The Deceased Celebrities that I Miss The Most

All over the world, on the average of every 41 seconds, a celebrity leaves their mortal coil and ceases to be member of the global human community. It's a sad story, it really is. It really really is.

Death sucks. Everyone hates Death because it is universally-all-encompassingly unfair, retarded, and stupid. Dying is probably one of the top, if not the topper-most item, on a list of the worst things that can happen to a human being.

It doubly sucks when a celebrity dies because celebs are famous for the reason that they are very cool and people really like them. Like, on the other hand, when a person dies who people hate like a Gaddafi or something, nobody fucking cares because he was a fucking asshole...but when a big Celebrity Star passes on...everyone is very upset because everyone loved that shining star.

I can't even imagine what dying feels like but I bet you anything it sucks shit. It's like one moment you're all alive and bouncing around, doin' the do, slam dunkin', break-dancin', and having a blast....then the next minute...you're dead. That's some bullshit right there. That's some dumb shit is what that is. Fuck Death, yo.

I have compiled a brief list of the Deceased Celebrities that I Miss the Most and will now present it to any parties (if any) who are interested to know this.

The Most-Missed Deceased Stars of Yesteryear


Evel Knievel

Born: October 17, 1938 in Butte, Montana
Taken by the Cold Hands of Death: November 30, 2007

How'd He Get Famous? 

At the age of eight years old, Evel, attended a automotive dare-devil show presented by Joie Chitwood and he was mesmerized by the death-defying stunts he witnessed and vowed to live a life chalk-full of insane and ridiculous craziness so that everyone who ever looked at him felt the same way he felt whilst he observed Joie Chitwood as a child. 

He made it his life's work to do crazy shit with motorcycles in order to make all the people wig out and flip for no other reason than the fact that he knew in his heart that this was the correct way to live his life.

 Yo, one time Evel jumped 19 cars on his motorcycle...

"I am the Last Gladiator here in the New Rome

I go into the Arena and Compete Against Destruction

...and I WIN.

And next week I go out there and I DO IT AGAIN!

....and at this time, civilization being what it is and all,

we have very little choice about our life,

the only thing really left is a choice about our DEATH.

And mine will be....

....Glorious"

Why did he do that shit? Why did he do shit like jump over all manners of pitfalls and obstacles? Why did this man risk his life for the thrill of death? Why did he live life so full of crazy death-defying madness? Why did he not fear death? Because he lived his life like a man who didn't give a damn, like a man who did not give a fuck, like a dude who would jump over a canyon at top speed of what probably felt like a zillion miles per hour.

Why did he do that crazy-ass shit for the 69 years he was on this earth for? 

Because he wanted to.

Why did he want to? Because he felt like it. That's why.



The Macho Man Randy Savage / The Macho King Randy Savage

Born: November 15, 1952 in Columbus, Ohio
Taken by the Cold Hands of Death: May 20, 2011

How'd He Get Famous? 

Randy Savage was drafted by the St-Louis Cardinals baseball club as a youth and Randy had big dreams of being a baseball legend yet despite hitting pretty well in the minors the Macho Man never made the majors and hung up his cleats for good.

Luckily his family was in the rassling game, his father Angelo Poffo was a champion of a rasslin circuit in his youth and taught the tricks of the trade to his sons Lanny and Randy....and the rest is history.

Randy Savage had the deepest craziest voice and his trademark "ooooh yeah" and "can you dig it" was mimicked by any man/woman/child who heard it. 

Randy has the distinction of creating the most romantic event in sports history when he became the first man to marry his wife in a wrestling ring during the "match made in heaven". It occurred in 1991 and I still get tears in my eyes when watching old footage of the exquisite ceremony (narrated by Gorrilla Monsoon)...

He lived his whole life before the Nation's Eyes

This wasn't a shtick, they really got married at Summer Slam '91. The whole wide world was invited to Macho Man's / Macho King's wedding. Everyone felt like they knew him and when you know someone you always get sad when they die.

 
Randy is also famous for composing what is now regarded as the GREATEST rap album of all time,

"Oh No! Ya better watch yourself cuz I'm bad for your health
And I'm about ready to blow
Uhhh Oohh!! Now There's Gonna Be Trouble!
Oh No! Ya better watch yourself cuz I'm bad for your health
Ya feelin' the wrath of Macho
Uhhh Oohh! Now There's Gonna Be Trouble"

If I was a doctor or psychologist or a therapist or something like that and I had a patient come in complaining of fatigue, lethargy, depression, or general lameness...I'd recommend 100 cubic centimetres of this album STAT.

This album could pump up anyone, it doesn't matter who you are or what you are...this album'll make you feel wicked. Not just young hip cats but fucking old folks too.

I went to an old folks home this one time and I was very shocked to see all the oldoes just sitting in the dark and thinking about stuff and being boring. People think old people in these homes are on their last legs and the blood doesn't pump anymore in their veins but you're wrong. In the frail chassis of each elderly person beats the heart of a person who wants to flip out and do flips and do the funky chicken and get fucking crazy. These old motherfuckers just want to hot-diggity-damn set it off but they just can't find the spark that'll spark up their asses and make them lose their shit anymore. They wanna be young again, they wanna turn it up and turn it out to some Myron "Mother Fuckin" Floren like in the olden days. You think these oldoes were always old? No way, they used to fucking flip just like you do but now their brains and their hearts just lack the spark to make 'em kick out the jams and lose it, that's all....but it's still there somewhere....deep down in the bowels of their souls the need to get buck is still there.

Volunteers at old folks homes should do a test and play Macho Man's rap album and see what effect it has on their old brains. I bet you 80% of the time, even if they don't understand it at first, these old fuckers will get up and get down and smash some shit up. These old sons-of-bitches and old hoes'll fucking start launching their rockin' chairs around the crib and just plain power-slamming their pillows onto their beds and just getting fucked up and wild. All of those Oldoes n' Grannies will be back-flippin'.

Man, I think that movie the Wrestler with Mickey Rourke really sums up why Macho Man / Macho King is a serious and badass man. I love that scene in the Wrestler where like he's done wrestling and Mickey's working at the grocery store and he's like filling cups of potato salad and macaroni salad for these player-hating middle-of-the-road homogenized-pablum-pukin' yentas...and something just washes over him...and Mickey Rourke just stops cutting the meat he's slicing for this jabroni and he just SLAMS his fucking hand into the meat slicer and he starts like fucking SHOOTING FUCKING BLOOD all over the fucking place and people are all like "WHAT DA FUCK, GUY!?" and the middle-of-the-roadin' playa hatin' bozos are flippin' their wigs and going bananas looking at this guy shooting fucking blood all over the fucking grocery store.

