American Election III: A CHALLENGER APPEARS

A CHALLENGER APPEARS

Joltin' Joe's political journey is almost at a close... after decades and decades of tireless service to his country... this man is running out of gas. 

He probably never even really wanted to be President even... but after seeing his party suffer the most crushing of defeats in the 2016 election to Smooth Don... he knew he had to do something... for his party couldn't afford to lose any more heart-crushing and soul-destroying defeats.

He took it upon himself to stand up to the then President and take the title back... but he knew it wouldn't be easy. Much blood, and sweat, and tears were poured out during the 2020 election... but when all was said and done...

... Joe won.

During his Presidency... he fought many hard-won battles and grew steadily stronger... yet... on the other end... his enemy... Smooth Don President (the former President) wasn't taking things lying down either. Don President was steadily training daily, doing proper exercise, eating his vitamins, and saying his prayers... to improve his physical and mental conditioning during his four years of not being the President.

Yet sadly, it seems it truly is the end of the line for the Joltin' Joe train.... but he's not alone. There's many in his party willing to take up where he left off and let Joe hand the football off to them and run it into the end zone for a victorious finish.

Many in his party believe in the goals he is striving for even if his physical body is giving out... his soul shall live on for a million eternities.

But who shall accept the hand-off of said football? Who shall be the running back with the power that is powerful enough to run that football into the end zone? Many thought we'd have to wait until the Democratic National Convention to find out...

...but lo...

It seems we shan't have to... for one woman already accepted the nomination. Even though the battle will be incredibly difficult... one woman has already accepted the task at hand. 

She must understand that she has accepted a daunting task for Smooth Don President is already sitting in his Mar-a-Lago lair with his assorted henchmen, cronies, and general lackeys... thinking up derisive tactics and very mean (and almost assuredly childish) insults to send her way. They are very very good at this... in fact... probably even the best at this.

Accepting a battle against this man is the equivalent of walking into a war zone with no body armor of any kind... not even a mere leather helmet... 

This woman will need a soul sonic force behind her to withstand this!

A soul sonic force....

It's safe to say many democrats were ducking the nomination since 2016's crushing defeat in fear of the terrifying inner power on constant display by Smooth Don... but one woman... one person with possibly an equally powerful inner power has stepped forward.

Kamala Harris has accepted the democratic nomination and all that comes with it. The barbs, the taunts, the bad press, the constant school yard banter that comes along with it.

The shift in the narrative is pretty noticeable. It's gone from the democrats having the oldest horse in the race to the republicans now having the oldest horse in the race! They probably wrote almost 7,000 "how old is Joe?" jokes... and now they have to throw them all out! Oh no!

Kamala Harris is 19 years younger than her opponent!

She has a fresher and more funkier style to her approach as well. Some pundits are wondering not only how but IF Don President can make the necessary shift in his debate style... some are saying that he will be unprepared or even shocked by any sort of funk drop of any kind!

The funk is a strange thing... it can turn a man's ass out if said man's ass is unprepared for an incoming funk drop!

Next on the horizon is the upcoming Democratic National Convention, and every pundit is wondering like a kid before Christmas...

.... which celebrities will be there?

Only in America! President vs. President! ELECTION 2024!!!

How goseth thee election? Hmmmmm?

Yup, seems totally 100% normal this time around. Certainly no completely unforeseen events or anything... yup, yup, yup.

Just totally normal things afoot, oh yes, it's totally normal... it's definitely not.... TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL!

Oh no wait... it is. Sorry. It's out of control!

Both of these men, Joltin' Joe President and Smooth Don President ... are/were both Presidents!

It's down to it....

President vs. President!

Champion vs. Champion!

The biggest election of our lives.

After the last few weeks... Things are finally flying high for Smooth Don President after securing the much needed Hulk Hogan endorsement... not only his endorsement but more importantly securing the spirit of Hulkamania and effectively transferring it to his own very soul (while blowing kisses to Hulk Hogan).

It's a big gain. He's getting very powerful, now. For a man already impervious to all forms of attack and basically indestructible... the addition of acquiring the power of 100 million Hulkamaniacs... is BIG. His soul must be ablaze with Hulkamania!

The other side should be in full seriousness now... but how can the Democratic party counter not only the endorsement of Hulk Hogan but the unprecedented soul-burning transfer of possibly historic inner-power bestowed unto one of the Presidents at the RNC (Republican National Convention)?

