Re-Defining the Concept of "God"

I was listening to a Jesuit on the Neil Tyson show the other day,  that show does some pretty interesting segments sometimes, for sure. One part of that Jesuit show that was interesting was the priest talking about how Einstein often used the word "God" and Tyson tried to explain to the priest that science's concept of "God" is not what you think it is.

This essay will use three instances of popularizers of science and try to further explain what Tyson was trying to explain to the priest. The popularizers of modern science will be A) Buck Fuller, B) Carl Sagan, and C) Albert Einstein.

We'll do Einstein last to talk about his definition of "God" after the other two popularizers are explained to help delve into what Einstein's concept of "God" was.

Alright so first my boy Fulla...


Buck Fuller on "God"

I've read most of what Buck's written and there's a lot to work with in using his texts to try and explain how people of science view the concept of God, but, one clear-cut easy to work with example is Buck's re-writing or "re-thinking" rather of the "Lord's Prayer" which was composed in 1979 and reads as follows:

To be satisfactory to science
all definitions
must be stated
in terms of experience

I define Universe as
all of humanity’s
in-all-known-time
consciously apprehended
and communicated (to self or others)
experiences.

In using the word, God,
I am consciously employing
four clearly differentiated
from one another
experience-engendered thoughts.

Firstly I mean: —

Those experience-engendered thoughts
which are predicted upon past successions
of unexpected, human discoveries
of mathematically incisive,
physically demonstrable answers
to what theretofore had been misassumed
to be forever unanswerable
cosmic magnitude questions
wherefore I now assume it to be
scientifically manifest,
and therefore experientially reasonable that

scientifically explainable answers
may and probably will
eventually be given
to all questions
as engendered in all human thoughts
by the sum total
of all human experiences;
wherefore my first meaning for God is: —

all the experientially explained
or explainable answers
to all questions
of all time —

Secondly I mean: —
The individual’s memory
of many surprising moments
of dawning comprehensions
of an interrelated significance
to be existent
amongst a number
of what had previously seemed to be
entirely uninterrelated experiences
all of which remembered experiences
engender the reasonable assumption
of the possible existence
of a total comprehension
of the integrated significance —
the meaning —
of all experiences.

Thirdly, I mean:–
the only intellectually discoverable
a priori, intellectual integrity
indisputably manifest as
the only mathematically statable
family
of generalized principles —
cosmic laws–
thus far discovered and codified
and ever physically redemonstrable
by scientists
to be not only unfailingly operative
but to be in eternal
omni-interconsiderate,
omni-interaccommodative governance
of the complex
of everyday, naked-eye experiences
as well as of the multi-millions-fold greater range
of only instrumentally explored
infra- and ultra-tunable
micro and macro-Universe events.

Fourthly, I mean: —
All the mystery inherent
in all human experience,
which as a lifetime ratioed to eternity,
is individually limited
to almost negligible
twixt sleepings, glimpses
of only a few local episodes
of one of the infinite myriads
of concurrently and overlappingly operative
sum-totally never-ending
cosmic scenario serials

With these four meanings I now directly address God.

“Our God —
Since omni-experience is your identity
You have given us
overwhelming manifest: —
of Your complete knowledge
of Your complete comprehension
of Your complete concern
of Your complete coordination
of Your complete responsibility
of Your complete capability to cope
in absolute wisdom and effectiveness
with all problems and events
and of Your eternally unfailing reliability
so to do

Yours, Dear God,
is the only and complete glory.

By Glory I mean
the synergetic totality
of all physical and metaphysical radiation
and of all physical and metaphysical gravity
of finite
but nonunitarily conceptual
scenario Universe
in whose synergetic totality
the a priori energy potential
of both radiation and gravity
are initially equal
but whose respective
behavioral patterns are such
that radiation’s entropic, redundant disintegratings
is always less effective
than gravity’s nonredundant
syntropic integrating

Radiation is plural and differentiable,
radiation is focusable, beamable, and self-sinusing,
it is interceptible, separatist, and biasable —
ergo, has shadowed voids and vulnerabilities;

Gravity is unit and undifferentiable
Gravity is comprehensive
inclusively embracing and permeative
is nonfocusable and shadowless,
and is omni-integrative
all of which characteristics of love.
Love is metaphysical gravity.

You, Dear God,
are the totally loving intellect
ever designing
and ever daring to test
and thereby irrefutably proving
to the uncompromising satisfaction
of Your own comprehensive and incisive
knowledge of the absolute truth
that Your generalized principles
adequately accommodate any and all
special case developments,
involvements, and side effects;
wherefore Your absolutely courageous

omnirigorous and ruthless self-testing
alone can and does absolutely guarantee
total conservation
of the integrity
of eternally regenerative Universe

Your eternally regenerative scenario Universe
is the minimum complex
of totally intercomplementary
totally intertransforming
nonsimultaneous, differently frequenced
and differently enduring
feedback closures
of a finite
but nonunitarily
nonsimultaneously conceptual system
in which naught is created
and naught is lost
and all occurs
in optimum efficiency.

Total accountability and total feedback
constitute the minimum and only
perpetual motion system.
Universe is the one and only
eternally regenerative system.

To accomplish Your regenerative integrity
You give Yourself the responsibility
of eternal, absolutely continuous,
tirelessly vigilant wisdom.

Wherefore we have absolute faith and trust in You,
and we worship You
awe-inspiredly,
all-thankfully,
rejoicingly,
lovingly,
Amen.
(Buck)

 (video version of an older version of Buck Fulla's "Lord's Prayer": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJKLs6zEU8g&t=2m8s)
 

B.U.C.K.

Here in this prayer he is in total "Synergetics" mode which is kind of like some super-autistic language he made up. In English, Buck is basically saying that the concept of "God" is a direct synonym to the word "Universe". Everything that exists and can be understood by humans is defined as our Universe and our Universe is our God. Buck, just like Nelson Dwight Sickels, never put the word "the" in front of Universe...to him that was a form of blasphemy. It is "Universe" not "The Universe"...just like a religious person wouldn't say "The God" like "I'm praying to The God today" they would just say "I'm praying to God". Similarly with Buck, who believes Universe IS God, he never referred to Universe as "The Universe."

This, I think, is a good intro into understanding how people who deal with science view the concept of "God" and even though Buck mentions God in his prayer....he is not invoking the same concept as a religious person is when they use that term. God to Buck is simply Universe....nothing more and nothing less. God to him is "a series of integral truths which are a combined plurality of generalized principles."


Carl Sagan on how Spiritual this "Universe" is

Ok, so in trying to explain this rational yet spiritual view of "God" we are going to continue on with the definition of "Universe" to be a synonym of "God." If Universe is deified to represent "God" can people thus have spiritual experiences from this plurality of integral truths known as Universe?

Sagan has a book, I think it was a post-humous printing of talks he gave, which is called Varieties of Scientific Experience: A Personal View of the Search for God.

Since this essay is trying to show that Universe can be spiritual in itself this book is a good place to go to next. The topic of spirituality derived from the beauty of the "Cosmos," on the radio show the other day where Neil Tyson debates a Jesuit priest he does cover this. At one point Tyson stated that while looking off a tall mountain and seeing the world under you and the clouds under you....a person can feel this sense of awe inspiring emotion from the beauty of the world. The beauty of Universe itself can surely be a spiritual experience in and of itself without the need for deities.

A guest on the radio show was also Richard Dawkins, a evolutionary biologist, who once described Sagan's book Varieties of Scientific Experience as....

"Was Carl Sagan a religious man? He was so much more. He left behind the petty, parochial, medieval world of the conventionally religious, left the theologains, priests, and mullahs wallowing in their small-minded spiritual poverty. He left them behind, because he had so much more to be religious about. They have their Bronze-Age myths, medieval superstitions and childish wishful thinking. He had the Universe." -Dawkins

First off, I don't know why he refers to Universe as "the" Universe...it looks really odd that "the" there. What he's saying makes sense though. I mean why when you're looking off a mountain enjoying how awesome your world is should you need to thank some voodoo "god" or stone-age deity for it? Why can't you just enjoy it? Not only enjoy it but let it invoke a sense of wonder about it that urges you to study it and understand it?

Who needs those "Bronze-Age" myths and texts anyway? There's parts of those books that are not very uplifting for today's society. A good chunk of the christ book is on how to properly punish sinners that's rife with eye plucking and terrible terrible burning, there's parts of the muslim book on what's the proper procedure for having relations with a child slave, there's parts of the jew book about what a jew isn't allowed to do and what you need to force "goyim sub-humans" to do that stuff for you. These old religious texts are ATROCIOUS and FUCKED UP. They don't instill a sense of wonder or awe in me....the bible, talmud, quran, etc. are super-duper depressing! I wouldn't allow children to read these books....they are 100 times worse than today's most violent movies and video games.