That was cool.

If you really break it all down, aren't we all just walking this earth as mere Ultimate Maniacs, and ultimately in the end, all we really have is our precious Ultimate Maniacism...ya-know-what-I-mean?

It gets to a point where it really just doesn't matter.....

Ernest P. Worrell

Born: June 15, 1949 in Lexington Kentucky
Taken by the Cold Hands of Death: February 10, 2000

How'd He Get Famous?

Ernest was a hero to an entire generation of people on earth, a veritable champion who represented all in which was great and good in the world. Many have gone as far to call him a modern-day Jesus Christ or a modern day Mohammad. A man with no evil in his heart nor ill-will in his conscious...a true hero and role model to all the humans of earth.

The world would be a better place if we were all a little more Ernest.

Yet in 2000, our champion was taken from us. Our go-to guy, the one each and every one of us looked to for advice, hope, and wisdom was stripped from our society's desperate clutches and removed from our world. After the initial shock passed, many openly wondered what a post-Ernest Society would be like. Could a post-Ernest society function? What would the future be like in an un-brave new world without Ernest?

Society still mourns for this Ernestless World, nay, the organism of earth itself, the actual planet itself feels that a component has gone missing from its minor core, nay-nay, the entire Universe knows a piece of the puzzle which governs the entropic-ever-regenerative life-cycle of Universe is missing in this Non-Ernest Universe Scenario.

Can society, the planet, and entropic-ever-regenerative Scenario Universe cope sans Ernest? 

I fucking doubt it.



 
Mr. Dynamite, The Human Godfather of Soul....Mister....James Brown

Born: May 3, 1933 in Barnwell, South Carolina
Taken by the Cold Hands of Death: December 25th, 2006

(talk about Death being unfair...imagine dying on Christmas? That'd suck shit)



How'd He Get Famous? 

James Brown blew the roof off of shit houses, barn houses, church houses, farm houses, log houses, stone houses, and BRICK houses...all night long...all day long. Wham Bam, 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8, thank you 'mam.

James Brown rocked 'til he got too HOT, he rolled 'til he got too COLD, and souled all the way home...then he brought it to the BRIDGE...yeah...take it to the BRIDGE...then rocked 'til he got too HOT, rolled 'til he got too COLD..... (Times Infinity).

 Hey let me tell ya!!
Get down with my woman, that ain't right! You hollarin' and cussin', you wanna fight!!
Don't do me no darn favor, 

I don't know karate, but I know KA-RAZY!!!! (yes he do!!)
Get ready THAT'S A FACT, Get ready you Mother for the big payback (the big payback!) 

Ka-Razy is a skill, man, that you have to hone and really work at to master. This man was Ka-Razy, he was the King of Ka-Razy, he was the longest-legged, the mackest, and the daddiest of the most soul-intensified variation of Ka-Razy that ever walked on the face of this EARTH. 

If you made a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich but instead of using butter n' jelly you used SOUL-INTENSIFIED FUNK on one side of the bread and FUNK-INTENSIFIED SOUL on the reciprocating piece of bread...you'd have yourself a James Brown sandwich!

Holy shit you guys, I've been saying the word FLIP and FLIP OUT a lot lately, and I'm pretty sure I stole that from Robert Hamburger...but in this case, when talkin' 'bout James Brown he used to LITERALLY make people FLIP OUT and do actual fucking BACK FLIPS because his SOUL INTENSITY boiled over. I watched this movie Blues Brothers once and the aforementioned Blues Bros went to church but inside the church wasn't some dude reading bible stuff...it was JAMES BROWN on the podium slammin' out some kicks and kickin' out some slams! And you know what? One of the Blues Brothers started to ACTUALLY and not exaggeratingly FLIP....check this shit out:

At around 1:50 he starts to actually FLIP OUT (sorry it's the German dubbed version)

Wow, talk about flippin out. Talk about thoroughly flippin' out. Did you guys see James Brown's funeral on TV? Talk about flippin'....it wasn't like a depressing lame funeral where like family n' friends look at a casket with a dead embalmed body whilst some bozo who've they've never met says some nice things about the "dearly departed"...no way, Jose....James Brown's funeral was like some kind of Block Party on Steroids where like thousands of people came to dance and FLIP OUT and go NUTS and get HOT n' get COLD n' take it to the BRIDGE, this that and everything, and then they did it all again. Did you see that shit? That was the buckest and wildest funeral that anyone ever did.

Can you imagine, like you're sooooo fucking cool, that when you die...nobody is sad...but they all meet up and FLIP OUT to celebrate how fucking cool you were? They held his funeral at an Arena that was named after him, an arena that has an over 9000+ capacity. 

Man, imagine bein' so cool that your damn funeral is held in a sold out arena named after you? That's Ka-Razy.

Should I get in the hottub should I make ya sweat? Should I, ha, get in the hot tub? I can't stand it, ha, gonna get in the hot tub, gonna make me sweat. You wanna sweat? Then get in the hot tub, come on let's break out inta a COLD SWEAT, ha, get in, hot tub, hot tub, ha, hot tub, gonna get ya hot, gonna make ya sweat, rubba-dub, gonna make ya sweat, ha.

Conclusion

  

Ya gotta live hard, you gotta live Ka-Razy, you gotta do the do, you gotta FLIP OUT, you gotta get in the the proverbial hot-tub, you gotta sweat, ha, you gotta jump over like 19 fucking cars and rap, you gotta do BACK FLIPS, you gotta get decked out in red n' white n' blue and jump the grand fucking canyon! 

What are you waitin' for? Get in the hot tub....get hot...start to mutate because it's so hot...let all the bacteria formin' and evolving around you in the tropical atoll of a hot-tub you are in do their thang...as you lie there getting hotter and hotter and then you yourself start to sweat n' evolve into a some kind of an Evel "Macho King" "Godfather of Soul" Knievel of Divine Ernestial proportions !!

Yeah.

End Note: (I wanted to put Elvis and Liberace up in here too, maybe some Dolemite, but a lot of the jokes would overlap....like I was gonna say like....

"Damn, you pablum pukin' middle-of-the-road clown...I bet you live your life eatin' bird food n' gluten free rice cakes and silly things like that! What kind of a punk is you? That fucking Elvis used to hollow out WHOLE LOAVES OF BREAD and slap a whole jar of peanut butter and a whole jar of jelly in there....and then that sunnavabitch would fill all the loaves of bread with POUNDS of bacon to flesh 'em out and then eat those sangwiches ALL DAY LAONG! That's a guy who knew how to fucking live! Holy SHIT! That's a dude who knew how to live..."

