard what you said to me like it was nothing short of nothing-but-yesterday!

Harry Agganis: What did Teddy say to you, Mr. Joe?

Joe Cronin: Well now, son, I'll tell you what Ted said to me. He said, Joe, you salty son of a gun! Listen quick n' listen hard to this FOUR HUNDRED HITTER, NOW! If you think Teddy Ballgame has hit four hundred this season of nineteen and fourty and one by sittin' his mule-kicking donkey-ass on the splinterin' pine and watching other people play baseball... then you are rightly out of your lint-lickin' MIND, Joe Cronin... and you know what you can do? I then said to Ted... 'What can I do, Teddy'... and he said... you can go take a long extended up-and-down suck on the biggest dang jaw breaker candy you've ever looked at! Oh and if you still need to fasten your ugly maw over something to keep your peanut-sized-brain occupied, he said I could chase that lick by taking a long horizontal left n' right suck out of a dozen rotten eggs! Oh.... and then he told me if I wasn't completely satisfied-fully over lickin' at some candy and sucking on eggs... I could mosey on down to his uncle's barn and take good long diagonal sucking-on of a cow pat!

Ted Williams: No, now, Joe.... you made that last part up. I never told you to eat any dung or nothing you over exagertin' fool.

Harry Agganis: Golly now. I... I sure do want to hit four hundred, Ted.

Ted Williams: I know, Aggie... and with my help.... you will. You could maybe even hit.... five hundred.

Pinky Higgins: No! He can't!

Ted Williams: Yes he can PINK!

Rightly then... Harry Agganis felt a great deal of pain in his lungs... right out of nowhere ... as if he was being struck by intense lightning from the sky above straight into his chest!

Harry Agganis: Teddy! It's... it's my lungs! I.... I can't breathe, Ballgame!

Ted Williams: Get a doctor! Get doctor!

...but it was too late. Harry Agganis had died in his prime at the tender age of twenty-five.


Apollo: Nice shootin', sis.

Artemis: Thanks, Ap. I wonder why dad wants this weirdo in Olympus for. He's just some dirty mortal stink-wad.

Apollo: I over-heard mom talking with dad before... he's our half brother. He's half god. A Demi. That's Harry Agganis... The Golden Greek.

Artemis: Whatever. He'll be happier up here. Those "Red Sock" men seem one-step above farm animals.

Apollo: Yes and no... that tall guy down there you grazed with the arrow... that's Ted Williams. He hit .406 in 1941... and you know what, sis?

Artemis: What?

Apollo: He could've sat out the last game, which our historic annals record as being a double-header... that way, by sitting out, he was assured a place in the annals of time and space forever for his record...

Artemis: Mortals are so conceded! Why didn't he just sit out for? What's his problem?

Apollo: The world of mortals is confusing to us.... but it's not without its merits and valor, sister. I suggest you spend some time with your demi-brother, Harry Agganis, in the coming weeks. You may learn something about the mortal realm.

Artemis: He's so dirty looking.

Apollo: That's dirt from sliding into "second base."

Artemis: What's a Second... Base?

Apollo: A square-shaped form of iconography that humans aspire to reach. It represents 50% of their journey around this... diamond they fuss over.

Artemis: He's coming around.... Hi, there, Harry.

Harry Agganis: My chest, my lungs, I can breathe, again. Where am I? Where's Teddy Ballgame?

Artemis: You're in heaven, brother. I'll show you around. Ap seems to think I should mingle with mortals... I want to... see what you weirdos are all about.

Harry Agganis: This is heaven? It's so nice up here. You guys... have baseball in heaven?

Apollo: We play softball. It's easier. My dad, Zeus, hit .380 last year.

Harry Agganis: That's pretty good.... I got this guy on my team....Teddy....

Artemis and Apollo: OH MY GOD!! WE KNOW!!

 

To be Continued.................

(Chapter 1 Continues)....

Harry Agganis: So, seein' as I'm in heaven and everything... I guess... I'm uuuh..... you know....gone right?

Apollo: No, you were summoned by Zeus, he wants to ask you stuff about baseball... help us win a big game and then we can put you back down "there" after you're done.

Harry Agganis: Really!? That's great. I play for the Red Sox and I gotta get back down and help the guys try and win some games this year.

Apollo: We need you on our team for a while.

Harry Agganis: That sounds swell and all but, I already got a team, and....

Artemis: Those heathen Red Socked men are utterly classless! Why would you choose lowly life forms as them over us? Come, let me show you around Olympus before you wish to go back to your weird and sweaty mortal world.

Artemis took Harry Agganis around Mount Olympus, she showed him the vast orchards, the long-lasting flowing rivers of gold, the babbling brooks of myrrh, the scenic mountain ranges of the Gods... the aromas of Heaven were new to Harry Agganis... he never smelt such finery in his life.

Harry Agganis: Gee, golly, these orchards they sure do smell nice. Back home we got orchards but they sure don't smell this good.

Artemis: You're so filthy.... it is the first time I have ever seen a man covered in dirt.

Harry Agganis: You folks zapped me right after a big game! I was 2 fer 4! Two hits! I slid right into second base for a double... that's why my uniform looks all dirty.

Artemis: Tell me more about this second base....

Harry Agganis: Well, now, lady, there's four bases. First, second, third, n' home. You gotta go through them all to score some runs and win some games.

Artemis: Are there any monsters guarding these stations of your trials?

Harry Agganis: No.

Artemis: You won't last even one inning in our soft ball games, then, I'm afraid. Our matches have only three stations ... first, middle, and last station... and each is guarded by a monstrous demon. First station is protected by the Mighty Minotaur.... the second station is guarded by the ghastly Hyper Chimera... and the last station is guarded by the Silver Hydra.... a three headed fire-breathing demi-demon.

Harry Agganis: Golly!

Harry Agganis didn't really perceive the danger he was in. He was a demi-god but he lived his whole life on earth and had no experiences with any of the creatures of the realms outside his own. He never had to fight a Medusa lady or wrestle or a horse-man or anything of the sort. He walked politely behind Artemis over a marble bridge which connected the orchard to the baths.

Artemis: This is the bath, now take off those filthy clothes and make yourself look presentable. Apollo will come when the Softball match is about to begin. You will hit cleanup after our... I mean my... Father, Zeus.

Harry Agganis took off his filthy Red Sox uniform and jumped into the marble bath which was over flowing with hot bubbly heavenly water of the Gods. It felt great. Demi-Gods came in and poured more hot water from jade pitchers every ten or so minutes. It was like being in Heaven.

Harry Agganis: Gosh, I didn't eat nothing after the game on a count of Teddy tellin' me about that time in 1941 that he hit .406 even though he coulda sat out the last game... darn... I'm so hungry. I... better go back over the marble bridge over there and back to that orchard... I'm sure these kindly folk wouldn't mind if I ate myself a few of those fruits or three.

Harry Agganis got out of the marble bath, made his way back over the marble bridge, which connected the bath to the orchard... he found his clothes... they were washed and folded.... he put them back on.... and walked into the orchard.

Harry Agganis: So many peaches, fresh smellin' too, I never smelled anything this good. I wonder if they make peach cobbler up here in Olympus like my grandma does. Mmmmmm.... guess nobody around.... I guess nobody gonna care if I just grab a couple of these peaches and eat 'em up.

He took some peaches off of the trees and bit into them. They tasted amazing. His whole body shook and his brain expanded... he felt like a new person. They were good peaches.

Apollo made his way to Harry Agganis... Harry quickly threw the peach pits behind the tree.

Apollo: It's time. Our Softball Match is beginning.... you just have to help us defeat Hades and then you can go back home to your mortal existence.

Harry Agganis: Sounds great boss!

Harry was to hit behind Zeus in the lineup. He was nervous about the Hydra, the Chimera, and the Minotaur that Artemis spoke of.... but he felt amazing. Whatever he did recently made him feel like a million bucks! He had the confidence of ten thousand men and the strength of fifty thousand.....

To Be Continued.....



Harry Agganis strolled nonchalantly towards the softball colosseum. It was quite impressive. It was nestled in the mountainous ranges of Olympus... almost as if it was a naturally occurring field un-altered by any creature's hands yet only of Nature itself. Surrounding the field on the southern side near home plate, or "Final Station" as it was referred in the realm, was a moat of ever-flowing crystallized water which sparkled like dew in the warm light of the majestic sun.

Harry Agganis saw the opposing team for the first time, which was made up of Gods and Demi-Gods from the underworld. They were not very beautiful like the Gods he had met so far. Hades, had teeth like iron rods, a cloak of flame, and a gaze of true evil intent.

The teams had only four players each. One pitcher and three guards. The field was not a diamond yet almost vertical. After you hit the soft ball... you had to run to each station which was guarded by a God of the opposing team.

The batter was out if the ball was caught by a guard. If a ground ball was thrown to a station there was no force play... the runner and the guard had to fight in deathly combat. This particular rule frightened Harry Agganis to some degree....


Harry Agganis: Fight in deathly combat? Gee whiz. Are you sure?

Artemis: Yes, if I were you, I'd tell Zeus you can't cut the mustard and bow out before the goings get physical, human.

Harry Agganis: Hey now! You're talking to Harry Agganis, now! I 'aint some country-born rube from the rustics! I'm the first man from Boston U to ever be named All American!

Artemis: All American? More like All Schmamerican! This is Olympus up here, man! Apollo, can you explain to this rube what's at stake here? Namely his weird, dirty, mortal life?

Apollo: Ok, look Harry Agganis, you spent your whole life down on dopey earth... you aren't powerful at all. You'll be torn apart at the first station in the first inning by the Minotaur of Hades... that's even assuming you can hit Hades's fire-lava curveballs. This was a mistake, we never should have shot you through the lungs with an arrow from Heaven just so you can play one measly softball game. I'll put you back down now.... or if you want to watch the game, you can, but from the pine... and I'll send you back after.

Harry Agganis: Hey, now. Hold on. Lemme tell you nice-smellin' Gods'a'Heaven something....

A story sparked inside of Harry Agganis's head like a bolt of lightning!

Harry Agganis: You fellers have any hard candy up here?

Artemis: We have the jujubes of the Gods from the Jujube Orchards of Dionysus.

Harry Agganis: Well, now, lemme tell you something... you can take the biggest and the rock-hardest of those hard jujubes and give it a long extended up-and-down suck!