Sadly enough, it very likely can't.

This very-intelligent chess-move has cast the Democratic party into a nasty tailspin as they try to tear down their own President's credentials in a mad-cap race to replace him before the election for their shiny math-boys and illustrious strategists n' librarians... can't get their calculators to tell them how possibly Joltin' Joe's gonna pull through this ... and now they are in a tizzy of second-guessing and round of the clock I-told-you-so'ing... something fierce... and doing their opposing side's work of poking holes into their President's steely defenses.

But...

Lest we forget so quickly, you scholastic doo-doo heads...

...that this Joltin' Joe President is the REAL President! He's the incumbent champion! Why would he vacate the title just because some noodle-necks and needle-noggins think he doesn't have the remaining Stamina to defeat ol' Smooth Don President once anew... are we forgetting so fastly and unjustly... that he already did? He beat him fair and square in the 2020 election! He beat him for the world to see!

You think the President of the United States (The Greatest Known Country in the History of Earth) is just gonna say... "Aw, shucks... I guess some other person should run in my place... the other President is too strong now and has absorbed the burning passion of 100 million Hulkamaniacs... oh woe is me... I'm just not cut out to be the President no more.... I guess... I'm gonna just give on up...."

...Yeah right.

That's ridiculous!

Joltin' Joe President is the 46th President of the United States! He's not just gonna bow-out, sit down, n' give up! This is AMERICA. Home of the Brave. Land of the Free! It's not the land of giving up! It's not the land of sitting around and watching golf or bowling on TV! It's not the land of letting some aspiring non-President take over as a substitute to fight in a battle between actual Presidents!

You already have a President on your team, guys! The 46th President of the United States!

You know why he's not gonna give up? Because Presidents don't do things like that, that's why!

It's not like being the head of a car company, or the GM of a football team, or the manager of a chicken sandwich franchise! You don't just throw in the towel because someone absorbed the will power of the diaspora of the hearts and minds of once-thought-lost Hulksters from varying eras (mostly the 80s).

Yes, it's a fact, that Smooth Don President (the old President, not the current one) is more powerful than he was before... and now can only think of positive thoughts and positive deeds, of things that'll make him succeed... and most importantly... the burning will to have fun with his family and friends...

But...

There's more to being the President than just uniting the fractured hearts of the 35 and older demographic of old wrestling fans. You have to unite the hearts of all people! Hulkamaniacs are only one of the elements that makes up America.

Plus... it's of incredible importance to remember that when we get wrapped up in Hulkamania... we tend to forget that many people aren't Hulkamaniacs at all ... and in fact... many people actually prefer Macho Man Randy Savage... and... The Madness... to the aforementioned Hulkamania.

...and I'm one of them.

In my heart and mind... when I think of the 1980s... and think of Wrestling... and I think of who's got the belt on...

Sorry but...

It's the Macho Man.

Oooooooooooooooooooooh....... yeah.

Now before we make any rash judgments and think just because Hulk Hogan came to the RNC and entrusted the hearts and minds of all the Hulkamaniacs... to the former President of the United States ... that he must speak, therefore, for the hearts and minds of everyone.... well... that's simply not true. Hulk Hogan can only transfer the passionate soul energy of 100 million of Hulkamaniacs... but he surely does not have the soul-intensive energy... even though he briefly tried to channel the Madness in his speech... to transfer the Madness... to his heir-apparent soul surrogate.

For Hulk Hogan... ladies, gentlemen, and pundits alike... does not possess, cannot possess, and will not ever have in his possession... the Madness.

How powerful is the Madness? The soul-intensifying spirit of Randy Savage that still permeates our culture like a guiding force? I don't know...

The only thing I know is... it wasn't at the RNC.

The United States of America: Election 2024!

I didn't write about the 2020 election...

I was busy or something. I'm sorry Election. Sometimes we got other things going on in our lives and I just simply don't have the time to think about democracy and elections and stuff. Even though I didn't write about the 2020 election... you were always on my mind.

You know, I've been thinking, Election...

"I've thought about us for a long long time
Maybe I think too much, but something's wrong
There's something here that doesn't last too long
Maybe I shouldn't think of you as mine

Seeing you....

....Or seeing anything as much as I do you...

