Coupled with BOINC (the combined hive-computer/voltron synthetic super computer), the educational value of the internet trumps traditional universities and may make them extinct in the future. In fact, universities of the old age are nothing more than mere glorified book clubs where snobs mentally masturbate all over each other.
Oh my Gawd! I hate school...I'm going on strike you guyz!
Knowing that, I find it harder and harder to care for these greasy students (who are all liberal art students or other hipsters anyway). They are fighting over an increase of about 400 bucks...and with the tuition credits they'll get on their federal and provincial taxes when they join the real world will absorb those costs anyhow. Do they really have to block all the roads and mess with the metro (subway) over this?
One of the sillier demands of one of the student groups behind the strike is to cut funding to universities research budgets. This is so strange in the fact that Quebec universities have made significant discoveries (including these last year alone: http://www.quebecscience.qc.ca/decouverte2011), and the student groups want to pull the money out of research so every little hipster can go to mental masturbation liberal arts book clubs for free.
The politicians and cops have made matters 1000 times worse by being so violent in their handling of this strike (as stupid as is it) that they have made more members of the public support the students than ever before.
This toy for example, the ARWEN 37mm Less Lethal System, that fires huge hard plastic "batons" at 242 feet per second should not have been used under any circumstances against citizens. Whoever gave the order for the police to use this weapon should be fired. The plastic batons, tear gas, sound cannons, and non-bodily marking torture techniques have only made things worse.
Now, how can you take a lemony situation such as this and make it into a lemonade situation?
...By Creating the Newest and Kewlest Spectator Sport the World has Evar Seeeeen!
This strike has made world wide news, and you know what they say..."all publicity is good publicity." Thus, someone with ingenuity must devise a way to turn this heavily publicized kerfuffle into something that is fun for everyone and a boost for the economy.
The Montreal Canadiens didn't make the playoffs this year, so we have a totally vacant arena with the seating capacity of 21,273. So, all they have to do is, pass an emergency law that states that all protests must be held at the Bell Centre. Then you sell tickets at $20 a pop, hire a bunch of concession and beer vendors and bam you got yourself some lemonade out of this nonsense.
What is the sport you ask? It's called Extreme Evasion and is heavily based off of the greatest TV show of all time, American Gladiators. The police are in essence the American Gladiators and the students are the contestants. If you've never heard of it before, this is a short briefing...
That video displays my man Wesley "Two Scoops" Berry running through the "gauntlet." Now picture a student trying to break through a police kettle formation for cash prizes! It's genius, it really is.
The police will get paid good money for taking part, the students will compete for luxurious prizes (free scholarships for breaking a kettle? How 'bout that?). The public will love this shit because it would be as entertaining as hell, and it would create jobs for vendors, ushers, scalpers, and a whole lot of other folks.
To include the politicians in this too (bums like Jeans Charest, and Pauline Marois), the Extreme Evasion halftime show will feature a dunk tank where a politician will be placed upon a board above a tank of water. Lucky spectators chosen at random will be brought down to the playing grounds and be given three chances to hit a target with a ball...if they connect the politician will fall into the water and get all wet. How's that for entertainment? Am I right or am I right?
People ask sometimes, what the necessities of life are. Most would answer: Sleeping, Eating, and Drinking. It seems the most basic of life's necessities, the act of breathing, is never discussed at length. I'd go as far to say that we as a human race are taking breathing for granted, and we shouldn't be doing that.
You can eat right, exercise, and take your vitamins...but you have to ask yourself at some point, "am I breathing correctly?"
Breathing is an art and science that we are only beginning to comprehend. Only by getting down and in-synch with your breathing can you begin to get down with your bad self.
So let's talk about breathing...at length.
What is Breathing?
Breathing is the act of sucking in oxygen and releasing carbon. Oxygen is what keeps our asses alive and without it we suffocate and die. All humans are oxygen junkies, we are so addicted to that shit that if we don't get our oxygen fix for even 10 minutes we will drop dead and die.
Oxygen is such a long stuffy word, it has 3 syllables (which is ridiculous) and has stupid letters in it that nobody likes, I'm talking about "x" and "y" of course, I mean, what, are we plotting a Cartesian plane here? No. So what's with the axis letters? Someone at some point got sick of saying this ugly-ass word and replaced it with the word "Air" which is a nice word.
