Ice Storm and Northern Exposure X: X Posure

My region was hit by an ice storm again recently. I didn't have power for like almost five days and it sucked but since it was in April and not in the dead of winter like the '98 Ice Storm... it wasn't as bad as it could've been.

This article I wrote a few years ago has many memories about the 1998 one:
(https://www.writingsonsubjects.com/2019/11/skeletor-radio-and-ice-storm.html)

I think that article was good. It had like a two-theme-thing to it which makes the month's article fill up faster.

I was like...fifteen, I guess in the '98 one... and some of the lines are funny to me....

"At that point, if you don't have to go to school, but cannot play ten hours of straight video games... then what is the point of not going to school, you know?" -Me (2019)

This line is very Beavis and Buttheadian, I find. Honestly, it would not surprise me if Beavis and Butthead had a conversation very similar to this on an episode. They probably lost their TV and decided to attend school that day. This line is more Buttheadian not so much Beavisian.

The weird thing about this recent 2023 Ice Storm on the island and surrounding region of Montreal was that it lasted like 5 hours. That was it. Everything froze like Hell had literally froze over... as the old saying goes... as the photo I took here shows.

Check this out, I'm gonna write a Haiku for this photo I took check this out...

Endless Ice is Here
All Eyes Can See all Around

are the Broken Trees

A Haiku: By D

That's pretty good. That's sort of Matsuo Basho kind of style, I'd say. Sounds good.

If you didn't go out in the early morning of April 5th... you would not have seen this. It was warm and all of this melted by the afternoon ... and what was left was endless broken trees. The ice only weighed them down for like a few hours but still long enough to basically prune every tree on the island of Montreal.

Nature is wild, guys. Sometimes we think mere humans have really controlled our environment and our the Masters of The Universe like He-Man or She-Ra... but no... Nature can destroy us whenever it wants to and for no reason.

I still have my Skeletor radio and was listening to it again during the four or five nights I had no power. Let's do another Haiku while I'm in the mood. Let's write one about this cool Skeletor Radio...

Cold and Lonely Nights
Nary a Sound nor a Sight
Only Skeletor

A Haiku: By D

Alright, I think that's enough of Ice Storm and Skeletor Radio Haikus for one sitting let's move on to the next topic in this two-topic piece.


Northern Exposure X: X Posure

All this talk about ice, cold, and lonely nights has got me thinking about the hit 1990 television show Northern Exposure.

I hope you liked the first part of my article because this next one is very odd and silly. I chunk out dumb ideas on Twitter sometimes for future articles or just to launch some nonsense around into the void of the endless internet. I don't have many follower or anything but it's just fun to know you can launch nonsense into the stratosphere of the internet for someone/everyone to read whenever you want.

I remember thinking that Northern Exposure should get a reboot but in a totally ridiculous way... and lest we not forget... that many episodes of this show were freaking whacky, to begin with, looking back to it. I was like a pre-teen when this show aired and it was genuinely strange at times. I remember one where there were two Fleischmans... he had a cool alter-ego or something.... and one with tube-men or something. That show was always odd. They had a bubble-boy too.

Another show that sort of weirded me out as a kid and that was Picket Fences (1992)... that show was weird to a kid sometimes. The characters were genuinely strange. It was less fun than Northern Exposure though.

Anyways, since I saw it as a kid who didn't even really understand it... Northern Exposure (as well as Picket Fences) are sort of fun yet odd memories for me.

I was thinking a year or so ago... they should bring back Northern Exposure but make it more silly and weird... even make it a cartoon or a Tokusatsu style show.

First of all... Dr. Fleischman should have a mechanized bionic suit. He has designed a cool mech suit to deal with the cold and bears and stuff. It would be a cool-cool robot suit.

Ed would now be the Shaman of the town after many years of intense training and he can summon eidolons. They are Eagle, Falcon, Bear, and Coyote eidolons who guide him, can talk to him ... and are sagely and smart. His hair has gotten longer and cooler.

Maggie has laser guns now. Pew. Pew-pew.

The other characters are all there doing their things but I haven't fleshed-out their X-Concept designs yet. Anthony Edwards can come back as Bubble-boy Man Guy... but I heard he doesn't act anymore for a long time because in real life he's super rich because his mom invented "White Out" or something... or no... nevermind... I think that was one of The Monkees, maybe.