Not to burst your bubble but people like Carl Sagan and Neil Tyson are MORE religious than conventional religious people. These Bronze-Age myths aren't edifying or awe-inspiring in the least...there's nothing spiritual about them. They are just offensive and gross. Sagan and Tyson and others, can enjoy the beauty of Universe without the bull-doo-doo that goes with organized religion.

Since we're laying out the quotes hard up in here...we'll throw down a Sagan one too:

In its encounter with Nature, science invariably elicits a sense of reverence and awe. The very act of understanding is a celebration of joining, merging, even if on a very modest scale, with the magnificence of the Cosmos. And the cumulative worldwide build-up of knowledge over time converts science into something only a little short of a trans-national, trans-generational meta-mind. - Sagan

Science is all of humans' combined understanding of the "Cosmos" (which thanks to Tyson has become a popular word again.) Science is thus a "meta-mind", an all encompassing log of all humans' opinions/thoughts/feelings/generalizations/principles over all of trans-generational time.

"Cosmos" is a pretty good synonym for God too. I'm not so crazy about "Nature" anymore because over the last decade that word has been bastardized and ruined by the "organic food" and "organic medicine" people. "Natural" is quickly becoming a word solely used by jabronies in modern times so "Nature" with no "the" isn't a good go-to word for "God" these days.

Cosmos is written with a "the" so it can't be the best replacement word for "God"....it seems "Universe" with no "the" is still the coolest word at this point, I think.

Einstein and his Concept of "God"

So, coming back around to the main point, where the priest on the Tyson show claimed Einstein believes in God and Einstein is like the smartest guy so therefore smart people believe in God. As we can see from the previous two popularizers of science/rationality it is unlikely that this claim is gonna hold true. Einstein's concept of "God" is much more like Buck's concept of "Universe" and Sagan's concept of the "Cosmos."

Here is Einstein on religion:

"Scientists believe that every occurrence, including the affairs of human beings, is due to the laws of nature. Therefore a scientist cannot be inclined to believe that the course of events can be influenced by prayer, that is, by a supernaturally manifested wish.

However, we must concede that our actual knowledge of these forces is imperfect, so that in the end the belief in the existence of a final, ultimate spirit rests on a kind of faith. Such belief remains widespread even with the current achievements in science.

But also, everyone who is seriously involved in the pursuit of science becomes convinced that some spirit is manifest in the laws of the universe, one that is vastly superior to that of man. In this way the pursuit of science leads to a religious feeling of a special sort, which is surely quite different from the religiosity of someone more naive."

-Einstein

From these words it's not hard to deduce that yes he was a religious guy and did believe in "God" yet after reading Fuller's concept of "God" and Sagan's concept of "God" can you maybe begin to suspect that Einstein is more in that area as well?


The final statement is him saying that, yes, he is religious but not in the "naive" sense of reading the bible/quran/talmud and praying to voodoo gods in the sky for a plentiful harvest this year or to make it rain. His belief in "God" is of a "special sort" which is based on the "laws of nature."

His view of God is an amalgamation of the laws of nature....the combination of all generalized principles in Universe and the trans-generational meta-data of the Cosmos....nothing more and nothing less. Yes he uses the word "God" but that doesn't mean he thought he's going to "Heaven" when he dies or that he can ask a magic man in the sky to give him a thousand bucks if he thinks really hard to him...no....he believes "God" is a set of natural laws.



Conclusion

The views of rational thinkers on religion and spirituality is not that much different than that of non-rational thinkers. Rational dudes/chicks just cut away the bull crap to get to the good part.

It's like chipping away at a rock until you are left with the diamond stuck in the center. Rational thinkers cut away all the silly crap associated with spiritualness....they cut away all the silly passages from books written two thousand years ago about floods n' slaves n' castration n' flying human-faced donkeys who kill entire armies of infidels...they throw ALL that GARBAGE away and focus on the meaty part of spirituality....the ever-invoking awe and wonder of the cool-cool world around us.

They find comfort in how cool the Natural Laws are that govern the Cosmos of our Scenario called Universe. You know what I mean?


End note: I'm not always sure Carl Sagan was that less naive than conventional religous-types as Dawkins was saying. With Sagan's alien bull-doo-doo, he did believe that there was a force "out there somewhere" that we can talk to and entrust our hopes and dreams to and this force in space would end up being our salvation.

His views on finding Aliens with radio signals really is a conventional religious experience, no doubt. The yearning for science people like Sagan, Hawking, SETI Institute and others to search for these "aliens" is definitely a replacement for religion for them. Sagan recorded messages for these Aliens which, I dunno 'bout you, but listening to them...it pretty much sounds like he's "praying" to these alien deities "out there." The alien stuff might be a very conventional religion for the non-religious types to use as a replacement for their discarded religions.

The Diarrhea Tree

The other week I experimented with a form of writing called "Screen Play Ritin'" and it was fun. It was a projected-film called "The Rick Cerone Story".

Read that article here: http://writtting-d.blogspot.ca/2015/05/punchin-up-some-scripts.html

Punchin' up scripts is pretty fun, I must say. I'm gonna try another one, this next movie I've been thinking about lately is called "The Diarrhea Tree."

I can't think about this movie at work or in public because I start to laugh and people think I'm weird because I laugh for no reason. I only think about this movie while I'm at home, usually.

Since I'm gonna try and shop this script to movie houses to try and get it optioned, I won't be putting the whole script in here, just a synopsis, a brief a character list, and a few choice dialogue samples.


The Diarrhea Tree

This movie will have a point, it won't just be literally about a diarrhea tree. There's three points/messages that will be not-secret but two of the main points of this film will be left to the viewer to devise themselves.

Brief List:

Main Character: Dr. Delphinius Lorimar (phd)
Villain:  The Diarrhea Tree
Other Characters: Art faction, Religious faction, Hippie faction, other factions.

Main Themes: Don't Judge a Book by Its Cover, Aesthetic Values are Over-Rated, Science is Good, and two secret themes which won't be divulged.
Secondary Themes: Toilet Humor, Swearing

Setting: Earth in the Modern Times

Synopsis: One day a beautiful tree grows to be big, strong, and picture-esque-ingly beautiful. It is described by any who see it as "The Most Majestic Tree of All Time."

It is by all standards the most largest and by far most beautiful tree that has ever blossomed on earth. Long oak trunk, gorgeous multi-color leaves, various fruits and flowers bloom from its branches....it is the most incredible tree by a far and wide margin.

People come from all around the world to partake in gazing upon its majestic beauty with their humble eyes. It brings about feelings of euphoria by simply looking at this wondrous tree. It's so beautiful, my gosh.

People start to write poems about its beauty...and scholars attempt to understand the Tree. Everyone seems to have a different theory as to where it came from, what it means/represents, and what its purpose on this planet is. All sorts of factions of humans develop theories on the origins and importance of the Tree.

The religious community sees it as a gift from God, a bountiful Tree sent to earth by God to nourish and feed God's children.

The artistic community views its aesthetic qualities as being the greatest work of art of all time, they gush and rave about the aesthetic virtues of the Tree.

The Hippie community views the Tree as "Mother Earth" herself...the protector of all Earth...they name it "Yggdrasil" and vow to protect this Tree for it is their God.

Yet one man simply cannot wrap his head around how everyone is losin' their shit over this one dumb ol' tree. This man is Doctor Delphinius Lorimar....a man of the science. He takes it upon himself to study this natural wonder and what he finds is a shock to both himself and the audience....

...the Tree is a god damn Diarrhea Tree!

The tree consumes the fruit it produces and also consumes small animals who nest/habitat in it. The inside of the tree is a biological intestine which converts what it consumes into....the most pungent and horrific waste by-product ever seen/smelt. The Tree is infinitely growing, consuming, and shitting TONS and GALLONS of dairrhea into the earth under it. An underground RIVER of DIARRHEA is brewing and roiling in the depths of the earth as the roots of the Tree pour diarrhea deep into the earth's crust....turning planet earth into some sort of giant septic tank.

Delphinius Lorimar predicts that if the gigantic Tree continues to grow, consume, and shit at this rate...It will drown the earth in a deluge of Diarrhea. Raging torrents of shit covering the entire earth and drowning all human and animal life. Not even fish will survive the Diarrhea Deluge...all life except for stupid bugs and e-coli will DIE.

Our hero tries to warn the world leaders and all the factions... he implores them to destroy the Tree but it is viewed as a symbol of hope and comfort by all of the humans of earth by this point. Delphinius Lorimar is the only man who has a negative view of the Diarrhea Tree....and thus....is sentenced to life in prison.

There are two possible endings to this film:

A) When the Diarrhea Deluge occurs, the world leaders of all the factions come to Lorimar's cell and beg him to stop the shit flood....but Delphinius is adamant about letting humanity reap what it deserves. Their stupidity and love of aesthetic values will be the death of all humans...and for locking him up in that cold cell...Lorimar is happy to watch all of life (including himself) perish. I call this "The I Told You So" ending.

