How to Turn the Montreal Student Strike Lemons into Montreal Student Strike Lemonade

The face of Education is changing, many US and UK universities make all their curriculum and research available online (a year ago I wrote about this on this blog: https://writingsonsubjects.blogspot.com/2011/05/free-educationget-it-while-it-hot-and.html).

Coupled with BOINC (the combined hive-computer/voltron synthetic super computer), the educational value of the internet trumps traditional universities and may make them extinct in the future. In fact, universities of the old age are nothing more than mere glorified book clubs where snobs mentally masturbate all over each other.

Oh my Gawd! I hate school...I'm going on strike you guyz!

Knowing that, I find it harder and harder to care for these greasy students (who are all liberal art students or other hipsters anyway). They are fighting over an increase of about 400 bucks...and with the tuition credits they'll get on their federal and provincial taxes when they join the real world will absorb those costs anyhow. Do they really have to block all the roads and mess with the metro (subway) over this?

One of the sillier demands of one of the student groups behind the strike is to cut funding to universities research budgets. This is so strange in the fact that Quebec universities have made significant discoveries (including these last year alone: http://www.quebecscience.qc.ca/decouverte2011), and the student groups want to pull the money out of research so every little hipster can go to mental masturbation liberal arts book clubs for free.

The politicians and cops have made matters 1000 times worse by being so violent in their handling of this strike (as stupid as is it) that they have made more members of the public support the students than ever before.

This toy for example, the ARWEN 37mm Less Lethal System, that fires huge hard plastic "batons" at 242 feet per second should not have been used under any circumstances against citizens. Whoever gave the order for the police to use this weapon should be fired. The plastic batons, tear gas, sound cannons, and non-bodily marking torture techniques have only made things worse.


Now, how can you take a lemony situation such as this and make it into a lemonade situation?


...By Creating the Newest and Kewlest Spectator Sport the World has Evar Seeeeen!

This strike has made world wide news, and you know what they say..."all publicity is good publicity." Thus, someone with ingenuity must devise a way to turn this heavily publicized kerfuffle into something that is fun for everyone and a boost for the economy.

The Montreal Canadiens didn't make the playoffs this year, so we have a totally vacant arena with the seating capacity of 21,273. So, all they have to do is, pass an emergency law that states that all protests must be held at the Bell Centre. Then you sell tickets at $20 a pop, hire a bunch of concession and beer vendors and bam you got yourself some lemonade out of this nonsense.

What is the sport you ask? It's called Extreme Evasion and is heavily based off of the greatest TV show of all time, American Gladiators. The police are in essence the American Gladiators and the students are the contestants. If you've never heard of it before, this is a short briefing...

That video displays my man Wesley "Two Scoops" Berry running through the "gauntlet." Now picture a student trying to break through a police kettle formation for cash prizes! It's genius, it really is.

The police will get paid good money for taking part, the students will compete for luxurious prizes (free scholarships for breaking a kettle? How 'bout that?). The public will love this shit because it would be as entertaining as hell, and it would create jobs for vendors, ushers, scalpers, and a whole lot of other folks.

To include the politicians in this too (bums like Jeans Charest, and Pauline Marois), the Extreme Evasion halftime show will feature a dunk tank where a politician will be placed upon a board above a tank of water. Lucky spectators chosen at random will be brought down to the playing grounds and be given three chances to hit a target with a ball...if they connect the politician will fall into the water and get all wet. How's that for entertainment? Am I right or am I right?