I love air. Ever since I was a little kid I liked air...I think it was this song in particular that won me over on air:
Air...air...air...air...It is everywhere!
How to Tell Time by Counting your Breaths
If you can get in-synch with your breathing then you can know exactly how many breaths you take in a day, and that is really useful for you. You can tell exactly what moment of your cyclical day-routine you are currently situated in. Ahem...let me explain:
Breathing is like an inherent time measuring stick. Everyone's time measuring stick is customized to their own life cycle and/or micromanaged routine-cycle. Once you set your base unit for 1 personal breath you take, then you can start stratisfying your mental time units in accordance.
For my personal human routine-cycle, 1 unit of "inhaling of breath" is roughly ~0.556 moments of elapsed "time", and 1 unit of "exhaling of breath" is roughly ~0.661 moments of elapsed "time". Your body has a built in subconscious breath counter that records this, there is no need to literally count breaths (that's cumbersome and mentally crazy, do not count your breaths with words)...therefore...I can know exactly and precisely how many moments of time has elapsed by my breathing and I never ever check clocks or time pieces.
In accordance with my base time units, I measure "months" by a 1000 "day" cycles, and "days" are measured on a 10,000 unit cycle which consists of isolated "moments" which are measured in a 100,000 unit cycle of 1.217 fixed quantity per unit (0.661 + 0.556).
If you get down with your breathing, you can do this too!
...But, Don't Get too Down with Your Breathing
Some people take it too far. For instance, the Breatharians, take the idea of getting down with their own breathing, way too far.
Brooks only eats sweet tasty Air.
Similar to how a vegetarian only eats vegetables...a Breatharian only eats breaths. Its founder and lead breath researcher, Mr. Wiley Brooks, teaches that you can live a healthy long-lasting life by casting off food and drink and maintaining sustenance solely through the consumption of air.
The following is a rather insane excerpt from the Breatharian Institute of America:
"Wiley has been a Breatharian for some 30 years and has been giving seminars and teaching his intrinsically learned philosophy for over 20 of those years. A Breatharian is a person who can, under the proper conditions, live with or without eating physical food. Wiley was first introduced to the world back in 1981 when he appeared on the national TV show "THAT'S INCREDIBLE" demonstrating his strength by lifting 1100 lbs of weights, nearly 10 times his own body weight. When in a non-polluted environment (air or electro) he sleeps 1 to 7 hours a week. Althought Wiley is now 74 years old (young) he teaches only Empowered Ascension to a very few pre-qualified applicants.
"EARTH PRIME" OR ''THE NEW EARTH'' IS LOCATED IN THE 5TH DIMENSIONAL WORLD. THE WORLD WITHOUT THE VIBRATIONS OF PAIN AND FEAR. YOU FEEL ONLY INCREDIBLE LOVE, PEACE AND JOY. LOVE AND JOY YOU CAN ONLY DREAM ABOUT IN THE 3rd DIMENSIONAL WORLD YOU LIVE IN AT THIS TIME.
[Wiley's] goal is to populate EARTH PRIME with as many people as possible before March 20, 2013.
Wiley Brooks, Breatharian and teacher from the 5th Dimensional worlds
Wiley has had past lives as:
ADAM, ZEUS, ENOCH, JESHUA (JESUS THE CHRIST), JOSHUA, ELIJAH, JOHN THE BAPTIST, ST. FRANCIS OF ASSISI, KUTHUMI, BALTHAZAR (KING OF SYRIA), MUGHAL EMPEROR SHAH JAHAN (Builder of the TaJ Mahal in Agra, India), JOSEPH SMITH AND WILLIAM MULHOLLAND."
The 5th dimensional world of Earth Prime sounds awesome and everything, but I'm not sure I believe Wiley when he talks this gibberish.
Wiley is a nice man, I think he just enjoys breathing a little too much. Movin' on...
Does Air Care?
We humans have a love affair with air, we cannot live or breathe without it. Yet, is this love affair mutual or totally one-sided? Sadly, it's hard to admit but entirely true that air does not love humans back.
Check this shit out....