Apollo: !!!!!

Harry Agganis: Now listen to this! If you still 'aint satisfied-none from that lickin'! Then you can chase that lick by takin' a longer-more horizontal left n' right suck out of.... a DOZEN ROTTEN EGGS!

Artemis: !!!!!!!!!!

Harry Agganis: I am Harry Agganis... and Harry Agganis don't ride on no pine n' watch other people play Heavenly Softball on Mount Olympus, ya understand? I'm gonna get out there and play my heart out and help you guys win!

Over hearing all of this was Zeus who approached them....

Zeus: That's great to hear, Harry Agganis, I could use more guys like you on my softball team.

Harry Agganis: Don't fret none, Big Z. Hey now, when you trot out there before me and I'm on the on-deck circle takin' some practice cuts... take a few pitches... so I can see up-close what kinda stuff this lava-ball guy has. I 'aint never had to whack at no on-fire-like balls before. I need to see a few before I can whack on some.

Zeus: No problem, Harry Agganis.

Harry Agganis marched to the field with the confidence of 10 thousand bulls....

Apollo: Uh, is it a good idea to let this mortal man face Hades and those incredible and fantastic monsters from the under world?

Zeus: No.... but something about this Harry Agganis impresses me. He was the first person from Boston U to ever make it All American, you know.

Artemis: Ya, we know.

The game started and was uneventful until the second inning. Artemis, Apollo, and Zeus all went down in order by popping out, flying out, and striking out to end the first. Zeus was mad. He didn't like striking out and he only did, in his eyes, because he took TWO strikes down the middle to let Harry Agganis see what kind of stuff Hades was throwing. Zeus kept himself from striking down Harry Agganis with a Bolt of Judgement... but not by much. The fans, the opposing team, and his team mates could sense how close Harry Agganis was to being electrified by divine wrath... yet Harry Agganis was wistfully unawares.

The bottom of the first went well. Zeus struck out the side... which was good... because any one of the monsters would have decapitated Harry Agganis if there was a play at First Station of which he was guarding.

Harry Agganis: Golly. Looks like I'm leadin' off this one, guys!

Harry Agganis unhooked the sheath on his belt which held his mighty bat...

Apollo: Hold on, Harry Agganis, you can't use earthly mortal tools up here... Hades will burn that piece of cheap earthen firewood to a hellish crisp.

Harry Agganis: No, he won't. This bat was entrusted to me when I used to work at the docks. A really really drunk Scandinavian guy gave me this. It don't burn, freeze, or nothing. It's made with Scandinavian wood, I think.

Artemis: May I see this earthen ware?

Harry Agganis: Yeah.

Harry Agganis handed her the bat... she inspected it closely with the divine knowledge of her seventh sense... she saw an engraving near the handle which could be made out as....

Artemis: Mjolnir?

Harry Agganis: Yessum, lady. I reckon that's right. That's what the drunken bearded guy from the docks called it... it's a powerful piece'a'wood from uhhhh Norwegia or some-like foreign place. He told me he won some kinda of a Rag Naw Rock with it.

Apollo: Let him use it. We can laugh when Hades turns it into the Ashes of Yesterday.

Harry Agganis walked, confidently to Final Station to hit, carrying his mighty bat Mjolnir....

Zeus: I remember Ragnarok, it was okay... I guess. Some okay parties after it was over... nothing too cool though, really. Some neanderthal gods got drunk and hit each other with sticks for a few decades. Hmmm.... I wonder why Harry Agganis wields one of the mightiest of sticks.

Harry Agganis settled into the batter's box and took some practice swings with Mjolnir. Hades, the pitcher, looked him over, laughed, and had the impure and pretty evil thought to throw a lava-laced ball right at Harry Agganis's thick skull.

Hades wound up and launched a big wet lava-laced fastball! Harry Agganis caught on quickly and dodged out of the way quickly. Hades was mad... and everyone in attendance was mightily surprised.

Artemis: He could foresee the softball's trajectory geometrically on his FIRST TRY!? I have been studying archery, angles, trajectories, and divine shapes for seven million years and I got fire-whacked on the hip the first time I stepped into the box against Hades!

Apollo: Yeah, me too.

Zeus: You ever thought maybe you two just suck, though?

Hades was so angry. He was now behind in the count one-and-oh... he didn't really want to burn another pitch and go behind 2-0... but then he figured it didn't really matter if this guy got lucky and drew a base-on-balls his first try.... it probably would not alter the outcome of the game. He was getting annoyed at himself for over thinking things, too.

Hades: Damn it! Damn it all to my HELL! I agreed to this game again this year but I'm too old for this! I just want to go back down to the under world and pour some hot wax on some sinners!

Harry Agganis: Calm down now, demon man. You think you're the first guy who's tried to throw a baseball at Harry Agganis, All American? I don't think so, demon. Now how 'bout you go down in the count two and oh and let one fly loose again, daddy!

Hades was very angry.....

Hades: You want some more?

Harry Agganis: TIME!

Harry Agganis called for time out and asked the umpire to inspect the last ball Hades threw...

Harry Agganis: You coatin' that sucka! That ball is FULL of LAVA! Stop cheatin' demon!

Harry Agganis's claims were not upheld by the heavenly officials and play resumed. Harry Agganis understood that if cheatin' was on the table... then you had to fight fire-with-fire... he reached behind his left ear... which was usually caked with a mix of sand, grease, and pine tar...but then he remembered something...

Harry Agganis: Oh no! That God lady made me take a bath in that marble tub! Those naked ladies poured hot heaven-water all over my hair! My pine tar!? It's gone! OH NO!

Harry Agganis's timing and confidence were now shot. Not having pine tar on his hands worried him, greatly. Hades wound up, launched a burning lava ball which struck Harry Agganis in the ribs!

Harry Agganis: Ouch!

Harry Agganis was awarded first station from the heavenly umpire for the hit-batsman and jogged calmly to first station... where he greeted the Minotaur kindly.

Harry Agganis: Ti Kanis. How's it going, man?

The Minotaur glared at him with burning eyes of hatred... but could not wrestle Harry Agganis and attempt to dismember the human because the play was dead on account of the hit-by-pitch.

Artemis: Why is he not dead? Why is he alive for?

Apollo: Why wasn't his corporeal mortal flesh simmered into a melting, savory, roast or even into the Ashes of Yesterday?

Zeus: It's your turn again, Art. You're holding up the game. Stop being jealous of Harry Agganis.... All American.

Artemis was weirded out and mad.... which worked well for her because she homered to left-center. Harry Agannis waved to the Hyper Chimera and then kindly nodded to all three heads of the Silver Hydra on his free pass around the stations.

Hades was furious. He marched over to Harry Agganis on his way to the Last Station before he scored the fist run of the match.

Hades: Hey, do you have some kind of a problem or something? Who the hell are you anyways!?

Harry Agganis: I'm Harry Agganis.

Hades was seething and searing. He was internally cooking himself like a two dollar steak! Harry Agganis crossed Final Station and Olympus lead 1-0, followed closely by Artemis, and it was 2-0.

Apollo and Zeus both struck out. Hades was so mad he was throwing flaming beach balls of death at them and it threw their timing off and they were behind on all their swings. Six pitches, all strikes, two outs, in a row for Hades.

Harry Agganis was getting tired and hungry. He was due for his second at bat of the inning and being hit by that flaming pitch took a step or two out of him. He pulled out two peaches he had in his pants and ate them.... he quickly kicked the pits under the pine bench of the dugout.... but Artemis saw him!

Artemis: Harry Agganis! What were you eating!?

Harry Agganis: Nuthin'....why?

Artemis: Harry Agganis.... were those peach pits?

Harry Agganis: No.

Artemis: Harry....Agganis.... this is Olympus. You cannot lie to actual GODS... did you eat peaches just now?

Harry Agganis: Yessum, your highness.

Apollo: How many?

Harry Agganis: Like one... maybe two.

Artemis: How many!?

Harry Agganis: But...I was so hungry, your highship! I was hungry like a wolf! I didn't eat nothing since I've been dead and... you guys don't have any cheeseburger joints up here in heaven on the count that I guess cheeseburgers are for lowly mortal types and you types are too highfalutin' to have any cheeseburger joints... so... naturally I quenched my deep almost-insatiable hunger with a few bites of some peaches from that orchard back there over that bridge. I was so hungry ... I musta ate about fifty!

Apollo: Whoa, whoa, whoa....whooooooa, now. You've eaten fifty Longevity Peaches today?

Harry Agganis: Is that bad?

Artemis: It's severely and insanely illegal what you have done, Harry Agganis....

Harry Agganis gulped.......





Intermission

Let's take a break from chapter one, as PUZZLING EVIDENCE has emerged in the case of which my story is very loosely based on. This evidence is not only puzzling but it has left me perturbed.... in many ways.

In seems in 1993, Telly Savalas, told this story on video. This is straight from Telly Savalas! It is not based on conjectures or sewn-together hand-me-down my-friend's-friend's-friend-told-somebody "facts"... this following account of Telly Savalas's ghost story is fully-fledge FACT and has not only shed light on many miscategorized details of how this story has been passed down over the generations ... but it also seems to confirm that Harry Agganis NEVER in fact drove Telly Savalas to the airport in a Black Cadillac... in fact it seems... from this newly uncovered Puzzling Evidence that the ghost in question was NOT, repeat NOT, Harry Agganis!

Here is the Puzzling Evidence in question:

Hmmmm. It appears Telly Savalas was visited by a phantom... but not Harry Agganis's phantom.... but instead by James "Jimmy" Cullen's phantom.

This casts a serious plot hole in my story.... and to be honest... I feel that my story may no longer have the historically-correct credentials to continue... and if my short story leading into Halloween does continue... it very likely will not be how it was originally conceived and structured in my head... because I can't fill this plot hole....

My story was originally based on the premise that the phantom of Harry Agganis drove Telly Savalas to the airport. Not even the airport is mentioned in Telly's account... he is referring to White Castle (burger joint in USA) in his account which is even MORE PUZZLING.

All in all, this unearthed evidence is very puzzling to say the least.

How does it bode for my short story? I don't know.... I think I will finish it.... but it will be significantly altered from my original idea.

Stay tuned....



