In that article we looked at Heino's many transmogrifications and Heino-Volutions throughout the 20th and 21st century. In the conclusion, I pondered if Heino was going to stay retired for good or if he had one or two transformations left in him.
Recent news articles, tweets, and Facebook updates...lead me to believe that Heino may indeed be in his lair, focusing his music power, and attempting to reach his final form.
For instance, this article from German Heavy Metal news site "Metal Hammer" is reporting that Heino is attempting to fuse his Schlager style with Metal to create a hybrid musical genre known as "Schlager-Metal." The article goes on to say that Heino will cover Rammstein songs using his new Schlager-Metal technique.
You're probably familiar with Rammstein without even knowing it. You know when you're at a strip club and there's a chick who's trying to look all domineering and intense with her stage dance? Chances are she's doing that shtick to Du Hast by Rammstein...I'd say that's the case 95% of the time.
Anyway, Heino's official Facebook Page is claiming the same thing. It has even posted a picture of Heino's new logo and a picture of Heino preforming hardcore songs with an unknown band. The following three photos are from Heino's official Facebook so it's not a joke.
An artist's view of Heino's Final Form
Heino's official new biker gang banner.
Preforming in a small club in Bremen.
From the last picture, we know that this is not a stunt. Heino is starting from ground-up to reach his next musical echelon. He's preforming in small clubs to hone his skills before he reveals his true form and what his Schlager-Metal will sound like. He's honing, cultivating, and refining his musical technique.
What is Heino's current Music Power? In the last article I made a guess-timate but...honestly I don't know. We can't measure it properly because he's been out of the lime-light for so long.
Some music scientists are estimating him at higher levels than he was during his preivous Rap incarnation...but what are they even going on exactly? Do they know something we don't? Some witnesses claim seeing Heino engaging in heavy music-training in a remote Black Forest locale with Thomas Dolby and M.C. Pow-Wow-Wow. Could there be any truth to those rumors?
Personally, I think music and Heino have a strange relationship together. I don't think Heino chose to evolve at all this time. I actually think that Heino goes deep into hiding to get away from music...yet music keeps finding him. The forces of nature keep Music and Heino bound for life in an inter-change of action and reaction. No matter how hard Heino tries to flee from music...it keeps finding him and forces him to Heino-Volve again, again, and again.
For the above reason, I don't think Heino has been practicing as much as music scientists are claiming he has. I think he is resisting the flux in the genre change....yet he knows it is futile in the end and is finally letting it take hold.
With all that considered, is it possible that Schlager-Metal will be bad? This writer thinks so. I think there's a possibility that Heino's new musical transmogrification may result in a failure. Will Schlager-Metal be more of a mutant than an offspring? Will it be a music genre gone horribly awry, with seven arms and eight heads? It is possible.
In fact, in prior eras, hadrcore and more edgey acts used to openly poke fun at Heino's style. For example, here we see the punk rock-and-roll group "Toten Hosens" (Dead Pants), famous for their songs about pushing whales and welcoming Alex, dressing up as an army of Heinoes (not as a tribute but to make fun of Heino):
In this writer's opinion...it's possible they shunned Heino because they were scared that if one day Heino was to become a hardcore act himself...that they would be unable to compete with his record sales. Were the Dead Pants poking fun...or simply taking an offsenive stance to try and keep Heino away from the hardcore genre? An obvious question to pose now would be, why is Heino still famous...yet the Dead Pants are not? Could it be that some icons last the test of the times, while others simply fade away?
In the end, the only question one has left to ask at this point in the Heino-Volution cycle is....
....Are You Ready For the Heino?
EDIT (FEB 06/13)
After hearing the album. I am going to say with 100% honesty (no sarcasm, no nothing)...it's good. Four chunes in particular (5, 7, 10, 13) are good. I'm not even joking, it's actually really good. It's not "metal" by like any metal head's standards, it's just a little harder, but it works. I'm 100% serious.
He even re-tries rapping to some extent and he pulls that off too. After laughing at Heino for many years, I'm taken back, he just shut me up. It's like a new person.
I've been looking into Mali geographically, economically, and politically lately. I started to think, what's the point of just finding problems without making an attempt to figure out how to solve them?
I'm not an expert or anything, I just mainly write for fun, but if someone reads it and finds it interesting to them, then that's nice.
Ok, here goes...