That's a high pressure air vacuum (or sumthin') that is ripping shit apart like an unstoppable freight train of destruction. Air is not a sentient thoughtful creature like us, it is a mindless killing machine. Air does not care, it just doesn't care about the consequences of its actions.
Conclusion
Humans have a love affair with the air...but air just doesn't care. It's a sad story when you think about it, no?
The Spaceman Bill Lee called him "The Moderator of the Conclave," and the leader of the Montreal Expos teams of the glorious era of the late seventies and early eighties. This man in 1979 proclaimed that the Montreal Expos were "for real" and "as serious as a heart attack."
Who is he?
The legend...Warren Cromartie. Who else?
Today on April the 4th of 2012, almost 34 years after proclaiming to the world that the Montreal Expos are for real, he's back to let 'em know that even though they are gone...they are certainly not forgotten and may one day live once more. The Cro came back to Montreal to announce that he is heading a group who's purpose is to revive the Expos.
Why do I care? Because baseball reminds me of a simpler time. When April came around in the old days it used to mean that I got to play baseball all day, watch Expos games at night, then read the boxscores in the mornings and absorb all those wonderful numbers into my brain. Now, I work all day long and don't have time to play baseball, the Expos are dead, and in the morning there's nothing to look at the in paper except boring political and business articles...no more boxscores. To each his own, you know? It reminds of a simpler time and it gave me something to believe in.
Circa 1979.....for real
Cro stated in his press conference that this has got to start at the "grassroots" and that it's gonna take a "unit" of people with a positive attitude. It's a baby-step but everything has to start somewhere...and if I may say, this baby-step is as serious as a heart attack!
The Montreal Baseball Project will be holding a charity golf tournament on June 15th, 2012 for the Cedar Cancer Institute and the MUHC in memory of the Great Legend Gary Carter who passed away earlier this year from brain cancer. The game will feature many of Carter's teammates of the 1981 Expos (including the Great Legend Tim Raines and the Great Legend Andre Dawson).
My Thoughts
People are saying that Montreal is too accustomed to big league attractions and will never support a minor league team, but I'm not sure about that. I think a minor league team could work here. Personally, I would use some Bill Veeck-ian gimmicks to sell the game. I would keep open 4 of the 25 roster spots for the following:
A) Two Quebec born players in order to have hometown players on the team for the fans to support.
B) Two women players in order to break some ground (this gimmick will get some headlines for sure)
The 21 roster slot system won't fly with the MLB players union, so a triple-A team (or any other MLB affiliated team) is not in the picture. The best idea would be a Can-Am team, where the Quebec Capitales play and thus a rivalry can start between Quebec City and Montreal. With a Can-Am team the 4 reserved roster slots for seat-filling reasons will be able to fly.
Who is the prime candidate to be the female star of the Montreal's hypothetical Can-Am team?
Eri Yoshida
Yoshida is a side-arm knuckleballer from Yokohama, Japan. She has pitched professionally against men on several occasions, including as a member of the Kobe 9 in Japan, and the Chico Outlaws in the U.S of A.
She has trained extensively with knuckleball sages such as Tim Wakefield and seems to have perfected the technique at a very young age. Some claim she has mastered 36 divine deception techniques and 72 earthly ones, giving her more than enough deceptive notes in her pitch sequence to fool almost any batter.
Would Yoshida sign on to pitch for a Cromartie led Montreal minor league franchise? Yes, she would in a heart beat. The Cro is a MUCH BIGGER legend in Japan than he is in North America and is a baseball icon over there.
I think women would flock to see her throw and make men look foolish with her deceptive knuckleball, I think she would be an instant-star in Montreal.
Montreal was where the first black player gained confidence to smash the color barrier in Major League Baseball...could it be the place where the first woman player gains the confidence to strike out men in Major League Baseball? I don't know...I think it would sell tickets though.
Lots of students filling the streets this week in Montreal to protest tuition hikes. Yes, it's annoying that they are non-violently protesting and blocking streets off...but I can't be mad at them because I know that non-violent civil disobedience is one of the major factors that made Canada what it is today, and although it is a little annoying, I respect the students.
Canada has a long history of non-violent civil disobedience and it's pretty interesting.