New Story Game Plan

Alright, so, on account of my original game plan for this story being de-railed by the most Puzzling of Evidence... I will devise a new game plan for this story as, now, even I'm confused...and I'm the one writing it.

Okay, so this entry will now be two stories that will be unwrapping themselves side-by-side, alternating-between-them, chapter-by-chapter... and then both stories will converge, merge, and synthesize in the final entry.... becoming One.

The third part of the original game plan has been cut/kiboshed... also I am changing Telly Savalas's character into Kojak.... and am adding Kolchak to keep things running smoothly.

So, we will have two stories, "Harry Agganis: Champion of Olympus" and now "Kojak meets Kolchak: A Network Premier! Just in Time for Halloween!"

(Note: Kolchak and Kojak never guest starred on either's respective shows. However, Telly Savalas's less-famous younger brother George Savalas DID appear in the episode of Kolchak where a Greek Goddess runs a computer-dating service in the hopes of finding perfect-looking hot-guys to drain their youth to keep her immortality going. I think George Savalas will make a guest appearance in my story, as well. I might need a cab driver who is versed in Greek Mythology at some point.)

So, let's give this story a set game plan now... and even if any more Puzzling Evidence is unearthed we shall not let it alter the course as it will now be set in stone. Okay so the index for this is:

Chapter 1: The Golden Greek Goes Upstairs
Intermission
New Story Game Plan
Chapter 2: Kojak Meets Kolchak: A Network Premier! Just in Time for Halloween!
Second Intermission
Chapter 3: Trouble in Olympus and Hades! Our Thrilling Conclusion!

Alright, so, we shall now leave Harry Agganis in Olympus for now... don't worry.... we'll get back to our favorite All American as the story progresses... nextly, however is.....




Chapter 2
Kojak meets Kolchak! A Network Premier! Just in Time for Halloween!

Stay tuned!

Buckle up... even I'm excited for this!

Chicago, Illinois.... The windy city...

Carl Kolchak, the nation's preeminent reporter/monster-hunter is typing furiously like a man who's entire soul was possessed to his very core with the power of literature in its greatest form!

Tick, tack, tick, tack, tack, tack, SPACE, tick, tack, tack, tick, SPACE, tack, tack.... DING... he was hitting the keys of his typewriter like never before... never had a story idea captivated this writer so much that he could feel the essence of the story blooming like a beautiful flower in his mind as he typed it out... his finger tips raced along the typewriter creating a furious tempest of words!

It was an article about the Jiangshi he recently locked horns with in the alley behind the all-night all-you-can-eat Chinese place he liked to eat at....

"The Jiangshi, was no stranger to the darkness, it seemed being in the darkness of the night was second nature to this fabled energy-draining floating individual, he moved with the quickness of an alley cat and the stealth of a jaguar. I was somewhat sluggish, as I had just eaten numerous egg rolls, fried rice, chicken wings, and spare ribs at the all-night restaurant I had dined in.

I picked up some empty boxes and through it at the Jiangshi! It momentarily was stunned and confused that I would do something so ill-thought-out.... The Jiangshi floated towards me with the palest hands of death outstretched! Outstretched and coming gradually closer and closer! It wanted his pale hands around my neck so it could strangle me and steal my energy...."

Just then the head of INS, the wire-news service Kolchak was currently employed at, Tony Vincenzo, approached.... he was eating a donut....

Tony Vincenzo: Hey there Carl. How's your report on this month's not-to-be-missed picnics coming along?

Kolchak: Oh, just fine, spectacular! Fantastic! I can't wait to read it, myself, Tony.

Tony Vincenzo: So you went to all of them? You went to the Polish bazaar, The Hungarian thing, the Slovakian one, and the Greek one too?

Kolchak: Oh sure... wouldn't miss them for the world. I experienced each one to the fullest and will type out a terrific article detailing which ones are not to be missed.

Tony Vincenzo: You went to all of them, huh? That's funny because... I'd assume a guy sent to try food at all sorts of picnics would amass a pretty hefty expense sheet for me to sign off on, now wouldn't he?

Kolchak: Oooooh, well that's not right of me to do something like that... to foot a great guy like you with the bill for me eating cabbage rolls and all that.... I'm not that kind of person... you know that, Tony.

Tony Vincenzo: I have one, on the yellow sheet, an expense from you, it's from yesterday night, on my desk, from Wang's All Night... which is funny, Carl.... I don't have any for any picnics. Not an expense from a picnic from you, at all... now why is that?

Kolchak: That's strange. Maybe someone misplaced them. Maybe Miss Emily mixed them up with her cross-words.... I don't know.

Tony Vincenzo ripped the paper right out of the typewriter as Kolchak was typing and read it aloud...

Tony Vincenzo: "...I somersaulted over some more boxes, quickly climbed a fence, and finally lost that Jiangshi!?"

Kolchak: Yes, that, uh, that was at the Hungarian one... the Hungarian Fair... I uhhh.... had to escape from uhh.....

Tony Vincenzo: Carl! Is this about another Vampire!?

Kolchak: No, no, no. Not at all.

Tony Vincenzo: CARL! You wrote about a vampire last month! You know I can't run this stuff!

Kolchak: But you saw that vampire, last time, with your own two eyes, Tony! You even helped me drive the stake through its heart!

Tony Vincenzo: It doesn't matter if it happened or didn't happen! The feds are gonna freak out on me if I run this story, Carl!

Kolchak: I hear ya, Tony. I understand... I'll get right on the story about the picnics that we shouldn't miss this picnic season. I hear the Polish one is really something this time around. They got six different pierogi stands, I heard.

Tony Vincenzo: Good... and no vampires!

Kolchak: It wasn't a vampire! This time! It was a Jiangshi! An energy-drainer from China that's even more stronger than your average walkin' aroun' regular run-of-the-mill vampire!

Tony Vincenzo: I'm gonna have a heart attack!

Kolchak: Maybe cut back on the donuts, Tony....

Miss Emily, the elderly woman who wrote the cross-words for INS, approaches...

Miss Emily: There's a phone call from New York City for you Carl... it's a police officer. Is everything all right?

Tony Vincenzo: NYPD!? What did you do this time!? If you get thrown in the slammer again, Carl, I'm not bailing you out this time!

Kolchak: I haven't been to New York in months... not since I broke up that Alien abduction racket. Let me see what this all about.

Kolchak picked up the telephone...

Voice on Telephone: Hey, yeah, is this Carl Kolchak of INS? The guy who wrote the thing about the Energy Phantoms?

Kolchak: The one and only....

Voice on Telephone: Ok, now, look... I have a story for you. It happened about twenty years ago, I guess, in the late or maybe mid-fifties, I think. It's a little strange but... would you like to hear it?

Kolchak: Sure.

Voice on Telephone: Alright then, I will tell it to you. I was at this White Castle on Long Island after running out of gas after a hot date with a beautiful lady....

Kolchak: Sounds nice.

Voice on Telephone: I ate a couple of sliders, some wavy fries, a shake... and the guy at the register told me where the closest gas station was... and where I could get a can and buy some gas... after I payed for the meal... I walked out.... I should've known then that I was broke.... and I really shouldn't have bought any burgers there.

Kolchak: Alright....were the burgers any good? We don't have that chain here. I've never tried that place.

Voice on Telephone: Yes, they're very simple burgers. The chain started in Minnesota, I think... you must have them in Chicago... maybe you just never uhhh.... found the time to check one out... but that's not important. You see, after I left the burger joint to go get some gas.... a voice called out to me....

Kolchak: A voice? What sort of a voice, officer?

Voice on Telephone: The most high-pitched and bizarre voice I've ever heard, Mr. Kolchak. It said as if out of nowhere...."Caaaan I giiiiiive you a liiiiiiift?"... so I turned to my left... and...

Kolchak: Wait, where were you when this voice said this....

Voice on Telephone: Uuuuhhhhm.... there were trees but it wasn't the woods, really... more like a wooded-area, I'd call it. Yeah, a wooded-area.

Kolchak: Ok.

Voice on Telephone: It was a man in a white suit driving a black Cadillac... I got in the car with him .... and he started driving me to the gas station.... and that's when I realized I spent my last few bucks on burgers and fries... and I was looking for money that I'd need to buy a can and some gas... when this man in the white suit says... "I'll giiiiive you a dollaaaaaaaar!" 

Kolchak: That's a nice gesture, officer.

Voice on Telephone: Yes, it was. We got to the gas station, I went in and got a can... got some gas... went back to this man's Cadillac... and he started drivin' me back to my car....but then he said something....

Kolchak: What did he say?

Voice on Telephone: The strangest thing, Mr. Kolchak. It was just downright bizarre to me what he said. He said... "Dooooo yoooooooooou know Harry Agganis?" in the most spooky voice you can ever imagine. We weren't even talking about baseball, though!

Kolchak: The Red Sock?

Voice on Telephone: Yes! He goes "Heeeeeeee's a first baaaaaaaaaasman for the Red Soooooooox" in a manner so bizarre my skin crawled and my bones chilled, Mr. Kolchak!

Kolchak: Sure! I know that guy. He was on the Sox around when Ted Williams was really hittin' well back then.

Voice on Telephone: Yeah, that's right. Ted Williams... you know that year he hit .406 he could've sat out the last game and still hit over .400, baby?

Kolchak: It was a double-header! He went six for eight in it!

Voice on Telephone: I know! It was something wasn't it!? Anyways, the next day I read in the papers.... "Golden Greek: Goes Upstairs" in the uhhhh.... The American Journal paper, I think. The day after this high-pitched guy tells me he knows this guy! There was no radio in the car or anything! How could he have known this!?

Kolchak: Wait... there was NO radio in the car?

Voice on Telephone: None, whatsoever, baby. None.

Kolchak: That's amazing! Then what happened.

Voice on Telephone: You're never gonna believe this part, Kolchak... I remembered the guy lent me a buck to buy a can and some gas... n' he gave me his name n' number on this piece of paper so I could pay him back. I called it up.... the next day.... and someone answers and they go..."Jimmy's bar"... right? So I go, Kolchak now listen to this okay....I go, "let me talk to James Cullen, please."

Kolchak: That was the guy's name who drove you to the gas station and told you about the tragic demise of Harry Agganis?