B) All the world faction leaders come to Delphinius Lorimar's cell and implore him to stop the Diarrhea Deluge caused by the Tree....and he busts out of the cell....grabs a rocket launcher and single handedly destroys that god damned fucking Diarrhea Tree ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!!! I call this the "Bad Ass Ending".


Delphinius Lorimar

If we go with the crappier I Told You So ending I think some straight-laced guy should play this role, like a William Hurt or a Ray Walston-type would be good....someone like that.

Dr. Delphinius Lorimar

If we go with the much cooler Bad Ass ending...then the person best suited to play Delphinius Lorimar is Terry Crews....he'd make a great Diarrhea Tree Killing Machine.

I doubt this film will ever get optioned and made by someone...but I actually think Terry Crews would get the Oscar for this role. I know it sounds weird and stupid...but it's actually a very deep and symbolic film.

Note: Since the two names of this character aren't standard first or last names they can be reciprocated if need be. The character could be called Dr. Lorimar Delphinius as well...which ever one sounds better, really.


Sample Dialogue

-Sample 1: 

This scene is Lorimar trying to convince one of the factions, the hippie faction, that this tree is gross and stupid...

Dr. Delphinius Lorimar: That Tree 'aint no GOD! That's a mother fucking DIARRHEA TREE, BITCH!

Soleil Moon-Wagon: Excuse me? Don't talk about me or Yggdrasil in that fashion...it is a hate crime.

Dr. Delphinius Lorimar: You wanna know what a real hate-crime is?

Soleil Moon-Wagon: What?

Dr. Delphinius Lorimar: An unquenchable roaring storm of diarrhea raining down on the earth!

Soleil Moon-Wagon: This is making me sick! Go away you vulgar man!

Dr. Delphinius Lorimar: Damn it! All our lives depend on DESTROYING THAT MUTHA FUCKING DIARRHEA TREEEEEE!

Soleil Moon-Wagon: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!



-Sample 2:

In this sample scene, the leader of the religious faction comes to tell the tree that Delphinius has been sentenced to life in prison for hatin' on the tree. Yet the jokes on him as he takes a fruit and eats it....

Reverend Wilson Brand: Oh bountiful gift from god...I have come to inform you that the horrible man who blashpemed against you has finally been silenced. His hateful words will no longer spoil your majestic reverence...oh tree of trees.

Tree: .....

Reverend Wilson Brand: You giveth us this day, our daily bread. We thank God for giving you to us. Your fruit....your nourishment. You are truly a saving grace, tree.

Tree: ....

Reverend Wilson Brand: I feel silly talking to a tree....yet I know you are a message from God, and I know through you....tree...God can hear my prayers for the dead and for the living.

Tree: ....

Reverend Wilson Brand: Grace be to you...please God, let me taste your bountiful goodness. Let your sheep, your child, taste the fruit of your benevolent love, my Lord.

Tree: ....

Reverend Wilson Brand (takes apple): Such perfect red hue on this apple, Oh lord. Your creations are perfection. Thanks be to thee. Let me take a bite of your benevolent and reverent sustenance.

Tree: ...

Reverend Wilson Brand (bites apple): GRRrrrhgrhrghrgrhgrhr. Pew, pew! YUCK! This apple! This apple.....this apple.....

Tree: ....

Reverend Wilson Brand: THIS APPLE TASTES LIKE SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-IT!



-Sample 3:
This is a short dialogue from the Bad Ass Ending where Terry Crews....I mean Delphinius Lorimar is let out of his prison cell at last.

Dr. Delphinius Lorimar: Well, well, well...if it isn't the President himself. Come to laugh and ridicule me as I rot in this cell? 


President Archibald Amsterdam: No Doctor, we need you.

Dr. Delphinius Lorimar: Need me? Lemme guess...that son-of-a-bitch Diarrhea Tree is diarrhea-ing all over your fucking place isn't it?


President Archibald Amsterdam: .....................Yes. 

Dr. Delphinius Lorimar: HAHAHA! Now gimme one good reason why I should help you bitch ass pieces of garbage after all y'all mother fucking bitch ass fuckers locked me up in here AND THREW AWAY THE KEY!!!


President Archibald Amsterdam: Please Doc, I'm sorry, we were wrong to shun you....you were right....right about everything...the floods of Diarrhea...the rains and rains of unending Diarrhea....Diarrhea is.....everywhere.  


Dr. Delphinius Lorimar: Good! YOU ALL DESERVE IT! YOU ALL DESERVE TO DROWN IN THAT DIARRHEA YOU DUMB FUCKING ASSHOLES!


President Archibald Amsterdam: Doc, I know we doubted you and laughed at you....and even put you in prison for blasphemy against the Tree....but we were wrong...that thing is nothing but a god forsaken Diarrhea hemorrhaging shit tree. You're the only one who knows the biology of that Diarrhea Tree....you're the only one who can stop it.


Dr. Delphinius Lorimar: Get me my rocket launcher.....before I slap you in your stupid mouth. I gotta Diarrhea Tree to take out and a Death Wish, Mr. President.


President Archibald Amsterdam: Del, thank you.


Conclusion

After thoroughly weakening that no-good Diarrhea Tree with an array of deadly missiles from his rocket launcher, Delphinius is shocked to see it still standing. With his last bit of strength after giving it his all to destroy that piece of shit Tree....he grabs it by the trunk, and similar to Lu Da in Outlaws of the Marsh when Lu uproots the willow tree....Delphinius uproots the Diarrhea Tree and TEARS IT OUT FROM THE GROUND SCREAMING AND CURSING AS HE THROWS IT LIKE A CABER TOSS!!!!!!!!!!

....The world is saved. See you in hell you fucking Diarrhea Tree!

Up-Rootin' Trees with your Bare Hands is Cool....

Re-Visting QPE

Back in 2011, I composed a silly essay called "The Science Behind Why Bad Movies are Good"...

You can read that here: (http://writtting-d.blogspot.ca/2011/09/science-behind-why-bad-movies-are-good.html)

The QPE stat tried to derive the enjoyability level of a film by the simple metric of Quality - Pretentiousness = Enjoyability. It's a silly essay but I was dead serious about that algorithm and I still am dead serious about that movie-rating metric.

O-K, I am going to present a new graph now to try and further understand why Bad Movies are Good. I call this the Hooked-U graph, observe it, and then read my rationalizations behind it below.

The "Hooked U" Diagram

The X-Axis is how STUPID a movie is and the Y-axis is how GOOD a movie is. As you'll notice the non-stupid movies are good and then as the STUPIDNESS increases the GOODNESS gradually is reduced...yet wait....it seems as a film gets very stupid the GOODNESS starts to Re-Increase. But how? But why?

The following numbers represent the following films on the graph:

1. Citizen Kane
2. Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen
3. Street Fighter: The Movie (Starring Raul Julia as M.Bison)
4. Dolemite: The Human Tornado
5. ? Theoretical Greatest Movie of All Time ?

Do the plotting of the 5 example movies help you to understand? Basically a movie is good until it gets stupid....BUT....if it gets VERY VERY VERY STUPID....then it starts to rule. Going from left to right on the graph: Citizen Kane is a great film and isn't stupid, Transformers 2 sucks and is stupid, Raul Julia's masterpiece Street Fighter: The Movie, as you can see, is starting to get so stupid that it's actually kind of cool....then Human Tornado, as you can plainly see, is a better movie than Citizen Kane....and then finally comes the mysterious "5!".

The fish-hook at the end of the U is the legendary fish-hook which theoretically represents the greatest movie of all time. This is only theoretical and no movie has EVER claimed the top pinnacle of the fish hook which extends off the U-graph.

The fish hook pinnacle was thought to be only theoretical....but.........Is it really just an unachievable benchmark?

....Or is there someone out there who can make a movie so Cool that it hooks onto the 5-slot fish hook on that U-Graph?


Girl, We Need Some Action!

Dominos falling,
Riots in the streets,
baby this time there's no retreat,
there's no surrender

A devil is rising,
a shadow from the past,
feeding the flames,
the fire on the edge of fury

Out of time,
running in and out of time,
hear the ticking on the countdown clock tonight

Girl we need some, Girl we need some

Action, if we gonna make it like a true survivor
We need some action,
if we wanna take our love away from here
We need a - living passion,
to believe in, burning hearts and a brand new feeling

Calling from the ashes
The phoenix rises again
Fighting for life, for good,
For all that we believe in

Girl we need some, Girl we need some

Action, if we gonna make it like a true survivor
We need some action,
if we wanna take our love away from here
We need a - living passion,
to believe in, burning hearts and a brand new feeling

The hero stands alone
When all is said and done
The enemies are falling one by one
 
Out of time,
running in and out of time,
hear the ticking on the countdown clock tonight

Girl we need some, Girl we need some

Actiiiiioooooooooooooooooooooooon!

Action!

Action, if we gonna make it like a true survivor
We need some action,
if we wanna take our love away from here
We need a - living passion,
to believe in, burning hearts and a brand new feeling

if we gonna make it like a true survivor...

