Short Stories over the decades:

The Swamp-
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

The Journey
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

And,
The Ballad of Turkey

And, added to that list has recently been:
Lights Out.......

As Well as....
The Golden Greek Goes Upstairs and The Thrilling Conclusion to that story!!

Oh and let's add to the list: The Haunted House
Vol. I
Vol. II

New One: *NEW* A Spring Story *NEW*
Vol. II
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Healthy Life Tips: How to Breathe Right! The First Step on the Path to Healthy Livin' !

People ask sometimes, what the necessities of life are. Most would answer: Sleeping, Eating, and Drinking. It seems the most basic of life's necessities, the act of breathing, is never discussed at length. I'd go as far to say that we as a human race are taking breathing for granted, and we shouldn't be doing that.

You can eat right, exercise, and take your vitamins...but you have to ask yourself at some point, "am I breathing correctly?"

Breathing is an art and science that we are only beginning to comprehend. Only by getting down and in-synch with your breathing can you begin to get down with your bad self.

So let's talk about breathing...at length.



What is Breathing?

Breathing is the act of sucking in oxygen and releasing carbon. Oxygen is what keeps our asses alive and without it we suffocate and die. All humans are oxygen junkies, we are so addicted to that shit that if we don't get our oxygen fix for even 10 minutes we will drop dead and die.

Oxygen is such a long stuffy word, it has 3 syllables (which is ridiculous) and has stupid letters in it that nobody likes, I'm talking about "x" and "y" of course, I mean, what, are we plotting a Cartesian plane here? No. So what's with the axis letters? Someone at some point got sick of saying this ugly-ass word and replaced it with the word "Air" which is a nice word.

I love air. Ever since I was a little kid I liked air...I think it was this song in particular that won me over on air:


Air...air...air...air...It is everywhere!


How to Tell Time by Counting your Breaths

If you can get in-synch with your breathing then you can know exactly how many breaths you take in a day, and that is really useful for you. You can tell exactly what moment of your cyclical day-routine you are currently situated in. Ahem...let me explain:

Breathing is like an inherent time measuring stick. Everyone's time measuring stick is customized to their own life cycle and/or micromanaged routine-cycle. Once you set your base unit for 1 personal breath you take, then you can start stratisfying your mental time units in accordance.

For my personal human routine-cycle, 1 unit of "inhaling of breath" is roughly ~0.556 moments of elapsed "time", and 1 unit of "exhaling of breath" is roughly ~0.661 moments of elapsed "time". Your body has a built in subconscious breath counter that records this, there is no need to literally count breaths (that's cumbersome and mentally crazy, do not count your breaths with words)...therefore...I can know exactly and precisely how many moments of time has elapsed by my breathing and I never ever check clocks or time pieces.
 
In accordance with my base time units, I measure "months" by a 1000 "day" cycles, and "days" are measured on a 10,000 unit cycle which consists of isolated "moments" which are measured in a 100,000 unit cycle of 1.217 fixed quantity per unit (0.661 + 0.556).

If you get down with your breathing, you can do this too!

...But, Don't Get too Down with Your Breathing

Some people take it too far. For instance, the Breatharians, take the idea of getting down with their own breathing, way too far.
Brooks only eats sweet tasty Air.

Similar to how a vegetarian only eats vegetables...a Breatharian only eats breaths. Its founder and lead breath researcher, Mr. Wiley Brooks, teaches that you can live a healthy long-lasting life by casting off food and drink and maintaining sustenance solely through the consumption of air.

The following is a rather insane excerpt from the Breatharian Institute of America:


"Wiley has been a Breatharian for some 30 years and has been giving seminars and teaching his intrinsically learned philosophy for over 20 of those years. A Breatharian is a person who can, under the proper conditions, live with or without eating physical food. Wiley was first introduced to the world back in 1981 when he appeared on the national TV show "THAT'S INCREDIBLE" demonstrating his strength by lifting 1100 lbs of weights, nearly 10 times his own body weight. When in a non-polluted environment (air or electro) he sleeps 1 to 7 hours a week. Althought Wiley is now 74 years old (young) he teaches only Empowered Ascension to a very few pre-qualified applicants.

"EARTH PRIME" OR ''THE NEW EARTH'' IS LOCATED IN THE 5TH DIMENSIONAL WORLD. THE WORLD WITHOUT THE VIBRATIONS OF PAIN AND FEAR. YOU FEEL ONLY INCREDIBLE LOVE, PEACE AND JOY. LOVE AND JOY YOU CAN ONLY DREAM ABOUT IN THE 3rd DIMENSIONAL WORLD YOU LIVE IN AT THIS TIME.

[Wiley's] goal is to populate EARTH PRIME with as many people as possible before March 20, 2013.
 

Wiley Brooks, Breatharian and teacher from the 5th Dimensional worlds

Wiley has had past lives as:

ADAM, ZEUS, ENOCH, JESHUA (JESUS THE CHRIST), JOSHUA, ELIJAH, JOHN THE BAPTIST, ST. FRANCIS OF ASSISI, KUTHUMI, BALTHAZAR (KING OF SYRIA), MUGHAL EMPEROR SHAH JAHAN (Builder of the TaJ Mahal in Agra, India), JOSEPH SMITH AND WILLIAM MULHOLLAND."