Voice on Telephone: Yes. It was the name on the paper, James Cullen, so, the lady goes, the lady on the other line from uhhh Jimmy's Bar, she goes... "You sonnova! Who's this!? Jimmy's been dead for three whole years now!"

Kolchak: NO!? No way.....

Voice on Telephone: Yes! Yes way, Kolchak! I couldn't let it rest so I bought her tickets and flew her down to New York.... I took her out to this lovely French restaurant and we had wine, baguettes, and some filet mignon.... and uhhh....

Kolchak: What'd you get for dessert?

Voice on Telephone: It's so long ago, Kolchak... I mean this was nineteen fifty maybe six? Maybe nineteen fifty seven, maybe? Fifty eight, even. We had, I think, orange sorbet... yes, it was. Orange sorbet. Anyways, this is what's really gonna get you now... okay? You ready?

Kolchak: I was born ready!

Voice on Telephone: Okay... listen to this, now. She has this paper, right, from when James Cullen was in the army with his signature on it. It said "Jimmy" not "James" on it... but other than that? Exactly the same writing!

Kolchak: Incredible! Go on.

Voice on Telephone: Now, here comes the piece-de-resistance, baby. Listen to this.... that white suit he was wearing?

Kolchak: Yeah?

Voice on Telephone: She goes... that's the suit he was buried in!

Kolchak: No!

Voice on Telephone: Oh yes.... and I asked her about the high-pitched spooky voice and she told me he never had that, he had more of a silky deep voice, like smooth satin, like mine... but... guess how this guy died?

Kolchak: I don't know....

Voice on Telephone: Guess....

Kolchak: Did a shape shifting doppelganger steal his life essence?

Voice on Telephone: Nope. He shot himself through the neck... right in the voice... like right in the voice box. You know?

Kolchak: That would definitely explain the high pitch of his voice.... but what does Harry Agganis have to do with all this, officer?

Voice on Telephone: That's why I'm calling you. I haven't figured it out and it's been bothering me for almost 20 years now. I need to fly out to Chicago so we can tackle this case together, baby. So I can put my mind at ease.

Kolchak: I have a lot on my plate right now, officer. I have to figure out how to seal this Jiangshi into some sort of a runic barrier so I can pepper him with jujube seeds and seal his mouth with salt.... and oh... my boss wants me to go to these picnics... a lot, a lot, a lot... of picnics around Chicago... and see which ones are "can't miss" this year... so... maybe next month.... or....

Voice on Telephone: Listen, I'm a reasonable man. Now, I need to get this off my mind, baby, okay? We can work something out, can't we?

Kolchak: I can't put off these picnics any longer... Tony's gonna can me.... and I can't lose this job because I'm persona-non-grata at every wire-service except INS... plus... on top of that.... this Jiangshi is running amok in this town.... sequestering innocents ... and way-laying tourists.... and draining the energy of just so many people... I can't right now.... officer.

Voice on Telephone: Okay, okay, okay. Let's talk this over. You know I love ya, baby. We can work something out. Lemme help you with these picnics and then with the... what is it?

Kolchak: It's sort of like a vampire but it doesn't suck blood ... it drains life force... and it can't fly around like a bat... it just hops around like a hopping uhhhh....

Voice on Telephone: Okay it's a hopping vampire. Okay. We'll apprehend this guy. No problem. What about these picnics you got lined up before my case... how can we knock off all these picnics, Kolchak?

Kolchak: That's a tough one. I already missed the Polish one, the Hungarian one, and all the other ones. The only one left is the Greek one and they kicked me out of it last year because I threw up. I can't go to any of these now... and my deadline for this article is next week.

Voice on Telephone: Coochie-coo, don't fret the small stuff, sweet heart. You know I love ya. Now listen, you're getting into that Greek picnic, without issue, trust me, and you're finishing that article... because I'm gonna be there with you... and nobody's ever kept Theodopolus Kojak out of a Greek picnic!

Kolchak: Theo! Friend! Why didn't you tell me!? If you can get me into the Greek picnic, I can write an article about it... something easy like "This Year's Can't Miss Picnic: Read this to Find Out Which One!" ... and I'll chunk out about four-fifty or-so words on the Greek one being the only one you shouldn't miss this year... and then with that off the docket... I just have to trap the Jiangshi... and then...

Kojak: ...You can help me solve my case! I can't wait, Kolchak... we're gonna have so much fun at this picnic, baby. You're gonna love it!

Kolchak: Sure. I'll be awaiting for your arrival in Chicago, Theo.

Kojak: Please, baby, you know me now... call me Kojak, Kolchak. I'm comin' your way... and I'm gonna turn your darkest night into day!

Kolchak: Alright. I'll see you soon, Kojak. Take care.

Kojak: Ok, bye.

Just then Tony Vincenzo, approaches....

Tony Vincenzo: Carl, I couldn't help over hearing....

Kolchak: You were spying on me, Tony!? How could you?

Tony Vincenzo: Kolchak.... you and this Kojak guy better get to that picnic and knock out that piece on what picnics the people shouldn't want to miss this picnic season.... or you're fired. Gonzo, capiche?

Kolchak: Yeah, I hear ya, loud n' clear, Tony.


To Be Continued.......




Second Intermission

Let's take a fifteen minute pause a bit earlier from this story and do the Second Intermission. I remember stopping my "The Journey" story one year when Dick Miller passed away to eulogize the icon and tell the world, once again, how much I liked the film Gremlins 2.

Gotta stop this story to write about another icon who passed away. Norm MacDonald. I searched my blog and he's mentioned in a whopping FIFTEEN articles on here. I was that big a fan of him.

He influenced me, greatly, and honestly it's not hard to notice this.... if you scroll up and read that telephone call between Kojak and Kolchak and read it as Norm MacDonald talking to Conan O'Brien... you'll see that even basic things like pauses, pacing and really small things of him influenced me.

In fact, even this story I'm writing right now is somewhat influenced by him, for my deep interest in the coolness of Telly Savalas started when I heard Norm MacDonald tell a story about how Telly Savalas would buy a cup of coffee with his last dollar after a night of hard gamblin' and would look up to the sky and yell "I FEEL CLEAN!" (when he had no money to his name). I wrote about this before on here but I don't think I mentioned that I heard this in an interview with Norm MacDonald, that story.

Similar to Jean Shepherd who I often admit is a great influence on my writing style... Norm is up there with Jean and higher up even. He's my number one influence on style, I would say.

I see everyone just pouring out love on Twitter for him. The only other time I saw so many peers in the Comedy World act so in unison and in love for a peer of their world was with Fred Willard and when he passed, I'd say. There really are people in Show Business who are genuinely loved like that by their peers.

I think people talking about his SNL days are a little misplaced on how he would've wanted to be remembered. He was an avid reader and writer. I think he would want people to read his book, "Norm MacDonald Based on a True Story: A Memoir" ... which I've read more than once... I think it's that good.

If that story was ever turned into a movie, I'd think he'd want the most handsome actor in Hollywood to portray Norm MacDonald in Based on a True Story. That would be fitting and a great way to keep his legacy goin'.

He was the Greatest.





Now Let us Resume,

Chapter 2 Continues!

Meanwhile in the Big Apple.... New York City...


Kojak: Hey Crocker, Stavros....

Stavros: What is it?

Crocker: .....?

Kojak: Tell Frank I'm gonna be out of town for a while... a big case.

Stavros: What's the case?

Kojak: It's personal business.... this time... and it's something I just gotta do, Stavros.

Stavros: You haven't taken a vacation all year. It's a good idea, Kojak. We'll cover for ya. We'll close the case you were working on.... count on us.

Crocker: That case is already cold. Don't worry, Kojak. Whatever you need to do... go n' do it.

Kojak: Thanks, Crocker.... and hey Stavros.... you know who loves ya, right?

Stavros: By now... I oughtta know. See you later, Kojak.

Kojak boarded the first plane to Chicago, the windy city, departing from New York, the big apple. He arrived slightly earlier than expected yet made his way to the fair grounds just the same. He hailed a cab and started his advance unto Greektown in the Near West Side. He talked a bit to the driver, talkin' nice, bleh-bleh-bleh, nothing important.

He arrived at the fairgrounds in Greektown. He made his way to the Taste of the Islands fair. He thought it would be a good idea to do a little recon-work while waiting for Kolchak to arrive at the designated time.

The Greektown fairgrounds were magnificent to the eyes. Endless people swarming in and tasting all the great foods from the Islands. It was a real sight to behold.

He made his way to a fellow at the greeting-gate who was telling people to come to the fair. Kojak made some pleasantries and hellos... the man informed him that he was not there only to welcome people to the picnic but also to keep all of the banned guys out of it.

Kojak: Ti Kanis, man. What's your name?

Man: Nikos, man.

Kojak: Hey Nikos... where ya from in Greece, baby?

Nikos: My family? They come from Zakynthos, man.

Kojak: Zakynthos!? I love that place! The beaches? Forget about it... they're amazing.

Nikos: I know. Hey, you comin' to the picnic? It's gonna be great.

Kojak: Yes, but, listen, you're the guy who keeps out the bums and the roughnecks, right?

Nikos: Yes, that's me.

Kojak: Last year, you kick out any guys who might've, you know, threw up, maybe?

Nikos: Oh yeah! This one guy, this silly lookin' guy, this guy. He wore this ugly suit and had a straw fedora. This guy, get this... this guy drank ouzo like he didn't even know what it was. He thought it was like some candy water or something, maybe... and I tell this guy... I go 'Yo, guy! You can't drink the ouzo like it's some candy water, guy!' and he don't listen to me. Not at all. Nothing. Then, he go to the moussaka stand and he fallin' over and everythin' ... so I go to this guy... I go 'Hey man! You can't eat a buncha moussaka after drinkin' that much ouzo, man!' ... and he just say something' like he don't care for my great advice....

Kojak: Hmmmm, so he tossed that moussaka?

Nikos: No! He ate like crazy... he goes something-like 'Tony's payin' for this!' to me... and then he goes to get some souvlaki... and I'm like... this guy's gonna friggin' barf... a lot.

Kojak: So it was the souvlaki that finally pushed him to his eating limit?