Yeah, Anthony Edwards can be Bubble Man again in Northern Exposure X: X Posure... if he wants. He was a different Bubble Man though... he didn't really live in a Bubble like Travolta, or the Seinfeld one did... he lived in a Bubble Mansion and studied plant life... or something. He was with Maggie a lot.

I don't think I remember this show well enough to commit to this pitch. I only actually remember like six episodes in detail and even then those details are scattered. I'd have to watch this show again... and there's 110 episodes it says... I don't think I can handle that episode load just to write a thousand word bizarre piece of bad fan-fiction with abominable snowmen, evil ice spirits, and robots.

I like the Ed character in this Northern Exposure X: X Posure idea the best so far. He was seen as dopey and kind of out-of-it on the old show... but in my reboot Ed will be the spiritual leader of the town after completing his shaman training with the elders. He can communicate with the spirits of Alaska and summon great and powerful spirit animals to guide himself and the town.

At the end of Season One, I'd end the pen-ultimate (second to last) episode on a cliffhanger where Ed and Dr. Fleischman have a falling out over how they should defeat the Season One end boss.... who would be an evil Ice Spirit who can make avalanches and take the form of a gigantic bird.

Fleischman says only the power of science can defeat the evil ice spirit that is bombarding the town of Cicely with bad avalanches... and he'd get Maurice and some others together to build a big tank that shoots fire... but Ed... would tell him he knows the nature of the evil of the spirit and can coax it into becoming a tame and helpful spirit once again... but he just needs time.

Fleischman tells Ed... that THERE IS NO TIME!

Maggie gets sick of their arguing ... tells them that they can longer count on her to operate the flame cannon of the tank... and goes to stay at Bubble Man's house.

Maurice and the others end up agreeing with Dr. Fleischman that the fire-cannon tank is their best option.

Ed is disappointed and leaves....

Meanwhile at Bubble Man's bubble mansion... Maggie is feeling regretful of her actions. The whole town is fighting but her... and Bubble Man. She comes to her senses and tells Bubble Man she's leaving to go back and operate the fire-cannon of the tank.

Bubble Man is a pacifist and refuses to join her and stays in his bubble mansion.

Whilst... back in the main A-plot... Fleischman and the rest of the townsfolk are battling the Evil Bird Spirit with the cool tank... they have it on-the-ropes... but simply can't finish it.

Oh no.

The episode ends...

To Be Continued....



Just kidding... I doubt I will continue this with any effort so let's just end it now.

In the season finale of Northern Exposure X: X Posure:

Ed is in a wooded-area sitting all by lonesome next to a roaring fire... he focuses his inner-mind and summons ALL the eidolons. The Eagle, the Falcon, The Bear, and the Coyote. They tell Ed that the evil bird spirit is also an Eagle... the Eagle remains silent for but-just a moment... and then tells Ed the shocking truth... that the evil spirit is his brother who has lost his way.

Ed asks the Eagle if he'll lend him his strength and asks the Eagle if he'll pacify his brother and let him rejoin the land of the spirits... the Eagle is wary... but agrees.

Ed and the Eagle soar as one to the battle ground!

Meanwhile... Maggie returns to the battle ground and hugs Fleischman. He asks her about Bubble Man (but he calls him the diminutive "Bubble Boy") ... and Maggie tells him to forget that guy. He's a big wuss and she hates him.

Maggie takes over for Maurice in the cannon tank chamber (the part that shoots the fire at the Eagle Ice Spirit). Maurice is tired and thanks Maggie for relieving him of his cannon duties.

They are about to regroup and re-commence their counter-attack on the Evil Spirit... when they are hit by another of its bad avalanches! This is not good, people. This is NOT good. They are scattered and their troops stop manning the ramparts!

The Evil Ice Spirit commences its main powerful avalanche attack! It's over for Cicely, Alaska! Oh no!

But...WAIT. A new hero emerges as a gigantic Bubble Shield envelopes the entire town...

....It's Bubble Man! He's come to join the fight after all! His powerful Bubble Shield deflects the entire avalanche! Wow!

Maggie asks Bubble Man why he decided to come fight and he says a touching monologue that I'm gonna think up right now...

