Loneliness and Stayin' Home

In the itinerary I wrote the next articles will be about Sonny Tufts and also Dragon Ball Z.... but matters of other-level importance have come up and I think we shall postpone these articles until after the current situation and normalcy returns to us.

The Sonny Tuft's one was going to be a stunning defense of the man's work in the hopes of re-igniting his long-lost legacy. That will be postponed indefinitely.

The Dragon Ball Z one would have been a two-topic post. Many people, I've noticed, wonder if Goku could beat up Superman if their universes ever collided. That's a very silly question... of course Goku would whup Superman's lame-ass... and I will even go as far as to prove that Superman is a bad person in this essay. The other topic was going to question why TienShinHan is so unpopular in Japan yet stunningly popular outside of Japan. Tien is one of the most liked characters on Dragon Ball Z, yet only outside of Japan. In Japan he is not a popular character. My essay would explain why he's not popular in Japan. This article will probably be written next month.

This month's topic is Loneliness and Stayin' Home.... and is perfectly suited for our current "Social Distancing" phenomenon currently in our society.


Loneliness

"Loneliness is a slow-acting but fatal poison" -Troubled Man

That photo is from 1995's Suikoden 1, which to this day I rank as one of the greatest video games ever made.

It's a short RPG that manages to cram a lot of story into itself. That line comes early in the game, if you take the time to read the headstones in Rockland. That troubled man wanted that as his last will and testament to the earth for posterity. He wanted the world to know that loneliness is akin to a poison that will one day prove fatal.

As a writer on subjects, I would say the art of Writing is in itself a lonely art form. A musical band will preform for many fans who rock-out, and show their boobs to them. A sports star receives the accolades of tens of thousands of screaming fans when he scores or does good. A stand up comic gets to see the smiles and hear the laughter of a club full of people who like their art. A writer? Not so much...

In fact, I regard writing as the most posterity-oriented of the arts. As readers we will still read things written over a hundred years ago from writers who are long-gone. Writing is a sort of encapsulation of the times ... or more so one person's opinion of their time and place in ever-on-going human society.

The writer, while writing, is recording things for the future in many ways. A way to linger on after he or she is long gone. Melancholy angles tend to weave themselves into writing. One of the most well-known writers is Edgar Allan Poe, who died in 1849 yet is still popular in today's age, called "melancholy" the most suited tone for writing in his "Philosophy of Composition" essay,

"Regarding, then, Beauty as my province, my next question referred to the tone of its highest manifestation—and all experience has shown that this tone is one of sadness. Beauty of whatever kind in its supreme development invariably excites the sensitive soul to tears. Melancholy is thus the most legitimate of all the poetical tones." -Poe, E.A.

He believed it is almost a fact that this form was the most suited form for a writer to use. Personally, this blog which has experimented in many different "tones" of writing over the years tries very hard not to use melancholy as a "tone" ... I don't think writing has to be of that nature.

Even though I go to great lengths to not use this tone it is true that writing as an art form still remains a lonely-based one.

Fame and writing is not of the same nature as fame in other arts, either. If you were to throw a party and invite society's greatest writers to it... like a big bash in some Aspen cabin for the weekend... good luck knowing who they are when they all show up. The writer is not a person who is recognizable to any great degree. Their writing and their writing style is... but not the person themselves.

Another fascinating thing about fame for writers is the reader often thinks the writer bases all his writing on actual experiences they had. That's not true at all. A writer bases his writing on his or her imagination and creative faculties more than anything. A person will think a guy who writes mystery novels must have for sure been a detective in real life or something ... no. A person may think a horror writer like Stephen King must be a depraved crazy person in real life... no, he's not.

It's an imaginative field, a rewarding one, especially in a posterity sense of something being here after you're not.... but it is, as far as fame goes, a lonely field, for sure. Loneliness is relatable to, though.

What do you do when you're alone? Many many many people can't handle it. In times of advanced isolation the brain will start to go crazy. People who have self-tested on isolation on themselves in caves and stuff... notice that the first thing the brain loses is a sense of Time, and at that point, especially if you're in a cave... things like "night" and "day" have absolutely no meaning anymore. The lonely brain can be a hot one.

To some extent loneliness is a skill...  or coping with it I should say is a skill... and it is heavily dependent on your brain's ability to imagine other worlds. In that sense, loneliness is actually a benefit to a writer because you are constantly tasked with inventing alternate worlds. The Wizard of Oz, The Lord of the Rings, and works like this still persist over the years because they created alternate worlds that are rich and interesting to dive into.

Some people are better at loneliness than others. It's sad if a person is unwillingly lonely. That Suikoden quote is right... it is a poison and it can be fatal. In our current society, the elderly are the most prone to unwanted loneliness.

I read an article where in Japan, old ladies with low-incomes will preform petty crimes (like theft of small goods) to get arrested, admit to the crime.... just to go to jail for a few months to be with other old ladies in Japan's old lady jails.

Personally, I think video games are going to be a saving grace to Millennials in their old lonely age. I think that is the first generation where video games acquired mass acceptance and were never scorned as being for lazy people or only for kids. I can picture the loneliest of old Mellenial geezer like 40+ years from now just playing video games in some old folks home...with very little dementia due to constant brain stimulation, just eating Cream of Wheat all day and leveling up to beat the last boss of the game. Totally can see that. I think dementia might be much lower for the elderly people of the future.

I would even think motor functions may be better in elderly people who play video games. It is a constant dopamine stimuli to the noodle these games... and dopamine is needed in old age to keep the body functioning.

A video game is a created world, but unlike in writing or in movies, you actually engage and interact with this world that does not exist. I think there are people who get addicted to them, and that's bad, but I also don't agree with people who knock it as an art form.

If I live to be 75, I bet I will still play Suikoden One every now and then.... but every ten years I play it that Troubled Man's headstone seems to have a deeper meaning each time. When I'm a lonely old troubled man at age 75...I wonder how I will read that headstone... I wonder if I will leave it on the screen longer before clicking it away.... and in a sense, it'll make me happy even though it is a melancholy line... it'll probably make me happy because I can relate to it... and I'd be happy that this Troubled Man felt the same way I do.


Stayin' Home

Stayin' home is the worst, it can be something more bad than lonely...it can be boring. Boring is bad. Lonely people in today's society can still find an abundance of stimulation through various stimulii yet if available stimulus to the lonely soul becomes boring... forget it... your life is gonna suck hard.

You gotta mix it up. The human imagination can turn anything that sucks into anything that's good...

I remember writing one of the first articles in my blog about this...

This Article: https://writingsonsubjects.blogspot.com/2011/05/turning-horribly-mundane-into-something_49.html

That article explored how to make seemingly mundane activities like cooking battles, mini-putt, and other things into larger-than-life extravaganzas. I have the Suikoden quote in there too, but back then I said it was an old Chinese proverb, even ten years ago I think video games were seen as a low-form of art. The Tao part of how nothing would be cool if nothing was ever boring is pretty relevant to today's times, I find.

When this boring session of "social distancing" is over will we take greater knowledge in how cool all this cool stuff we can do in life actually is? Will things be More Awesome after we fully accepted and understood how Boring life can be? Maybe.

If this or any other pandemic ever makes people stay home a while... I really suggest training your brain to be imaginative is the best coping skill available to you. Anything can be Something... a cooking contest can be the most important thing in the world if you convince yourself it is. A book can be more than paper and ink... it can be an entire new plane of existence.

I think it is too late for most elderly people 70+ to learn to enjoy video games, which I believe in many cases can be the most immersive "world" to engage in while just sitting at home. I mean, people under 40 have no stigma on video games as an art or view them as only for kids... and I can't stress enough that I know that this will help them in their old age.