Nikos: No, man. He goes then to get a coupla dolmades... and he goes to me, 'what are these things? They're pretty good' ... and I go ... 'it's some dolmades, man. That's wrapped up in a grape leaf, guy' ... and he looks at me... and he goes 'wait... I'm eating grape leaves!? I thought these were CABBAGE ROLLS!' .... and then this guy pukes everywhere! Like, everywhere!

Kojak: Hmmm, so he's definitely not allowed back to the Taste of these Islands thing, this year?

Nikos: Not a chance. No dice. He puked.... waaaaaay too much, last year.

Kojak: Hey listen, I'll make it worth your while if you let that guy in, this year.

Nikos: My while? What you mean?

Kojak flashed a cool fifty dollar note... and then quickly put it back in his pocket.

Nikos: Grant? He's a nice guy, this guy.... but I don't know... he's not really my favorite President.

Kojak flashed a hundred dollar note in front of Nikos's eyes...

Nikos: Oh, now Mr. Franklin? Now, this guy... I really like this guy!

Kojak: Hold on, baby, did I ever tell you....I'm ALSO from Zakynthos?

Nikos: What? No way!? Hey, keep your fresh Franklin, okay? Look, I didn't know you were from where I'm from, brother. This guy, this puke guy, he can come into the fair again this year. No problem.

Kojak: Cool. Thanks.

Just then a man in a greyish-blue suit and a straw fedora approaches.... it's Kolchak... his eyes meet that of Kojak's... and they smile at each other.

Kolchak: Kojak?

Kojak: The one and only. Kolchak?

Kolchak: The one and only.

Kojak: Don't worry, baby. I smoothed it all over. You're gettin' in.....

Kolchak: You're a man of your word, Kojak. I'm impressed.

They became fast-friends like lightning. They knew that they could trust each other, right off the bat. This would be the beginning of the greatest crime solving duo.... of all time!

To be continued.....

Kolchak was carrying many more items on his person than you'd expect a person to take to a Greek Picnic. He had items you'd expect a reporter to carry such as a tape recorder, a microphone, a camera and other electronics of this nature... yet he was also carrying a small pouch fastened to his belt containing jujube seeds, a pocket full to the flush with salt packets, and bizarre papers containing odd iconography....

Kojak: Uh.... say Kolchak.... what are those things?

Kolchak: Oh these? These are talismans that my friend Wang from Wang's All Night Chinese Food gave to me. They are talismans which are able to seal the movement of most Jiangshi. They may come in handy.

Kojak: You expect this kook to be here, today?

Kolchak: Not necessarily, and certainly not during the day. The Jiangshi has been shadowing me and on my tail since I confronted him in an alley way. He has sunk his talons of psychic telepathy directly into my mind... because of that... I haven't slept for five days, now.

Kojak: You've been awake for five whole days working on a single case? You'd never cut it in the NYPD, Kolchak.

Kolchak: No, no, no... I've been psychically engaging with the creature for five days. It can enter one's mind and through telepathic hypnosis... it can make you hallucinate.... but he can only do this if you choose to fall asleep. I've out smarted it, Kojak... I've not slept since my encounter with the creature.

Kojak: Alright.... can you tell me anything else about this perp? Is he some sort of whacked-out drug coo-coo?

Kolchak: No, it's a hopping vampire who steals energy from unsuspecting citizens of this great city. Wang told me its origins are from the Qing Dynasty and these creatures are always to be met with extreme caution. When this monster comes to settle our dispute with one-another, I think I will be ready for him.

Kojak: What do I have to do?

Kolchak: Well, I think if I pretend to fall asleep it will get a location on my psychic frequency... then it will try and wage psychic war with me.... then drain my energy.... yet... I won't be really asleep... and when it arrives... I will use Wang's Talisman to create a runic field so strong it will be momentarily subdued.

Kojak: ....

Kolchak: Then, you have to pelt it with these jujube seeds until it shrieks into the night... with its mouth wide open... I can finally exploit its true weakness and end its ghastly curse its set on me and rid it from this town... by filling its entire mouth with salt and then sewing it closed with a standard needle and thread.

Kojak: .....Ok.

Kolchak: It shouldn't be too bad. I just hope we can do it, tonight, so I can finally get some sleep and write that article tomorrow morning. 

Kojak: Speaking of that article, baby, we better get this show on the road. I haven't eaten anything, except some peanuts on the plane... let's get crackin' on this picnic, what do you say?

Kolchak: Can't wait! Let's do it!

Kojak: Haha, now let's have some fun!

To be Continued....



Chapter 2 Resumes!

Kolchak: This is going to be swell!

Kojak knew that Kolchak had thrown up but he also knew that Kolchak didn't know that he knew the details of how-and-why he threw up. Kojak wanted to bring it up but he was cool and coy as to not give away that he knew exactly how-and-why Kolchak threw up last year at the picnic.

Kojak: Say there, Kolchak, you ever tried ouzo?

Kolchak: Oh sure, I had some last year. Tasted like black licorice, sort of.

Kojak: It's not candy water just because it tastes like candy, you know that, right?

Kolchak: Oh, believe me, I learned my lesson with ouzo last time.

Kojak: That's good, you know, we should take all things in moderation. I used to smoke two packs of cigarettes a day! Now? I switched to tootsie-roll pops. I don't even miss them anymore, that much.

Kolchak: I could really go for some souvlaki right about now.

Kojak: Me too!

Kojak and Kolchak made their way to the souvlaki stand, they exchanged quaint and polite pleasantries with the souvlaki guy, and then bought two souvlakis... Kojak also went to the ouzo stand and bought a twelve ounce mickey of ouzo. They made their way to a hill, which over looked a beautiful view, sat down, and started eating souvlaki.

Kolchak: Pretty good. Man, I'm beat.

Kojak: You haven't slept in five whole days?

Kolchak: Nope. The Jiangshi's mental telepathy is fairly strong... I can't seem to shake it. I have a feeling that the second I fall asleep he'll cast his evil nightmares into my mind and then when night falls... it'll come to drain every last ounce of my life's energy...

Kojak: Speakin' of ounces... I got twelve ounces of ouzo for us. Now, don't go nuts, ok? Just sip it and chill out... and take it easy, Kolchak. You seem to be unusually stressed out.

Kolchak: Thanks, I could use a stiff shot.

Kojak: Alright... here.

Kojak poured six ounces of ouzo into a paper cup for himself and six ounces for Kolchak, he gently handed the paper cup of ouzo to Kolchak.

Kolchak sipped the drink slowly. The taste reminded him of last year and the grape leaves he ate... but he held it back and kept sipping. They talked nice for a while, light stuff, about cop stuff and reporter stuff... until Kolchak fell fast asleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Kolchak: Thanks for the drink, Kojak. This really hit the spot.

Kojak: ....

Kolchak: Everything ok, Kojak? That story about you and Crocker was pretty interesting....

Kojak: ........Yes.

Kolchak: I could go for some moussaka right about now, how 'bout you, old pal?

Kojak: ............................Yes.

The two friends sat up, Kojak looked odd to Kolchak, like his limbs and joints were hundreds of years old. They made their way to the moussaka stand slowly. Kolchak looked back, he was many paces of walking ahead of his new fast-friend Kojak. Kolchak was disturbed by how Kojak was moving... he wasn't really walking... Kojak was lumbering-about like an old man... maybe the sitting on the hill un-limbered his joints and muscles...

Kolchak: Say, Kojak, you alright? Were you sitting too long, maybe? Little stiff, friend?

Kojak: ...................................................Yes.

Kolchak was perturbed, but not more than usual, for a man who routinely is tasked with out-smarting monsters and fantastic creatures. He played it cool... but he knew something was amiss... the Kojak he knew only tens of minutes ago was cool and normal like a very swell guy... but now... out of nowhere Kojak was listless and weird like a weirdo.

They arrived at the moussaka stand and Kolchak bought two plates, one for himself, and one for Kojak. Kojak took the plate, looked at it, didn't eat it, the food started glowing blue-ish and greyishly and Kojak absorbed it into himself. He looked somewhat less listless after absorbing the moussaka.

Kolchak: Good?

Kojak: ........................................................................Yes. I needed that. Yes. Let us return to the hill, now.

Kolchak: Okie Dokie!

They made their way back to the hill. Kolchak noticed Kojak was no longer lumbering like an old man but he was now....... hopping.

Kojak: This hill is niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice. I like the vieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew.

Kolchak: Yeah, I bet you do. Say, you think I'm really sleeping don't ya?

Kojak: ...................................................................................................Yes.

Kolchak: Well, sorry, I'm not. I'm wide awake! NOW Kojak!

The REAL Kojak jumped out from behind a tree!

Kolchak sprung to his feet, he wasn't even sleeping at all on that hill! The Jiangshi came to accost his mind in a half-awake state, disguised in the form of his new fast-friend Kojak, but failed to subdue the extra-intelligent intellect of Carl Kolchak who had feigned sleep to lure the Jiangshi into his clever ruse! Kolchak whipped out his talisman! He said the magic incantations!

Kolchak: Klaatu Barada! Zieber Zom! NOW THE CHOSEN TIME HAS COME!!!

The Jiangshi was trapped in Kolchak's runic barrier thanks to Wang, from Wang's All Night Chinese's, ancient talisman! The REAL Kojak leapt from his ambush position, he dumped out the ammo in his Rosco, and loaded the Rosco with jujube seeds! The Jiangshi knew its days were numbered!

Kolchak: Now Kojak!

The REAL Kojak: Hey Jiangshi! Who loves ya, baby? 'Cuz by now? You OUGHTA KNOW!

POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW!

Kojak pumped the Jiangshi full of jujube seeds. The creature flailed about, flailing its limbs, like a wild animal! Kolchak knew it would screech its death shriek unto the night, shortly. He prepared his needle n' thread in one hand and jammed his other hand into his pocket... which was full to the flush with salt packets!

The Jiangshi then.... WAILED INTO THE NIIIIIIIIGHT!

Kolchak sprang and launched many semi-opened salt packets into its slack-jawed maw! The creature stopped wailing its death scream and closed its deathly mouth!

Kolchak: Hey Jiangshi!? I guess we'll Jiang SHI YA LATER! Alligator!

Kolchak leaped towards the monster! He wielded his needle n' thread with the proficiency of a master-tailor! He sewed its mouth closed effortlessly! The Jiangshi could no longer shriek and wail its lungs away! It wriggled in agony and pain! It flailed its stiff limbs once more... and then vanished into nothing but dust! 

