One Less Comedian's Comedian on Earth....

Everyone has interests and passions in this life we are all simultaneously living over here. My interests pretty much go in this order, I'd say:

1. Eating Food / Drinking Liquids
2. Comedy
3. Hot Womens
4. Baseball
5. Design Science Optimal Global Revolution Matters

I take laughing (i.e. the function of being made to myself and also the making of other people to execute this function) pretty seriously. I do tend to believe that Comedy is an Art and a Science. It's not just fun n' games...it's a craft, it's a trade, it's an art...it really is an art...it's 'snart.

What is a Comedian's Comedian? It is the upper-most human echelon of comedic behavior. It's the creme de la creme. It's excelling at the art of bein' funny. It's actually hard to explain what this term means.

First off, you must reach a level of ZERO PRETENSION, where you are constantly presenting yourself as a "sad-sack" or a "boob" or a "fool" or a "bozo" at all times. It's easier to laugh at people who don't take themselves seriously. You have to achieve this state in order to even think about being a Comedian's Comedian. You must be able to handle being the "butt" of the joke.

Devito in a lighter moment

I find it hard to laugh at people who just make fun of other people instead of themselves, or people who care too much about their physical appearance. Looking well is NEVER conducive to comedy, UGLY is always better. For example, a guy like a James Franco can not and will not ever be funnier than a Danny Devito...it is simply an impossibility. It's not possible for a pretty boy faggo to be funnier than a 4 foot 11, bald, fat man.

Knowing the history of comedy is another preset of being a Comedian's Comedian. You have to know where the art form originated from in order to truly know what you are doing. You have to know about Vaudeville, you have to know who the Three Stooges were (that's a big-time pre-requisite), you gotta know the old shit. You have to be able to tell a standard paced joke...Setup, Punch, Topper, Double-Whammy. You need to be able to tell an enjoyable "Shaggy Dog Story" style joke which is VERY hard but 100% possible.

Here for reference is Comedian's Comedian Norm MacDonald issuing a "moth joke" shaggy-dog style story that seems to always work: http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=8c4_1306857615

Or here he is doing a shaggy-dog joke in the form of a uhhhh...um..an "Andy Richter Swedish/German Prospector Joke" : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JaduY_sKce4&t=16m10s

Guys like my boy Norm can handle a shaggy dog no problem. Guys like Gilbert Gottfried, Jackie Martling or Legends like Rodney Dangerfield...those fucking guys can handle it too. Those guys are CCs for sure.

Rest in the Sweetest of Peace Mr. Richard Richard

Rik Mayall died today, and in my mind this was one of the funniest comedians I ever observed. Whether in a four-man unit like in the Young Ones or in a dual 2-man back-to-back praying-mantis style comedy troupe like on Bottom...this guy had it going on.

The combination of Rik Mayall and Ade Edmondson is one of the best 1-2 punches in comedy history (some argue).

Rik's portrayal of "Richard Richard" on Bottom is one of the funniest fucking things I ever saw. No joke. He was the ultimate sad sack...the ultimate fucking loser. Richard was a 30+ year old virgin, unemployed, greasy moron with the smallest penis on earth. His only friend was a "friend by default" named Edward Hitler (no relation) who were only really friends because they couldn't possibly be welcomed or accepted by anyone else in the entire world. They pretty much hated each other but had to hang out by default and constantly beat each other up in the most elaborate of ways. These guys were the bum-iest, most obnoxious ne'er-do-well scumbags in the United Kingdom.

It's weird to see up tight British people acting like this...it actually makes it like double funny to see the "high class" British being as stupid as fuck. You can say like "shit" and words like that on the air too in that country even back in the 90s. Damn, Rik Mayall was a funny dude, seriously.

American audiences probably remember him when he played the imaginary friend of that naked chick who was in one of those high school movies from the 80s. It was called Drop Dead Fred and it was okay. His work on Young Ones and especially on Bottom is his main shit though.

Rest in Peace bro, you were a fucking funny dude, man.

Conclusion

I sincerely hope that Tracy Morgan, who was recently in an car accident, recovers from his critical injuries soon because I don't think Universe can handle the deaths of two Comedian's Comedians in such a short time span.