YEAAAAAAAAH!

Kung Fury: The Chosen One?

Everyone in movie circles knows the hook-on-the-u five-slot is just a myth, nothing more, nothing less. People at the American Film Institute have even literally confirmed that the 5-slot on the U-Graph is just a bench mark that is not actually achievable and it just exists to help young film makers aspire for an unattainable greatness to keep people motivated to seek a career in the arts.

Yeah fucking right!

Everyone in "movie circles" sucks bums and the AFI is stupid n' dumb. The 5-slot is attainable...and you know why.....?

.....Because some Swedish guy just attained it....THAT'S WHY! 

YES! YES! YES! YES! YEEEEEEES! YEAAAAAH!

Kung Fury is the King of Movies as it sits on the absolute pinnacle of the hook on the U in the Hooked-U graph looking down at other movies and wondering why they suck so much....there's no IFS ANDS ORS BUTS OR ANYTHING ABOUT THAT.

The Greatest Movie of All Time isn't a myth anymore...it's a reality...so get fucking used to it.

Conclusion

YES!

YES!


I WANT A LIVING PASSION 2 BELIEVE IN!
I WANNA BRAND NEW FEEEEELIN' !!!!!

The Race to Become the First-Ever Female Human to play Major League Baseball....The Heat Shall be ON.

Out of all the major North American sports, baseball, is by far the most gentlemanly of the bunch. Just to be sure let's list the concussion rates for all the sports. (concussion rates from the CDC).

These rates are per 1000 "athletic exposures" which I assume means a "game" basically.


1. Football (American): 64-79 concussions
2. Hockey: ~54 concussions
3. Soccer/Football (Euro-Style): ~20
4. Basketball: 16-20
5. Baseball: 4-5

So, out of the big deal sports....baseball only generates 4-5 concussions per 1000 games. Now, I can only think of a few situations where massive contact happens in baseball and it's mainly catcher-runovers, fielder collisions, fastballs up-and-in, and a few other situations.

For good measure let's put the concussion rate recorded for Cheerleading (the sexy womens who bounce around and flop around at football games and stuff)....

Cheer Leading: 11-15

Cheer leading, when they throw those chicks around and they land on their skulls and this and that...actually causes more concussions than baseball does.

Where am I going with this, you ask...well, if you haven't divined it from the title of the article yet....I'm going to suggest that baseball might be the only major sport ever that will at some point have a female human playing on the same field with male humans.

All the other sports are very combative, full contact, and highly physical events. However, baseball is very individualistic, pitcher vs. batter, a non-contact game that only in very rare circumstances becomes mano-y-mano and dangerous.

The BIGGEST hang-up for women entering baseball to occur really has to do with pitching inside. Pitchers and batters constantly battle over who owns the inside portion of the plate. Batters may lean in like that Carl Everett used to do and willingly get hit by a pitch....and pitchers will "brush back" the hitters to regain control of that meaty part of the strike zone. This war over the inside portion of home plate leads to most if not ALL the bench clearing ultra-violent brawls in Major League Baseball.

Now, look...say a woman pitcher hits a heavy-leanin' Carl Everett type hitter to brush him off...and this will likely occur....what would happen? A player uses the "charge the mound" technique to let a pitcher know not to throw so close to him next time he's up....so....what if a batter charges a female pitcher? This becomes murky waters now and really causes problems. No man would want to be known as the guy who charged and tried to punch a chick in the face.....so yeah, this is a big problem.

Similarly, if a female is hitting and the male pitcher wants to declare or re-declare the inside portion of the plate and whips one inside...now let's say the female hitter gets incensed and charges the male pitcher. What is the man gonna do just stand there and let her punch him? No, he would have to defend himself. People got on Pedro's case for example when that old 70+ year old Gerbil charged him...but what was Pedro gonna do? Just let Zimmer punch him in the face? No, that's crazy.

For this women in baseball situation to work, the one thing MLB would have to do is declare a NO BRAWLS rule whilst a female is batting and/or pitching and if a brawl does break out both players will be suspended for a complete season...the man and the woman. Thus, chances are this situation would never take place in a future circumstance.

Okay......so, technically with one rule change....yes a female baseball player at the MLB level could feasibly exist without issue at some point in the future.


History
The lady that struck out Babe Ruth

Jackie Mitchell (right)

Legend has it that at an exhibition-style event in the olden times....a lady named Jackie Mitchell struck out Babe Ruth. So, due to this feat women in baseball have some history to work with, I'd say. How gimmicky this event was cannot be determined, was it a gag? A show? A shtick....or was it a serious event? Who knows...but it is recorded in history, legend or not, that one Jackie Mitchell struck out Babe Ruth and maybe Lou Gehrig too.

I'm not sure what Mitchell threw, what kind of pitches, and how fast....but at least this event stands as a sort of point of historical departure...and thusly....makes nay-sayers find that this idea isn't all that crazy.

Obviously, olden time baseball was pretty gimmicky. Everyone knows about Bill Veeck, for instance, sneaking a midget past league officials onto his roster and getting that midget Eddie Gaedel in to pinch hit in an official game. This Jackie Mitchell exhibition was likely pretty gimmicky as well and shouldn't be taken super seriously.


...But Seriously
Can a female in the present and near-future era become a Major League Baseball Player?

Gimmicks aside, is there a woman who is skilled enough at baseball to compete, 100% not gimmickly, with male humans at the most elite of human levels?

For a pitcher you'd need someone with enough arm strength to powerfully supinate thousands of arm motions per year. The only people who can do this are masochists, literally, that's the only people who can supinate vigorous arm motions constantly...total masochists. Not to be sexist...but are there that many women out there who can handle a major league pitcher's life style? I'm not so sure.

Eri Yoshida - Oneesan

In an article a long time ago I mentioned that Eri Yoshida would be a good candidate because she throws knuckle balls and those pitches don't strain the arm. Knuckle ballers in the big league cruise around well past their early thirties and have way less arm trouble than conventional pitching styles. Hoyt Wilhelm for example threw those junk balls in the majors (in the pre-steroid era) until he was 49 years old. Knuckle balls are a technique pitch that break 1.5 times making it difficult for hitters to adjust. If a woman could master the knuckle ball, like Eri Yoshida was attempting, then I think they could bypass the arm damage problem entirely.

Another idea to bypass arm damage could be instead of training young female pitchers to supinate their arm release action pitches...they should be trained to powerfully pronate their arm release action as suggested by Mike Marshall.

What is supination and pronation? Take your right hand, turn your thumb all the way to the right, and now punch your arm forward with that right thumb pointing as hard you can to the right. How did it feel? Now, take your arm back, turn that same thumb down this time towards yourself and point it to the ground and punch fastly forward again. Which punch felt more normal? When the thumb was out or in?

Basically the first punch with the thumb "out" was Supination....the second punch with the thumb "in" was Pronation. So what is pronation? It's a simple technique to not destroy your elbow and shoulder while you throw baseballs a multitude of times ad nauseam (amongst other things).

If a young female can be taught pronation pitches....I believe that woman could theoretically throw a series of elite-caliber pitches without causing excess damage to her body.

Mo "Money" Ne Davis

Personally, I think this is very feasible. Take someone right now with EXTREME talent, say, Mo'Ne Ikea Davis (that girl who was smokin' kids at the Little League World Series). Take someone with that Soul Intensity, Desire to Win, and Talent....and teach that kid a minimum of 3 pronation pitches to add to her arsenal and I believe she can develop into a major league pitcher. I'm soundly convinced of that...but only if she adds pronation pitches to her arsenal and uses those 80-90% of the throws she makes.

Look, there's very few knuckle ballers who can master that pitch to the point where they can have good ERAs at the Major League level. A more conventional pitcher like Mo'Ne may have better odds to make it. I think it would be a good idea for her coaches to experiment with pronation style pitches to maximize her development.

France's Melissa Mayeux

What about hitters and fielders? Maybe the first woman player can be someone who doesn't have to deal with the rigorous lifestyle of a pitcher. The main candidate at this point for the most developed hitting and fielding prospect is, as everyone knows right now, France's phenom Melissa Mayeux who is the first female ever in history to be added into the scouts master database and is legally allowed to sign a professional contract at the Major League level.

She's not big, she looks like a female version of Dustin Pedroia, short but athletic build, good fielder, good contact hitter.

In this post-steroid era we are going to see a return to center where a lot of the massive bodies are gonna slow down and we're gonna see a game more like the old days again.

I remember guys like the Craig Grebecks, the Jeff Reboulets, the Mike "Mad Dog" Mordecais, Andy Stankiewitzes, John Cangelosi types and guys like that...guys who were like 160 pounds (at the most) having spots on major league rosters. There's quite a few woman athletes who are bigger than those guys so it's not far fetched that the benches of the future could be filled with slick fielding chicks and slap hitting womens.