History of Canadian Civil Disobedience
This got really big in Canada after World War I, when all the veterans came back bloodied, tired, and broken...to nothing. They were thanked for "Fighting for Freedom" and then forgotten about. Out of the 500,000 (est.) that returned home from WW1 many were disfigured or amputated, and a person with no arms has no chance of finding a job. "Returning soldiers were angry. They had risked their lives for their country and now were returning to economic chaos. They had great difficulty finding jobs. They sometimes saw them occupied by immigrants. They bristled at annual inflation rates of about forty percent. They heard tales of people who had profited immensely from the war. "
People were starting to notice that maybe World War I was more about sending poor people to die off and making rich people more "war-bucks" than it was about "freedom" or some bullshit word...and so they got really really mad.
You can search "Winnipeg General Strike" or "On-to-Ottawa Trek" for some good examples, or read through the link after the quote mentioned above...but to sum it up, Canadians protested like crazy and won all of the gains we take for granted today. All the social gains we have today were won from the powerful elite class by unions, veterans, and regular folks who practiced civil disobedience in the streets. That is not mentioned very often, in fact, usually when they talk about something we have in Canada they tell us it was given to us from an elite, like a God giving his peons something.
Take medicare for instance, in the interest of the history of medicare, we are told a horribly sappy story about how Tommy Douglas was once treated for free by a doctor and he decided that one day he will give everyone free health care. This is bullshit, Douglas was a crazy Christian preacher who wrote essays in support of eugenics and establishing a "Canadian Master Race." This crazy fool didn't just hand Canadians health care like some sort of God. Real Canadians took to the streets and fought for these gains.
Similarly in the U.S.A. veterans came home to nothing as well, and at some point must have said to themselves "fuck this shit, I went to kill other poor folks over the pond for what? To come home and live in the fucking street? Fuck this." In 1932, a group of 17,000 veterans (plus their families and supporters, which in turn made the group total about 43,000 people) marched on the White House demanding compensation and a better life. This protest did not sit well with the Americans in power at the time and they ordered the protesters removed, President Herbert Hoover told the guards to use force if necessary and two veterans were shot and killed by police. So basically, two people who went to "die for their country" did indeed die for their country...but in their country and by their country. That's fucked up. (see: "Bonus Army" for details)
Civil Disobedience All-Stars
NVCD Icons of Yesteryear
The two most iconic faces of non-violent civil disobedience are Gandhi, and Martin Luther King Jr.
If you are interested in knowing about these two men and their methods please by all means use the power of the internet and research them. Putting their names into a search engine will give you all you need to know about them...also having King's "I Have a Dream" book in your library (either print or digital) is a must have.
(I might fill this blog out more after, but that's the basic reason I'm not gonna hate on the students for blocking off the roads even if it is annoying. It's good to keep pressure on your government.) Ammendment (May 27, 2012:)
After 100 days of greasy students and crazy cops fooling around in the streets, it might be time to end this silliness.
Think about this...
As more US and UK universities are making their research and curriculum available for widespread free use online (example: http://webcast.berkeley.edu/)...it looks like the whole face of education is changing.
Online free education is really good, you can pause the lecture (to open a new tab and search for a term you didn't understand), you can rewind it to see a part over again that you didn't quite get. It's so convienient and free.
Right now, for instance, I'm watching lectures on computer programming as presented by the notorious mutha fuckin' Paul N. Hilfinger.
...and it's FOR FREE! You can do this for any subject! You people are fighting for an ancient educational model that is going extinct fast. It's pointless...
...Chill out and let the team grow. That's not only the fans but the media too. Chill out and let this team grow.
The next 2-3 years are "rebuilding" years. We got to finish at the bottom in order to get higher draft picks, and by 2015 we will be serious serious business. This team has a lot of talented young players and will have a few more with the draft picks of the next two years. You got to chill and let these kids grow, you can't scare them out of town, you can't use them as the scapegoat of the week, or any of that crap.
Look at these guys, you got Pacioretty who's already got 25 goals this year. You got P.K. Subban who will probably be the first black captain of the Canadiens and who has merchandising potential to make the team millions and millions with his popularity. You got Price who is looking really good and will probably get better. You got Lars Eller who is huge and skates like a bat outta hell. These young guys are good. Let them develop, grow, and meld as a functional human unit.