(See: http://www.breatharian.com/wileybrooks.html)

The 5th dimensional world of Earth Prime sounds awesome and everything, but I'm not sure I believe Wiley when he talks this gibberish.

Wiley is a nice man, I think he just enjoys breathing a little too much. Movin' on...

Does Air Care?

We humans have a love affair with air, we cannot live or breathe without it. Yet, is this love affair mutual or totally one-sided? Sadly, it's hard to admit but entirely true that air does not love humans back.

Check this shit out....


That's a high pressure air vacuum (or sumthin') that is ripping shit apart like an unstoppable freight train of destruction. Air is not a sentient thoughtful creature like us, it is a mindless killing machine. Air does not care, it just doesn't care about the consequences of its actions.

Conclusion

Humans have a love affair with the air...but air just doesn't care. It's a sad story when you think about it, no?

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Turning the Horribly Mundane into something in which the Badness is of As Can...

(Or how they took something Boring and made it Awesome)


Let's be honest, life itself gets pretty boring sometimes...you get up in the morning each day and go to work or school and pass the time, talk to your coworkers or classmates, daydream, hum to yourself, then go to bed at night (cycle reversed for night shift workers obviously). Turning something very boring into something fun is a co essential art within itself, you gotta drain the boring out of a situation, just like draining sap from a tree, where some inventive individual can then boil it and add sugar to make that sap palatable for human consumption. Similarly, inventive individuals can drain the boring out of situational day-to-day activities and dress it up using the most elaborate of shticks to create something that will in essence rock your trousers or drawers (or socks) off.

Let's take two television shows in particular that excel in this boredom draining method....


Iron Chef (the good one not the crappy one)

Ryōri no Tetsujin was a cooking show which tore the place down from 1992 until 2002.

A monster truck rally or a rock and roll concert are inherently awesome and hard to be boring...but a cooking show? To make a cooking show awesome takes absolute and resolute human ingenuity. I don't even know how to describe what makes it so awesome, take the intro for example, it's mythical and legendary. It's a legend but it's not happening thousands of years ago but right in front of your eyes.

animated if clicked
That guy in the end of the intro from the link above is the heart and soul of the show...he is Chairman Kaga, he takes the ham and cheese sandwich acting style of William Shatner yet multiplies said ham by somewhere over 9000% and the resulting product is without any doubt...too hot to handle. Whether the Chairman is entering the arena on a snow-white steed or crushing wine glasses and bleeding all over the place in disappointment over his Iron Chefs, Kaga is always without peer. If a global planetary governor is ever elected to govern all peoples of the world, Chairman Kaga is the only person who could possibly be considered.

animated if clicked
The Americans made two attempts at recreating this awesomery...the first time they used Kaga's Western counterpart himself, William Shatner, but the show did not catch on. They made a horrible second attempt which sadly did catch on. The show featured jobbers and fools and was hosted by a moron. They purported that Rachel Ray was an Iron Chef, Rachel Ray was an insult to the Iron Chefs and has ruined the glorious name of Iron Chef and spoiled the monicker for future generations.




Defi Mini Putt (RDS)


Expert advice from the Legend...
Défi Mini Putt was the greatest show on TV for a brief stretch in time back in the early nineteen nineties (1990's) which aired on Quebec's sports network.

Taking a cooking show and making it awesome is hard...but mini-putt? That doesn't take absolute/resolute human ingenuity...no no no...to make mini-putt awesome takes a deep concentration of pure human awesomeness in itself. Thankfully two men involved with the show, announcer Serge Vleminckx and puttsman extraordinaire Carl Carmoni had the inner-shutzpah in their respective souls to turn the sucker out.

Serge's narration of the transpired actions of the putters is what makes it what it is, from his trademark "Birdie!" exclamation to his unheard of excitement over mini-putt, this man is the real deal and should have been given better jobs at RDS (i.e. doing Montreal Canadiens games). Please watch the following video to get a taste of his technique and also live the unbridled intensity of the Legend Carl Carmoni...



Conclusion

An ancient Chinese proverb says that "Loneliness is a slow acting but deadly poison," I would venture to say that boringness is also a poison in its own right, but not one that can kill you, but one that simply drains the life out of you slowly, rendering your blood into heavy gray-matter and reducing you to a zombie-esque state of mind.

Yet one must ask, how could we ever know true awesomeness if true boringness never existed? Awesome is only awesome in comparison to its mortal enemy. Do they not go hand-in-hand? Could we ever know what was awesome if nothing was boring? Your mind must begin to travel when contemplating these concepts. Would there be happy...without sad? Would there be a concept of light...without darkness? Would there be rich...if there was no poor? Would there be heaven...if there was no earth? How could we live Life, if we didn't know Death was inevitable? Right with no Wrong? Come on.

The Ying Yang symbol in Taoism tries to represent this concept of negation in it's simplest terms. In our current topic, Boringness is the plain white dot in the midst of all that awesome black matter which is trying to counter act it, while Awesomeness is the black dot in the midst of that boring white matter trying to counter act it. Together they counter act each other so effectively in such a pleasant unison that they achieve total harmony and balance. Wow.



It's like something dark against something light...something movin' in the pale moon light...something dark against something light...something movin' in the pale moon light...