But I already did a peanut butter n' jelly paragraph in the James Brown section so it seemed redundant to have another butter n' jelly thing so I didn't do an Elvis section (which I feel shame for to leave Elvis out.))

The Retun of the King? The Building's Gonna be Lit. That Building's Gonna Be LIT !

Montreal Baseball Project president Warren Cromartie released a report today that on April 1st of 2015 none other than The Last Dragon of the Expos himself, Mr. Vladimir Guerrero, will be in Montreal for the first time in 12 years.

It is symbolically and literally...The Return of the King.

He's going to honored along with Timmy "Rock" Raines, Andres "Big Cat" Galarraga, Rusty "Le Grand Orange" Staub, Jacques Doucet, and Hall of Famer Andre "Hawk" Dawson at Montreal Baseball Project's gala on April 1st.

Now as everyone knows Montreal is hosting two exhibition games between the Jays and Reds at the Big O on the 3rd and 4th of April...that is two days after the date Vlad is confirmed to be in Montreal for the first time in 12 years.

The people at Evenko have to get him on the field, even if it is but for a moment, for at least one of the two exhibition games. You don't even understand how nuts people will go if Vlad steps on the field of Olympic Stadium once more...the fans, who've already bought 60K tickets for these games, and many are predicting a FULL HOUSE for BOTH GAMES...these fans will go absolutely MENTAL if Vlad shows up at either or both of these games. They will collectively FLIP OUT as a whole!

I guarantee if Vlad even steps onto the turf of Olympic Stadium for even ONE SECOND....fifty thousand people will totally FLIP OUT...and FLIP OUT HARD! Who me? I'll go nuts, man. Totally absolutely nuts, man. For real.

Vladimir, in Warren Cromartie's words is:

"When people think of the greatest All Stars in Expos history, the name of Vladimir Guerrero is always mentioned. His incredible talent made him one of the most feared hitters in all of baseball and one of the most exciting players to ever wear an Expos uniform" -(Cro)

Straight up.

Vladimir was one, if not the, most electrifying Expo to ever step up the plate to be friggin' great. People used to start standing and clapping and flippin' out just from him walking to the plate before he even did anything because they knew he was gonna smack the ball like a crazy man. He didn't even have a strike zone...he would hit any pitch, any where, any time, any how! He was a Wild Man, a complete and utter Wild Man.

People used to get PUMPED for Vlad, holy crap did they used to get pumped, they used to flip, completely FLIP. I'm telling you, 110%, if this guy even walks onto the field for the briefest of moments, the crowd will get Hella Pumped. He hasn't been in Montreal in over a decade and people wanna get pumped again, they feel it in their hearts and they feel it in their bones. They wanna GET pumped, they wanna BE pumped. Hey, people in Montreal? They were BORNED PUMPED. One Thousand Percent.

They gotta get him on the field on either April 3rd or on April 4th...they just got to. They have to. All the people who already have a massive case of Baseball Fever will thoroughly go absolutely WILD and CRAZY.


Conclusion

If they even get Vlad on the field for 0.00001 seconds...the Crowd'll FLIP OUT.

I'm not lying. They'll FLIP OUT. Seriously, They will literally FLIP OUT!

Ya.

The Funniest Women Comedians Evar

When Joan Rivers died I wanted to write something that day but it wasn't really long enough to be a real article. I'm gonna do one now called Funniest Women Comedians Evar and I'll throw in some other women and it'll flesh out to an entire article as such.

It's going to be five entries in this here and one is an ensemble cast so this list in totallatary will involve eight human females to be exact (most of which are unfortunately deceased, R.I.P.). All five entries will be listed, then the greatest shall be declared Funniest Lady Ever.


The Finalists

The Golden Girls

I used to watch this show all the time and I don't care if anyone thinks I'm not manly for doing that because this show was fucking funny, for real. The Golden Girls is one of the greatest ensemble comedy casts in all of history as all four corners of the Human Comedy Square which made up this crew were all funny and talented in their own way.

In Ninja Turtle terms, Bea Arthur was the Leonardo character, Estelle Getty was Donatello, Betty White was Michaelangelo, and Rue McClanahan was Raphael. Well, more or less I'd say.

The Golden Girls fucking kick ass, I'm very surprised there was never a Golden Girls video game ever made because I can picture in my mind at least 36 genres of video games in which it would have transitioned into very well. Maybe not so much a Fighting Game...but a Golden Girls RPG or a Golden Girls town buidling sim with Bea Arthur as the mayor of a small town (i.e. Saint Olaf) would have been simply golden. I know you can't really picture the video games I'm thinking about because they only exist in my weird mind, but believe you me, they rock so much.

There's many tv theme songs that I can sing on the spot and 100% verbatim with no no mistakes and I don't care what anyone thinks but GGs is one of those songs, seriously, this song was so good.

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWbz_mIAShM)

That song let's you know, right off the bat, that this crew is very legit and will always have each others backs even in the hardest of times. A friendship like theirs is powerful indeed and the only thing more powerful than their human friendship was their comedic prowess. The Golden Girls were big-time Legends, no doubt about it.

Rose-Anne Barr

Rose Anne is kind of kooky and riddled with plastic surgery now but back in the nineties she was the queen of prime time and with good reason...she was fucking funny. She was a big gal with a dirty mouth and she didn't give many fucks at all about what people thought about her. She said the stuff she wanted to say and did the shit she wanted to do and barely even cared. That's cool.

To highlight to what point Roseanne didn't give a fuck, here for example she's in Jack Murphy Stadium just destroying the sacred national anthem of her nation and not even given two fucks as the whole entire stadium booos the FUCK out of her....

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ls1YVhcLD2c)

She's got balls, or I guess for ladies you should say, she's got fucking ovaries, yo. She liked being herself and didn't care what nobody thought and that's really a key ingredient in being funny. I rank this anthem as one of the best renditions of our times, I really do, it's fucking original for sure.

Her sitcom was the best sitcom on TV for many years until it jumped the shark (their shark jump point was when Dan started having affairs and shit and the show just got stupid). It was a very real show and the actors were believable...the family was de-beavered of all the Leave it to Beaver-ness most TV families suffered from which made viewers relate to it better.

She's a comedy legend, 110%.

Jean Stapleton

Stapes was the wife character on All in the Family, for those who don't know, and she was a stellar actress who knew how to bring the fucking comedy.

I think the "Edith Bunker" character was born out of an exec telling Jean, "okay this character is sort of annoying, aloof, and a bit odd," and she just latched onto to those 3 traits and went into overdrive, creating one of the most annoying, aloof, and odd characters in the history of acting.