I take for granted that you're always there
I take for granted that you just don't care
Sometimes I can't help seeing all the way through

It's important to me
That you know you are free
'Cause I never want to make you change for me"

-Todd Rundgren


He's right, Election. Todd Rundgren is right.... you're not MY election...you're EVERYONE'S election. That's what democracy is. You belong to every one... from sea to shining sea. My opinion is just another grain of sand in a desert of minds. A single grain of sand in a desert of millions of minds. Millions and millions of voices... all of which matter.

It's not like this everywhere either. We take it for granted that we are allowed to have opinions.

There's parts of the world where they don't even know what this word even means! Democracy. There's parts of our earth where some greasy stuck-up cleric or some cheeseball wannabe dictator just tells you what to believe in... and you believe it. The millions of voices and thoughts that swirl around at all times mean absolutely nothing to no one in places like that. The millions of voiceless voices just dissipate into nothing... for their opinions don't matter.

But in democratic nations... even the dumbest and silliest voices still MATTER.... and that's the way it should be.

Todd Rundgren is right, election, in his song he wrote about loving something... we do take for granted that you've always been there... you probably always will be there... sometimes we even forget what we went through to even have free and fair elections.

Some guys in the 1770s got sick of getting taxed by Europe... and threw a bunch of tea into the damned ocean! Europe was all like "You guys can't buy your own TEA! You gotta buy OUR TEA at extremely higher prices with unbelievably high taxes on every last bag!" but it didn't fly, daddy, it didn't fly... Those guys down in America said... "We'll show you where you can sell your tea! BUBBA! HERE'S YOUR TEA! BUBBA!" ... and they threw it into the ocean... and it all sank... it sank right to the bottom of the ocean... where it belonged.

Wow.

Europe was PISSED OFF and a war broke out! America summoned up all its Courage and its burning inner strength and WON!

When it was all over... someone woke up and knew it was time... he knew it was time to lead a new country into greatness... this man's name was George Washington and he became something that fateful day... he became the very first President of the United States of full fledged America... that day.

The spirit of the people was strong. That spirit never died. It still lives inside of the minds and souls of every man n' woman in this place. That spirit? It became America... it became the human embodiment of America... and it will always be that way... whether you like it or not.


"You can't kill me

I will not die

Not now not ever

No never

I'm gonna live a long, long time

My soul raves on forever"

-Mojo Nixon

YOU CAN FILL MY BODY FULLA HOLES... BUT... YOU CAN'T KILL THE SPIRIT OF ROCK N' ROLL!!!!!!

Election, I know you've changed since the days of 1770s... we all have. In fact, it would be crazy if you didn't change at all since the 1770s... because that's what democracy is... it's letting the voices be heard and letting changes be made... hearing the voices of the smallest and most insignificant of peoples... and making the world a place where many many people are happy and good instead of miserable and bad.

Election... we've been through how many Presidents now? Forty six? Wow.

This crazy experiment called The American Dream has lasted two hundred and thirty five years now, baby, and it 'aint going anywhere!

All you guys down in China n' Russia n' North Korea n' stuff... wondering all day long how you can control the minds of the masses and keep them down... you got it all backwards! You guys got it backwards! You're supposed to want to bring your peoples UP! You should be thinking about how to make even the poorest people happy. You should be trying to figure out how to make the most marginilzedest of marginalized people happy n' good instead of suffering n' bad.

It's not about harming the poor tired masses who are yearning to breathe free... it's not about taxing their heads off... it's about accepting them and making them as good as can be.

I think I shall follow this year's Election!

Now, I'm not really a pundit. This term, by the way, is derived from an Indian word meaning "a learned man"... I've never even been inside of a politics school let alone being considered the most beatifulest person or most learned of men in a political school.

But does that even matter?

I knew a guy once who was considered the most beautiful of men in his private politics school and was considered to be a very very learned man... and everyone thought he was going to age into an elder statesman of the finest degree... but he instead... grew up to be a drug addict who died in a house fire.

That point was neither here nor there... but it just goes to show you that... you don't have to be pretty to ride this train called Democracy. You don't have to be rich to ride it. You don't even need to be smart to ride it... this train called Democracy is for everyone!

For, I think Huey Lewis and his News said it the best,

You don't need money, don't take fame
Don't need no credit card to ride this train
It's strong and it's sudden and it's cruel sometimes
But it might just save your life....

That's the power of love.

-Huey Lewis (and the News)