I think that gravestone in Suikoden One is one of the deepest things I've ever read, so I can't say this art form is just for children.... and I don't think other people should either. I truly believe we shall see reduced amounts of dementia and parkinsons (the two most debilitating diseases to the elderly, one mental and one physical) in people who are now under 40 when they become over 70....simply due to their acceptance socially for video games. I 100% believe that.

Video games are loaded with dopamine, and to get it to the brain does not take much hand-eye coordination. Many physically debilitated elderly people cannot do activities that would get them dopamine... yet video games are a click and button push away from it almost at all times.... endless amounts of dopamine are created by the brain when playing video games.

Video games when you take away all the glitz and glam and graphics are mainly puzzle solving activities. We spend much of our free time outside of work, and socializing, solving a myriad of puzzles in varying difficulties. I believe this will stave off the mental debilitating portion of being elderly.

I think Stayin' Home for this short time will not effect the young people very much as they have better coping mechanisms than previous generations in terms of entertainment whilst at home. As for elderly people? Many elderly people are too mentally and physically debilitated to leave their homes or residences every day of every year. It's sad, if you visit an old folks home you may notice some of them are too debilitated to do anything but sit in a chair motionless for hours upon hours at a time.

I think young people will learn to appreciate the freedom they have, many old people, not only old people but disabled people of any kind, do not have the freedom of mobility. The freedom to walk and even basic things like that.

You shouldn't take that stuff for granted, you know?

What else? Watch out for cabin fever too. You can go stir crazy if you are not used to being away from social events. I think more people should learn to write, honestly. All that stir crazy crap that spews around your brain like hot vomit all day can be harnessed and brought out of you... to form powerfully interesting worlds of fiction.

Forgotten Man.....

The best art-makers are usually Troubled Men and Troubled Women, they just have the ability to harness those troubles and ride them out of their mind and into something. Something that can be viewed by others in hopes of other people relating to how they feel.

You can either be a Troubled Man or a Forgotten Man, I guess. The picture to the left is the "Forgotten Man" from the 1989 video game "Mother" or "Earthbound."

Forgotten Man is the most melancholy guy I ever met in a video game's world... he lived in the very mind of the protagonist, a silent protagonist who represented the player in the game's world... thus... I guess, in one sense the Forgotten Man was actually my own compound form of loneliness talking right to me... in a video game.



The following is what the Forgotten Man tells you (in the English translation that is):

"I am a forgotten man. I'm not really here. You didn't have to notice me.... Please ignore me. I am a man who does not exist. You talk so kindly, I don't know what to do. If I miss people, I cannot live alone anymore. My conversation is always a monologue. I've been alone from the moment I was born... Lucky, unlucky... It makes no difference to me. Sometimes, even breathing becomes too much. Why do you insist on talking to me? Are you a forgotten man, too?"

-Forgotten Man

Good question, Forgotten Man, am I a forgotten man too? Maybe, I don't know. I think there's a lot of forgotten people in our world.... and I don't really like to think about the concept of Loneliness too much. Strangely enough, to get Forgotten Man to move from the exit to your own mind that he's blocking requires you to forget about him. He's there, in your mind, but your mind also has the power to forget stuff. Forgetting is probably a skill too....


Conclusion

I wasn't really sure how this one was going to go... I think starting with the Suikoden quote made it very video game centric... but I do believe that in the end video games are good.

My theory that Mellenials, or current people under 40 in general, shall have lower cases of mental and physical debilitation in their future old age due to their acceptance of video games. I think that is true.

Anyone not used to being lonely should look at it as a more of a skill than anything. If you are interested in trying the true lonely person's art form...you should try Writing. Out of all the art forms, Writing is the Lonely, Troubled, Forgotten Person's best venue for expression, I think.

Combination Attacks II: Rating More Tag Finishers

In 2017, I wrote about Combination Attacks at depth on Mother's Day.....

This One: https://writingsonsubjects.blogspot.com/2017/05/best-tag-team-finishers_4.html

It went on a long time, it seems mostly due to taking a while to get going, by talking about other stuff in the intro. I don't want to do that this time.... but there's matters in the Combination Attack field that I feel need to be talked about before we start rating Tag Finishers in this essay.

Re-reading my 2017 ratings of Combo Attacks has left me with woe and with red in the face. I am appalled that I didn't include a move from a movie that probably is the SOURCE of my deep respect and intrigue with Combination Attacks and Tag Finishers.

I feel a sense of personal shame and am actually appalled at myself for leaving something out of that article....and that something is... The Crossing of the Streams.

How could I have over-looked what was probably the most ICONIC combination attack of my lifetime? When the Ghostbusters crossed the streams of their proton-particle-throwers in 1984's Ghostbusters.... it shook the foundations of all of which was known prior-to-then as being cool.

Just call me Forgetful Jones, I guess.

It was a FINISHER too! They combined their proton streams at the behest of Egon (who previously in the film told them NEVER EVER to cross the streams) to create a total particle reversal in hopes to teach that travelin' and destructin' Gozer how they did things downtown!

I am appalled at myself for overlooking this attack in my previous article. This may have even beaten Pentagon and Blackhole's attack if it was entered into that 2017 Tag Finisher Tournament. It probably would have pulled it out in the end and won.

If I as a tiny baby/child never saw this happen.... my brain probably would never have even been wired to wig over Combination Attacks at all! I would never have cared about Antipodes I, II, or even III.... or Piccolo firing a Makankosappo through Gohan's Kamehameha blast to give it an added piercing element to its naturally occurring powerful energy blast explosion.... or care or wig even a bit when Animal held a guy on his shoulders for Hawk to launch himself off the top turnbuckle to harm the opponent with a flying clothesline.

....without Ghostbusters One, and the Crossing of the Streams...it's possible that I wouldn't have cared about ANY of those great things even at all.

So thank you for all you've done for the Art and the Science of Combination Attacks, my sweet Ghostbusters One, I shall forever value your contribution to the field.


Alright so with that out of the way, that lament and regret, let's get started reviewing all of the great Tag Finishers that are occurring in modern times...wait hold up.... I have something inside of me, whether it's in my heart or mind, that needs to be said regarding the field of tag finishers... and it involves Chrono Trigger... specifically the new modern ports of the game.... that have re-named many of the combination attacks of the game... that I believe is almost blasphemous in nature.

Super Nintendo's Chrono Trigger was released in 1995, and it was the greatest game. Ports of the game have been made for many systems after its initial release so a new era of people can enjoy one of the Society's Greatest Video Games just like we did as youths in 1995. Now, each port seems to think they can translate the game better than Ted Woolsey did in 1995.

Let's get something straight now, okay? Ted Woolsey's translation of Chrono Trigger in 1995... is the OFFICIAL translation of Chrono Trigger, okay? It is. Fans can make endless "fan translation" patches to pretend to fix his "mistakes".... and the ports to newer era systems can pretend that they can do a better job localizing Chrono Trigger than Terrific Ted did in '95... but your works are all in vain. The SNES version of Chrono Trigger released in 1995...is the BEST version of the game. Period.

Changing the names of Dual and Triple techs from the original translation is threading a thin needle and almost stepping on the toes of history, I must say.

With some of the Tag Finisher name changes in the new versions of the game, I get them, I guess. Let's look at Doublevbomb. Now, here I understand why it might be in their interest to re-translate Doublevbomb into Double Bomb. At the heart of it, it makes sense, it seems like it should have been Double Bomb back in '95 but some programmer entered the name into the field and hit the "v" key instead of the "space" key. Okay.... I get why they would change this.

Then again, part of me doesn't. To 1995 enthusiasts of Chrono Trigger, this move is called Doublevbomb! For all that I knew back then, maybe Lucca had an uncle who with her father Taban would make explosives and junk...and her uncle was named Nabat Doublev and the family named the highly powerful explosive Lucca uses in conjunction with Robo in a combination attack a "Doublev" bomb to honor her uncle who contributed to the creation of the Tag Finisher in that small yet key fashion. No?