"Maggie... I can live my entire life in my Bubble Fort safely coddled away from germs and danger... but... if you weren't in this town anymore... what would be the point of being alive? There comes a time in every Bubble Man's life... when he must leave his Bubble Fort and protect the town and people he loves..."

Maggie is touched by Bubble Man's words and embraces him deeply as Fleischman rolls his eyes. He's annoyed not so much that Maggie seems to like Bubble Man again... but he's more annoyed that Bubble Man keeps calling his Bubble Mansion a fort.

But Lo! The Evil Spirit is charging up ANOTHER ice-related super move! Oh no! Is this the end for our heroes!?

No... a big Aurora Borealis of multi-colored lights drifts in slowly on the horizon! An Eagle gently soars in the sky against the beautiful northern lights that light up the night!

It's Ed!

Ed and the Eagle are now One. The Good Eagle propels Ed into the Evil Eagle and Ed kicks it in the face! BAM!

The townsfolk roar like a lion!

Fleischman knowingly nods at Ed... to symbolize his regained trust in him. He throws Maggie a helmet and they jump into the Fire Tank. Fleischman pilots it while Maggie mans the cannon.

Ed instructs Fleischman and Maggie to fire a flaming cannon round right at him and the Eagle spirit that surrounds his body. They look at Ed and he looks cool. The Eagle and the Northern Lights look cool around Ed. Everything looks so cool.

"Trust Me..."

Ed tells him to trust him... and Fleischman and Maggie fire a flaming array of fire at Ed and the Eagle spirit. Ed, the Eagle, and the beautiful lights of the Aurora Borealis... are LIT A FLAME! The night's sky lights up in an extraordinary blinding fiery light!

Yeaaaaaaah!

Flaming Eagle KICK!

BAM!




The End

Skeletor Radio and Ice Storm

Skeletor Radio

I was without power for many an hour recently, as a high-gust wind-storm decimated trees and power lines in my region. I didn't have TeeVee, video games, computer, lights, or even heat for a while.... which really reminds you how addicted to these things we are.

Suddenly, I remembered a Skeletor radio from 1986, that still works. It's a small transistor radio, with Skeletor's face on it... and his eyes are speakers that can output various AM and FM stations if you tune the orange wheel to recieve the signal.

You've gotten me through some tough times, Skeletor. You've gotten me through some tough times, Skeletor.

It's hard to sit at night in the dark... with candles and stuff. Your world can quickly become more Edgar Allan Poe-esque or Vincent Pricey than you would ever want it to be. Darkness looming like a wave of human malfeasance all around you. The phantasms and ghastly forms of the next world begin calling out to you... as you are imprisoned in darkness. For all you know, the 13 Ghosts of Scooby Doo, are just waiting behind the bathroom door to steal your soul and cast you from the Land of the Living forever and for always.

I ran frantically about the darkness, of my soul and of the house, trying desperately to escape the madness of night. Lo, what is before me? Surely not a Skeletor Radio? It is! Please Skeletor! Tune in to an AM talk radio station and through the speakers in your eyeless eyes deliver me from the darkness of my mind!

AAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIEEEEEE!

I struggled to find a huge square shaped battery that this 1986 Skeletor Radio required, thankfully there was one. As I turned it on, the voices of talk radio show host Elias Makos brought me back to reality as his voice slowly emerged above the darkness through the eyes of Skeletor. Skeletor's eyeless eyes pierced the darkness and acted as a portal to a world of Light.... where people had power and were calling the Hydro people and asking them when people trapped in the darkness would regain their Light and be delivered from a world of fright.

So thanks you to Skeletor, Elias Makos and the rest of the CJAD talk radio gang, for helping me make it through a rough time where I couldn't watch TV or play video games for a little while.

That Skeletor radio unlocked some memories inside of me as well.... and if you want to follow me into the next section you will enter into the world of 1998... a world of natural disaster and movie theaters.....

Ice Storm 1998 

That Skeletor radio reminded me of the last time his services were needed, back in 1998, during the Ice Storm of '98... which was not a joke, at all.

The Ice Storm of '98 was as if Hell literally Froze Over... and it sucked, big time. We woke up one morning to find a city entombed in a prison of Ice. Whole-ass trees....FROZEN. Whole-ass houses.... FROZEN. Whole entire cars.... just FROZEN in ice. Power lines? Forget it.... they froze and broke into millions of pieces like a sub-zero jigsaw puzzle.

