It's Almost 2000 ...

Time flies. It most surely does. It does. For many who don't know I switched to Count Von Count Standard Time a few months ago. It is an incremental time variable measure broadcast via Twitter which I find to be a quite compact and efficient time measuring utility.

Pshaw you say, but it is no more arbitrary than any other method of time tabulating metrics.

Most of us are currently on Greenwich Standard Time which is measured as official Time being what time it is in Greenwich, London in the United Kingdom. As you go eastward or westward from this arbitrary spot the Time then somehow changes. If you go really far out east or west ... then you might even be in the past or future apparently. It's Tomorrow in Australia if you're in the United States ... which to be honest ... is kind of hard to wrap a head around. To be fantastically honest ... it makes absolutely no sense at all for it to be Tomorrow somewhere.

When it comes to Time tabulations for Historical chronological mapping reasons ... most people are on the Roman calendar of January, February, blah blah blah. It has 365 days in a "year" which are divided into 12 non-equal "months." Sometimes February has more "days" in it and sometimes it has less ... for reasons as to which I have no understanding of as to why.

Not everyone is on the Roman calendar either. You know what Time it is in China right now? It is the 29th Water Rooster day in the 8th Water Dog month of the Year of the Dog. You know what Time it is in the Hebrew calendar right now? Hm, looks like we are the 29th of Tishrei in the 5779th year of their tabulations.

I don't think my Time tabulation method for chronological record keeping is that odd to be honest. In current Count Von Count Standardized Internet Time we stand at Moment 1961.

Nineteen, sixty-one. Wow. Time sure does fly. Especially on the Internet where data and news flow like wine at a non-stop banquet. So many things have happened in the last 1000 moments ... it's almost hard to fathom. So many historical moments, so many kids getting trapped in caves, so much whacky political silliness, so many salacious scandals....my goodness.

It's in Times like these, Canadian Thanksgiving, that it really is nice to take a Moment and quietly reflect. You know something? Time does not have to be mathematical and cold. Time is poetic, it truly is. Without Time, we wouldn't even know that our Moments are limited in this world of worlds.


Time

My dearest friend Peter Lorre once described Time as,

"Time. Time. What is time? Swiss manufacture it. French hoard it. Italians squander it. Americans say it is money. Hindus say it does not exist.

Do you know what I say? I say time is a crook."  

-Lorre, P. "Beat the Devil"

Time is a crook? Robbing us of our precious Moments? Maybe. Recently I saw venerable crooner Tay Zonday of Chocolate Rain Fame describe Time as the following...

"Time is like a burly bouncer trying to politely push you out of the bar of life -- and you're trying to tie up loose ends with everybody you know before you're out the door. If you die tragically, the bouncer throws you out of the bar from across the room like The Incredible Hulk."

-Zonday, T. (See: Here)

It's a nice definition. It's pretty apt. There's a sense of urgency derived from the notion that at any moment the Incredible Hulk of Life can haphazardly put the old kibosh on your most well laid of plans and dreams.

Time can be scary when you think about it like that. I remember listening to a song once when I was a teenager that really scared me ... it made Time seem more like a horror movie villain than a tabulation of chronology. It was off the album The Last Temptation of Reid by Lard. It was a 15 minute dirge of a song about a clock called "I am Your Clock."

"I am your clock

I am your religion
I am your shotgun mechanical bride
Nothing is done without my approval

I own you
I decide how long you sleep
And how much rest
You are ever allowed

I decide what you desire
I deny you time to think
I am the mirror of constant humiliation
That follows and shadows you
Wherever you go
And blocks out the light
At the end of every tunnel you try
Be on time
Be on schedule
Always feel
Like you're always late
And need more scolding and punishment"

-Biafra, J. "I am Your Clock".

I never looked at a clock the same way ever again. Especially alarm clocks. Damn those things can wake you up. That noise they make is the shrillest reminder that your peaceful respite is not allowed to last any longer for there is no rest for the wicked according to the alarm clock.

A joke I always liked about Time was from an old Kids in the Hall bit where Scott is MAD at Switzerland and Mark is there for support whilst his friend airs his many grievances against the so called "neutral" country...

"They've never done anything wrong you say? Ha! What about the Clock? Huh? If they hadn't invented the Clock ...

I'd still be in bed ... dreaming!"

-Thompson, S.,"Sick of the Swiss"

True, Scott, true. Without clocks we'd all still be caressing the deep and wonderful surreal moments of our multi-colored dreams. Instead of being smashed in and broken out of them by the whaling ghastly cry of the common household alarm clock. 

Another moment I liked that is Time-related was from the video game world. In Suikoden III, some of the characters have become immortal due to a rune they affixed to their person. The theme of immortality is one of the main themes of Suikoden III as some of these immortal characters are becoming very despondent with their ever-lasting lives. Out of their boredom of ever-lasting life some of their intentions become pretty nihilistic and evil. I liked a scene near the end where one of the villains gives this diatribe to one of the heroes before they fight. Both the villain and the hero being of the immortal category. After the diatribe by the villain, Yuber, to the hero, Geddoe, and it is time for them to fight ... the hero Geddoe pulls out his sword and the camera zooms in and you expect him to say something very epic, heroic and climactic and he just goes ....

"I feel tired," -Geddoe, Suikoden III, On his eternal life.

It was so anti-climactic that it was actually climactic and reminded me of another Suikoden quote where Viktor described a man's actions as being "wrong and priceless." From a writing standpoint the Geddoe/Yuber scene is wrong but it's so anti-climactic that it is priceless ... and Geddoe's correct in his assessment too. Wouldn't eternal life just tire you out? If Time wasn't a factor in your life wouldn't you just keep growing ever more despondent and ever-more tired? Saving the world was just another day at the office for the 112 year old mercenary Geddoe.


2000 Approaches 

As I continue to quietly reflect on the last 1000 moments of memories past on this cool Canadian Thanksgiving's morning ... I can't help but feel hopeful for the future. As the number slowly moves to roll over to 2000 and the Count lets out his trade mark laugh to let us know how proud he is of his ability to consistently count .... I feel as though a wave of excitement is on the horizon for the world.

A new exciting era is upon us! The future is Now! This era of Hope has me almost bursting at the seams! What exciting events await us in the next 1000 Moments!? What powerful historic events shall spring up which will need to be tethered to the history books!?

Brother Time, I've grown to respect you over the years. You aren't a scary horror movie villain, my brother, you are not a monster waiting to throw us off of our mortal coil. Brother Time ... you're an okay kinda guy, man. You are. I respect you.

Que sera, sera ... Brother Time. Que sera sera. The future? Hey, it's not even ours to see, even. Whatever it'll be. It'll be.