I'm not that upset over Doublevbomb to Double Bomb. Who knows, maybe it really was a typo in the original and the new ports are just fixing the typo... maybe Lucca doesn't have an uncle named Nabat Doublev. I get it. I'm okay with Double Bomb.... but there's one I'm really not Okay with and that's.... Bubble Breath?

They changed Bubble Snap to Bubble Breath? Why? Why in the name of anything would they change the Snap to the Breath? Now, I'm a huge fan of Bubble Snap. I used Bubble Snap a lot. Frog summons up a bubble-casing with his Water magic to encase Robo in a bubble... then the bubble gently floats up into the sky.... next, the weight of Robo gives and the bubble SNAPS and makes a noise similar to a SNAP! Robo then proceeds to fall from the sky, his metal weight picking up much momentum on the way down, until he crashes on top of the opponent...harming them.

That's a Bubble Snap! Where does anyone do any breathing here? No one is breathing here! No where! No how! No breathing is being done! Why rename this move from a Bubble Snap to a Bubble Breath?

It's things like this that make people's hair turn gray before their time. It really is. It really is. Re-naming Bubble Snap...... to Bubble Breath. I wouldn't be surprised if one gray hair on my head is directly there because someone thought it would be a great idea to re-name Bubble Snap. Would not surprise me in the least, friends.

Alright, enough with this, we better start reviewing and rating Tag Attacks of the modern times... wait though.... while we're on the subject of Super Nintendo ports to modern systems of classic games, we have to talk about Final Fantasy VI....

Final Fantasy VI is a classic and a Video Game's Video Game. To see the port they offer younger people of today's times to experience Final Fantasy VI is enough to make a whole head of hair gray on a person well before its time.

I don't want to get too much into it... if you are interested in seeing why the port is almost blasphemous in nature I suggest you read the following article written by a person who gets very esoteric into why the graphics are not good:

Link to Esoteric Article delving into Why new versions of Final Fantasy VI's Graphics are Not Good:
https://www.fortressofdoors.com/doing-an-hd-remake-the-right-way-ffvi-edition/ 

Young people are growing up playing bad ports of some of the most classic of video games.... and I think the reverberations and damage this will cause to the minds of young people will be felt for aeons (probably). 

You don't need a Good Graphics degree from Videlectrix University (or a similar institution) to know that giving young people ports of great games but with bad graphics is a recipe for a less-than-bright Tomorrow.



Alright, we better start this article soon.... because I am gonna have a full head of gray if I keep letting Bad Ports get to me soooo..... Let's Get Started......

NOW.




Rating the Modern and Cool Tag Finishers and Combination Attacks of AEW Wrestling!

(Note: If a cool-cool move is over looked or forgotten to be included in the review.... please don't over-think it. In my first article in this field...I forgot to include the greatest thing ever.... so to color myself as a Forgetful Jones isn't an exaggeration by any stretch. I forget my own age sometimes.)

All Elite Wrestling's Tag Team wrestling is wicked and great... no one can deny this. Let's now look at some of the cool moves on display.


Re-iteration of Definition: 
A Tag Finisher is a fighting move which combines the input and skills from two or more individuals to form increasingly powerful combination attacks. Once two singular moves are combined they thus become greater than the sum of their whole ... they become ... More Better.


I'm not sure I can get photos or videos of all of these moves as some of these only happened like last week.... so the aesthetics of this article will be on the low-end... it is an in-depth review of these maneuvers in a more literary sense... I guess.

The Finalists for this year's Tag Finisher award are:

-Private Party - Gin and Juice
-Proud and Powerful - Camel Clutch + Boston Crab Dual Tech Submission (+honorable mention)
-Young Bucks - More Bang for your BUCK!!!!
-Best Friends (accompanied by Orange Cassidy) - Center of Ring Group Hug
-Kenny Omega and "Hangman" Adam Page - V-Trigger + Lariat
-SCU - S C U.... LATER!
-Jurassic Express - Double-Assisted Canadian Destroyer (+honorable mention)



Private Party

Gin and Juice

Marq and Isiah's Private Party may sound snobbish and the uninformed reader might think they are snobby bad guys... but they're not... they are good guys. It is a Private Party... but EVERYONE is invited to this party. This party has front flips, back flips, running back flips, running front flips, 450 swam dive flips.... and COMBINATION ATTACKS!

The best part, as stated above, is that Everyone is invited to this "private" party. It is very inclusive. Yet, if you're gonna imbibe though you gotta remember that what they're drinking at this party 'aint water, dude. It 'aint water, dude. It's probably some decent-enough-proof Hennessy... so if you are gonna imbibe at this party you should imbibe responsibly.

Private Party's tag finisher is their patented Gin and Juice. Here we see Marq plant the opponent onto the turnbuckle, nextly he deftly hurricane flips so his feet are wrapped around the opponent's head, he proceeds to re-flip himself which catapults the opponent off of the turnbuckle and into the trusty and waiting arm of Isiah...

....who hurricane DDTs the opponent's head into the canvas. Bravo.

With all these hurricane flips and hurricane DDTs.... how can an opponent cope? Quick answer is: They can't. The Gin and Juice doesn't just make them tipsy... it puts them down for a 3-count!

Raw Power: 71
Finesse: 89
Aesthetics: 87

Overall: 82



Proud and Powerful

Camel Clutch + Boston Crab (also we will talk about the assisted Vertical blood-to-head Suplex attack)

Santana and Ortiz are bad guys! They are in cahoots with Chris Jericho and his dastardly inner-circle. They play for keeps. They will whip you with a sock full of baseballs....they don't care. They are bad! They will slam 60+ year old wrestling legends right through tables! They are very bad! They will rake your back with their nails.... and they will preform brazenly powerful COMBINATION ATTACKS!

One they do is they suplex a guy but they don't finish the suplex, they get the opponent into a vertical clutch hold and just hold him in the vertical suplex but they don't even drop him! They just keep tagging in-and-out of the ring exchanging the opponent when their arms get tired! Oh my gooodness. If their arms don't get tired they never really ever have to drop the opponent, do they? No! The ref? The ref cannot do a thing because they are legally tagging in-and-out of the ring to exchange the opponent in the vertical clutch hold!

Meanwhile... what is the opponent feeling during all of this? His blood is rushing to his skull and brain! He has been upside down with his body back-to-front for what must seem like an eternity! Oh no! He must be passing out.

That's not the move I am entering them into this contest with though. I am entering them for their dual tech submission attack... the Camel Clutch + Boston Crab. Whereas one sits on the opponent and faces forward whilst the other sits on the opponent facing the opposite direction. They then start pulling on the neck and legs of the opponent in hopes of twisting him into some kind of a human pretzel. My gosh.... where is the humanity in all this, you ask? There is none. These men are BAD and they don't mind turning people into pretzels inside of the ring!

The downside to this submission attack is that you are only allowed 10 seconds inside the ring once a tag is made.... meaning both men can only be in the ring at the same time for 10 actual seconds. Will any opponent submit from an attack within ten seconds? Probably not. The ref will break Santana and Ortiz up if the attack goes on for 10 seconds under this rule.... this seriously limits the power of the otherwise powerful attack.

Raw Power: 90
Finesse: 72
Aesthetics: 83

Overall: 82




The Young Bucks

More Bang for your BUCK!!!

By Gawdness are these guys buck. The flips? Forget it.... just forget it. They flip like there is no tomorrow. They kick like there is no tomorrow. If you even blink while these guys are doin' it n' doin' their thang in the rang.... forget it... you missed at least 40 flips and 50 kicks whilst you blinked, dude. There's so much wild and crazy things going on while they wrestle that I recommend to the viewer of their craft that you don't blink.. unless you don't mind missing many a flip and a bevy of kicks during your 0.01 second blink session... then go right ahead and blink... I guess.