Similar to Roseanne's show, All in the Family, was not your perfect-werfect family and all the characters were pretty dimwitted and strange. The character of "Edith" was so funny that a lot of the shows tended to give the Edith character room to work as she stole the spotlight quite often. The Archie character was the headliner of the show but he took a back seat to the Edith character quite often because she could rake in her own share of the laughs from the audience.

A lot of the shows featured long-winded, pointless, monologues by Edith:

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kkue1ns4XvU)

The character Stapleton created is one of the most memorable ever in television lore. Everyone knows a friend or relative like Edith and Stapleton took that as the basis for the character and exaggerated it into something which was simply hilarious. 

She's an All-Star caliber comedienne, she was for real.

Joan Rivers

Rivers was versatile and was headlinin' on many genres from stand-up, to talk show, to trash talk show, to fashion police, etc, etc, etc. Her act was very versatile.

Similar to Roseanne, the later years of Joan Rivers was highlighted more by her insane facial reconstruction than her comedy. To estimate a ball park number, Joan Rivers must have spent at least 50 million dollars on plastic surgery...which is quite an expensive habit.

Aging is part of life, there's no reason a 70 year old woman should attempt to look like a 40 year old woman. There's nothing wrong with aging, it's not a sin to get old, it happens to everyone. It's really no big deal. To try and fight it with an asinine amount of operations is crazy...it's actually a mental disorder is what it is.

Joan Rivers talked a lot of shit, man. By the time of her death she was still embrangled in like seven different media controversies. She called some famous couple's baby ugly, she pissed off all the Muslims with something she said, she called some woman fat and that blew up into a big huge deal. She pissed off everyone, holy shit, she was a real card this one, my gosh. She didn't give no shit either, she had ovaries too, check this out when some dude gets pissed because she does a joke about how she hates kids and would only like to have a blind and deaf one because they'd be easier to manage...

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAD-ky3TYQk)

When you talk a lot of shit you have to ready to handle the fall-out/feed-back that finds it way back to you and this lady could handle it, she stood up for comedy as a whole when she told that loser to shut his fucking face up. 

Joan wins points with me too because she was down with my boys from Gwar...

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWRKlNlRsgI)

She was chill, for sure. She was one of comedy's brightest human stars for many a year. She knew how to work and she knew how handle the haterz, she was pretty hard, she was pretty hard, she's a legend for sure.

LaWanda Page

This is my lady, right here. Watching this lady work has made me laugh more than any other female human ever...she was a damned professional that's what she was. 

Similar to Stapleton, who's career overlapped with LaWanda's in the seventies, she was on a sitcom and would routinely steal the stage. Unlike Jean, LaWanda wasn't on every single episode of her sitcom, Sanford and Son, so she was never over-used and you never got tired of her. She got only enough air-time that you were always left wanting more Aunt Esther. She could steal the show too, and she was working with Redd Foxx as the headliner, who was a pretty big deal in that era. She could rob the show if she wanted to, she was fucking hilarious.

The Aunt Esther character was supposed to be a respectable chruch-going character but she had a crazy violent ugly side that was fucking funny. Here's a good example of Esther being Esther...

See: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48WCvHJxses&t=15m21s

(note: that above vid is uploaded weird, it seems the uploader sped it up a bit , they are talking at a  bit faster tempo than normal, they sound like their voices are too high pitched.)

She plays that character so well, and so funny, that she headlinin' the whole scene....and it became a common thing that when Esther busted on the scene, she would steal the whole damned show.

Before she was a hit on sit coms LaWanda preformed stand-up, and holy moly was she a dirty comedienne. She put out "party records" similar to Rudy Ray Moore or Blowfly or someone like that. Take a gander at some of her prime bits:

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0OHQJXy3Dzc)

She can't go 2 seconds without swearing. She's dirty as fuck.

Okay, she's filthier than anyone ever. No one has nothing on LaWanda, she's the fucking greatest. I don't think Redd Foxx, Rudy Ray Moore, or Blowfly could be dirtier than this lady, she's possibly the filthiest comic ever.

Funniest Lady Ever

Taking everything into consideration...in my opinion, LaWanda Page is the funniest woman who ever lived. Adding up her filthy stand up career with her Aunt Esther character on Sanford and Son she sums up to being a person who's created a great deal of exceptionally funny material.

All Things Considered: The Funniest Woman in History

Conclusion

If you noticed there was no one from Saturday Night Live on here, it is mainly because those women were never really that funny. I think most female comedians now a days feel that women from SNL are what they should model themselves after and they are not correct in trying to mold themselves after people they see on SNL. Basically the women on this list featured some very key features in what it takes to being a comedic individual. These old school comics are great role models for any young aspiring comic (not only females but males and trannies too). 

Try and be....

LaWanda Page: Dirty as all Heck. 

Joan Rivers: Mean and Versatile.

Jean Stapleton: Over the Top.

Roseanne: Not Givin' a Fuck.

Golden Girls: Unafraid to Age.

I think there's still some modern female comics that display these key features at times, I think that jewish one, Sarah Silverman, can be Dirty as all Heck, Mean and Versatile, while Givin' no Fucks ...hopefully when she starts hitting her 50s and 60s she won't go the route of Roseanne or Joan and hopefully choose not to get loads of surgery and thus proving she's Unafraid to Age....then all she'd be missing is the Over the Top trait. She's a fairly complete comic, I'd say.

That Amy Poehler can be Over the Top, I still remember her as Andy Richter's little sister back in the day in the Upright Citizens Brigade. I think that's the only trait she has though, she nowhere near qualifies for the other four key traits.

The most popular female comedian by far now-a-days is that Tina Fey Bakker person, yet she has none of the traits mentioned and has no real business pretending to be funny. She's like a female variation of Seth Rogan, devoid of all humor yet prancing around like they are fucking hilarious. Like a Seth, she can't stretch herself, she can't work, she can only be a Straight Man (or Straight Woman I guess). If Tina Fey and Seth Rogan made a dirty baby together that baby would be the least funniest creature ever produced. They'd probably give it a retarded name like Seth Fey-Rogan Jr and it would be famous when it got older and everyone on earth would hate that thing so much. The retarded mutant baby would star in Green Hornet 2 and be the actual encapsulation of lame.

Anywho, if you're a female comic and want to be wicked funny...stop watching SNL...and start investing time into the professional stylings of LaWanda, Joan, Jean, Roseanne, and the GGs because those ladies knew how to work, they fucking did, they were downright professionals those women....

...but then again what the fuck do I know anyway? Do whatever you want, really. My opinions don't really actually mean anything.

Hypothetical Hall of Fame Ballot

I love baseball, it's the best, it makes me very happy inside of my heart.

It's hall of fame votin' time again and if I had the opportunity to vote (which I obviously don't) then this would be my hypothetical ballot.