In this essay we shall be lookin' at the following aspects of problems in Mali. I think I'm going to just not deal with the Islam Mafia stuff...that has enough articles about it anyhow. Islamic Mafia groups in the region could take up the whole article itself and make it really boring. Anyway, let's look at:
Right now, Mali is landlocked and its situation is not the same as being a landlocked state in a highly developed economic area. When you are landlocked in Africa...you truly are. The hindrances are far greater.
Mali's only access through river to a port is by Koulikoro river down to Abidjan in the country of Cote d'Ivore. If there is some sort of trouble in that country or relations sour they are rendered 100% landlocked.
Mali has rails and roads but the only access to a port through that means seems to be the port in Senegal. If cooperation between Mali and Senegal were to ever sour or breakdown, Mali would lose that option as well.
Natinonal borders in Africa are not very practical. People should know that borders in Africa were all drawn up by colonial powers following World War I, and if I may say, I think they were either divided up haphazardly or purposely badly in order to hinder Africa. European colonization into Africa in the 1800's prior to the borders being drawn was very brutal and its legacy still lives on today.
Personally, I do not always see the benefit of being a "nation" and especially since these "nations" were divided up in highly questionable circumstances by Europe after World War I, I don't see why Africa should make a big deal about these borders. It would be highly beneficial for Mali, Cote d'Ivore, Senegal, and the rest of West Africa to form one co-operative union.
Actually, forget Mali, Senegal and West Africa working together as one nation...possibly even a Pan-African Union would bring about optimum circumstances.
Agriculture
As of now, 90% of Mali's residents are farmers. They grow subsistence crops and export crops. When there is no rain...Mali suffers droughts and extreme famines.
The answer to this problem is to irrigate the farmlands from the Niger River, which is on on-going but highly necessary process. Information released from le Office de Niger (the agency in charge of the irrigation of Mali farmlands and the building of canals) is reporting progress. Having a fully functioning irrigation system is the only answer for droughts which often cripple the country.
Right now Mali's main export crop is cotton but I've read an interesting suggestion the other day on what Mali's future cash crop should be. The next cash crop in Mali...should be Hybrid Sorghum.
What should they do with Hybrid Sorghum? According to this article I read on "eco-rex" they should farm sweet sorghum to manufacture Ethanol Fuel. Why? Because it is 100% the optimum place to do so.
Brazil for example, the world's largest exporter of ethanol fuel, is NOT the prime place to do mass ethanol production. The mass deforestation of Brazil and the Amazon rainforests to make the land suitable for mass agriculture is a large cost in exchange for ethanol. Is the rain forest and its carbon capturing capabilities (after factoring albedo effect which would doubtfully off-set it) worth trading away for ethanol? Personally, I don't think so...I think Brazil is better off with the rain forest.
Mali on the other hand...is already a veritable desert with no trees and certainly no rain forests. It's the perfect place to begin the mass planting of Sweet Sorghum and the manufacturing of bio-fuels and bio-diesels.
Mali will have fuel to power its automobiles and the vast excess bio-fuel would be exported for profit.
Not bad.
Water Filtration
Here's an article from Christopher Vaught from 2004 on water filtration in Kayes, Mali :
"The people of Kayes are struggling to afford the water they need to live. The local operators barely have the expertise and resources to manage their water treatment plant. Yet the people of Kayes are succeeding at providing one of the best water supplies in the country of Mali. People coming from around the country enjoy the luxury of tap water after spending many hours of every day for many years pulling water from a well. The people of Kayes are most limited by their lack of financial resources. Major upgrades to the water treatment plant must come from outside sources. This leaves the local people without control over their own water. As the general population is struggling just to pay for the water they do have available, an upgrade is out of their realm of possibilities. In the hottest city in Africa people regard water simply and cherish it." - Vaught, C.
Second only to irrigation, water filtration plants are the top priorioty task for development in Mali. They need a sustainable source of food and water before you can even talk about anything else.
What about Uranium mines, you ask? Uranium is NOT a priority above food and water.
The Need to Close Areva's Operations in Mali and surrounding regions
France's Areva Corp's uranium mines are not a benefit to anyone. They really aren't. Mali isn't getting anything by working for $1 an hour as slaves to keep a shit power source like nuke energy going.
The future really doesn't have a place for the highly dangerous power source anyway. You could try and argue that money and economy will prevail over all, and that greed for energy profits will win out....but you'd be on the losing side of that argument. Have you seen Areva's stock and net profit recently?