It was a legitimate natural disaster, I'm not exaggerating. If you're from the North-East of North America... you probably understand that some winter weather related events can be classified as Natural Disasters.... and Ice Storm '98 was one of those. 

According to this source, almost two million people were without power for extended periods of time and 600,000 people left their homes during that time.... mostly to go stay at someone's place who had power... or maybe a shelter.

It was not as bad as say an earthquake or a typhoon... or a more well-known Natural Disaster... but it was in its own way a total Naturally Occurring Disaster. 

It was during this time, once again, that Skeletor acted as a portal to the outside world for a small family with no power. The youngest memeber of that family, me, being unable to go to school (YES!) but in an ironic twist.... not being able to watch TV or play video games whilst home from school. At that point, if you don't have to go to school, but cannot play ten hours of straight video games... then what is the point of not going to school, you know?

It was cold too. We had to make fires and pet our pets (Astro the Cat, and Cubby the Dog) to stay warm. My mom even used her super cool looking Fish Candle to get more light. This was the coolest candle I had ever seen and had been in our house for as long as I could remember. It was a burgundy, orange, red, yellow Fish of multi-colored layered wax....that looked cooler than you can picture in your mind right now. It was the coolest fish-candle I'd ever seen.... and we used it to make more light. I miss you, Fish Candle. Wherever you are, I hope you are burning brightly.

We had two transistor radios back then, a cool looking old-school grey one that looked like it fit the part of being an old radio.... and one that didn't fit the image of what an old transistor radio should look like....a radio, you guessed it, that was Skeletor's head and who's eyeless eyes acted as speakers.

Do you know what was on the other side of my Skeletor radio? You'll never guess. You won't. Do you really want to know? Okay, I will tell you.... it was ....

 HE-MAN

Yes, the other side of the radio was another head, that of HE-MAN, which is really cool. Yes, the Skeletor (or HE-MAN radio if you prefer to call it), tuned us in to CJAD where Mark Rennie helped many get through the Ice Storm of '98. After looking up this broadcaster it seems he passed in 2006... he was a great man who thanks to Skeletor's eyes helped me through those lonely powerless days. Wherever you are Mark Rennie, I hope you are burning brightly.

Eventually, we gave in and went to my uncle and aunt's house who had power and chilled there with my cousins for a hot minute or two. My dog wasn't used to being in a new environment and I think he peed on their kitchen floor.

Yet, one thing we could not shake from our minds, was my paternal Grandfather, who went by the self-titled moniker of Paw Jack. He was a stubborn old man who didn't want to leave his powerless apartment. So, to get him out of there for a while we told him we'd take him to see a movie and then go eat something. He agreed.

There was a movie theater with power... so we checked the listing in the newspaper... it was January 1998, and the movie we went to I believe had Jack Nicholson, Helen Hunt, Greg Kinnear, and Cuba Gooding Jr. in it.... according to research this film was called... "As Good as it Gets."

I want to warn Mr. Nicholson, Mz. Hunt, Mr. Kinnear, and Mr. Gooding Jr.... that the following paragraph(s) of what my Grandfather thought of your film are not kind. He hated your movie so much. He thought it was the worst movie he ever saw.

I think because it was a Natural Disaster, that people in the theater weren't in full-society mode... and because of that the ensuing tirades my Grandfather hurled at the film were taken more leniently. I guess you get a free pass to be grumpy when a Natural Disaster is going on.... but... man, my Grandfather hated this movie soooo much. It was a memory I will never forget.

In 1998, I was probably like what? Like, 15, I guess, 15 years old. I was a shy kid, if you were to ask many people who knew teenage Me.... there's probably many students at my high school who spent five years with me who never heard me talk.... like, teenage Me was shy, and introverted... BIG TIME. What ensued in public, in a movie theater, by a person in my party of people in the theater ... .was something so foreign to me.... so unusual.... like.... the stuff he was saying... and how loud he was saying it.... it was just jaw-droppingly an event I had never seen before.

The things he was saying were so Unique though too.... I still remember some of his lines to this day... one of them was....

"A BABY COULD'VE WROTE A BETTER MOVIE THAN THIS WITH ITS LEFT HAND!"