They have this one where Matt holds the guy in a pile driver hold and kindly waits... until his brother Nick preforms a spring-board front flip off of the ring apron with momentum help from the ropes... the momentum of the spring-boarded flip is then transferred into the feet of the opponent who is then thrust into a pile driver. Dang, that's buck.

They did a simple yet effective Triple Tech with Dustin Rhodes where both Bucks preformed a reverse-thrusted round-house Super Kick and Dustin stood in between and preformed a simple yet devastating front-thrust kick. A triple kick... to one face!? That's a massive attack, bubba.

Their entry in this tournament of techs is the More Bang attack... because it is uniquely buck. It is simply a sight to see. My eyes have seen some uniquely cool things over the years, ok? I'm not like a guy who just exaggerates and just like says stuff, you know? I've seen cool stuff like rock and roll concerts and naked-ass ladies and stuff over the years that I'd deem as being very very very cool.... so when I say something is cool or buck... I mean it? You know?

More Bang is COOL. There's so many back flips and front flips it's almost as if I cannot even conceptualize what a flip is anymore after they preform this. There's A LOT of flips. A lot of them. Flip after flip after flip after... after FLIP!

I'm not joking that momentarily after seeing More Bang... I cannot conceptualize the meaning of "flip" for a brief period. If you came up and asked me what my favorite Flip Wilson character was within a few minutes after seeing More Bang for your Buck... I wouldn't be able to answer because my brain would be unable to process the word Flip. I'd be like... "What Wilson?".... and then like a few minutes later I could answer you after my conceptualization as to what "flip" meant returned to me. I'd be like "Oh....Geraldine. That's my favorite Flip Wilson character. Yeah. Sorry 'bout that, I had a mental lapse for a moment, old friend."

There's so many flips it's like they got the Star in Mario Three on NES and knew they only had Star Power for like a few seconds so they pressed the jump button as many times as they could just to see Mario do an insane amount of flips!!!

Raw Power: 73
Finesse: 95
Aesthetics: 96

Overall: 88


 

Best Friends (accompanied by Orange Cassidy)

Center of Ring Group Hug

In this incredible maneuver, Best Friends, one Trent(?) and one Chuck Taylor, invite their familiar acquaintance one Orange Cassidy, into the ring to display the strength of their friendship.  

It is pondered by many how connected Orange Cassidy is to the Best Friends as he is never announced as being a member of the Best Friends as they approach the ring. It is clear that only Trent and Chuck are Best Friends and Orange Cassidy is just an acquaintance of theirs that they oft-times hang out with.

I wonder about this as well, I mean, is Orange Cassidy just too cool for the school and is the one who wants to be introduced separately... or is Trent and Chuck's Best Friendhood so pronounced that to include Orange Cassidy in the Best Friends would only serve to water down the strength of their friendship by including a guy who just wants to hang out sometimes? It's a great mystery...

..but, I think if Best Friends were to throw a party and they invited everyone and Orange Cassidy, they would see the biggest gift would be from Orange Cassidy, and the card attached would say....

..."Thank You, For Being a Friend...."

It is safe to say the damage of this move is limited but... if this were to be used in a video game universe, this move would boost their attributes for a set amount of time.... a lot. I'm talking like +25% to their melee damage, +25% to their melee defense, +25% to their super move attacks, +25% to their super move defense, +25% to their agility, +25% to their luck stat too, and their special move bar increases at 2x rate... all this for a full 2.5 minutes of gameplay time. Damn, that's a powerful boost.

In that sense, say you were playing like a Tag Team Story Mode where you take any team, start at the bottom, and work your way to fight the champs to win the belts... an unbeknownst player might think "why would I take the Best Friends and Orange Cassidy? Their base stats are very bad like 10 to 15 points lower than the best teams to choose from in this tag team menu screen...." ... yet lo, woe, and red in the face will be that hapless video game enthusiast for not choosing a team that has a Tag Move that boosts their stats considerably ... and thusly making them one of the strongest teams in the game with enough experience points.

Raw Power: N/A
Finesse: 72
Aesthetics: 93

Overall: 82


Kenny Omega + "Hangman" Adam Page

V-Trigger + Lariat

This attack is nothing short of a Massively Powerful Combination Attack. Let's look at each of these moves in a singular sense before we look at them in a combined and powerfully-combined sense.

The V-Trigger is a frontal running knee-strike... it sounds simple but it is so much more than its description. These can wake you up. Kenny doesn't finish matches with this attack... this is just a powerful running knee to the face to wake the opponent up... so said opponent is not tired and groggy when he experiences Kenny's One Winged Angel buster. These knees'll wake you up in the morning! If you're at work and you're on your third cup of cheap-but-free work coffee and still can't keep your dumb eyes open... call Kenny Omega to come down to your work and get him to knee you in the face! It'll wake you up!

What awaits the opponent in this attack once he's been awoken from his groggy slumber by a V-Trigger? A spring-board apron-flip momentum-enhanced... LARIAAAAAATOOOOOOOH!

A spring-board flip Lariat like that is NOT designed to wake you up... it's designed to put you down for the 3-count, compadre.

I've seen them do this from multiple angles. One time they connected with the V-Trigger AND the Lariat at the SAME exact TIME! Imagine getting a V-Trigger wake-up call and a Lariat smash at the same time!? I've seen it done by a drunken Hangman who needed M. Jackson to hold his beer for him while he flipped and lariatted.

Speaking of Hangman and his proneness to imbibing on drink... it seems like it is causing descension amongst Kenny and Adam. Hangman's drinking has caused some awkward in-ring moments between the two combatants. Some accidents involving Adam missing opponents and hitting Kenny... and even Hangman leaving Kenny Omega HANGING on a High Five. I was shocked when I saw the hang on the five. It left me feeling empty inside. I remember as a youth of 17, at a cool concert, one of my first, leaving someone hanging on a high five... and I never found it in my own heart to forgive myself. The regret over a left-hanged five is a greater regret than most understand.

(I remember many years ago seeing a ".gif" that really spoke to the realness of what I am trying to describe. Lemme see if I can dig it up by searching for it. Yes, I found it. It is this ".gif": HERE.)

Opponents think they can prey on this perceived non-unity between them... I'm sure SCU is thinking they will easily defeat them and regain the titles in their re-match with them by isolating the drunkard Page... yet you never count a team like this out for the count no matter how low their morale is or how drunk Adam Page is... because their Tag Finisher is lights outingly POWERFUL.

It is MASSIVELY POWERFUL.

Raw Power: 98
Finesse: 82
Aesthetics: 84

Overall: 88




SCU

S..C...U.... LATER!!

Socal Uncensored are good guys. They are a marching band from Southern California University. They held the tag team belts for a long while after they won the inaugural tag team tournament to kick off AEW's first year.

Is there any better alliterative string of words in our language that is better than Tag Team Tournament? I mean, the joy that springs to the breast of humankind when those three Ts come together in alliteration is completely and utterly magnifique, n'est ce pas?

Scorpio and Frankie's magnificent finisher involves Scorpio athletically spinning an opponent off of his back thus propelling incredible momentum outward and off his back....and into what... right into Frankie's knee strike. A sure-fire method to cap off an excellent bout. 1, 2,3 .... it's over.

I don't want to forget to mention the third member of SCU, one C. Daniels, who I thought had a very great redemption of his talent recently. After messing up an Arabian Moonsault, the Lucha Bros. endlessly scorned and scoffed at Daniels... many thought the regret and shame over botching said Moonsault would lead Daniels down a path of darkness.... but he overcame! He executed the Moonsault a few week later! He didn't give up! Never ever give up!

SCU also had a very touching display recently by honoring the late great Kobe Bryant by adorning his #24 during their match.