First off, the Steroid Era players, is a hot topic for debate (I wroted on it once too), and I think players who were caught and/or admitted to using steroids will not make the hall of fame. Maybe down the line when society is more accepting of drugs of this nature, and in the case that science is producing safer versions of steroids and human growth hormone, then a committee will probably let some of them in. Voters it seems are not voting for them in this era and I think there is a valid reason as to why they are not voting for them.

The following players are the highest profile players who were caught or admitted use: Bonds, Clemens, McGwire, Sosa, Sheffield, Palmeiro, Kevin Brown, Andy Pettitte, Mike Piazza, Jeff Bagwell, Ivan Rodriguez, Manny Ramirez, Miguel Tejada, Albert Pujols, and that no-good A-Rod.

Ok, let's get going,

This article will look at each player's case on the ballot minus those names from the above list.


Case by Case 

Craig Biggio

Biggio will make it this year 100% so there's no reason to spend too much time on him. He's basically already in. Only 14 more people have crossed the plate more times than Craig Biggio, this guy scored a heckuva lot of runs in his life.

He will be in this year, no doubt about it.


Hall of Famer? Yes.






Tim Raines

I've wrote about Raines's candidacy on four occasions:

1. http://writtting-d.blogspot.ca/2011/12/baseball-hall-of-fame-is-incomplete.html
2. http://writtting-d.blogspot.ca/2012/12/last-year-prior-to-hall-of-fame-voting.html
3. http://writtting-d.blogspot.ca/2013/11/rock-hall-3.html
4. http://writtting-d.blogspot.ca/2014/10/the-greatest-lead-off-guys-evar.html 

Rock Raines

I don't know what is holding up Tim Raines' entry into the Hall of Fame, and now that it's down to a 10 year maximum to be on the ballot (Mattingly, Trammell, and Lee Smith get a grandfather clause to stay on the ballot for 15 years but Raines for some reason didn't get that clause), he has only 3 chances left to get in instead of 8. It looks more and more like he won't get in at all which really is a shame.

I think now that the steroid era is dying down and teams are returning to a style of baseball that was less reliant on homeruns for offensive production...more people will start to realize what impact players like Raines brought to the table. His ability to get on base, get around the bases, and score runs is matched by only a few others in all of history.


Hall of Famer? Yes.


Lee Smith

I don't think the amount of innings pitched by Lee Smith is enough to warrant him really making the Hall of Fame, he only appeared in 1,289.1 innings in his entire life which is like 3 times less the amount of innings than what the average hall of fame has pitched.

That being said his era in which he pitched in was the first where the "closer" really started to be looked at as a big deal. Coaches in the eighties were starting to use a guy just for the ninth inning, so his lack of innings pitched was not necessarily because he couldn't log a lot innings but because the role he was being used in only required him to throw that many.

The thing about Lee is that he was a dominant bull-pen pitcher for about 16 years which is pretty amazing, really. He was given the task to pitch only in the ninth inning when they had a close lead (which to me is an odd role to assign a player) and he did that incredibly well. He finished with a 3.03 career ERA and 478 saves.

Even if I think the Saves stat is a very gimmicky and kind of silly stat, this man did take the job assigned to him and proceeded to excel at it for 16 years straight...so, in the end I think he is a Hall of Famer.

Hall of Famer? Yes.


Curt Schilling 
  

Awww, Curt has a booo-boooo, poor Curt.

I've had a lot of bloody injuries and I know that blood doesn't really give any indication of how bad an injury is. It's called a "flesh wound" for a reason...and that's because only the flesh is wounded. I think he's seen as a legend for having a bloody sock in a playoff game but that shit is sort of exaggerated to an extent where it's just annoying to hear about him.

He was sort of linked with roids....many on the '93 Phillies did them (like Dykstra) yet Curt is not mentioned by anyone as having done them. He has an odd investigation for steroids in Boston yet this occurred after his career was over in 2008 where maybe he was thinking of coming back, I don't know. Either way, officially, his name is not linked to steroid use.

He's got decent numbers, it's a shame Randy Johnson and Pedro have shown up on the ballot because it makes his numbers look like trash compared to them. The big stat for him is his 3000+ strikeouts and honestly anyone who struck out that many people in his life is probably a Hall of Famer.

Curt Schilling played in some big markets and still never won a Cy Young award though. He's a tough call, I think he will eventually get in due to his Ks though.

Hall of Famer? Yes.


Edgar Martinez

I come from the view that pitching and defense are paramount to winning ball games, I really do. I know offensive numbers are what makes most fans excited, but one of the reasons I think Schilling (and Mussina too) are Hall of Famers is because pitching and defense is what wins games.

Edgar Martinez was a career DH, meaning he didn't field a position and in the years early on when he did play third base he was atrocious. He finished with a .933 OPS which is amazing but how much of a penalty should he get for never playing defense? I don't know, it's just my opinion that Edgar is not a Hall of Famer.

In the final assessment of things, 1261 RBIs is not enough to warrant his entry...if he never played defense and had like 2000 RBIs then fine but his numbers aren't anything really amazing anyways to begin with.

Hall of Famer? No.


Alan Trammell

I wrote about Trammell not long ago (in an article about him, Mike Marshall, and Dick Allen).

Here: http://writtting-d.blogspot.ca/2014/01/the-greatest-of-people-who-are-not.html

I came to the conclusion that if Ozzie Smith (a contemporary and comparable short stop to Alan) is in the Hall then 100% so should Alan. It's literally just an IF and THEN case scenario with this case.

There's no way he's not a Hall of Famer, really.


Hall of Famer? Yes.


Mike Mussina

K, now there's a manly injury

I remember when he was hit in the face with a line drive and everyone thought his career was done but he made it back and still pitched very well after that scare. His stats are hard to compare to other pitchers from other eras because he pitched through the steroid era so his ERA was definitely higher due to that. If he pitched in the seventies I think Mike would have had a sub-3 ERA, I think that would be a good estimate.

Like Schilling he never got a Cy Young but I still think he will make it with like 75% near the end of his candidacy....I think it'll be a close call but I think he'll make it. Again, I do value pitchers quite highly so maybe it's just me, I don't know.

Unlike Schilling though, his blood image is actually fucking hardcore as fuck, it's not a foot boo-boo it's a broken eye for crying out loud.

Hall of Famer? Yes.


Jeff Kent

Too coiffed lookin'

He played with Bonds on that Giants team where Bonds went nuts, but Kent has stayed out of the steroids scandal's long-casting net of stigma.

Jeff was a great player, who looked like an 80s guy with that mustache too. He was never known as a superstar and due to playing in the steroid era his .855 OPS looks pretty average. If he was a stellar defensive player than he'd be a shoe-in but I don't think anyone saw Kent as a great or even good second baseman.