-Paw Jack

Who says something like that in a movie theater? IMDB says James L. Brooks from the Simpsons wrote this film.... well, James L., I'm sorry to inform you that my Grandfather believed a BABY with its LEFT HAND could write a better screenplay than you did.

Another doozy that he laid on this film... for the whole theater to hear.... was this unique doozy,

"IF I HAD A VIDEO LIBRARY AT MY HOME... I WOULD NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS INCLUDE THIS IN MY VIDEO LIBRARY!!"

-Paw Jack

This is my favorite line, ever. He felt the need to assure you that he's not some geek who has a video library in his home (i.e. walls of VHS tapes)... but in the event that he did have a video library in his home.... he would not let a horrible movie like this be allowed in his collection... because this movie is that Bad.

So, to all involved in the making of "As Good as it Gets" ... I don't necessarily agree with him... but just to have some record of my late Grandfather's opinion of your film as recounted to me in a pretty full movie theater during a Natural Disaster.... for posterity .... so, to all involved in that film, in the case that my Grandfather owned a video library (which he did not).... your film does not meet the criterion to have been included in his non-existent video library. 

Oh man, I miss that guy. I'm gonna jot down one more Bonus Paw Jack story which is of a similar vein while we're on this topic....

I went with him to a movie again a few years later... it was the year the first Harry Potter movie was out. Research says this film was out in 2001... so this story takes place in 2001.

My grandfather took me to Harry Potter 1, Harry Potter and the Gimmick of Eastwick, or whatever. Now get this, I didn't want to go.... I didn't know what a Harry Potter was. I was like already 18 in 2001... that's older than the age range for H. Potter....it was Him who wanted to see it very badly.

At first I didn't know why, I thought maybe he read it and liked the book or something.... but on the way there he told me why he wanted to see it. He told me that he read a newspaper article that said the Harry Potter series was getting kids to read books again... and he wanted to see what this gem was that was finally getting kids to open books up again. That was the reason. He had no idea, like me, what the books were about or anything.....and guess what?

....HE HATED IT!

When we got out of the theater he summed up the first Harry Potter film as so....

"WHY WOULD ANY KID WANNA READ THAT GARBAGE FOR!?!?!?!"

-Paw Jack

I don't necessarily agree with him... but for the record... if anyone involved in the making of Harry Potter is interested in knowing my Grandfather's opinion of your literature and films....

Mz. Rowling.... a BABY could probably write a better book with their LEFT HAND! As for the films, if my Grandfather had a video library (which he did not)... he would never put such a sub-par film series as the Harry Potter films in his non-existent video library. That's what my Grandfather thought about the Harry Potter books and films... not that I agree or anything...  but it's just nice to have it recorded for posterity.

My Grandfather was from an older time, he was in World War II, and got a grenade exploded near him and shrapnel caught in his gut.... so he had a reason to be a grouchy man. I think these memories are dear to me just because of the sheer unique element of the statements. I've never heard any film critic describe film in such terms. The line about his non-existent video library is to-this-day one of my favorite lines I've ever heard anybody say.

Conclusion 

Thank you Skeletor (or HE-MAN depending on what side your facing) for getting me through the Wind Storm of '19 and reminding me about the Ice Storm of '98.

Dear Carl Sagan who art in somewheres...

Dear Mr. Sagan,

In your book Demon Haunted World on page number 26, you cite the popularity of Beavis and Butthead as a sign of the decline of intelligence in civilization. I feel that this point is mistaken.

The creator of Beavis and Butthead, Mr. Mike Judge, was a man of scientific intellect. He worked as an engineer previous to creating cartoons for the masses. Judge's "Beavis and Butthead" is in much the same vein as your book Demon Haunted World.

Your book is in essence a social critique of the decline of intelligence of our times, and more so a request for people to practice skepticism and foremost critical thinking. Similarly, "Beavis and Butthead" is also a social critique on the decline of national intelligence. As for promoting critical thinking? Beavis and Butthead's harsh critique of the music industry's chaff garbage forced upon the youth of the era gave the teens who watched it at that time an inherent Bullshit Detector. Anything that was fake or pretentious was automatically tossed aside and labeled as "sucks" on the program and similarly the teens of the era took a critical way of thinking to the entertainment media they observed.

Wherever you are in the universe, whether you are star stuff or whatever...please don't hate on Beavis and Butthead bro.

(Sources: Sagan, C. Demon Haunted World, p.26)