There's room for about 6 or 7 reserves on a Major League bench...you want players on your bench who have good fundamentals and a variety of tools you can use situationally. Even if a player excels in only ONE of the FIVE tools a player needs they can find a bench job. Can you run fast? You can be a pinch runner like a Larry Lintz. Can you field a difficult position like shortstop well? Then you can find a job on a bench somewhere. Can you get hits or walks or bunt? That's a skill managers need on their bench.

I'm sure there's females out there who can either run, field, or hit at a level where they could be very useful in a reserve role. Mentioning Pedroia before....even if you're 170 pounds you can become an All-Star like he did if you hone your fundamentals correctly.

Who Will it Be?

Will it be a junky-style Knuckle Baller like Eri Yoshida? I heard she's training with Tim Wakefield to further master the pitch.

Will it be a highly talented pitcher like Mo'Ne Davis? With the right coaches teaching her pitches that won't kill her small frame...it's possible.

Will it be a role-player type slick fielder, pinch hitter, pinch runner type? A kind of Munenori Kawaski style player? Could be, I don't see why not....some of the builds of baseball players over the years who've made major league rosters thanks to hard work and skill honing have been very small. Craig Grebeck was listed as 5'8 and 160 pounds in the media books and those are always 2 inches over and 10 pounds more...so he was likely 5 foot 6 and 150 pounds that Craig Grebeck...no doubt. You don't need to be a behemoth to make a roster in MLB. It could be someone like Melissa Mayeux who I heard is honing her skills with Baseball Masters such as Barry Larkin, Steve Finley, and Steve Jeltz.

I think Mo'Ne would be interesting because she was such a huge news item. Her coaches should be in correspondence with Mike Marshall if I were them....asking what kind of pronation pitches would be ideal for her frame to work with.

Conclusion

Out of all sports, due to baseball's low concussion rates, it is the only sport which may be infiltrated by females and the year it'll happen is drawing closer....2020? Could be.

Bees

Everybody these days is talking about bees all the time. Everything is "bees this" and then "bees that" everybody is up in the club talking bees like there's no tomorrow. Are they going extinct? Can we live without bees? Will they sting us?

I've been readin' so much about bees these last few weeks, I better commit my thoughts on Bees to text before I forget all the shit I read about those little stingy bastards.

The sections of this aritcle will be the following:

1. What are Bees?
2. My experiences in my lifetime with Bees
3. Are Bees going extinct?
4. Can we live without the Bees?

Okay, let's go.

What are Bees?

Closest-packed Hexagonal Structure

Bees are an insect society with a hierarchy. There's a Queen bee and then there's worker bees. Bees deal a lot in flowers and dig pollen. They carry pollen around on themselves and pollinate flowers. Flowers need pollen to reproduce and bees buzzin' around going from flower to flower pollinates them up good.

Many fruit bearing trees and vegetables rely on pollination to produce edible foodstuffs for humans. So we should be thankful that bees buzz around helping flowers mate and make edible products for us to consume.

Bees also hang out in cool Hives. These hives are serieses of closest-packed hexagons which in tandem with each other create literal domes where they habitat themselves. Bees don't have mathematic or geometric axioms to draw from...they just create these hexagonal dome-like structures from instinct which is pretty cool actually. Humans deal mostly in squares and cubes when building structures and rarely build with the same architectural ingenuity as Bees do. Their structures are brilliant designs and Bees just make them by instinct alone...they've never read a math book, geometry book, or architect book....they just do the do. I respect that shit a lot.

In these hives they produce a sugar-substance known as honey...humans love this shit too. Lots of bee keepers who have hives harvest the bee sugar to sell it.

I see a lot of Naturo-Bozo-Clowns saying honey is super healthy compared to table sugar...but they are retarded. For every 100 grams of honey there's 82 grams of sugar in it. People are like "but it's natural sugar tho!" and those people are mentally crippled of any intelligence and should go fuck themselves. I hate people who think honey is a healthy alternative to sugar...it's got 82 grams of sugar per 100 grams! Can you fuckers fucking read!? What the fuck?

Bees have a natural defense spear on their ass that sting the fuck outta you too.

Bottom line on these spear-assed disco-sadistic suckers: They are great architects, who help flowers mate, and their goop can be eaten because it's sweet and tasty.


My Experiences with Bees

I'm not scared of these little sons-of-bitches. I respect the shit out of the mother fuckers and their closest-packed hexagonal dome-like structures yet if these whores try to sting me in the face or in the nose or in the ass...they are gonna get fucked up hard-core.

I don't really care about getting stunged, it's not like I'm allergic but if they come near me looking like they wanna sting me up the nose...I pull karate-kid moves on them...and smush them between my index/middle finger and thumb. Sometimes they sting my thumb on the way out but fuck them for fucking with me, man.

Get that thing away from me you dumb bee!

If they just flying around and chilling then fine but if they start buzzing around and trying to sting me then all bets are off, you Bees. I 'aint playing'...I 'aint even playin'.

I never clap to kill 'em just chopstick 'em with my index-middle and thumb fingers because it looks and feels cooler.

Other than the dumb ones...I love and respect the Bees. Most Bees are helpful and respectful members of society...but the ones who go around flailing that ass-spear like it's a god-damn switch-blade can honestly go eat shit and die.



Are Bees Going Extinct?

With climate temperatures changing, possibly some pesticides, and viral infections...many speculate that Bees are going extinct.

People who study bees are actually finding that their numbers are not exactly dropping. It was just one study which didn't take into account new members being born in the hives that fed erroneous data into a lot of articles written about bees these days. The lifespan of a Bee is 6 month to 2 years on average....so yeah...if the guy tagged a bunch of bees and they all died then yes the numbers would appear to go down. You have to measure the population of the Hive and not the Bees individually because their life spans are not long enough to go the individual route. Babies are born in the Hives to replace the Bees that die...so most studies are not showing a decline in Bees populations....but only the dumb one that didn't count baby bees born in the Hives.

The three factors that can kill bees should be taken seriously though. Altering temperatures seems to always have an impact on animal and insect life. Secondly, pesticides can kill bees....and thirdly when Hivers take their hives to California for the big pollination season viruses can spread. All over the North America people fly their bee hives to California for the pollination season for big bucks and yes viruses do spread at these big pollination parties.

As of this moment, Bees seem to be okay. If temperatures alter big time, a new pesticide isn't bee friendly, or a viral infection takes hold big-time then the bees will be in for trouble but data for now shows that Bees are pretty much okay.

Conspiracy theorists and certain more Naturo-Bozo themed sites seem to think not only are Bees going extinct but they will take us down with them. Well, no....not exactly, or well, not at all really....


Can We Live Without The Bees?

Conspiracy and "Natural" themed sites are predicting apocalypse for a Bee-less future....yet is that true? Yes bees do pollinate flowers and some flowers do produce fruit. Does that mean without Bees that we couldn't eat? No it doesn't.

List: What foods are pollinated by Bees

In that list we see that many of these crops are in the "cash crop" domain and not the sustenance domain. Rice is not in that list and rice is the foodstuff which feeds the most people on earth on this moment.

Even if Bees did go extinct from climate change, a mass virus, or a wickedly negligent pesticide...would we lose apples n' walnuts and other foods for ever and ever? No, we wouldn't.

China for instance doesn't pollinate with bees...they pollinate their flowers by hand. Similar to what this guy is doing, Observe:

You can take a q-tip or tooth brush and pollinate flowers no problem. Not to be rude to bees, I love and respect those honey-making geodesic dome makin' bastards, but they are actually pretty bad at pollination. They do it by accident mainly when they go from flower to flower...it's not like they have a memo from humans telling them which flowers to pollinate. Humans on the other hand know exactly which flowers they want to pollinate and they do it. This actually creates jobs for people and leads to HIGHER crop yields.

Why? Because it turns out humans are better at pollinating then those jabroni Bees are at it. Go figure....it's 100% true though.

Conclusion

So are Bees going extinct? No, climate change is their biggest threat BY FAR and it is possible for climate change to alter bees lifestyle to the point of destruction...but even in that worst case scenario apples and other foods would NOT go extinct with them due to humans being able to pollinate crops at better efficiency than Bees can anyway.

Bees are very cool, they are great at building things, making sweet goop to eat, and helping flowers bloom....but let's not go over-board with these Bee-Spiracies okay?

Death of Bees ≠ Death of Humans

Also as it stands right now, Bee populations are not dropping as many people seem to be claiming. In fact most studies claim to show Bees population increasing.

Ok, that's enough about Bees.

Writin' bout' War (What is it Good for? Something?)

There's a lot of war literature that has been written over the years, I'm not talking about like histories or things like that, I mean fictional data that is based on the tragedy of War.

Out of all of it ever written....you can actually divide ALL war fiction material into TWO categories. The first being "romance war books" and the other category being "un-romanced war books."

I know it is brazen to divide every single fictional piece of data written on wars into two polarized categories...but unfortunately it is true.