This is what I think the respective parties involved should do:
The Front Office's role:
Don't waste money on tempting free agents. You will need a lot of dough to sign these youngsters longterm when they get real good so do not use up your budget signing washed up guys like Gomezes or Cammaleries.
The Coaches role:
Don't interfere too much if ever. You don't play as big a role as you think you do. Just let these kids get out there and do the do. Your egos can do more damage to a team than good, and in no way can your ego make players play better unless you're super-chill and cool like a Reggie Dunlop type guy.
The Young Playas roles:
Don't over-indulge. Montreal is a fun city, it has lots of dance clubs, strip joints, massage parlors and all kinds of cool shit. You kids cannot ruin your lives by wasting all your energy on Montreal's slut population. Yes the sluts are bangin' and good, but their pussies will not win you a Stanley Cup. Plus, there's plenty of time for them in the off-season.
The Media's role:
Shut the fuck up. You make a new scapegoat every other week, and make mountains out of mole hills in the space between those weeks. Let these kids play hockey.
The Fan's role:
Enjoy this shit. It's just a hockey game, it's not important and not anything to get too crazy over. You don't have to riot, but if you think you do have to riot when they win the cup in 2015 then please keep the damage to a minimum. The city should invest in what I would call "Riot Domes" or "Designated Damage Areas" where enclosed spaces are closed off with ply-wood walls and filled with old beat up cars and plate glass windows where rioters can go and smash junk up without damaging public or private property. The fans could thus punch and kick cars like Guile off of Street Fighter with all the gusto they want, but nothing of value will be lost or damaged.
Facebook gives users webspace to upload pictures of themselves, write crap, and whatever. It's like Geocities or Fortunecity used to be except Facebook has a very odd ulterior motive behind it.
It takes all your data and sells it to advertising firms who use that data to figure out how to sell products to you. It sells everything you put on it, even your personal private messages, and even the stuff you deleted. The ad agencies then crawl through all the data and draw up battle plans. I really hope this is done by a program which searches out popular terms used and compiles them, I hope ad firms aren't paying people to read everyone's status updates and private messages to figure out how they should make their next commercial. A theoretical conversation at an ad agency could be something like this:
"Hey Gordon, did you know that Susie Q. Pollyanna prefers the color blue to the color green? She just stated it in a private message to Gilberta Sanchez while she was at the Slurp N' Save on LaQueen avenue."
"Woah David! That puts the tally of people who prefer blue over green at 1,233,121 and the people who prefer green over blue at 910,236!"
"Wow Gordon! For our next ad, our product should have more blue in the background and the actor should display our product while wearing a blue shirt!"
"Great idea David! You're so cool!"
Oh shit man. I think those conversations really are happening and that's sad. Can you believe those people get paid huge salaries at those fucking agencies. My lands...my motherfuckin' lands, this is a crazy world we are living in.
In the FAQ published by facebook, they have an entry for the question "Does Facebook sell my information?" and they answer it like this:
"No. You have control over how your information is shared. We do not share your personal information with people or services you don't want. We do not give advertisers access to your personal information. We do not and never will sell any of your information to anyone"
The lead-off NO is a very misleading one. I find the "you don't want" part to be odd. By that statment they are telling you that they share your personal information (so the "no" is a ridiculous lie) but only with "people you want." You know when they ask you before you install an app if you will let the app have access to your information and you accept? That's all it takes for that service to become someone/something "you want." Say you signed up to allow New York Post stories on Facebook with their app, well, the New York Post is now someone "you want" to have your information.
Basically, they don't sell it in a legal sense (in a way that you can sue them), what they do is: they state that any info you share is up to you, then they take a lot of money from 3rd party companies and let them put apps on facebook for you to use, the trade-off for using those apps is to share your info with them (they even straight up tell you that when you install them). They are "sharing" your info with the parties you allow them to.
Oh and why are "advertisers" even mentioned in that FAQ answer? It wasn't asked in the question, kind of odd...isn't it?