Areva posted a 2.4 billion dollar net loss in 2011, and no one's predicting a positive 2012. It seems since the latest nuclear meltdown in Japan...nuke power just isn't that hip to anyone anymore. One earthquake and bam...radiation everywhere. A lot of nations are not touching nuke power any longer.
Nuclear energy is not looking as hip as it did when the oil companies first bought/stole the patents for it from the American taxpayers all those years ago.
Hydro Plants
Kainji hydro
So, to segway out of nuclear power and into a cooler one. Can the Niger river basin support hydro-electric plants to give Mali sustainable and clean power generation? According to some info I've read, yes. In fact there's already hydro-electric production in the Sahel region so why not make more?
There's nothing wrong with low-polluting and highly-efficient power generation.
Top Priority Tasks: -Irrigation of the Sahel Region and Niger River. -Water Filtration plants (the uprading of the existing ones and buidling new ones in towns with none)
Second Priority Tasks: -Extended co-operation with West African regions and access to import/export from ports. -Highway network to facilitate goods from to-and-from ports
Third Priority Tasks: -The increase of hydro power generated from the Niger River Basin -The implementation of Surghum manufacturing to produce Mali's new #1 export that the future craves...Bio-Ethanol fuels.
(Okay, so I know something like this isn't very practical considering the Islamist and European thug groups battling for dominance there....but if saner non-mafia type people were running the world I think that would be a pretty good template for the future of Mali....but then again...what do I know?)
This time of year (hall of fame votin' time) always makes me start thinking about Expos again. There's only one legend left for the Hall of Fame now but I still wait for the vote every year. I hope Rock makes it in soon.
Some time ago, I wrote about the Warren Cromartie led Montreal Baseball Project and on the righteous effort to revive the Montreal Expos baseball team:
Re-reading it now, I said some dumb things. I really thought that the possibility of getting another Major League team here was slim and was talking in that article about maybe a Can-Am team or something. I think it was the fact that when baseball left Montreal the minority shareholders sued the league and I'm sure that must have left some bad blood between the city and the league.
However, now that Loria has gutted the Miami Marlins and screwed Miami taxpayers out of about 500 million bucks...people may be looking at the Montreal situation differently. Maybe people are now wondering, "hey, did Loria screw over Montreal too?"
Even that Taiwan news channel that takes popular news stories and turns them into computer animations jumped on the Loria hate-train,
I think the whole baseball world is now starting to understand why the minority Expos shareholders sued the league in a RICO suit. It's because this guy Loria is a real art-dealin' trickster something fierce, I tell you.
I think now that Montreal can get a Major League team back and no one says it better than Cromartie himself on his blog at www.warrrencromartie.com,
"And, by no means am I trying to be a hero. I’m just trying to do the right thing. I know for a fact that Montreal is not an independent league town, and that it’s not a minor league town, either. Montreal is a Major League town. Montreal has a population close to 4 million people." -Cro
He goes on to elegantly state that,
"And so, as someone who played for the Expos and played in the city of Montreal, who was proud to play for the Expos and who loves the city as much as I do, I’ve taken the bull by the horns and (rather than man up I’ve) Expo’d up: I’ve decided to try and do something about bringing baseball back to the city of Montreal." -Cro
Yes, the Cro has "Expo'd up" and everyone knows when someone Expo's Up...serious business is afoot! I can't help but think of a superman type scenario where in order to indeed "Expo Up" you'd need to run into an empty telephone booth, rip open your business shirt to reveal the Expos uniform waiting underneath, and then fly through the air at top speed of 100-200 miles per hour.
In another article, he claims that Montreal is a "five-tool" city for the following reasons:
"1. HistoryMontreal has a very long and rich baseball history. The Royals played their first season in the Eastern League in 1897. In 1939, the Royals became the Brooklyn Dodgers’ farm club and it’s here that Jackie Robinson played the 1946 season one year before breaking the color barrier in the Major Leagues. The city embraced Robinson in the only year he was here, and after he helped the Royals win the Junior World Series, fans stormed the field to carry him on their shoulders. You can go to the corner of Delorimier Avenue and Ontario Street East, and stand in the place where old Delormier Stadium stood, in the place where some of baseball’s elite, like Don Drysdale, Roberto Clemente, Duke Snider, Roy Campanella, Tommy Lasorda, and Sparky Anderson, made their marks as very young men. It was only fitting then, that in 1969, Montreal was awarded the first ever Major League franchise outside the United States. So many great players wore Expos’ uniforms over the years; Hall of Famers Gary Carter, Andre Dawson, and possible future Hall of Famers Tim Raines, Pedro Martinez, and Vladimir Guerrero are just the tip of the iceberg. And, as I well know and am so proud of, in 1981, the Montreal Expos were the first non-U.S. team to make it to the postseason.