Firstly, Romance War literature regards the domain of Good Guys versus Bad Guys and promotes a "ra-ra-ra-Go-Team" sort of theme behind it. Some romantic war books are so sappy they feature Fencers who have a rose in their mouth at all times while conducting these super-fun nobleman wars. They feature characters that you wouldn't exactly find on a battle field in reality. These pieces of literature present war as a fun activity that is noble/heroic/right as the heroes defeat the villains.

Examples of Romance War book are the Epic of Gilgamesh where the noble King Gilgamesh defeats his enemies and saves his people from a flood (this story was re-worked into the bible/kuran), or War of the Roses...a highly pompous regaled affair about who gets to sit on the Throne of England. The most widely-read Romance War book of all time is Three Kingdoms which details the War-Triangle (as opposed to the Love-Triangle writing tool) between the regal Liu Bei and his foes Cao Cao and Sun Jian.

Romanced War books Main Textile: War is a heroic, noble, and pretty fun little game.


Secondly, the other polarized group of war fiction data is Un-Romanced war pieces. These tend to present the topic of war as un-heroic, disgusting, wrong, insane, and bad. You're not gonna have too much ra-ra-ra cheerleading in these...and when you're done reading them you're gonna walk away from it feeling quite depressed and even queasy. This may not be as fun, or pump-up-able as a Romance War book but these Un-Romanced books are aiming to be more realistic. They don't want to get you pumped over war....at all. They want you to have a negative opinion on war.

We're going to look at a few good examples of these in depth in the second section of the article. Just to throw out a few now....a good modern day example is something like Full Metal Jacket where the "heroes" aren't really heroes...they are unbalanced weirdoes who are thrust into a situation they can barely even function in and try their best to kill before being killed. There's nothing very heroic about the "heroes" of Full Metal Jacket. Another good example is the Japanese film Grave of the Fireflies....which depicts two Japanese orphans during WWII and it is probably like the saddest friggin' movie anyone's ever made. Those two japanese kids did not have a good n' fun time in that war movie that's for sure. Those two kids had no fun at all in that war movie.

Non-Romance War books Main Textile: War really sucks, it's gruesome, devastating, awful, terrible, and just simply no fun what-so-ever.


Mind Set of the Writers

When reading old fiction datum it is fun to try and think of what the writer/composer of the text had going through their mind at the time. I do honestly think, the Romance War books, are written by a certain subset of the given era's population which were probably of a very privileged background.

I was sitting in this building once, I forget why I was there, to deliver something I think for some job I was doing, and this building was the Black Watch "armory" in Montreal. It's called an armory but it's more of a little lounge-club for older military types to hang out at. I saw a documentary once called, The Valour and the Horror, which claims that the Black Watch contingent came into the new-era World War back in the day very unprepared for WWII and marched up to the enemy's new-age firearms (gatling guns) and were just mowed down, yet the general told them that real men don't retreat, so they all marched proudly into the bullets to be mowed down one by one. I don't know if that account is true but this is what that movie claims...I think it's maybe exaggerated a bit.

Anyways, in the Black Watch building I was in a few years ago, I saw a painting hanging in the main room over the fireplace which made me think twice about that Valor and Horror movie....it was a portrait of Prince Charles (yes the dopey Prince there who does the homeopathy talks and has no use/function in life that you see on TV all the time)...it was a portrait of Prince Charles on a war steed with a glorious sabre....and I thought to myself...this is the dumbest thing I've ever seen in my life. This portrait of Prince Charles depicted this way is absurd.

That portrait really made me remember that scene in Valor and Horror where they claim the Black Watch was a group of unprepared children ordered to walk into gun fire by their officers and die like cannon fodder. The portrait of Prince Charles on that horse with that sabre was so odd looking that it made me really start to honestly question whether the claim made in that film might be true. Because something about that little military lounge was just downright silly.

I believe the mindset of writers who write Romance War novels are the same type who can commission a portrait of Prince Charles on a steed with a sabre and not laugh at that when it's completed. They can look at a painting like that and think of Heroism and Ra-Ra-Ra whilst looking at Prince Charles depicted as a war hero.....but honestly, who can take a painting like that seriously? You need to be a special kind of retard to not laugh at a painting like that.

With regards to Writers of Un-Romanced War fiction, I think they have a far more realistic view of what war is actually about than the Romance people do. That's pretty much a fact.

The case of Three Kingdoms is interesting though. There's theories in China that Luo GuanZhong was commissioned by the government to write that and after he was done he was angry about what they made him write....so he wrote Outlaws of The Marsh (a story about bandits uniting together and fighting government officials) under a pseudonym years later in his life. I think that's a common theory now-a-days actually in China. The current form of Outlaws is pretty Romanced but it is suspected by Chinese Historians to have been heavily edited and believed in its original manuscript to be a very a Un-Romanced style work.


Choice Examples of Un-Romanced War Media

Okay, it's not that I want to spend more time on Un-Romanced works than Romance works and I don't necessarily think Un-Romanced is better. I mean, Three Kingdoms is still one of the most well crafted texts I've ever seen in my life....but I think in this day and age it is more normal to write Un-Romanced for sure. Romance War media is seen a sort of odd and out of place now. Like a modern Romance War movie like Black Hawk Down for instance is one of the most terrible films I've ever seen. It's this ra-ra-ra go-team movie about War-Boys fighting hordes and hordes of ravenous Africans...Black Hawk Down is almost like a zombie movie...it's fucking atrocious. Romance war movies really don't seem normal in this era, I find. The African people they were fighting didn't even have personalities...it was like the heroes were fighting monsters. It felt like a propaganda movie from the 1930s or something that Black Hawk Down. Romance War media really does seem odd in this modern era.

These next examples are good examples of Un-Romanced War fiction.


  

1. Johnny Got His Gun (by Dalton Trumbo)

This book is about a guy who got blowed up in the war and lays in a hospital bed for an entire book just thinking about stuff. He has no legs, no arms, no hands, no feet, no ears, no eyes, no nose, no nothing but a brain and a chest and some organs.

They keep him alive with tubes and liquids and stuff and he just lies in bed....thinkin' 'bout stuff....like his past, his old jobs, his old friends, his old love. Things like that. He never thinks with punctuation though. Just periods. Never any dumb commas or stupid things like that. He only needs periods really this guy. He has no fucking arms and legs what the fuck good are commas to him?

He thinks in short chunky thoughts. Never really here nor there. Old memories he takes some time thinking about or maybe he thinks about the rats crawling over him that he can't get off cuz he's got no friggin' opposable appendages. Poor guy.

Finally near the end he starts thinkin' 'bout war and goes into this big diatribe about how if he was running things NO ONE WOULD GO TO WAR AND NO ONE WOULD GET BLOWED UP! NO ONE WOULD LIVE LIKE THIS! HE EVEN GOES INTO CAPS LOCKS TO THINK ABOUT THIS STUFF.

It's a good book, really. I like the writing style of it....I'm not huge on commas and shit either. Trumbo was arrested and detained for UnAmerican Activities for writing this book. So if you read it you can hold it and go "wowee! This guy was arrested just for writing this thing!"

I think writing-style wise alone this book is very unique and interesting.


2. The Wars (Timothy Findley)

This book is about this kid who is pretty excited to go to war with the pistol his parents got him and to be like his hero, this cool guy from his neighborhood named Eugene Taffler....but war turns out to really really suck and he winds up trying to save some horses from a fire and then going completely bonkers. Poor kid, he just wanted to be a kid really....He didn't really want to go to war and die and everything.


3. Slaughter House 5 (Kurt Vonnegut)

This book is about a nonchalant youngster who gets sent into a war and he doesn't really know what the fuck is going on, he gets captured, imprisoned, and fire-bombed, oh and all his friends around him start dying one by one...and then he gets so out-of-it and just wants to distance himself from his world that he actually zones out into outer-space and this alien lets him look at past moments of his life and explains to him that it takes no less than seven people causing 7 seperate action-chain events to create one human life.

Yo, this book is fucked man. It's pretty cool.


4. Suikoden II (Yoshitaka Murayama et. al)

This game, based on Outlaws of the Marsh and other fragments of Chinese history, is the story of two friends who unwittingly end up leading opposite sides in a civil war. They're best friends and don't want to fight each other but circumstances and reasons on both sides dictate they must fight each other to end this civil war.

The character you play as wins...and when it comes time to lead his newly united country as President....he just says goodbye to good ol' Viktor and walks out during the victory celebrations. He never wanted to fight this stupid war. He goes to meet his friend who lost the civil war just days before against him, and his friend wants to duel him. After fighting each other in a long and bloody war for 2 years...they grow tired of this duel as well...and they both just lay down their weapons and walk off into the sunset to travel the world like vagabonds.

What were they fighting this war for? Who knows and who cares in the end. They're both vagabonds now, traveling free and at ease....they don't even look back at the two countries they were fighting on opposite sides for. That's over and done with....that silly war.