    
Raw Power: 85
Finesse: 80
Aesthetics: 81

Overall: 82



Jurassic Express

Double-Assisted Canadian Destroyer

Jurassic Express consists of a large-yet-loveable giant Dinosaur Man, a wild Mogli-esque wild jungle child, and a scrappy scamp who apparently live together in the forest behind the junkyard.

They got a cool cool move where after a crazy dive onto guys outside the ring by Jungle Boy, Luchasaurus launches Marko Stunt unto the already dazed opponents with a Gorilla Press Slam... which is great.

Their entry is the double-assist on the Canadian Destroyer. Whereas Looch and JB swing Marko back-and-forth to create a great deal of centrifugal force of which is key in enhancing the utter devastation of the Canadian Destroyer.

It is a very physical move in two ways. It employs the laws of physics... and it is physical like ... you know what I mean. 

Sorry guys. Some of these paragraphs are getting stale, homeys. Gonna wrap this up. Sorry, Jurassic Express... if you got the lead-off spot in this essay instead of the end-spot you would have had better paragraphs. 

Raw Power: 73
Finesse: 84
Aesthetics: 86

Overall: 82

  


Post Writing Tally: 

*Young Bucks: 88*
*Kenny Omega and "Hangman" Adam Page: 88*

SCU: 82
Jurassic Express: 82
Private Party: 82
Proud and Powerful: 82
Best Friends (accompanied by Orange Cassidy): 82

Dang, it is a tie. Who woulda thunk it?


Conclusion 

Okay, I know I already have qualms about who was left off the list. Some of the best wrestlers in AEW are 1-on-1 guys so cracking them into the tournament would be too hard. I know I left one of my favorite tag teams on the show, The Lucha Bros., off of it... I should have got them in. Lucha Bros. vs. Young Bucks matches on AEW have been nothing short of a Piston's Hurricane and of Straight-up Fire.

Their women division is amazing... sadly I couldn't work it in, either.

I didn't manage to work in my favorite thing I have seen on AEW... which was the 4.5 Man vs. 4 Man combined 8.5-man synchronized suplex.... which was get-out-of-towningly Great.

I selected the ones to do only after writing a lot of other stuff before I even started... I wouldn't regard this as an expert's opinion. I'm not a licensed Wrestling Journalist and I do not have a Wrestling Journalism degree from any of the top Wrestling Journalism schools... so if you read this don't think it's like a definite thing or anything by a Wrestling Savant.

The first time I did this in 2017... I left the greatest thing ever out of the tourney... so if anything cool was left out of this article ... it's not surprising by any means.

Let me once again thank Ghostbusters One. If Harold Ramis never asked his friends Bill Murray, Dan Akroyd, and Ernie Hudson to cross their proton throwers to form a singularity of intense particular-reversing beam cannon.... I probably would never have wigged to any Combination Attack...



....I probably wouldn't've wigged at all... to any of it.

...wouldn't have wigged...at all.

So thank you......
 
...Harold Ramis.

Nehi

A relic from the past that has always held a decent-sized interest in my heart is Orange Nehi... which I hear mention of on old shows and print sometimes.

(See: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nehi)


The first time I saw of this brand was in print in a book or an ad... I cannot recall fully. I read it as pronounced as "Nay Hee." The wikipedia article states that you are to pronounce this brand name of old as "Knee High"... which is wrong. Well, I mean, it's "Right"... but to a person who knows in his mind this brand name as "Nay Hee!" I feel strange about calling it "Knee High."

To me, drinking a Nay Hee! is a tremendous experience rife with joy whilst drinking a "Knee High" is totally a lackluster event that no one would ever want to tell the entire world about.

The third pronunciation variable possible with it is of course "Nee-Hee" which is okay but.... I would never wig about downing a bottle of Neeeeheeeeee, at all.

Nay Hee! on the other hand? It has a real fullness to the experience that other pronunciations of the beverage do not have. To know you're drinking an orange liquid called Nay Hee! is something you will not soon forget... which is not the case in drinking a Knee High or a Neee Heee.

Now, I wrote passingly on Orange Soda in my 2011 piece, "Obsessed with Artificial Crap"... my statements on Writings on Subjects 1.0 regarding Orange Soda was the following....

"When they made Orange Drink, the corn-syrup cheap replacement for orange juice, they made the orange color more visually pronounced and visually appealing through additives and food coloring chemicals. The color of real orange juice just was not orange enough for us." -Me, Like a Decade Ago (or so)

People might've read that and thought I was some sort of healthy man or something...I'm not. I am not a healthy eater, at all. I love soda/soft-drinks (in my region Soft Drink is the main word for Soda)....I drink it by the gallon.... but for many years I did not imbibe in Orange Soda, ever. I know why and have never told anyone this before....it is a tale not for the faintest of heart.

....I was drinking Orange Soda ("Crush") when I was 10 years old whilst watching something that grossed me out big time and for many years ruined orange-colored soft drinks for me.

I will not link to the video of the event that whilst 10 year old me was taking a slow sip of Orange Crush ruined the beverage for me through negative association....or I guess I will....

It is a scene from 1993's own "hit" film Hot Shots: Part Deux... it is THIS scene.

As a ten year old child, watching this while taking a light sip on the Orange bubbly.... I almost puked in my mouth. For many years I'd associate Orange Soda with a man vomiting his testicles (as portrayed by walnuts) out of his own mouth.... and I could not delete this mental hangup from my mind in relation to Orange Soda. Orange Soda and a man vomiting testicles/walnuts out of his mouth were married in my mind for what seemed like an eternity.

Watching it again, after all these years, it WASN'T the walnuts that grossed me out. That was a more minor event of the gross out memory that my brain let me remember while drinking Orange Soda in the future... because it wasn't as gross as something else that happens in that clip above.

The part where Mr. Richard Crenna (tv and movie legend) eats the snout sandwich... is what did it. He bites into the snout sandwich and mustard shoots out of the pig snout like boogers. I blocked this out. It WASN'T the ball-vomiting at all that ruined Orange Soda for me... it was the snout boogers or mustard part that did it.

Can you imagine the director who directed screen legend Richard Crenna to do this? He's telling him, something like "okay Mr. Richard Crenna, WWII vet, star of film and screen... wait for my cue and then bite the pig snout sandwich... then the rig thing'll kick in as your biting and these tubes we put into the sandwich will start shooting mustard out of the pig's nostrils, okay? Okay? Good.... and then while you're holding that note... a man will vomit out his own testicles, in the form of walnuts, out of his mouth.... and ACTION!"

Meanwhile, young me, is drinking Orange Soda, not knowing this is going to happen. I mean, Leslie Nielsen would never do this in his movies. Ernest P. Worrell would never do this in his movies. Ten year old me is expecting Naked Gun stuff here whilst drinking some sweet bubbling Orange drink.... not MUSTARD PIG BOOGERS AND PEOPLE VOMITING BALLS OUT OF THEIR DAMNED MOUTHS!!!!

So thanks Hot Shots: Part Deux for ruining Orange Soda for me. I don't blame Richard Crenna, I think he's a great actor. I don't blame anyone but myself who should have waited to take a sip instead of going for it at such an ill-advised and inopportune moment as that one.

Fast forward to many years later from then, and a few years ago from now... when I discovered Orange Soda once was named Nay Hee!.... I overcame my mental hangup for the beverage and resumed my love for it, big time. If I call orange soda, Nay Hee!, just forget it, I can drink gallons of it. I can drink it like its water, baby. Nay Hee! overpowers all negative associations with the sheer force of how great these two syllables sound together.

I want the World to fall in love with Nay Hee! and feel the same way I do about it. I'm not sure many people out there have experienced the wonders of Orange Soda through the pronounciative lense of Nay Hee! in their entire lives. This brand name could destroy the Soda market if the soda people played their cards right.