2. Population
Montreal is a big city with a very large population. According to a Conference Board of Canada report prepared in 2011, one of the “market pillars” needed to support a Major League Baseball team is a population of at least 2.5 million people. Montreal has almost 4 million people.
3. Passionate fan base
Montreal is known the world over for its multitude of festivals that are so well-attended each and every year. The Montreal Canadiens are an enormous success in terms of attendance, as are the Canadian Football League’s Alouettes, and the Impact, who have graduated this year to Major League Soccer. Montrealers are passionate about their teams and their events and I know they miss baseball dearly.
4. Corporate presence
By the same Conference Board report, we know that Montreal is home to 98 of Canada’s 800 biggest companies. Only Toronto and Calgary have more. And, with the Canadian dollar at or near par with the U.S. dollar – something that was far from the case throughout the history of the Expos – we are definitely living in a new and brighter era.
5. Me
Hey, Montreal’s got Warren Cromartie! A passionate former Expo who wants dearly to bring the team back to Montreal and put things right. Okay, I admit, Warren Cromartie alone cannot bring back Major League baseball to Montreal. Warren Cromartie alone cannot build a stadium fit for the new Expos. But Warren Cromarite, together with the fans and business interests, is going to try his damndest to do it!
The key tool I will be focusing on in this article's prognostications/speculations is the 4th tool, that of corporate presence and thus the possible future shareholders of a revived Expos team.
The Best Possible Scenarios
1. Power Corp.
This is sort of a pipe-dream, this company has never invested in local sports franchises and I doubt it ever will. It's kind of the greedy stereotyped conglomerate you'd see as the villain inmovies.
Though, if they were in fact the owners (an 100% unlikely a scenario mind you) the Expos would have some pretty deep pockets. Power Corp. generates about 1 billion dollars a year in transparent on-shore reported net profits (wow). The average MLB team payroll is about 80 million bucks...which would cut into only 8% of their yearly earnings to field a competitive baseball team in their home city.
Obviously these guys would be in it for the profit and not the civic pride of winning a World Series, so let's crunch some more numbers here to arrive at some tangible profits,
According to Forbes magazine, the yearly revenue generated by a major league baseball franchise is in between 148 million (Marlins) and 439 million (Yankees).
Our Olympic Stadium is fully payed for now, meaning the main operating expense is the player payroll, which is on average about 80 million. So, if it's done successfully and the team is competitive and profitable...they can make good money on this venture.
2. Québecor Media
This would be a far more likely scenario. Just like Rogers (the media conglomerate who owns the Jays), Québcor is a media conglomerate based in Montreal.
Since it also owns Sun Media which is a nationwide tabloid network and publication, it would have nationwide visibility for the team.
One of the things that really cut into the Expos profits was giving up the national broadcasting rights. The only data I have on hand (print, no link) is from 1982, when they were getting about 5 million in local broadcast revenues and about 2 million in national revenues. I guess at some point they thought they didn't need to keep the national rights and let the Jays have them. Which was not smart, because broadcasting revenues in baseball skyrocketed exponentially over the last 30 years and that 2 million they gave up on is worth a whole lot more to Rogers now.
Airing Expos games nationwide on Sun could create unwanted competition and maybe some sort of agreement between Rogers and Québecor on baseball airing rights. It could be in their best interests to work out a deal where Sportsnet would broadcast both Jays and Expos games (SP-1 for Jays, SP-2 for Expos) and create a nationwide two-team fever/buzz generating system.
Sun is a tabloid that thrives on scandals and sensationalism. I wonder if their ability to fan flames and create fervor amongst readers/viewers could translate into optimum buzz generation for a sports franchise.
3. Molson
Beer. Man do they make money at parks on the beers. I go to Alouettes games sometimes and drink like 12 beers and they cost like 9 bucks each. That's $108 right there.