How do you think Facebook is a billion dollar corporation? By magic? It doesn't cost anything, sell anything, or make a profit in any possible way. How can it be a billion dollar business? Only by selling (sorry I mean "sharing") your info with other businesses and agencies who want to research their target markets.
Personally, I use Facebook, I think it connects a lot of people and I don't think another network will get off the ground any time soon that will have billions of users (that's a lot). I like to communicate with writing because I write better than I talk. I think I grind my teeth too much when I sleep and my jaw is kind of messed up from that, but with writing you don't have to move your jaw...only your fingers and hands. I can just go on the facebook after work and take a few minutes to socialize, comment on shit and not use my jaw.
I know they got algorithmic robot compilers scanning my stuff and throwing my tastes into some huge Taste-O-Base Database but I don't care. You want to know why? Because I am immune to advertising!
Back when I was an ugly teenager, I was into that buddhism shit. Especially the mantra chanting. A mantra chant is when you repeat the same sentence over and over in your skull ad nauseum until it's engraved and tattooed into your memory. I started with "Namyo Ho Renge Kyo" like Willie Davis and the guy who looks like Lu Da from Suikoden II used to say, and it means that all things that happen have an equal and opposite reaction. Then one day I made a fire in a fireplace and I was listening to a CD called "Repeater" by this band called Fugazi. A song called "Blueprint" came on and I listened to it while I gazed fixated at the flames in the fireplace. The fire made my eyes hot and I put my face really close to the fire and absorbed all the colors and heat with my eyes, and then the chorus of the song went like...
Never mind what they're sellin' It's what you're buyin' (...and receivin' undefiled)
Never mind what they're sellin' It's what you're buyin' (...and receivin' undefiled)
Never mind what they're sellin' It's what you're buyin' (...and receivin' undefiled)
That was a mantra, man. A mantra you listen to while you look at stuff burn, a mantra you say while wood burns away. That mantra is engraved in my skull just as the fire is engraved in my eyes.
That shit is true too! I don't care what anyone tries to sell me! I only worry about what I am buying. It's my action of buying something that's important...not the trickery, gimmicks, and tactics of the people trying to sell me shit! I don't care what tactics the ad agencies devise to try and get me to buy things because I am in control of what I buy, and that's that.
Everything is streamlined now too I think. Like if you buy something on Amazon, that purchase will go in some big ad agency database and next thing you know I'm seeing ads on my facebook or on google adsense for "similar purchases" to the thing I bought on Amazon. I don't care if Gordon and David know that I recently purchased The Dolemite Total Experience off of Amazon. I bought that because I wanted to, Dolemite movies are one of my many bibles and I wanted to have a hard copy of it. You're not going to get me to buy other DVDs you consider similar to that by throwing them in ads on the right hand side of every website I visit.
Anyways, I use the facebook because I don't think the downside outweighs the upside, but I am aware that it's a data farming tool for ad agencies. Your opinion might be different than mine, if you don't want Gordon and David or whoever reading your statuses, looking at your photos, and snooping through your private messages to figure out what ads to throw at you while you browse the internet then you should use another social media service (or if you're really smart and a real go getter...just invent and program a new better one).
Honestly, I think it's kind of sad, I really do. Ad agencies are shelling out billions of dollars to study you, and figure out the best way to trick you into buying some garbage. Me? I don't care if you know I like Dolemite and wear jeans in my photos...you're not gonna get me to buy NOTHING. I don't care what YOU ARE SELLIN'...because it is what I AM BUYIN'....and I buy my Dolemite movies UNDEFILED...you no business, rat-soup eating, dilapidated, born insecure, AD AGENCY MOTHA FUCKAHS!
Mookie Wilson has the greatest name I've ever heard. I don't care who knows about it. Mookie Wilson won the 1986 World Series. Mookie Wilson is either the uncle or step-dad or father of Preston Wilson.
Mookie Wilson hangs out with Muppets. Mookie Wilson started a school for inner-city low-income teenage girls in New Jersey and those young ladies are called "Mookie's Roses". I think that Mookie is like Bosley from Charlie's Angels and he shows up on a TV screen at the school after class and dispatches his Roses on international spy missions.
This is a song about Mookie Wilson:
Mookie Wilson was put on this earth to help us....
This is also a song about MOOKIE WILSON......Click on the following LiNk...