The old slogan "Everyone Loves Nay Hee Orange because it is made from tree ripened Oranges" is okay...I guess. I have a hard time believing it was ever made from tree ripened oranges to be perfectly frank.

I have cool ideas for commercials to bring the glorious name of Nay Hee! back into the prominence it deserves. I know the niche market of people who re-discovered their like of Orange Soda by calling it something more funner thusly destroying images of Richard Crenna eating a pig mustard booger sandwich at an illegal fist fight.... is limited probably to One Person.... but even then it is still a niche market the soda people might be interested in courting.

The next two commercials would make Nay Hee! big again.....


Commercial #1

It is football season, the fall colors are great and majestic, a fan sits at the Orange Bowl and cheers for his favored football team. In front of him, is a big overweight slob who is cheering for the opposing team.

The overweight slob turns around after his team scores a touchdown and says to our hero... "HAHAHA MY TEAM IS GUNNNNA WIN! HAHAHA! "

The protagonist of the 30-second spot, is non-plussed and not that worried his team is gonna lose. He shrugs it off and takes a light sip of a cool bottle of Orange Nehi.

The overweight man laughs more in his general direction..."You're drinking KNEE HIGH!? HAHA! Try drinking something stronger ya weirdo!"

....as he's saying this he loses his footing and tumbleth downwards on the stairs. The overweight man falls down many many many stairs... his flab tossing this-way-and-that as he tumbleth the stairs in slow motion for several seconds....


...just then.... our hero's favored team scores a touch down.... to regain the lead and victory!


Our hero just slowly sips his Orange Soda and says....


..."It's pronounced.... Nay Hee."


Commercial #2

A fellow sits in a quaint yet fashionable resto-pub. He orders a drink and the bartender gives it to him. Light gently reflects off his sunglasses as he sips the orange beverage.

All of the patrons of the resto-pub look at this bottle of Orange soda in respectful awe. He doesn't say even the slightest of words, even, but he looks content.

Everyone, especially very gorgeous ladies, became interested in what he's drinking. A table of posh and well-to-do young people ask their waiter what he's imbibing in.

The bartender finally breaks the growing silence, "Sure is a tasty Orange Knee High, isn't it?"

...but our hero says nothing. The light of a passing sun beam reflects off his sunglasses once more... the light then hits the bottle of Nehi.... and our hero finally speaks his one and only line of the 30-second spot....


"...Nay Hee."



Conclusion


Pretty cool commercials. Casting would be easy because I know of someone who could really pull this character off. In fact, these commercials are pretty much tailored made for this person to preform. If you watch AEW wrestling you probably know whom I am thinking of as the protagonist.

Speaking of AEW Wrestling.... Combination Tag Attacks are flowing like wine (or Nay Hee) over there! Since this month's article was a short/silly one... I'm gonna do, at the end of the month, a reprise of an article I did a few years ago regarding Combination Attacks.


(My 2017 article, Best Tag Finishers: https://writingsonsubjects.blogspot.com/2017/05/best-tag-team-finishers_4.html)

My goodness, that went on long that Tag Finisher one. This year's format will still be one entry per medium (Chrono Trigger, Wrestling, Cartoons)... but we'll have finalists for each division. The article will be heavily slanted towards the best Tag Finishers in AEW because... well, that's really what I want to write about this time.... maybe Chrono Trigger etc. won't be in the next one... just Combination Attacks from AEW.



Edit February 17, 2020: I can see where the "Knee High" pronounciation caught some great big steam, I can. Watching one Clower, J. prounounce it as a "How A Cold Knee High Belly Washer Orange Sodie Water would Taste."  I can see how this pronounciation was like so well in certain regions/eras (as such).

OFFICIAL RETRACTION
(May the 24th of 2020)

It is pronounced Knee High. From the ads you can see where they were going with it. The "Leg Lamp" from a "Christmas Story" the dad wins in a contest is fittingly from the Knee High Soda company. Makes sense. It is pronounced Orange Knee High. I was mistaken. 

This ancient Orange beverage was NOT, repeat NOT called "Nay Hee"... apologies for the confusion.

A Christmas Story Factoid

A person who's been mentioned in this blog often but never really explored, either their life or more importantly their writing style... is one Jean Shepherd... who every Christmas we are reminded that he has certainly carved his way into the posterity of the ever lasting march of ever-ongoing humanity and thus has survived the old test of the times.

Unlike most who know him as the narrator and writer of "A Christmas Story," I have read his books and even listened to quite a decent amount of his radio show. I think as far back as the early 2000s, before podcast and internet radio was big, I was listening to his radio show. So it's almost 20 years I've on-and-off been a "fellow victim" on the march of humanity with him as a fan his show.

I remember I used to play the game Civilization II over broadband old-school modem with my friend ... and he used to have so many units that his turns took minutes to execute. I had a lot of time to wait, but in those days you couldn't really get like multiple applications going while you were waiting for a friend to do his turns in Civ 2... so one way I figured out was to play radio on a browser tab in the background. I would put on his old show in the background while my friend dispatched his triremes and phalanxes and whatnot.

I listened to a lot of Jean Shepherd while playing Civ II almost 20 years ago... and still will play video games with it in the background here-and-there to this day. Now podcasts are huge... but to me the archived Jean Shepherd radio show on WOR was basically the first podcast I was ever into.

I have pieced together something from these shows that I haven't seen recorded in any Wiki page or anywhere else... and I think I will share it because it is sort of interesting. It is an interesting little factoid about the movie "A Christmas Story."

...and that factoid is that.... this movie was almost something completely and utterly different all together!

The book Jean Shepherd wrote that most of this film is based on was written back in 1966. The book of course is titled, In God We Trust: All Others Pay Cash. He would go onto to write a second book in 1971 (some content of his second book appears in the film as well).

Five years is quite a long time between novels... but there was talk about turning the first book he wrote in 1966 into a film very shortly after it was written. Yet, we know "A Christmas Story" was not made until 1983....so what happened?

In 1969, the director attached to making In God We Trust into a film.... died right before they were about to start making it. From what I understand this director was one Michael Reeves (known mostly for horror films... one which had Vincent Price in it). I am 95% sure of that. He was very young and people thought he was gonna be the biggest director ever. At 25, the age of his death, he already was regarded as a talented director.

What would the Reeves version of In God We Trust: All Others Pay Cash have been like? It's suffice to say that it would not be ANYTHING like the 1983 film "A Christmas Story."

The book is about the lead character, one Ralph Parker, now a big city man, who goes back to his hometown, the fictional midwest town of Hohman. He goes to a bar owned by his old friend Flick... and he and Flick begin talking about the old days when they were just scamps in Hohman. Each chapter alternates between Adult Ralph and young Ralphie... the adult Ralph chapters are set in Flick's tavern (and are quite short) while the kid chapters are longer and set around Hohman in various places.

Now, The Jean Shepherd of 1966 was not the Jean Shepherd of 1983. The "Shep" of 1966 was known as a rebellious sort, with a whacky radio show, and who prided himself on being the honoree of Playboy Magazine's Humor Award for many years and counting. The Shep of 1966 would have wanted the focus of the film to be on the Flick's tavern chapters and the lead character to be older.

Also, after the wars (Vietnam etc.) of the 60s era ended, he was open about the original INTENT of his book, In God We Trust All Others Pay Cash... and he stated that one particular line of the book, on the last page of the book, that is supposed to hold the meaning of the text, is one that when he wrote it in 1966 had to be self-censured in some degree. This line is the following...

"Too bad Schwartz couldn't have been here," I said.

Actually, this needs slightly more context so I will type out some more area of where this line appears.