This would also mean that the Expos and Canadiens would be under the same banner and could merge marketing strategies (winter and summer would then be all around beer sellin' season for Molson) and they would not be in direct competition when the two teams overlap schedules (only briefly during the end of hockey season and maybe at the start).
I read in Bill Veeck's book that he made so much more money off of concessions than he did off tickets any day of the week (even Sunday). That's why he made so many free night gimmicks and give-a-ways. He'd give tickets away for free just to fill the stadium (anyone remember $5 night at the Big O near the end times? You'd get 20-30K on that night and they'd all buy concessions).
There's 60K seats in the Big O, and what I could suggest for a Molson operated franchise is to make the ENTIRE upper deck FREE. Free as night, free as day, and free as AIR. You'd pay good money to sit in the 30,000 good field level seats, but the tickets for the other shitty nose-bleed upper-decker 30,000 seats would be handed out at the door for FREE! We'd call it the Les Expo Super Fan Club Zone and it would have cheerleaders and a beer vendor at every section. Better yet...the cheerleaders would SELL THE BEER! I buy beer when I don't even want it all the time just because the waitress is hot.
Say even 5,000 free loaders show up to hang out in the upper deck, if only half of them even bought beer at like 7 bucks a unit, and a fourth of them bought many beers (i.e. 4). You're talking a supplemental per game income of $48,000 which over 81 games would equate to just about 4 million dollars to add to your gate and regular concession revenues.
Could a Les Expos Super Fan Club Zone evolve into the summer pre-party hot spot for young people? If it's done right then I wouldn't see why it couldn't. If it does you could get even 20,000 beer drinking freeloaders per game, which would bring in a prognosticated $192,000 per game...and supplement 16 million dollars of income per season. Yes, 16 million dollars on giving away FREE TICKETS if it is done correctly and the hottest of chicks are found to hawk the beers.
To contrast the party zone, another area of the field (third base side facing the bullpen) will be quartered off as the Extreme Family Values Zone where kids under 6 and little babies can accompany their parents for free (at a maximum of 3 child units per family).
Yes, the key to a Molson run Expos team would be to take advantage of the space in the Big O to get maximum people in the stadium to purchase maximum concessions.
The Pen-Ultimate...(wait...no) The Super-Ultimate Case Scenario
The share-holder percentages of my prognosticatedGolden-Super-Ultimate Case Scenario would be the following:
Power Corp: 33.333333334%
Québecor: 33.3333333334%
Molson: 33.3333333334%
Within this tri-forced tri-umvirate lies the ultimate balance in Expos shareholding ownership. Each point of the Expos-World-Series-Profit-Generating-Dynasty-Making Tri-Umvirate will take a key role in the on going and sustainable success of the franchise.
1. Power Corp. will cover the payroll and player salaries.
2.Québecorwould need to create a nationwide tabloid saturated buzz-generating Believer Fever which would subsequently be caught by human after human in successive turn. The ad campaigns must generate extreme hype, and the resulting media-saturated Expos fever should spread province-to-province, state-to-state, and country-to-country like WILD FIRE.
3. Molson must transform the Upper Deck Nose Bleeds into a veritable party central. This would be easier with a downtown park where the post-game exiting fans could file out and go straight to St. Catherines or St. Laurent, but at present state in any case the metro ride from Pie-IX to downtown will probably be pretty intense. Molson must do this by maximizing their beer vending and beer advertising capabilities and bring them to new levels. All kinds of gimmicks! Stuff like specialguest celebrity beer vendors even.
and finally...
4. Warren Cromartie should be given the honorific title of President of the Expos and be the iconic face of the New Generation Expos.
oh and...
5. Gary Carter should be posthumously honored as Guardian Deity of the Expos, and a statue should be put in center field of him looking down on the field to protect the Expos from misfortune of all kinds.
Conclusion
You can call me crazy, you can call me a dreamer, you can call me weird, you can call me dumb, you can call me Ray, or you can even call me Jay, but one thing you can never say about me is that my prognostications are fundamentally unsound...
....because my prognostications are usually fundamentally sound.
(Edit: APRIL 9 of 2013): This article gets some decent hits still (but a lot of spam-bot advertisement comments). For any new hits to this article I'd like to spruce it up a bit....so here's some Cro-bama posters for all you readers (unless you're spam bots then nevermind):