5. Short Untitled Twitter Story (Norm MacDonald)

On May 25th of 2015....on Memorial Day....one twitter user typed out his Memorial Day tweet for all his followers to read, he did it in the form of a short story which used roughly 15 "tweets" as they call them.

Now you know with this N. MacDonald character that he often starts these long-winded set-ups just to lead you into a shaggy-dog puncher. Famed celebrity Andy Richter onced described his story telling style as, "it's like leading someone on a two hour walk up a hill just to point out a pile of dog poop"... so you wondered if Mr. MacDonald was just on some shaggy-d set-up with this story...but he wasn't.

When he was done tweeting out his chunks of text which comprised this mini-novel....it was a very well-written short-story....it was one of the best examples of Non-Romanced War fiction ever created.

It was a short tale about a young man sent to war, sent away from his gal and his momma....he was sent to watch the friends he grew up with die in front of him....like that poor soul Richie Bellman from the farm next door to him.

It was a short twitter masterpiece which perfectly encapsulated the style of writing known as Un-Romanced War fiction. It was a very nice Memorial Day story....

.....and then he deleted it. Why? Nobody knows. It's just stuff of legends now....stuff of Writing Legends. It seems No One other than those who read it that night of May 25th shall ever read it.....

Punchin' Up some Scripts.

I wanna learn how to write movies good.

I mainly write things in this blog to get better at the skill known as Writing. It's like any other skill, writing is, like you have to practice to get any good at it. I always used to read a lot but writing is more harder than reading and thus is a harder challenge to take on. Gettin' good at writing is like going to the driving range, or taking a car to a field to drive around and learn it....to really learn writing you got to go to a field (a paper or a computer screen) and start punchin' up keys 'til you gain proficiency as such.

This site mainly deals with essay-style writing because that's the only style I really know...but movie writing seems fun too.

I was on the internet the other day and saw someone a tweet a movie pitch he had to Jean Claude Van Damme over twitter. It was the internet writer Seanbaby and he pitched a sequel to Time Cop via twitter. He broke the pitch into 48 twitterable chunks and then assembled them chronologically backwards so if you are reading the film from his twitter feed...it would read from start to finish.

I realized while reading that Time Cop 2 pitch...that I've seen so many movies....that I can play a movie in my head and basically construct and visualize an entire film that doesn't exist in my brain. While reading the Time Cop 2 script I could easily visualize the goings-on of this film, no problem at all. It feels like I've already seen Tim Cop 2 even though it does not even exist.

Looking back, I've visualized entire films in my head over the course of a general-day many times....just from my imagination and nothing else. I look into the abyss of nothingness in my skull and then slowly visualize entire films from start to finish. Films that don't exist...films constructed from experiences of watching many films.

Sanguillen's Quest

Like one time, I read this article about how Pirates catcher Manny Sanguillen refused to believe that Roberto Clemente died in a plane crash and vowed to search the area where his plane went down and find his friend alive. While reading that article, I kept thinking, "damn, this would make such a touching film." The next day while at work and showering and stuff....that movie happened in my head. Manny Sanguillen's search for his friend kept me unbored while doing shitty stuff at work. This wasn't a great movie, though, it was a long time ago, it was probably like 10 years ago...my mental movies are better now. My imagination got too out of hand with this film and Sanguillen, whilst in the jungles of Nicaragua (or was it Ecuador?), had to battle lizards....and then the lizards kept getting bigger...and by the end he was fighting Dinosaurs with Lazor Beamz and it was just a silly place to take a heartwarming film such as this.

Committing these mental movies to some sort of existent record may be a fun exercise. Maybe it'll teach me how to write movies. You have to stick to your strengths when trying to write a new style of writing....and when it comes to movies...I seem to have some experience writing bio-pics for obscure baseball catchers.

Oh wait...I just remembered....

One time I did write a baseball bio-pic in school as a sort of joke thing to see what the teacher would say. I copied it to this blog and it's in this article over here....

(If you scroll all the way down in this mess to the pic of Steve Jeltz you can read Steve Jeltz Saves Christmas: https://writingsonsubjects.blogspot.com/2012/02/the-steve-jeltz-thing-from-school-i-did.html)

That Steve Jeltz Christmas story is a very very heartwarming story. I was young when I wrote that, re-reading it now...I think I was a better person back then.

Soooo.....the only experience I have in both fiction writing and story telling is with obscure baseball players so I might as well train harder in the Obscure Baseball Player Story Telling genre in order to not have to learn anything new or apply myself too much whilst practicing movie writing.

First we'll need an obscure player, and sticking with the back-up catcher motif, we shall try and write a back-up catcher bio-pic. Hmmmmm, how about.....

A Mike LaValliere romance-comedy? No.

A Tony Eusabio crime drama? No.

A Ron Karkovice buddy cop film? No.

A deep introspective kafka-esque Lenny Webster vehicle? No.

A Rick Cerone workin' man movie? Hmmmmm......Yes!


The Rick Cerone Story

Well, that's the movie I'm gonna play around with in order to try and learn how to write movies. So, you can stop reading now if you want or you can follow me on this amazing adventure in learning.

Baseball bio pics are pretty common....I read there's a Bill Lee one coming out produced by Eric Gagne. I'm gonna watch that for sure.

The premise for the Bill Lee movie (this Bill Lee movie is a real one not like mine) has him fooling around in rural Quebec from what I've read and I don't know how that will sell to American audiences. I think they'd make more money setting it in Boston, no? It's not even Montreal it's set in, it's set in like the Triple AAA league and in like Granby or something.

I watched that Jackie Robinson bio-pic with Harrison Ford and it was really good and it made big bucks. Montreal had a big role to play in Jackie's rise to success yet in the movie they really cut out any reference to Montreal except for a brief mention by Ford at one point. Honestly, I was a bit disappointed but I understand why they set it in Florida and that's because American audiences respond better to that. They don't want to hear about french Canada if they don't have to. The Bill Lee movie, I hope it does well, despite being set in rural french Canada. I think it's a great idea but I'm not sure how the American audiences will react to the non-american setting for the Bill Lee bio-pic.

Anyways, this article I'm writing is about my baseball bio-pic so we better get to it. My movie isn't gonna have any trouble with setting because it's gonna be set in the biggest city there is...New Fucking York in 19-fucking-81...The Big Apple, baby. That's the biggest setting there is!

Now we need some historical information to base our "based on actual events" bio-pic on. If you're not familiar with that phrase it basically means...."based on something we read once and it sounded cool so we stole the idea." I'm gonna use this New York Times article as my "actual events" as such.

"And Rick Cerone is STILL on Trial" October 12th, 1981:
(http://www.nytimes.com/1981/10/12/sports/and-rick-cerone-is-still-on-trial.html)

Did you read it? Now do you see why a Rick Cerone "workin' man versus the big wig" type of movie would be awesome? All the characters for the film are set-up from that 1981 Dave Anderson article. The working hero and the rich evil big wig boss that is keeping our hero down.....those two polarized characters are easy to work with. George Steinbrenner as the villain is a great character to work with, most people remember the back-of-his-head portrayed in Seinfeld yet my movie will portray all-of-his-head and even his body.

The first high-drama climactic scene will be based of the actual event of Cerone and Steinbrenner "exchanging expletives word-for-word." The schism event will be everyone turning on Cerone which makes him feel down and sad...but as you can see from the source-material article....the victory at the end will be "50,000 fans cheering for the hero" Rick Cerone.... and in the end his enemy will accept him as being "my type of ball player." So it will be a happy ending for sure.

Hmmmm, we need a few more characters. We need a comedy-relief dopey side-kick who plays Cerone's roomate, we need a cool black guy who doesn't dig Cerone at first but by the end really digs him, we need a sub-boss secondary villain and we need a hot-chick too. I can fill those roles by looking at the 1981/1982 Yankees rosters....and for the chick I'll just google a hot celeb from 1981/82 and pretend Cerone and her were intimate lovers.

So let's make a list before it gets too confusing, these are the basics so far.

Title: The Rick Cerone Story

Hero: Rick Cerone
Bad Guy: George Steinbrenner
Vice-BadGuy: Bob Lemon
Dopey Side-Kick: Lou Pinella or Bucky Dent
Cool Black Dude: Oscar Gamble
Hot Chick: Olivia Newton-John

Main Theme: A "Stone Cold vs. Vince McMahon" style thing of the Working Man fights back against The Boss.
Secondary Themes: Baseball, Italian Culture of the 80s, White person and Black person becoming best friends, swearing, toilet humor.

Schism: Steinbrenner's dislike for Cerone spreads throughout the entire organization and all the Yankees, even the FANS, start hating poor Rick Cerone. Will he quit baseball forever or will he win back his teammates and fans hearts?

Climactic Victory: Through strength of character and a timely homerun....Rick Cerone wins his teammates respect and the adulation of New York baseball fans.