"[Flick] fiddled with the thermostat on the wall back of the bar. I swung around on my stool to look at what little remained of the day. It was now almost dark. Darkness comes early in Midwinter in Midwest Indiana. Kids shouted and shoved their way by the tavern front, going to the store, coming home from school, God knows what. Traffic had quickened outside on the street as the two lines of cars, one going to the mill, the other returning, crossed converged.

I turned to Flick who was checking the cash register.

"Too bad Schwartz couldn't have been here," I said.

Flick grunted, busy with his change counting. We both knew that Schwartz had been shot down over Italy. They never found him.

-J. Shepherd, In God We Trust: All Others Pay Cash, pg. 263

To 1966 Shepherd, this was the point of his book summarized in a conclusion chapter at the end. A book about the memories of youth alternating with chapters of he and his old friend drinking at a bar. The contrast of youth and adulthood. This section of the book almost summarizes the whole book like a period on a sentence. They see kids outside the window of the bar, running around without a care .... and when they think of their friend who was shot down in the war... they just sigh it off and grunt. What can you do? What can we do, we fellow victims on the march of humanity? What can we do? Not much. Just acknowledge it with a grunt and move on.

People have to put themselves in the time frame of the era. Take the not-so-subtle "Johnny Got his Gun" book by Dalton Trumbo that was written in 1939 ... D. Trumbo was arrested over that book. So, Shepherd had to be guarded when talking about the pain and suffering caused by wars in this era.

The paragraph works though for what he was aiming for. You read that and think... "Huh, so that kid died in a war? Okay. That's too bad." I mean the sudden loss of the innocence of the entire book for just one paragraph in the closing chapter. It is a pretty profound thing he got in there....yet, you react to it the same way Flick does. With just a passing acknowledgement of it. It's almost mentioned so in-passing that it is in a subversive way to some extent.

The '69 film, if all went to plan and got made.... would not have resembled ANYTHING like "A Christmas Story." It would have been built off the building block of that tone, this contrast of joyful youth and through-the-wringer adulthood, for the film. Which is not the tone of the 1983 film adaptation that did indeed get made.


People Change.....

I was listening to a podcast the other day in the background while doin' some other computer stuff, it was... man, I forget now. So many people have radio shows now. I think everyone has one, almost. I think it was A. Richter asking T. Heidecker, on this podcast, if he believes that, after he had children... if his comedy style changed.

That question got me thinking. I really think that is the "change" that turned In God we Trust: All Others Pay Cash into "A Christmas Story" when it finally got made into a film in 1983. Shepherd was no longer a rebellious guy anymore. He changed. He now had children by this point. His humor changed into trying to make young people laugh rather than trying to make hep-cats and cool-chicks dig his stuff.

I honestly read a lot of the building blocks along the way to piece together the pieces of many things I think are good art. In regards to "A Christmas Story".. as weird as this may sound... I do not consider "In God We Trust: All Others Pay Cash" as the proto-version/building-block of "A Christmas Story." I really do not. The text is core-content to the narrative of "A Christmas Story" but is not the proto-version of it.

This movie really takes shape in 1974, not in 1966, when an older, now a parent, J. Shepherd appears on the smash hit TeeVee show "Wonderama!".. to read his stories to Kids instead of hep-cats.

You can hear this appearance online... and within the children's laughter and reactions to his stories... you can even FEEL "A Christmas Story" being born.

(In this listing they are numbered 19 to 23, and are titled as Parts 1 to 5....

Link to Wonderama excerpts from 1974: https://archive.org/details/JeanShepherd1974/)

Did you find them? Did you listen to the Wonderama Monologues? THAT'S where the 1983 film "A Christmas Story" was born... the children were laughing, they were happy, the parents were happy, Bob McAllister's happy.... and that is where his short stories became tailor-made for young people.

.....that's what we see in "A Christmas Story"... a deep humorful look at life.... that will make kids laugh. The sighs/grunts of the despondent drudgery of the adult world are best left in "In God We Trust: All Others Pay Cash" where those kids can grow up and find it if they want to.... but they don't really need to.

Other humorist works share this trait, the video game "Earthbound" that I have long considered in the pantheon of Great Humorist Works of the 1900s... according to author of the game... was made for his daughter to laugh at. The handwriting font used in the "Saturn Valley" portion of the game is his daughter's silly youthful handwriting. Humor works tend to share this. Wizard of Oz too.... it is aimed to make kids laugh. Not for Hip Cats to dig it.....but for KIDS to dig it.


Conclusion

I think we're almost done understanding the "Humorist" and its treasured place in a fun century called the 1900s and can move on from this running theme soon.

I apologize if the next time you watch "A Christmas Story" and see Schwartz in it.... you curse the unjust nature of the march of humanity... instead of just thinking "oh, he has a friend named Schwartz."

...but just like Flick, you'll eventually just grunt and move on.... move on to something else while humming a familiar tune.... the tune which is the marching song of humanity... the one that never ends..... the one that keeps drudging on....

This is Jean Shepherd's theme song, it even was his entrance music for his appearance on Wonderama in 1974. Apparently, he used to put this tape into a machine to kick-off and lead-in a show at a radio station he worked at as a teenager. A Hungarian radio station in Illinois... where he didn't know how to speak to the Hungarians guys well... his job was just to mash this song into the air every morning for the host to start the day with...


...he referred to it as the most mediocre marching song he ever heard... yet for some reason it seemed appropriate to score the march of humankind with....

Ra da ya ta da, ya ta da, ra ta ya ta da, da ta da ta da.......doo, doo, doo... doo, doo, doo.... and a ra ta da ta da ta da da ta da da da.... DA!







(after thought: I was looking into when his kids were born in regards to that paragraph where I suggest that the transformation into trying to make kids laugh instead of hip cats and college chicks dig his stuff... was brought about probably when he had children....

...but it seems an article written by his son in 2005 shines light on the fact that he didn't know his son very well after the age of 13.

See: http://www.flicklives.com/index.php?pg=358

Maybe his transformation had more to do with regret over his past mistakes?? R. Shepherd's 2005 article about Jean is well written, in his own style, and I should make that article present in this article for full historical accuracy).

Rocky and Bullwinkle (and) Two Interesting Still Frames I have Been Pondering

Sticking to the two-topic per post format from last month, we're gonna kick out two-in-one this month too.

First off, in Section One, I am going to tell the world how highly I regard the Rocky and Bullwinkle show.

Secondly, I will use two frames from this show to try and explain my newly-crafted world-view that the common misconception that in trying too hard to find an opposite to something... we create more problems than we solve.

If you are one of the handful of people who follow me on Twitter, I was kicking the second topic around on there last week, and the second section of this essay shall be a longer more-thought-out version of that.

As for the first section...it's self-evident what that shall be.... for I cannot keep this inside any longer.... for I think I Love Rocky and Bullwinkle. I think it is a great show.


Rocky and Bullwinkle

A common theme of late on this blog has been the term "Humorist"... which has been thrown around in regards to George Ade, L. Frank Baum, Jean Shepherd, the video game "Earthbound" and a few others. I think "Humor" and the "Humorist" are terms that are taken for granted now but were terms that carried more weight in the 1900s.

I will go on record and say this, just like I brazenly (and with no regret) placed Earthbound (a video game) in the pantheon of Great Humorist Works of the 1900s.... I shall now make another brazen, and with even less regret opinion, that... Rocky and Bullwinkle belong in that category as well.

Now, I bet, a lot of people read that and wondered aloud how I can make such brazen pronouncements as this. How some rube with zero diction for the arts can start anointing video games and cartoons as some of the most masterful Humorist works of the last century. I might be a rube, and yes, I might have zero diction, and I might be of rudimentary intelligence and of only lowly wit....but.....

...when it comes to Rocky and Bullwinkle..... I know my stuff. This is not a gag, or the merest of boast, no sir, this is more like a hot butter on a breakfast toast!