Kojak: Wow! I've never seen ANYTHING like that!

Kolchak: All in a day's work.

Kojak: "Jiang Shi Ya Later!?" That was the BEST!

Kolchak: Thanks... but let's not get out of hand patting me on the back... when you asked it who loves it and then pumped it fulla seeds? That was sooooo goooood. You're the best!

Kojak: Thanks. Now how 'bout some moussaka, baby!?

They high fived!


To Be Continued.....

It's October! Let's Continue!!

Chapter Two resumes....


Kolchak finally slept after the picnic for the first time in five whole days. In the morning he woke up, made some coffee, then started running his fingers over the typewriter like a literary giant!

Tick, tick, tack, tack, tack, tick, SPACE, tick, tack, tack, tack-tick, tick, SPACE, tack, tack.... DING!



The Can't Miss Picnic this Season: The Taste of the Islands!

What can be said about picnics in this great land that hasn't been already said? From sea to shining sea the one thing that really unites all of us over the Continental United States of Glorious America is our picnics.

I've been to so many picnics, I can barely even wistfully reminisce about many of them. They all just seem to flow together in my memory like the songs of songbirds of yesterday. The Hungarian ones with the mouth-watering goulashes... the Polish ones with the pierogis that almost melt on your tongue as you savor them... lest us not forget the smoked fish of the Slovaks, and the speck of the Germans.

Yes, I've been to many picnics... but only one shall I ever consider the greatest... and that's... the Taste of the Islands Greek Picnic that I attended yesterday. The food was exquisite, the drink divine, the laughter full, the merriment truthful, the joy of it all which was honest... and the sorrow of when it had to come to an end filled me with a deep yearning, even longing, for the past.

Yes, it was a picnic in the most pure sense of the word... an outdoor gathering amongst many friends who got to eat many many different kinds of food. Souvlaki that made your taste buds dance, moussaka that made the angels sing, ouzo that gently warmed the throat like a nectar of warmth, and dolmades fit to serve royalty.

To say this picnic was exceptional is an understatement! It is a memory that shall linger in my memory's eye for countless years after.

I suggest you attend this year's festivities which shall only last a few more days... you will thank me!

Truthfully yours, readers,

Carl.



Tony Vincenzo, head chief editor of INS wire service was in his office reading Kolchak's picnic essay...

Tony Vincenzo: This.... this is beautiful. I am almost moved to tears over the language. This is the best picnic article I've ever read! Miss Emily, have you read Carl's new piece?

Miss Emily: Oh yes. It is stunning. He really outdid himself this time. I think I will make a crossword entirely out of Greek food related words for this weekend's puzzle. Alas, the joys of youth, so beautiful yet so fleeting....

Tony Vincenzo: Hey, Miss Em, please don't tell Kolchak I choked up while reading his picnic thing. I don't want anyone to doubt my tough guy image.

Miss Emily: Your secret is safe with me, Mister Vincenzo!

Tony Vincenzo wiped the sweat off of his heavy brow in relief.

Just then Kolchak and Kojak entered the INS office......

Tony Vincenzo: Late again!? Eh Carl!? You filled up my yellow sheet with Greek foodstuff expenses too! Well... at least you got the article in. Your next one is....

Kolchak: Now, now, Tony, hold on a sec.... I have a promise to a friend I have to take care of before I can start anything new.

Kojak: Let me introduce myself, I am Theo Kojak, of the NYPD and I need this man's services for an undisclosed amount of time.

Just then Kojak notices Miss Emily, the elderly nice lady, who writes the crossword puzzles. Their eyes gently meet each others....

Miss Emily: Oh, why, you're the man on the telephone from the other day... oh... my.

Kojak: Miss Emily? I could tell you were a very pretty woman from your voice but I never expected for you to be this elegant and beautiful.

Miss Emily: Oh my!

Kojak: In my country, we say beauty like that can launch a thousand ships! I am in awe of you....

He politely took her withered hand and kissed it.

Miss Emily: My......

Kojak: You know, they say a painting, right, can speak over a thousand words... but believe me when I say this to you, Miss Emily... even with a thousand years of devotion to the art of painting and practicing each and every day... I doubt I could ever paint you. You have a certain elegance to your beauty that could never be captured in something so basic as a series of brush strokes on canvas....

Tony Vincenzo: This guy's slick!

Kolchak: Tell me about it!

Kojak: Now, pleasantries aside, let's get down to business. Kolchak tell 'em what I need.

Kolchak: Tony, my friend Kojak, needs you to write something to the Cryo-Genics institute at the University. We need access to a frozen head.

Tony Vincenzo: You need a press pass to the University to look at a frozen head!? What is it this time? Some sort of a chilly-willy ghost who can.... uhhhh.... turn himself into a snow man or something?

Kolchak: No, we need to see Teddy Ballgame's head.

Tony Vincenzo: They froze his head!?

Kojak: Yes.

Tony Vincenzo: Why would they freeze his head?

Kolchak: Tony, Tony, Tony...come on! If you hit .406 in 1941 don't you think they'd wanna freeze your big ol' melon too!?

Tony Vincenzo: That's actually a good point, for a change, Carl. You know... he coulda sat out the last game and still won the battin' title sittin' pat over .400, don't ya?

Miss Emily: He could have but he didn't. It was a double-header and he got six hits in eight at bats.... I was such a young woman back then.... so full of hope and beauty.

Kojak: I can only imagine, Miss Emily.... I can only imagine.

Kolchak: Write us up a junky ol' reason for us to be in the Cryo lab down at the school. Something easy, nothing big, like... uhhh.... we're doing a story about freezing people... blah blah blah. Something to keep the feds off our tails.

Kojak: Those G-Men are all bureaucrats! All of 'em!

Tony Vincenzo: Tell me about it, Kojak. Alright... I'll cook ya guys up a pass. You'll get into that frozen head school, no problemo, capiche?

Miss Emily was typing something into her computer, bringing up the data links in her computer regarding one T. "Splendid Splinter" Williams. She read it and was fascinated...

Miss Emily: They REALLY did freeze his head?

Kolchak: Of course they did. You think in, uhhh, a hundred-something years from now when robots are runnin' aroun' this place that they won't want a guy's brain who hit .406 in 1941 in one of the clankin' robots? Of course they froze his head, Miss Emily!

Kojak was listening intently to the office conversations at INS with a hint of envy. Back at his precinct all He, Crocker, Frank n' Stavros ever talked about was thugs, bad guys, perps, and who's on the Most Wanted list... they never got to talk about interesting topics like ghosts, robots, frozen heads, and hopping vampires.

Tony Vincenzo: Alright, here's two press passes for you guys. Just... please Kolchak.... don't do anything crazy, ok?

Kolchak: Don't worry, Tony. Me? I would never do anything crazy.

Tony Vincenzo: Hey Carl, I wasn't gonna tell you, but, I think I should... that article you wrote today about the Greek Picnic?

Kolchak: Coupla spelling mistakes, or something?

Tony Vincenzo: No, Carl, it was absolutely perfect. It was fantastic! I really liked it.

Tony cracked a smile...

Kolchak cracked a slightly bigger smile....

Kojak looked at Miss Emily and winked his goodbye.....

Miss Emily reciprocated Kojak's wink and remembered his kind words to her.......

Kojak and Kolchak received the press passes and slowly exited the INS office.....................


To Be Continued......




They arrived at the University and were immediately greeted by a stuffy man with glasses and a demeanor befitting of a collegiate-type.

Kojak was upset with this stuffed-shirt but kept his cool and let Kolchak do the talking. Kolchak was far more diplomatic than the hard-nosed tough-guy Kojak.

Smoothly, Kolchak, talked the pompous University man into letting them into the Cryogenics lab.... where they got see Ted Williams's head.

Collegiate Man: Now, please, you can look at my Head, but you cannot under any circumstances harm even a frozen hair on its frozen scalp!

Kolchak: Don't worry, professor... we just want to see if there's any clues that might help us locate the Ghost of Harry Agganis. We don't need to touch the Head or anything.

Collegiate Man: This specimen is my favorite... its eyes... they sometimes burn like that of a candle's flickering wick... it's... it's... very odd. Almost as if it is staring into my soul. Anyhow, I will excuse myself now.... I'll leave you two gentlemen to your research for your article.

Kojak: Thank you.

Kolchak and Kojak were left alone in the lab to observe Ted Williams's head. It was majestic... preserved as if he had only been alive yesterday. His eyes were open, almost looking, at them. Kojak noticed something on Ted's neck.

Kojak: There's a forensic marking on the neck... hmmm.... it's a puncture wound... a graze from a bullet.... no.... this is a mark made by a bodkin... possibly... an arrow head?

Kolchak: An arrow-made scar on his neck, you say?

Kojak: Yes.

Kojak took a photo of the scar, in hopes of getting a ballistics report on what type of weapon could cause such an odd looking mark on a person's neck.

Kolchak: Something's wrong.... its eyes? Why.... its.... its eyes are getting bigger! It's like the Head is talking to me!

Kojak: What the hell are you talking about? It's a head! It's no more alive than a stone or something....

Kolchak: Maybe the Jiangshi's telepathy lingers in my mind... that's all. Let's get out of there, Kojak. The only lead we have from coming here is the arrow mark... let's.... let's go.

Kojak: You scared or something? Whatever. I'm gonna send this arrow mark photo back to Stavros down at my precinct. He'll let me know what type of weapon caused this mark.

Kolchak and Kojak left the lab....

....

Meanwhile in Heaven....


Harry Agganis: It's just a coupla peaches, lady, who cares?

Artemis: Who cares!? Those peaches only ripen once every six hundred years. They grant immortality and immense power. You ate enough to be one of the strongest Gods of Olympus, Harry Agganis! If my father finds out he'll zap you to ashes!

Apollo: Look, we'll keep it a secret. We want to win this game... because if we win this one... the seven thousand year series will be four matches to two for us... so we'll win the series... and won't have to go through this soft ball stuff again in a thousand years.

Harry Agganis: All right... don't worry, we got this one. We'll win it. We're almost done. We're leading two to zip already and this Zeus guy's a good pitcher.

Artemis: Do you feel... alright?

Harry Agganis: Yeah, why?

Artemis: You ate enough peaches to live for a million years... your stomach doesn't.... ache?