Oscar Gamble = Cool Black Dude

Ooooooh, it sounds pretty good, this movie. Obviously we need a cast. Now, for that Bill Lee bio-pic they cast a real pretty-boy named Josh Duhamel to play Lee....but my movie's lead is a workin' man so I can't cast a pretty boy type. I need a big overweight Italian guy to portray Rick Cerone correctly.

We need an overweight, Italian, preferably a Yankees fan, who excels at swearin' and toilet humor....hmmm....

An image is forming in my mind, yes, it is. I can see who meets these criterion crystal clear in my brain. The ONLY person who I can think of who possibly can do justice to this film and tell the important story that NEEDS to be told with this Rick Cerone bio picture is...of course...

Artie Lange.

Artie Lange as Rick Cerone.

Lange is the only human on earth who could enter into the Rick Cerone character and really do it the justice it deserves. It's a perfect fit. We're talking oscar here...not Oscar Gamble this time....but oscar like award-oscar. If someone actually makes this film and casts Artie Lange as the lead....I absolutely guarantee it will be regarded as a cinematic triumph of the amazingest degree. No joke.

They'd need to dye his hair and stuff though so he can pass as being a 29 year old athlete....but he has range, Artie, so I think he can stretch the role and pull it off.

You should see how the movie goes in my head, it's great, like Artie is really really good in it. He's funny but he's also very believable and the audience really relates to him.

The other actors can be slotted in later...the villain has to be mean, the side kick has to be goofy, the black dude has to be cool, and the chick has to be hot...that's the only criterion for those roles.

Look, after I'm done punchin' up dis script I'm gonna shop it around to all the big movie people and shit so I'm not gonna just throw the script in the next section, but, I will provide dialogue samples from certain key scenes of the film.

Sample Scenes

Okie-doke, so here are some samplers from the script. I'll set them up so you know what the fuck is going on in the scene too.

Humorous Scene 2C:
In this will-be memorable scene, Rick Cerone is catching in a game but needs to use the bathroom to move his bowels. The umpire is another Italian man named Ron Luciano (who is played by Ernest Borgnine....oh wait...he's dead...sorry...Ron Luciano will be played by Pat Cooper).

This scene is based on the actual event when Hubie Brooks one time (this actually happened) called time out to go take a leak during an at-bat.

Hubie had to go to the bathroom.

In real life Hubie had to number-1 but in my Luciano-Cerone scene it is a heavy number-2 that Cerone needs to evacuate from his body. Both characters being Italian, you'll noticed that, they use a lot of Italianized english terms and talk a lot about Italian cuisine. The scene begins as Cerone catches a fastball and turns to look at Luciano and says...

Rick Cerone: Luch! Holy shit! I...I....I gotta go!

Ron Luciano: Go? Whaddya talkin' 'bout "go"? Go where? Wat the fuck you talkin' 'bout?

Rick Cerone: You fuckin' fongoul...I gotta fucking take a shit!

Ron Luciano: A shit!? What? There's NO SHITTIN' IN BASEBALL! Ya dumb segarsi!

Rick Cerone: Luch, man, I gotta go, I'm not fucking shittin' you man...I gotta shit!

Ron Luciano: Are you fuckin' kiddin' me? You're fucking joking ya stupid asshole! Skeevosa!

Rick Cerone: You're gonna see in about 5 seconds that I wasn't jokin' you fat piece of garbage!

Ron Luciano:  You cazzo-suckin' asshole! Turn aroun' and leave me the fuck alone!

Rick Cerone: Luch....on my grandmother's grave...I swear I'm telling the truth.

Ron Luciano: On....your grandmother's grave?

Rick Cerone: Ya. Man, I ate 2 cannolies, a pizza, and a buncha gnoccies for pranzo!

Ron Luciano: You crazy sonavabitch...........TIME!

(Wow, you should see Pat Cooper in this scene....he is simply impeccable....like his timing and stuff).

Confrontation Scene 1F:

In this scene Rick Cerone has just made a grievous mental error of a magnitude which most would describe as being  "game-altering".  George Steinbrenner (all of his head, not just the back of his head) calls Rick on the telephone and proceeds to tell him he's over-weight, stupid, and ugly.

Rick Cerone: Hello, it's me Rick Cerone. Who the fuck is this?

George Steinbrenner: Who the fuck is this!? Who the fuck do you think asshole!?

Rick Cerone: Oh, Mr. Steinbrenner hi, uh, howzit goin' ?

George Steinbrenner: Ooooooh just swell, just swell fatso.....

Rick Cerone: ....

George Steinbrenner: It's just that your dumpy mentally-crippled ass COST ME THE GAME!

Rick Cerone: Hey, hey...come on. Didja see how Goose pitched today? He sucked shit!

George Steinbrenner: No! You know who sucked shit out there, today? YOU DID FUCK FACE!

Rick Cerone: ME!? FUCK FACE!? Ya I'm a fuck face alright....BECAUSE I FUCK FACES!

George Steinbrenner: You fuck faces? NO! You have the face that gets fucked....fuck-face!

Rick Cerone: Wanna bet? How 'bout I come into your office and fuck you in the face?

George Steinbrenner: YOU fuck ME in the face? You fat stupid retarded asshole! FUCK YOU.
Rick Cerone: You're the fuck-face...you fucked-up fuckin' FUCK FACE. Fuck you MORE than FUCK ME! BYE! FUCKER!

(Ooooh that scene's intense. This is the eighties too so it's those rotary phones you can SLAM down hard and shit. Wow).

Reconciliation Scene 2B.1
In his scene Oscar Gamble and his humongous and wicked-cool afro come to make amends with Rick Cerone after Rick helps Oscar's girlfriend fend off creeps at a Detroit disco-tech after a road game.

Oscar Gamble:Yo smooth brother.....
Rick Cerone: ???

Oscar Gamble: I.....I.....I.....yo.....thanks for helpin' my girl back in Detroit.
Rick Cerone: Hey, it's nuthin' man.
Oscar Gamble: Smooth brother....I'm sorry for calling you a fat ugly Guinea Dego piece of shit.
Rick Cerone: Ya. I'm sorry for calling you a retarded moolie asshole.
Oscar Gamble: Hey man....what's done is done. It's water under the bridge, smooth brother.
Rick Cerone: Osc, you've really taught me a lot 'bout hittin' n' losin' weight....I.....
Oscar Gamble: Hey man, we're teammates and dats what teammates do.
Rick Cerone: Life is tough sometimes, Osc.
Oscar Gamble: Hey, life is always tough. They don't think it be like it IS....but it DO!

Words of Wisdom

Filler Scene 3A:

To fill up some screen time there's a part where Cerone goes down to Mexico to play some Winter Ball after the '80 season and he befriends fellow Italian Don Demola who's re-conditioning his arm after surgery down there. They are battery partners when A HUGE BRAWL breaks out after Demola hits a batter with a pitch and Cerone picks up the batter and helicopter suplexes him.

This scene is based on the actual event stated in Tommy Lasorda's book where he claims in a winter ball game to have hit a batter....then the batter charged the mound....and then Lasorda CLAIMS to have picked him up, spun him around like a helicopter, and then suplexed him. Personally, I don't believe Tommy Lasorda did this but it is stated in his book that he did and this is the "actual event" that this scene is inspired/stolen from.

(Note: Don Demola is a pretty funny Italian guy with a good accent.....See this interview)

(Note II: The brackets mean they're thinking to themselfs.)

Rick Cerone: (He wants inside!? Fuck, he's gonna nail this asshole!)

Don DeMola: (I'm gonna whack dis asshole. Fuck this guy. I'm nailin' him)

Rick Cerone: (Oh shit....here we go again.) *WHACK*

Don DeMola: Here he comes! Aaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeiiiieeeeeeeee!

Rick Cerone: What the fuck! He's getting his ass kicked!

Don DeMola: Yo Rick! Come fuck this guy up! Give him the helicopta suplex technique!

Rick Cerone: You ready!? You ready for the Rick Cerone Helicopter Suplex Mark II !?

Don DeMola: HOLY SHIT! HE'S GOT 'IM IN DA HELICOPTA SUPLEX! HOLY SHIT!

Rick Cerone: GRRRRRRRRAAAAARGH! BLAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGH! YAAAAAAAA!

Don DeMola: Whoa! Rick....dat was cool!

(This scene is really cool.)

Conclusion

Alrighty, so I'm gonna pitch my script to all the big producers and shit. It'll get made, probably. Someone'll probably steal the idea but it'll get made eventually I bet.....maybe.

It's so good this movie, it doesn't have T-Rexes like my Manny Sanguillen non-existant mentally visualized film but it's still very very good.

Pat Cooper's great in it, and the guy who plays Don DeMola is a kid who's new but really good at acting. Oh and fuck, the chick who plays Olivia Newtons-John is soooooo sexy it's not even funny.

Everybody wants the next big-thing and I can honestly ensure you that back-up catcher bio-pics is the way to go. It's the new thing.