I have a feeling he'll sneak in because he played in some big market cities but he's borderline at best. If he hit like that in the seventies or eighties then yeah but just because he looks like he played in that era doesn't mean he did. He played in the steroid era where one of his own teammates hit 70 fucking homeruns in one year...his numbers really pale in comparison to his era.

Hall of Famer? No.


Crime Dog

He's a big homer big RBI guy, usually these dudes always make it in with little trouble. I wonder why he doesn't get a lot of votes. The voters are weird with their milestone numbers I find, like say a hypothetical player gets 2,991 hits with a .956 OPS then he's somehow worse than a guy who got 3,000 hits with an .880 OPS. They mainly care about the milestone numbers, they don't care about sample size or anything else.

In the case with the Crime Dog, he got 493 homers in his life....but that's 7 less than 500, if you didn't notice, and 500 homers is one of those milestone numbers that gets you in. Are they really gonna keep Crime out due to 7 measly homers? Gimme a break. If Jim Rice made it than so does he. Rice only had 382 homers...he didn't even make it to 400 let alone 500.

I think Crime should go in.

Hall of Famer? Yes.


Larry Walker

I wrote a long one about him the other day,

Here: http://writtting-d.blogspot.ca/2014/12/on-park-factors-and-hinderance-to-larry.html

I don't know with Larry, I think my brain is saying No but my heart is saying Yeah, He's a Hall of Famah.

I 100% do not think he will ever get in but I for me personally I will put him down as a Yes.


Hall of Famer? Yes.


Don Mattingly

Playing in a big market I think the 4 or 5 great seasons he had somehow got exaggerated into him being of legendary status. He was showered with golden gloves and this and that...good for him. Cut yer side burns for crying out loud you dirty hippie!

He was a great hitter for 3 or 4 seasons but that don't make a hall of fame career.

Hall of Famer? Nope.


Pedro, Unit, n' Smoltz

Pedro Vs. Gerbil (RIP Don Zimmer)

Pedro was the greatest pitcher I ever saw, he was incredible...if he doesn't get 100% of the vote then whoever doesn't vote for him shouldn't be dis-barred but they should be fucking executed for fuck's sake. He's god damned fucking PEDRO for crying out loud he's like the best pitcher ever. He had a sub-2 ERA in the darned steroid era on two occasions (once in the NL and then in the AL), that's actually ludicrous when you think about it. Pedro is literally amazing, the fact that there's probably millions of people named Pedro on earth but he can still be identified solely from his first name is incredible in itself, when someone is talkin' 'bout Pedro you know exactly who they are talkin' 'bout.

Randy too, that guy started as a weird lanky dufus but ended up being a real pitcher's pitcher. He's not as good as Pedro but he's one of those guys who could get 100% of the votes in his first year. He even hit a bird mid-air one time and caused said bird to literally EXPLODE.

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwpRHrAh3pk)

Holy Fuck.

Smoltz? He's going in too, no doubt about it. Oh man I hated Maddux/Smoltz/Glavine so much, they were great though. They got all the calls these guys, man. Sometimes it felt like they paid the umps these three guys. At least that Steve Avery character petered out, there used to be four or them in that clan...4 of their stupid faces to look at.


Conclusion

So the Yes variables and the No variables were:

YES: Pedro, Unit, Smoltz, Biggio, Rock, Lee Smith, Schilling, Trammell, Mussina, Crime-Dog, Walker.

(Schilling, Mussina, Walker, and Lee Smith I think are quite borderline but are Yesses).

NO: Steroiders, Edgar Martinez, Jeff Kent, and Mattingly.

Great Moments in Literature 3: The Development of Ma Junior / Demon Jr. / Piccolo

I like writing these, they're funner, no one gets offended with these ones either, they are fun for the whole family and everything.

Previous articles in the Great Moments in Literature Series:

1. Bob Backlund

2. Stan Gable


Today we shall not be looking at literature from fake wrestling or even from movies but shall be looking at a great character from Japanese Cartoons.

Now before we get going I want the record to show that for the most part...I am not a huge fan of Japanese Cartoons. It has a very cookie cutter format to it with thousands of people over in Japan writin' comix and making animations and it has reached a level of conveyor-belt-a-tude that almost is sweat-shop-esque in nature. I think the thing with these cartoons are "how fast and how many of these can we make?" and quantity always outweighs quality. Sometimes they do put budget into them and make feature length high-quality ones (like Akira, etc.) but for the most part the genre lacks originality.

That being said there's two Japanese Cartoons over the years which I think are fucking cool as all hell and they are One Piece and Dragon Ball (Z). Why out of the 2.7 million different Japanese cartoons are these the only two that I think are fucking cool as hell? Because they pump me up like fucking crazy, that's why. When I'm feeling unpumped there's nary a time either One Piece or Dragon Ball Z can't re-pump me up and get me all crazy and shit.

Oh man, the first time I saw Chiaotzu jump on to Nappa's back and blow himself up to try and save earth yet ultimately only managed to self-sacrifice himself vain, I felt like to cry, but then Tien Shin Han totally steps up and even though he has one arm cut off and blood is shooting everywhere...he fucking totally flips out and starts doing one-armed Kikihoos all over the damned place and just fucking going ballistic and goin' nuts.

My emotions get confused when watching this show sometimes...I don't know whether to cry, to get super-pumped...or both! It's like this show invokes an emotion in my brain n' body that I've never even felt before...bein' sad and pumped at the same exact time. It's like being Sumped or maybe Pumpad.

There are very little if any other entertainment media that can invoke the Pumpad emotion (which was just recently named only 10 seconds ago) in this boiling and festering soul of mine....so for that Dragon Ball is pretty cool in my books.

The character who's devo-lopment we shall be lookin' into shall be the character known as Ma Junior / Demon Jr. or as most Westernites know him...Piccolo.

(Note: Everyone's seen this fucking show, no? There's no need for a spoiler warnin' really).


Piccolo's Dad

Before you can learn about Piccolo you first have to hear a bit about his crazy old dad.

Good (Right), Evil (Left)

Piccolo's dad was a weird green alien man from outer space who got bored on his dumb planet (which we learned later was mostly green oceans, ugly green people, and dumb looking domes) and blasted off into outer-space lookin' for adventure! Eventually Piccolo's Dad would wind up on earth where he'd notice was a planet filled with weak and boring people.

He soon figured these jabronies needed a cool alien to guide them so he became God (seriously), but he felt that in order to be a super-benevolent God he'd first have to rid himself of evil. So using a technique common on his planet he split himself into two...one Good Side and one Evil Side.

