Sometimes, I question the seriousness I devote to Zoological Pursuits, and how in tune and understanding I am of the animal kingdom. The majestic creatures of nature that both frighten and interest the average walkin'-aroun' human person.
In 2015, I wrote, "Bees", about our friend "The Bee"....
(See: https://www.writingsonsubjects.com/2015/06/bees_94.html)
Yes, I have written on Zoological Pursuits prior. But only rarely. In that essay, we learned, that even if we are frightened and angry at some of the more annoying insects in our Grand World of Nature... we shouldn't necessarily be mean to them.
Similarly, as in "Bees", I shall start Bats off with my experiences with them as to eliminate any prior held bias the author of this serious essay may hold in his heart towards Bats.... any biases which might skew the conclusion of this piece.
My Experiences with Bats
I will be open with the reader, now, about any pre-conceived notions or ambiguous prior influences with the creatures as to avoid tainting this article with personal biases.
I have NO prior experiences with real actual bats. Whatsoever.
I remember once, I think, someone told me one of my uncles caught a bat in a baseball glove that was flying around his basement and then like threw it outside and it flew off into the darkness of the night.... but I was so young and don't remember the details of this story. It might've not even have been a bat but maybe an owl or a parrot or some other bird thing.
One time, in elementary school, someone started a rumor that there was a bat in the school somewhere. It wasn't me who started this and I have no idea how true this was... but... the gossip got so out of hand that it was addressed on the P.A. system one morning... and the official announcement to the school for all the kids to hear... didn't dispel the rumor. It said something like "Yeah, we hear there might be a bat, so be careful"... it scared us so bad.
Kids were having human nightmares about the bat and coming to school and just making nonsense up. I remember it was accepted and believed that the bat flew into a girl's hair and ripped off some, most, or all of her hair. It couldn't be true though because people would have been able to like figure out who and ask her about it...
Honestly... long story to short... I don't think there ever was a bat at our school.... but that is probably my closest encounter with a bat... and it was a bat that very likely did not exist.
Before we move on, I should admit that I think bats are ugly and gross. They are yucky as can be! I know in this essay if I'm on the ropes, doin' a mental rope-a-dope, with my conclusion at the end, as to if bats are good or if bats are bad... it will come down to their yucky and ugly faces. They are scary and not cute. People say bats are super cute... but no, they're not.
So, I have never met a bat to my knowledge, I heard someone caught one in a baseball glove once, there was a nasty rumor around my grade school that our school had a bat (but probably didn't), and I think they are gross. Those are my pre-conceived notions on Bats as of now.
Bats in Nature
Everyone is up-in-arms over Bats because the origin of the pandemic we went through is commonly accepted now to be started by a virus that was transferred from Bat to Human.
What should we do? Shall we go all whacko and kill all of the Bats? Many are saying this.
From what I've read on Bats lately... it seems bats keep to themselves in caves and rarely interact with humans. We want their poop as fertilizer and it seems in rare cases people do eat bats. It's sort of Us and not Them, it seems. Poop collectors and adventurous eaters seem to be the ones seeking out and interacting with bats. Bats aren't coming to us... it seems we are going to them.
If we leave them alone... I think they are chill. If we go to try and kill all of them... maybe they will just leave their natural chill sanctuaries of loneliness and come live in our towns... which would be worse. Let's let bats do their thing and we'll do ours. That's the experts consensus on this, it seems, from what I've been reading.
As for Vampire Bats? They are scary but they are not as bad as they seem. They don't ever really kill anything. There's way more violenter animals in the animal world that will like tear a deer's face off before eating it... like lions, and tigers, and bears (oh my). Vampire bats? They just suck a little blood out of farm animals and then go back to their poop caves.... rarely if ever killing the animals. They are not even close to being the most scary violent monsters in the Animal World. Vampire Bats are closer to mosquitoes than they are to lions.
There's something that should be pointed out here, at this juncture, and that's...
Farm animals like Horses, Cows, Chickens and other ranch-related creatures need to shape up, man. These things, I was reading, can be sucked for HOURS by vampirous bats at night... and NOT EVEN NOTICE! Horses, Cows, Chickens... you gotta shape up, guys. Like, come on. I can't imagine lying in bed getting the blood sucked outta my leg by a damned flying vampire bird and not notice. I would awaken fromth mine slumber and look at the vampire bird, wig hard, and then freak out and run away.