Wait, I want to talk about it first. Did you knowwhen Mookie was in High School that he didn't even play baseball his first year? Holy crap. He didn't play because he was scared and so much smaller than the other guys. Oh man. Then he realized that he has more confidence than those big guys and he made the team. Wow.
One time he was playing the Pirates and it was extra "ainings" and there was one out and he was on third base. Mackey Sasser hit a ground ball and Mookie scored the winning run! Whoa! Then as a matter of fact he did it again the very next night against the Montreal Expos. You know why? Because he took care of himself, ate right, lived the clean living, and because he BELIEVED IN HIMSELF! Yeah! How's that for inspiration!?
(Important and Crucial Advisory: The next link will make you believe in yourself)
Now that you believe in yourself you have to understand that Mookie Wilson is a cool guy. You can do anything you want. You can be anything you want to be. It is very uplifting. Don't let life get you down. You can cure cancer or win the world series...or you can do both. You can score the winning run. You can be like Mookie Wilson too.
There's things you hap upon on the internet at times that appear to be too hot to handle. Things that appear so hot it's like the sun bled them out.
My goodness. What is this? An adventure style video game set during "the hottest day of the year" starring Rudy Ray Moore, Timothy Leary, Ivan Stang, Mark Mothersbaugh, and hot chicks.
It looks like they took the Towering Inferno, the Disco Godfather, the Bad Day on the Midway, through in some strippers, aliens, and zombies...liquified it in a blender, filled a hypodermic needle with the liquid, injected it directly into their eyeballs...and then made a video game.
Where do I buy this? Nowhere. Even if you get a 3DO emulator and scour the entire internet for the ROM you will never ever be able to play this game. It seems to exist but it doesn't. It's just a shadow of reality, it is there yet not even freakin' there.
Damn it, why aren't people making stuff like this? What's going on with the video game industry? Some companies are churning out the new seasons of the sports games which are the same exact game they released the year before except the title has incremented by one numeric unit. Other companies are making the lamest emo garbage that can only appeal to girls who want to suck off shirtless vampires. While other companies are making games for young teenage psychopaths who want to join the army and kill people, letting them live out their deranged fantasies of shooting up their school. Damn it, damn it, damn it...why don't these effin' companies put some damn WEIGHT ON IT!
If I was running the video game industry I would change a lot of shit. I would get all those companies mentioned above together and go..."Hey, did any one of you dumbasses realize that no one has ever made a Dolemite video game? Do you realize that Rudy Ray Moore died four years ago...and none of you have honored him buy making a Dolemite video game? Can all of you please stop making garbage and put some god damn WEIGHT ON IT!?"
Your weight? PUT IT ON IT!
Those jabronies at EA should stop production of Madden '13 and get on making Dolemite '76. Those complete weirdos at Squaresoft should scrap the concept art for their next androgynous protagonist and get Yoshitaka Amano to put some weight on his hand and start drawing Dolemites day and night! Those morons making murder games for troubled youths should allocate all their resources to developing Dolemite Online.
Now that he's gone, no one can make a video game starring Rudy Ray Moore as Captain Crispy and make him put out the great Chicago Fire whilst fending off aliens, zombies, hot womens, and government conspiracies. And you know what? That's a crime against humanity.
You know who is still alive? Mark Mothersbaugh, and Ivan Stang. It wouldn't hurt to get these two involved in some sort of gamin' project. Mark has already worked on the music of video games such as Crash Bandicoot, Sims 2, and Jak and Dexter. They should give him loads of money to make one (not just the music) and see what they get.
Honorable Mention
This game, Crab Nicholson Extreme Sleepover Text Adventure, seems to exist. Yet, same as with Duelin' Firemen it really doesn't. Something of this nature should exist by all means, and it is a shame that it is a just a hypothetical concept of a video game.
Lo! Luck would have it in this case, that someone noticed that this should exist and took it upon themselves to make it so for the benefit of humanity (which is the only right and sane thing to do when a situation of this nature presents itself).
You can download for free and play Crab Nicholson Extreme Sleepover Text Adventure, and if you manage to finish the game you will be pleasantly surprised with how cool the ending is. (Download: Click Here)