The Good side of Piccolo's dad became God and watched over the earth while the Evil side went nuts and killed a bunch of fucking people. Luckily, a local martial arts man named Master Muta Ito managed to seal the Evil side of Piccolo's dad into an electric rice steamer where he remained for like a hundred years.

Many years later, unfortunately, a blue midget, a ninja-dog, and a hot russian-looking woman eventually happen upon the rice steamer and let Evil Piccolo's Dad out and shit gets messed up quick. Evil Piccolo's Dad (EPD) gets all the dragon ballz, wishes his youth back, and then declares May 9th as Piccolo Day. All the earthians have to celebrate that day marking it forever and ever as the day their new King arrived.

Ya, Piccolo's dad was fucking evil, a serious bad guy. He starts spitting out all these mutant "sons" that look like pterodactyls and all kinds of crazy things, which is pretty cool, but Tien and Goku beat up all the mutant "sons" in their attempt to stop his evil deeds.

Eventually, after Tien fails to re-trap Piccolo's dad in a rice steamer...Goku (when he's still a little kid) beats the living fuck out of Piccolo's dad....

....but.....

...Before Piccolo's dad dies he spits out an egg but this one isn't a stupid egg that hatches pterodactyls and stupid things like that...inside this egg is a perfect clone of Evil Piccolo's Dad...a perfect baby EPD which has all his DNA and even some of his memories and stuff.


Piccolo, First Incarnation: REAL EVIL

Piccolo, when he hatches from that slimy egg looks cute...but he's not...he's actually really really evil. He's as evil as his Evil Dad but he's just in a cute cute baby form at first.

He ages quickly because he's not human and soon enough he's a big boy and ready to compete in the 23rd Annual World Martial Arts Tournament. All the big names will be there like Yamcha, Chiaotzu, Tien Shin Han, Krillin, and the one who killed his dad...Goku.

Piccolo is more than just his dad's son, he is literally like a clone of his dad with not only his facial features and physiognomy...but also is a prisoner to his father's evil hopes and dastardly dreams.

He knows he has to kill Goku and get his revenge. He will stop at nothing to kill Goku, even if it means destroying the entire arena, or even the planet if that's what it takes.

His uncle Good Piccolo shows up and steals some dude's body in order to fight his nephew and seal him in a rice steamer but he fails and Piccolo gets his uncle sealed away instead...oh no!

Goku and Piccolo meet in the finals, as everyone expected and they do indeed destroy the entire arena during the battle...yet once again Goku comes out on top and defeats Evil King Piccolo's son.

Yet, in an act of kindness befitting of Goku, he gives Piccolo a Senzu Bean which heals his deep wounds and saves his life. Piccolo is remiss at this action yet undeterred as he vows to re-match Goku and kill him some time in the near future.


Dangerous Liaisons

Both Piccolo and Goku train in order to be in top shape for their re-match when the title is back on the line...the stakes shall be once again high as Piccolo vowed death unto Goku's head....yet misfortune erupts around our would-be pugilists as different aliens from a more different planet (the one Goku's actually from) come to earth to kill everybody.

Oh shit. The new alien kidnaps Goku's son and all kinds of panic ensues...oh my goodness.

Piccolo is distraught at this turn of events under the reasoning that if this dumb alien kills all the earthians and Goku then how the hell is he supposed to kill all the earthians and Goku!? After much deliberation, Piccolo decides that his only option is to propose a brief alliance with Goku to rid this alien menace under the understanding that it would be mutually beneficial for both parties...to which Goku accepts....

AND THE WORLD'S MOST STRONGEDEST TEEEEEEAM IS BORNED! DA-DA-NA-NA-NA-DA-Na-na-na-DA-DA-NA-NA-NA-NAAA!

Piccolo's deranged and evil mind seems to be easing slightly as he shows extreme signs of rational thinking with these actions. One might even begin to wonder if the heart of this evil being is beginning to crack slightly...possibly the Senzu Bean Goku gave him long ago as an act of kindness chipped away at his heart? Only time will tell.

Goku and Piccolo gang up on the stupid alien and try to kick the shit out of him but simply can't because they suck so bad....but then something really fucked happens...Goku's kid who's only like 4 years old and who's been kidnapped by the alien this whole entire time flips out hard when he sees his dad getting his ass kicked and goes ABSOLUTELY FUCKING BUCK WILD CRAZY AND FLIPS THE FUCK OUT. He nails the alien guy and the alien, Goku, and Piccolo are all like....

"Whoa, what the hell?"

Goku and Piccolo get their shit back together and get pumped after seeing Goku's son go nuts and they get more confidence to beat the alien. Goku gets the alien in a fricken Full Nelson and implores Piccolo to shoot his crazy-cool Demon Spiral Death Ray, that he loads from his mind into his index and middle fingertips, right through both the alien and himself.

Wow! COOOOOOL!

Piccolo is all for the idea of killing the alien and Goku with one super-wicked-cool-as-smoke damned Makankosappo Demon Lazor Cannon Ray for it would be like killing two birds with one stone (as they say).

He blasts them both and gets his wish of killing the alien and Goku....yet he can't relax yet.

(yo, don't worry death isn't legit in this show, people can just get wished back to life with the darned Dragon Ballz...like Krillin's been killed at least 5 times in this show and he's still there)

He cannot relax and feel victory because his loose lips are gunna sink a bunch of ships. As the alien lay dying, Piccolo added insult to the alien's injury by telling the stupid alien that Goku's friends were just gonna wish him back with the darned Dragon Ballz anyway, so the alien is the only bozo that's gunna die. The alien gets the last of the laughs though...because he had a fucking tape recorder broadcasting that conversation to outer space where his alien friends are and now they are gonna come to earth to get those darned Dragon Ballz and fuck everything to shit and kill everybody! Oh my goooodness.

As Piccolo feels stupid that he said that and realizes this fight is only beginning, he recalls Goku's son's flip-out from earlier and tells the 4 year old he's gonna train him to harness that power so he can help him fight the aliens when they get to earth. The kid doesn't want to but Piccolo tells him he'll break his fucking neck if he doesn't do the intense Jungle Survival Training he has planned for him!

Has the evil Piccolo become less evil or is he just allying himself with Goku and now his son to save his own evil green skin? Only time will tell.


Benevolent Uncle Piccolo

Piccolo throws Goku's son into the jungle and tells him if he doesn't die in the next like 6 months then he'll train him to be wicked strong. He does this to toughen the kid up, but it turns out not to be as harsh as you'd think as Piccolo is always giving the kid apples and helpin' him out in the jungle from afar so the kid doesn't die. Piccolo's watchful eye doesn't look evil when he does this...his watchful eye looks kinda uncle-like.