Harry Agganis: Nope.

Zeus: You're up! Harry Agganis!

Harry Agganis unleashed his mighty Mjolnir from its sheath and stepped up for his second at-bat of the inning. Hades was ferociously furious at Harry Agganis and now only wanted to kill him so he could drag him back to his realm so he could torture him for centuries upon centuries. Hades was aiming for his head this time...

Harry Agganis: Lay it in, baby! I'm ready to get my first hit in heaven!

Hades wound up and threw a fiery-fast softball right at Harry Agganis's skull! Harry ducked out of the way!

Hades: You're getting lucky. Fine... you want a strike? The next one's right down the middle, kid.

Harry Agganis: Give me your best stuff, I'm ready.

Hades wound up and threw the fastest pitch in his arsenal right down the middle, down the meatiest portion of the plate, Harry Agganis hung back for a second... keeping his elbow back.... then.... WHACK.... he unleashed a mighty whallop upon the softball! The ball was sent over the Hyper Chimera's head into center field! It dropped down for a base hit! Harry arrived at first station and greeted the Minotaur.

Apollo: He's All American all right....

Artemis: Who cares? The ball's not dead this time... the Minotaur is going to tear him apart piece by piece.

Apollo: He's eaten fifty longevity peaches, sis, the Minotaur's got his work cut out for him.

Harry Agganis: Ti Kanis, man, nice to see you again, how're the kids? Good?

The Minotaur sneered and pulled out a spiked-mace. Without warning he brought it down towards Harry Agganis's skull!

Harry Agganis dodged, gasped, and then pulled back out Mjolnir. The Minotaur swung the mace horizontally this time... Harry Agganis parried the attack with his mighty bat... then countered with a butt-end thrust into the Minotaur's steel-plated chest!

Minotaur: Ow! God damnit! Ouch. What the hell, man? Ooooooow. Ooooooouch.

Hades: What the hell are you doing, man!? Kill this stupid guy already!

Zeus: Hahahaha! Nice form, Harry Agganis, now finish this monster!

Harry Agganis: Okie-doke, boss.

Harry Agganis raised Mjolnir high up into the air and brought it down with the force of twenty thousand men towards the skull of the monstrous Minotaur. The blow struck! The head of the beast split and blood gushed like a fountain!

Artemis: Whoa! He defeated it?

Apollo: I never liked that demon anyways. He's such a bore.

The Minotaur shouted its last bellow in the heavens and fell to the ground.... defeated.

Hades: You idiot! I'm going to demote you to bat-boy! Now go back to Hell, you friggin' moron man-cow bozo!

Hades shot a fire blast that incinerated the Minotaur and returned it to the depths of Hell! Harry Agganis took his spot on first base and waited for the next hitter.

Zeus: You won, Harry Agganis! Advance to the next station! Engage in Mortal Deathly fighting with the Hyper Chimera!

Harry Agganis: Uhhhh... ok.

Harry Agganis began jogging to second. Half way towards second station... Harry Agganis felt a little strange... he held his stomach and took a short break before arriving at his next battle.

Zeus: What's up with Harry Agganis?

Apollo: He's an idiot. Don't get mad but I think he's gonna vomit.

Zeus: Nobody's allowed to vomit upon the sacred-most Softball Grounds of Olympus!

Artemis: Here we go.... nice knowin' ya, bro. Bye-bye Harry Agganis.

Hades: Are you show boating or something you big hot dog!? Wait... maybe you're scared of the Hyper Chimera!? Hahahaha! Of course you are, mortal!

Harry Agganis: Uhhhh... stop like talking to me for a second, mister.... I'm... not feeling so good. I.... I think I might've ate too much.

Artemis: Here it comes!

Apollo: Open the flood gates! Here comes a tidal wave!

Harry Agganis threw up.

Zeus: This outrage shall not go unpunished! By the Power invested in Me! I shall strike thee down with the force of ten million bolts of lightning and deafen thee with thunder!

Zeus cast his judgement down upon Harry Agganis in the form of Heavenly Lightning Bolts! Harry Agganis gulped! He put Mjolnir in front of his face to protect himself! The bat entrusted to him by a drunken Scandinavian man at the docks began to glow! It began absorbing the attack!

Zeus: Damn thee! Where'd you get that thing from anyways!? Odin? Thor? One of those cave men!? You're a pretty lucky guy, Harry Agganis, All American!

Mjolnir glowed bright with the absorbed lightning of Zeus! Harry Agganis composed himself, wiped the filth and peach mush from his mouth, and then leapt in the air towards the Chimera! The mighty bat of Harry Agganis was full of divine judgement!

Artemis: This is new.

Apollo: This is WEIRD.

Artemis: How come we never tried a combination attack on the Hyper Chimera before?

Zeus: I don't know....

Harry Agganis brought the force of his bat crashing down upon the main head of the many-headed Chimera, the lion head, and smashed it into a thousand pieces! He then butt-ended the snake's head of the multi-headed monster with the end of his bat... and then with two mighty swings he swatted at the tiger's head and the goat's head! All that was left was pieces of skull... thrown about everywhere around second station in a great big mess!

Hades: That was messed up! Wow! That monster's been guarding that station for the last five million years! Damn it! Damn it all right to my HELL!

Hades flung flame at the deceased beast casting it into a lake of burning flame! He casted its ass straight to his Hell.

Harry Agganis didn't feel well.... after eating all of those peaches he felt amazing... but after throwing them up... he felt really really bad.

Apollo: You think he expulged all of the longevity peaches, sister?

Artemis: Hmmm... no. Fifty peaches would produce more volume of vomit then what's on the field. He probably is still immortal but only about 10% as strong as he was only moments ago. The Three-Headed Silver Hydra shall be his unmaking. He will not defeat it.

Harry Agganis, sick to his tummy, slowly walked down to the third station to meet the Final Monster of Hades....


To Be Continued.....

Meanwhile back on Earth, in the Land of the Living, within the realm of Mortals....

Kojak got the report back from Stavros from his precinct back in New York City, the big apple, on the wire, and it was not exactly what he was expecting. The mark, definitely was made on the Splendid Splinter's neck by means of an arrow head...but an arrow head... with forensic finger prints... never before seen on this earth!

Kojak and Kolchak's case was hitting a snag... they made their way to a pay phone to call Stavros, Kojak picked up the receiver and began speaking...

Kojak: Stavros! What the hell do you mean this mark was made by an arrow that couldn't possibly exist on earth!?

Stavros: Kojak, this thing's, this thing's ballistic imprints are totally nuts! It... it must've been some kind of a magic arrow that made a mark like this! An arrow head couldn't possibly leave a mark this bizarre on a man's neck!

Kojak: What?

Stavros: There's a microscopic calling card! The perp left a clue for us! The arrow head made a tiny little letter "A" on his neck. We noticed this with a magnifying glass.

Kojak: Letter "A" eh?

Stavros: Yes. It might be the archer's name... or some sort of red herring to throw us off their trail. Who knows....

Kolchak overheard the telephone conversation and interjected a statement to Kojak.

Kolchak: You'd have to be a pretty talented bowman to do something like that, wouldn't you? Who are some of the greatest archers? An archer so well known they could create magic arrows with the precise precision to leave a small letter "A" on their target's puncture wound?

Kojak: Hey, Stavros, this might sound weird... but... who are some of the most well known archers out there?

Stavros: Hmmmmm, uhhh.... counting historical and/or mythological ones?

Kojak: Yeah.

Stavros: Well.... there's Robin Hood.... he's pretty good... and uhhhh there's Zhou Tong, he was pretty good too... and maybe Huang Zhong is up there.... we can't forget about Artemis... she should be on that list too.

Kojak: Hold up? Artemis? That one starts with a letter "A", no?

Stavros: Sure does.

Kolchak once again interjected into the conversation....

Kolchak: She's from Greek mythology... hmmm... I've had my dealings with their ilk before... and I can't say it was a pleasant experience. I know a fellow, Kaz, a cab driver, who's very versed in Greek mythology from A to Z and from front to back.... we should pay him a visit, Kojak.

Kojak: This lead is better than nothing, okay bye now Stavros, love ya baby.

Stavros: K, bye.

Kojak and Kolchak got into Kolchak's car, an off-yellow 1966 Ford Mustang, and made haste towards the bar where Kaz hung out. They exited the vehicle and made their way into the establishment... a shabby little place called Demosthenes's. They found Kaz and the pair approached him. Kaz was a rotund fellow of jolly demeanor.

Kolchak: Hey Kaz! Lemme buy you a drink!

Kaz: Oh hey there, Kolchak... what's up, man?

Kolchak: Not much, this here's my friend, Kojak. Kojak... this is Kaz. Kaz... this is Kojak.

Kojak: Hey Kaz. Say, you remind me of this guy I know. This guy, Stavros.

Kaz: I remind a lotta people of a lotta people, you know? I'm just that kinda guy, you know?

Kolchak bought three pints of beer for the trio, they sipped them slowly....

Kaz: Say, Kolchak, what ever happened with that thing you asked me about... last time?

Kolchak: Oh that? Oh it was just some kooky lady who worked for a Greek God who was luring good looking men into her forbidden lair of lust through a computer dating service... to drain them of their youth to appease her immortality-addicted God. I uhhhh.... ratted on her to that God ... I told that God that the last so-called "perfect" hot-guy offering actually was not perfect.... he had a glass eye... and her angry vengeful Greek God turned her into a stone statue. It turned out okay in the end. I got the cursed ring off and didn't end up having to cut my finger off.

Kaz: That's good.

Kojak just nodded... not sure what to say.

Kolchak: Say, pal, what do you know about the Greek God named Artemis?

Kaz: She's the daughter of the big cheese, Zeus. She hangs around in the forests with the does n' the deers and she shoots bows n' arrows n' stuff around.

Kolchak: Bows n' arrows? You don't say. You think she can shoot them from far away?

Kaz: Sure, according to my Yaya... she's the best archer ever. She can shoot a duck in a pond on earth all the way up from heaven above.

Kolchak: Wow. Say, do you think she can shoot an arrow from heaven with such force that it could... oh... I don't know.... pierce Ted Williams's neck, leaving an "A" shaped puncture wound... and still have enough ballistic force to lodge itself into the lung of .... Harry Agganis!?