Poet Laureate and Wrestler, Ultimate Warrior, Is no More....

The Ultimate Warrior was known mainly for his ability to get insanely PUMPED and his penchant for clothes-lining dudes fucking heads off, but few people really commend the fellow for his prose.

Was the Ultimate Warrior the greatest poet of all time? Many would argue otherwise yet are they simply dismissing him and his poetic abilities simply because he doesn't look like the average poet? When people ponder who the greatest poet of all time was...do they simply discard the Warrior due to him not fitting the mold of what they believe a poet should look like?


Poets usually look like this:

Dainty, Fragile, Wimpy, etc.

Poets don't usually tend to look like this:

Streamers, Face Paint, Championship Belt, etc.

In order to assess his abilities with the utmost of justice, his poems must be presented in text similarly to how older-school poets submitted their works.



Let's Play a Game

This game is called "Wordsworth, Blake, or Warrior" and the rules are simple. Three snippets of poetry will be presented and the reader must simply guess which is attributed to William Wordsworth, which is attributed to William Blake, and which of the three snippets is attributed to the Ultimate Warrior.


SET A

1.  

"When a sinister person means to be your enemy, they always start by trying to become your friend. It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."

2.

"So let us not be impatient, for only desperate men act with impatience. How should I prepare?  Should I jump off the tallest building in the world?  Should I lie on the lawn and let them run over me with lawnmowers?  Or, should I go to Africa and let them trample me with raging elephants?"

3.

"Suffering is permanent, obscure and dark, And shares the nature of infinity. For I have learned to look on nature, not as in the hour of thoughtless youth, but hearing oftentimes the still, sad music of humanity."



SET B

1.

"Every man's heart one day beats its final beat. His lungs breathe its final breath. And if what that man did in his life makes the blood pulse through the bodies of others; If it makes them believe deeper in something larger than life; than his essence, his spirit, will be immortalized."


2.

"Without contraries is no progression. Attraction and repulsion, reason and energy, love and hate, are necessary to human existence... I was angry with my friend: I told my wrath, my wrath did end. I was angry with my foe: I told it not, my wrath did grow." 

3.

"Life is divided into three terms - that which was, which is, and which will be. Let us learn from the past to profit by the present, and from the present, to live better in the future."



SET C

1.

"Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting. Not in entire forgetfulness, and not in utter nakedness, but trailing clouds of glory do we come. One impulse from a vernal wood May teach you more of man, Of moral evil and of good, Than all the sages can."

2.

"What is grand is necessarily obscure to weak men. That which can be made explicit to the idiot is not worth my care... The man who never alters his opinions is like standing water, and breeds reptiles of the mind."

3. 

"No Sleep. No Food. No Nothing. Just Maniacism. As a skeleton we still walk as Ultimate Maniacs therefore what are you gonna do? Bury us now?"



SET D

1.

"I saw the walls. Walls that build them with fear. Dig your claws into my organs, scratch into my tendons, bury your anchors into my bones. Nightmares are the best part of my day. The desire to withstand the pain, and give you the utmost."

2.

"To see a world in a grain of sand and heaven in a wild flower Hold infinity in the palms of your hand and eternity in an hour."

3. 

"That though the radiance which was once so bright be now forever taken from my sight. Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendor in the grass, glory in the flower. We will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind."



Answers

Set A: 1. Blake, 2. Warrior, 3. Wordsworth
Set B: 1. Warrior, 2. Blake, 3. Wordsworth
Set C: 1. Wordsworth, 2. Blake, 3. Warrior
Set D: 1. Warrior, 2. Blake, 3. Wordsworth


Assessment

William Wordsworth and William Blake are like fucking legends when it comes to poetry and prose and shit...but don't you feel they come off as a bit preachy and emo? I do. Also, did either Blake or Wordsworth ever hold the Intercontinental or Heavy Weight Championship at any point of their lives? No, not even close.

Is it then safe to conclude that they were total jabronies and not the greatest poets of all time as everyone seems to claim they are? Probably.

Ultimate Warrior? More like ULTIMATE POET EVER.