Take THAT ya big moon!

With Piccolo's help Goku's son (Gohan) progresses his survival training nicely, except trouble brews out as Gohan (due to being a monkey alien) turns into a gigantic gorilla at night time cuz of the moon and tries to murder Piccolo. Being a pretty smart guy, Piccolo realizes this is a total werewolf-esque situation being caused by the dumb moon....so he fucking Makankosappo Demon Lazor Cannons the god damned moon! Cool.

Blowing up the moon is just plain cool. It just is. Master Roshi blowed it up once too, I think, but I don't remember how or why the moon came back...I'm guessing someone wished it back with those darned Dragon Ballz, I dunno.

After that Gohan isn't a big gorilla for a while and they develop a sort of friendship between them. Piccolo keeps telling himself he is training him to stop the aliens so he can conquer the world himself when the alien threat has passed...yet the viewer knows better and can plainly see his evil heart cracking before their very eyes.

When the other two aliens (the friends of the first alien) finally show their retarded faces on earth to kill everyone and rob the Dragon Ballz...Gohan participates with the other earthian heroes to repel them, yet with Goku still out on the disabled list (60-Day DL; Out indefinitely due to Death), Gohan and the others cannot defeat the monkey aliens and their painful deaths are imminent...

...and not only imminent but those deaths are for REAL this time cuz if the monkey aliens kill the guy who makes the Dragon Ballz (which turns out to be fucking Piccolo...cuz if Piccolo dies then the Good Piccolo dies too and Good Piccolo is God, remember?)...then they can't wish nobody back with said Dragon Ballz, which sucks cuz then when yer dead yer dead for good.

All that taken into consideration, i.e. Piccolo KNOWS that if he dies then no one can wish anyone back to life, what happens next is pretty large, man....

...................

When one of the monkey aliens tries to kill Gohan, Piccolo jumps in front of the child and takes the energy blast meant for him....and dies. It's so damned sad, my goodness...because this time it's real...like there's no more Dragon Ballz if Piccolo dies....and now Piccolo's straight up dead.

Before he dies, he tells Gohan something that will break your damned heart even if it's coming from a green man from a very silly cartoon show from Japan, he says...

"Gohan, you're the only real friend I've ever had. I want to thank you..."


You saw this evil creature's heart cracking the whole entire time, from when he started training Gohan 'til this very moment, you knew he was slowly becoming a good guy. Now in the heat of life-or-death battle, he sacrificed himself for his sworn enemy's son...but why? Because that boy was "the only real friend he ever had." 

Those were his last words. That's so deep, word.

Yo.


I'm Home! I'm ALIVE! I FEEEL GREEAT! I FEEL INCREDIBLE! YES! YES! I CAN WIN! WOW! MY GOSH!

Well, even though apparently he was dead for good...he really wasn't. Turned out there was more of those magic Dragon Ballz on the planet Piccolo originally came from so they all shoot up to space to find them and resurrect all the earthians that died from the alien attack (including Piccolo).

Unfortunately, A crazy planet-broker who buys and sells planets and their resources to the highest bidder gets pissed that our heroes are messing around on a planet that he wants to gut and sell so he gives them a hard time. This guy is tough too.

Our intrepid space-venturing heroes eventually wish Piccolo back and he feels stronger from training on that King Kai planet but is unconfident that he can beat this new enemy....but as luck would have it he finds a really powerful countryman who is near death and fuses with him (remember how God did that at the start? Yeah you can un-fuse yourself but you can also fuse yourself too, obviously).

This guy he vulcan mind-melds with is like a totally cool guy too and when their bodies merge Piccolo turns into even more of a better guy and even more of the evil washes away, in fact a huge wave of Positive Thinking hits our favorite green guy, check it out...

YES! YES! YES! WOW!

Holy moly, I've never seen Piccolo this positive before, he's like a new man after he fused with that dying guy. Wow. Talk about character development...how 'bout merging souls with another person and becoming a more better person? How's that for character development!? Whoa.

Piccolo kicks some ass, then Goku comes and turns blonde and beats some more ass....they win, but the important thing is that Piccolo is even more less-evil now.

Becoming God's Uncle

After they make everyone alive again and come back to earth from Piccolo's planet...they have to fight a bunch of robots who came from the future to murder them, why the fuck not?

These robots? Holy shit they are strong...like waaay more stronger than the last guys they fought in outer space. Piccolo comes to the conclusion that he is but merely half a man and could never beat a bunch of robots from the future in his present state.

Remember how his dad and his uncle were once One? Well, Piccolo thinks it's time to become One again and goes to see his Uncle God on that tower where God, a cat, a fat guy, and a guy with a turban live. Piccolo is basically all like....

Piccolo: "Uncle God, I'm not all that evil anymore so let's fuse and become One like you and my dad used to be before, ok God?"

God: Ya, okay, fine.

So, Piccolo and God fuse together and become One...thus completing the long and somewhat strange transformation of Piccolo from a bad guy into a good guy. This new good-guy Piccolo and his friends beat those damned robots and everything's chill again.

After all's said and done...Piccolo (now God) looks back and remembers all the bad shit he did to people and realizes he's still a bit too evil to be friggin' God of Earth so he vacates the position and recommends a kid they brought home with them from space be God now... and Piccolo will be like God's Uncle and watch over God and teach God right from wrong.

Character Development Assessment

Okay, so...basically, Piccolo went from being:

1. An Alien

and then became,

2. Two Aliens

and then became, 

3. An Egg

and then became,

4. A cute baby Alien 

and then became,

5.  A Bad Guy

and then became,

6. A Rational Bad Guy who Worked with Good Guys when it was Necessary

and then became,

 7. A Bad Guy who Understood what Real Friendship Was

and then became,

8. Almost a Good Guy after Fusing/Merging Himself with a Pretty Decent Guy

and then became,

9. A Good Guy after Fusing/Merging with his uncle who happened to be God 

and then became,

10. God's Benevolent Uncle

Okay, wow....now that's some character development, man. My goodness. They won't teach you that in those script writing classes those hollywood jaboronies take. Fuck.

Normally, character development goes like a 1-2-3 progression of bad guy - to normal guy - to good guy... but with Piccolo, the vehicle getting him from point A to point B on his character development map took some scenic detours, that's for sure.

If you're gonna write a book, or a fake wrestling, or a Japanese Cartoon, or a movie...always remember when you're branching out your character devo-lopment maps to throw in some wild-ass 180s and 360s and some U-turns to keep everyone interested...you might as well make your characters eggs and God Uncles too.

Dang, Piccolo is cool.

Piccolo (left) with his nephew God (right)