Horses, Cows, and Chickens? They don't even seem to care. Like.... people say we should be more nicer to the farm animals because it's wrong and eating hamburgers is bad but... these animals need to shape up. They need to get it together. I like them... but I think they need to get their act together.
If a bat was sucking me at night... I'd be like "No way."
There's like 2000 specieses of bats flying around and most of them are not disease vectors. Though, sadly many are, they are vectors for disease. Most experts seem to agree that studying them instead of killing the disease vector ones is a better way to go. If we can figure out why bats don't die from all the myriad of horrible diseases swimming through their insides... maybe we can cure diseases in other forms? It is interesting to ponder. Personally, I think researching a phenomenon we don't fully understand is better than killing it, as well.
If a bat ever was in my house, though? I wouldn't like want it there. So, yeah, I speak in terms that we should let them be and study their ways instead of ridding the world of bats.... but if bats ever infested my backyard shed... I'd drop a nuke on that edifice in a heart beat. So, I'm not like 100% pro-bat.
I remember Howard Stern used to be very anti-shark... and it was funny. I think that's where I got that above nuke line from. Now a times with "Shark Week" everyone loves sharks but in the old days... in the days of Jaws... everyone HATED sharks. We understand now that they clean up the ocean of rotting fish carcasses and keep our world clean and operating efficiently and we should love sharks and blah blah blah... but I remember Howard's response to Robin reading a report of a shark eating someone... and he wanted to nuke all the sharks. It was funny.
I wouldn't really nuke bats, though, if I saw them. I don't have access to that form of advanced weaponry, anyhow, so it's not a matter of importance, really.
So out of all the options in this current Bat Scared world we live in.... what should we do with bats?
1) Let them chill in their caves and leave them alone?
2) Study them and find out why they have immune systems that are so resilient to disease?
3) Go fully all whacko and put a kibosh on ALL of the bats?
Personally, I lean to option 2. I mean, if these flying gothic squirrels with fangs can fight off the worst diseases nature has to offer a creature of this weird wild world or ours ... then maybe we can look into how they are doing this? I think it's better than just letting them roam free or exterminating them.
I thought my personal bias of how gross I find them would send me more into option 3... but in the end it did not... I sort of respect bats... but not as much as bees which I think are totally fascinating... bats are okay but I wouldn't want them in my house.
That is my official opinion of bats.
Now... let's listen to some songs about them:
Firstly:
Batgirl...
Are you a chick who fell in from outer space?
Or are you real with a tender warm embrace?
Yeaaaaaaaah, whose baby are you?
Batgirl, Batgirl!
Many people know the Batman theme, but very less people know the Batgirl theme... and it is important that more younger people know not only the Batman theme but also the lesser-known Batgirl theme.
Who's baby are you? Actually she's the daughter of Commissioner Gordon, I think. Yeah.... but I don't think they mean "baby" in that sense though. I think the singer is wondering who's "baby" she is like in a more romantic sort of way.
I love this song. I remember as a kid, watching this show, I would write theme songs in my head for other characters. She got one but Robin, Alfred and others didn't get one. I remember mentally writing a theme song for Alfred but I don't remember it. It was like kid stuff... I bet it wasn't that good.
Bat Girl! Bat Girl! Yeaaaaaaaaah.
Yeah, Bat Girl.
Let's move on to the next song,
Truth be told, this is my all time favorite Wesley Willis song. Every lyric is GREAT. I remember me and my sister had tickets to see Wesley Willis at Sala Rossa in Montreal the week before he passed away. I was THIS close to meeting him. THIS close. He passed away a week before he was to play there and I had the tickets in my desk drawer! I rue the day to this very day. I almost met him. I really did.
I love this song!
To say this is my favorite is saying something too because there are something like 7,000+ Wesley Willis songs. I don't think his writing style was necessarily that selective. He was quite a prolific song writer...but, something about Vampire Bat really speaks to me in a personal way.
Every. Single. Word. In. This. Song....is good!
That vampire bird stabbed him in the ass! Three times! That vampire bird killed him at last! Three more vampire birds sucked the blood out of me!
I wonder if he would have played this at that concert I had tickets to. I wonder if I could have seen and heard him play this live. This song, like, you can't just sit down and write something this good by accident. He was a prolific and genuine genius. He really was.
Conclusion
The lake of fire tore his ass up. He was cast into a lake of burning flame!
Who's baby are you? Who's baby are you?
Bat Giiiiiiiirl!
Bat Giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl!