Kaz: Ted Williams? The guy who hit .406 in 1941?

Kojak: Coulda sat out the last game, baby!

Kaz: But didn't! He got six hits!

Kolchak: Yup. Double header.

Kaz: So now, you're askin' me if an arrow from Artemis shot down from the Heavens Above could do that? Graze Teddy Ballgame and nail Harry Agganis? Yeah sure. Why not?

Kolchak: Hmmmm.... so Harry Agganis was hit by an arrow from Artemis....

Kojak: From Heaven? This is absurd!

Kolchak: Do you want to find your ghost or not!?

Kojak: I would travel the four corners of this earth from ocean-to-ocean to figure out why that man with the high-pitched voice in the black Cadillac mentioned Harry Agganis. I must.

Kolchak: Oh, earth smearth, Kojak. Your perp's in heaven.... and lucky for you I know an abandoned building with a defunct computer dating machine... that just happens to have a nifty Dais surrounded by some Greek Statues that we can use to channel the divine and interrogate this bow-happy perpetrator... Artemis.

Kojak: Look, I've never been one to believe in stuff like this... but after spending a coupla days with you, baby... I'll believe ANYTHING.

Kaz: Cheers, fellas, thanks for the beer. I hope you catch Artemis. She shouldn't shoot arrows from heaven into baseball players... that's wrong.

Kolchak: No problem, Kaz. Thanks for the info, friend.

Kaz: Hey guys... if you're gonna try and communicate with the God, Artemis, take some Honey and some Baklava as offerings. My Yaya says she loves that stuff.

Kojak: Cool. I love ya, baby.

Kaz: Thank you.

Kolchak: Okay, we better get going. It seems like we're finally making headway in this case, now.

Kaz: K, bye.


Kolchak and Kojak exit Demosthenes's and head for an abandoned building where Kolchak thinks they can speak with Greek Gods from Heaven Above!

To Be Continued....

Kolchak and Kojak arrived at the abandoned building Kolchak spoke of... right after making a small detour to Kaz's Yaya's.

Kojak: So uhhh.... you fought some Greek Gods in here? Or something?

Kolchak: No, no, no, Kojak... it was an old case I solved... I came to ask a lady some questions about her computer dating service and I found out she could communicate with the Heavens from her Dais here... and things got a little hairy for a bit... but I managed to win the day.

Kojak: What makes you think anybody from this Dais will talk to us? We're just mortal guys.

Kolchak: We have Kaz's Yaya's baklava.

Kojak: Oh.... yeah.

They made their way into the inner sanctum of the abandoned building... to where the statues and the Dais were. The baklava smelled sooooooo goooooood. Kolchak wanted to eat some but resisted.

They made it to the Dais.

Kojak: So, now what? Do we need to do some more incantations....or?

Kolchak: I dunno, lemme put the baklava on the Dais and see what happens...

Kolchak put Kaz's Yaya's baklava on the Dais...

Through a crack in the dilapidated roof of the run-down building... they could see the clouds parting! The Heavens were opening! 

Kolchak: Whoa.

Kojak: Wow.

A female voice boomed from the clouds....

Voice from Above: Who in the mortal realm has concessions for the Gods?

Kolchak: Uuuhhhhh.... just us, ma'am. It's um...Kolchak and Kojak.

Kojak: Yeah.

Voice from Above: Whatever, mortals, I'm at a softball game right now and am sitting on the bench for like an hour now while Harry Agganis fights this Hydra. If you guys have any mortal food... come up and give it to me. I'm dying of boredom!

Kolchak and Kojak: HARRY AGGANIS!?

Voice from Above: Yes.

Kolchak: All American!?

Voice from Above: Yes!

Kojak: The Red Sock?

Voice from Above: Oh my God! YES!

Kolchak: We found 'em! Uhhh... how can we get up there?

Voice from Above: There's a circle thingy near the Dais down there... just, like, stand on it, and I can like Zoom you up here. Wait though... how much Mortal Food do you guys have... my brother wants some too.

Kojak: Just a coupla bakin' sheets of baklava, baby.

Voice from Above: Ok, we need, like, more.

Kojak and Kolchak panicked....

Kolchak: We can get more... I'll just call Kaz to bring some more over. How much do you want?

Voice from Above: A lot. My father wants some too.

Kolchak went outside to a pay phone and called Kaz at his Yaya's to make some more baklava and come to the abandoned building. Meanwhile Kojak began asking the voice about Harry Agganis....

Kojak: Can you ask Harry Agganis something for me?

Voice from Above: What? No. He's fighting a big monster right now.

Kojak: So he's really up there?

Voice from Above: Yes.

Kojak: How long has he been up there?

Voice from Above: Since I brought him up here. Look, the time frames and stuff are different up here from what they are down there. Like, a few moments up here are like years n' years n' stuff down there. Maybe it's been like decades down there but he's only been, like, up here, for like less than a day.

Kojak: Oh, ok.

Voice from Above: Is that Kolchak guy back yet with my order?

Kojak: No, sorry, not yet. Say, do you have a James Cullen up there now too?

Voice from Above: No.

Kojak: ....

Just then... Kolchak and Kaz arrived with more of Kaz's Yaya's baklava!

Kolchak: We got more! We got more, ma'am!

Kaz: Wow! You're really talking to Artemis!?

Voice from Above: How do you know my name?

Kaz: I'm a HUGE fan, Artemis... I've read all your scrolls n' everything.

Artemis: Whatever! Just all three of you... hold all that food... and stand on the circle thingy next to the Dais... I'll bring you up.

They listened to the orders and were Zoomed up to Heaven! Wow!

They arrived at the softball field, it was magnificent to the eye! It was like being in a Dream! They looked around and saw Gods of all sorts... and a man fighting a Silver three-headed Dragon creature on the field!

Kaz: Holy friggin' CRAP! We're in..... Heaven?

Artemis: Okay, gimme the food. I love this stuff. Who made this? One of your royal king's royal bakers?

Kaz: No, my Yaya.

Artemis took the baking sheets and unfolded the plastic they were wrapped in. She took a piece for her, Apollo, and Zeus... passed them around... and they all began eating.

Artemis: This is GOOD. Wow. What's your name again?

Kaz: Kaz.

Apollo: This is so good. Is this real honey? We can't get real honey up here since Icarus knocked over all the honey bee hives. I'm so glad that guy flew into the Sun.

Artemis: Me too.

Zeus: Me three. This really is good stuff...what's it called again?

Kojak: Baklava your greatness. You're Zeus, huh? The big dog up here in Heaven, 'aint ya?

Zeus: Yeah.

Kolchak: Pleasure to meet you. Can we ask you about Harry Agganis?

Artemis: Thank you for delivering our order... now please be on your way... I'll send you guys back down.

Kojak: I need to speak with Harry Agganis!

Apollo: Well, you'll need to go to Hell if you want to do that... Harry Agganis is losing to the Hydra and will be toast in a few minutes. Good luck with that.

Kojak: What!?

Meanwhile....

Harry Agganis was on his last legs... he had been fighting the Silver Hydra for over an hour and was at his limit... he was about to keel over! He kept blocking the attacks with his mighty bat but it was to no avail! He was barely even immortal anymore and it was a three-on-one as the Hydra had three heads. One bit at him, one glared at him with eyes that can turn a man to stone, and one breathed fire at him trying to roast him!

Has Harry Agganis finally met his match!?

To Be Continued!

(Update: I know this conclusion was supposed to be written tommorow on Halloween... but, apologies, this story will resume but not right now, sorry, everyone.)


Last Intermission

I planned the third section to be quite long... but I don't have time to write anything long in the foreseeable future.

This story will end, one day, when this blog resumes...

I would like to jot down things I had in my head for the ending in case I need them again. Most of these ideas would likely be cut before it got from my mind onto the screen though. Most of my ideas sound good in my head, then bad on my fingers before I type, then good again after I re-think some stuff and send the final product from my mind to my fingers (and then, I guess, to your eyes).

One idea ruminating in my head (day dream) I had for the ending was that Kolchak and Kojak round up a team of five more 70s detectives to form a Magnificent Seven to go to Heaven and save Harry Agganis. This would include Columbo, Banacek, Rockford (who's the cool mercenary type one), Cannon, and Barnaby Jones.

One idea I had was the team was reluctant to include Barnaby Jones on the Mission to Heaven to Save Harry Agganis... but I'd pull what I like to call the "Ol' Gremio" on the reader... and give Barnaby Jones a heroic self-sacrafice-style going-out. I also wanted to find a way to make a reference to the Beverly Hillbillies if I could... but if it couldn't be wrenched in then I wouldn't have.

The "Ol' Gremio", by the way, is a tool for writing which is based on in Suikoden I where Gremio (a doting guy who dotes over the lead character you play as) is always forced into your party despite having dozens of better characters on your roster.... but then... Gremio locks himself in a room to let Milich's weird spores eat him, saving everyone's life... leaving the player so angry at themselves for being annoyed with dotin' ol' Gremio like only 10 minutes ago.... and then the second time you play this game... you never want Gremio out of your party and you make sure you get the 108 Stars of Destiny in Toran Castle so you can revive Gremio. It's a good writing technique. It's a video game's video game that Suikoden I.

Likely, I would have cut ALL of the "Seven" ending anyhow and gave the "Gremio" to Kaz. Oh yeah, I remember now.... The ending I wanted was that Kaz saves the day in the end and after the story finishes... George Savalas wins an Oscar for best supporting actor (for portraying Stavros and Kaz)... and the Secret Bonus ending at the end of the page was going to be an award ceremony where Telly and Darren McGavin and everyone cheer for George Savalas winning an award for his acting in this story. That's good enough, no? Might end up doing that one when the time comes.

Before I take a long break from this... I would just like say that, yes, Halloween is a time of magic and of scary ghosts... but it's also about family. As an 80s kid who sees photos of himself in old Halloween days (back when Halloween really meant something)... I can tell you that, yeah we know that Halloween is about scary ghosts and tv specials... but it's also ALL about Family... and especially the children who make Halloween what it is.

Please.... look at all of your loved ones in your life, this Halloween, and tell them you love them, baby. Even the Gremios in your life. Especially the Gremios.... they dote on you because they love you too, baby.... but you don't always let it show...

....but by now? You really oughtta know.