Over 7 years ago, I wrote passingly on Rocky and Bullwinkle with little fanfare. They are mentioned in the Writings on Subjects piece, "Stayin' Up All Night? Oh That's Alright...."

"......so then I thought, "hey now, I hafta be up for school in like 5 hours, what the hell is the point of going to sleep for 5 hours?" Naturally, the sanest thing to do was just to stay up all night long. After Conan, I'd switch to the cable channel 18 who had the GREATEST all night programming I'd ever seen to this day...

1:30 am to 2:00 am: Rocky and Bullwinkle (this show had class)
2:00 am to 2:30 am: The Young Ones (starring Rik Mayall and Adrian Edmonson)
2:30 am to 3:00 am: Bottom (also starring Rik Mayall and Adrian Edmonson)
3:00 am to 3:30 am: Speed Racer (oh man, this song was so catchy!!!)
3:30 am to 4:30 am: The Super Mario Bros. Super Show (with Captain Lou Albano!)
4:30 am to 5:00 am: Muppet Babies (shit's tight yo...)

Then I'd go to school and sleep with my eyes open in class. I heard of that technique in a late night movie once where Toshiro Mifune and Charles Bronson were walking through a desert. Mifune said he can sleep while he walks...so I figured if he can do it while he walks, it shouldn't be too hard for me to sleep while faking to pay attention in class."

-Writings on Subjects (1.0)

Rocky and Bullwinkle was the lead-off show in my Stayin' Up All Night long routine in my high school years. This show has deep personal significance to me, as such. In the sense that I would at least sometimes make an effort to fall asleep while it was on... which worked 0% of the time from what I remember. After it ended they hit you with high octane stuff! The Young Ones was a rebellious punk rocky show with a catchy theme, Bottom was an out-of-control violent thrill ride, Speed Racer was beyond high octane...that theme song was impossible to not shake me back awake... then Super Mario Super Show? Forget it, there was no way I was sleeping through that. Then conclude with Muppet Babies on a half-awake note.... and then it was time to start "waking up."

Trying to fall asleep to Rocky and Bullwinkle, but failing to each time, has placed it in this odd Zone of Memories inside of my head. Episodes of this show, or even just still frames from it exist as this sort of window to a world of half-awake dream-like reality for me. It was a show I would watch daily (or nightly I should say) in a state of trying-to yet-failing-to fall asleep.

Between the main segments of the show, the commercials (that's a prime time to shut your eyes a bit), the mini-segments, the Identifier segments where they ID their own show a lot and it's different each time (Rocky and Friends, Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends, The Bullwinkle Show, etc.), the "Fractured Fairy Tales", more commercials, the Peabody and Sherman part, etc.....I watched a disjointedly presented show in a highly-lucid state of being half-awake.... every, single, night.

People don't believe it when it's stated that people can have "Lucid" highly controlled dreams. Lucid dreams are defined as having dreams where the sleeper KNOWS they are DREAMING and once they know they are dreaming they can CONTROL the dream as if playing a video game inside of their mind. I can attest that I can do this, easily. Watching a whacky cartoon which had disjointed sequencing whilst being half-awake as a young teenager (14-17) every single night.... had a pretty decent sized influence on that formulating hunk of cauliflower inside of my skull.

I know I have seen probably every episode of Rocky and Bullwinkle ...yet... if you were to ask me to describe in great detail one of the main plots of one of Rocky and Bullwinkle's adventures... I could not. I really couldn't. If you asked me to recite to you one of the shaggy-punch-lines from Aesop's Fables... I could not. If you asked me to describe any of Peabody and Sherman's plots in detail... I could not.

This show, honestly, exists in its totality in my brain... yet on a fractured subconscious level. I know it's there but in a Zone of Memory soooo strange that it's more conducive to a Non-Reality than to a Real-Reality. A Non-Reality with pale-pea-green, submarine-interior-grey, not-so-Van-Dyke-brown, and dis-jarringly-drab-orange Backgrounds.

I shouldn't feel bad for not being able to describe a plot of this show in detail.... for even if you asked the LEAD CHARACTER of the show to explain the plot of one of their adventures to the other LEAD CHARACTER.... they could barely even do it!

If you skip to the 20:21 point of the video below you can see what I'm trying to say...

(or click here for a time-sensitive link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OnU0UIVwVtw&t=20m21s)

Did you watch Rocky try and explain the plot of the segment that probably happened a commercial ago and a weird fairy tale or fable ago to his friend? If you've never seen or heard of "Our Boys" (as portrayed by Rocky and Bullwinkle) that scene above at the 20 minute mark is the crashest course on it you'd need.

This show.... was the Greatest. I love this show. It is beyond absurdity, it is beyond organized chaos, it is beyond REALITY even, it is a lucid dream about a flying squirrel and a moose... and it should be regarded as one of the greatest works of Humor of the 1900s....It truly should.

...and I will go as far as to say it may, without even me knowing it, it may be one of the most important subconscious influences on my view of the world. As weird as that sounds.

Half-awakingly watching Rocky and Bullwinkle in a state of lucid dream-like reality definitely had an impact on how I understand the world and how I interact with it. I'm not even joking. That's true.

I want the entire world to know it. I want the entire world to know that I....

...Love Rocky and Bullwinkle!



Society's Need and/or Obsession with trying to find Polarized Opposites in All Concepts 

Now here's something that I hope you really like.

I really do, at times, observe some old Rocky and Bullwinkle still frames and let my brain zone out to back when it was a 13 year old kid's brain, when times were simple. Take my brain back to that pale-pea-green, submarine-interior-grey, not-so-Van-Dyke-brown, and dis-jarringly-drab-orange, World of Not-Being-Awake but Not-Being-Asleep.

I call it the Rocky and Bullwinkle Zone.

I was looking at two frames the other day, and I came to a stunning conclusion about Society, gang. In the Zone, my brain festered upon the notion of why we need an opposite for everything. I think it is a very unlooked-at problem in today's world, I do.

So many people NEED to find polarized opposites for they feel being the polar opposite of something they don't like will remedy a problem they believe exists. However, the notion of opposites to begin with is misleading and confounding though.

If you asked a person, what is the opposite of the following terms; Day, Down, and Monday.

They would more-than-likely respond with: Night, Up, and Friday.

I believe that to be a very rudimentary understanding of opposites. Let's look at a Rocky and Bullwinkle frame:

Here we see "Our Boys" (as portrayed by Rocky and Bullwinkle) in a boat, against a grey-purply-blue background, whilst Rocky points to his head whilst Bullwinkle looks confused.

Now this is a concept as much as any other concept is a concept.... indeed? Yes, indeedement. Now if our opposite-finding obsessed society was asked to conjure up a total polarized opposite to this concept.... they would say...

It's Boris, the polar opposite of the hero Rocky, pointing to HIS head whilst Natasha looks confused. Right? That's right, right? I don't think so.

We have to assume so many intangibles about Concept A (Rocky in Boat pointing to Head w/ Bullwinkle appearing Confused) for Concept B (Boris in Boat pointing to Head w/ Natasha appearing Confused) for this polarization of concepts to pass the litmus test of truth.

First of all, this is a TOTAL visual opposite. Who is to say a polarized opposite of something has to be visual? Who is to say the opposite of Rocky in Boat w/ Confused Bullwinkle would not just be something as simple as Rocky NOT IN A BOAT and Bullwinkle NOT IN THE SCENE AT ALL? That is perfectly as acceptable a polarized view of Concept A as the previous proposed opposite was.

Each concept is inherently born with a self-canceling out Non-Version of Itself... thus in the simplest form and terms... the opposite of any concept is its own self-cancelling concept of its own self. 

Thus.... the opposite of "Day" is not "Night". The opposite of Day is the self-canceling concept of Not-Day or Un-Day. The opposite of Down is not Up. For when you are not Down you are simply Not Down or UnDown. The opposite of Monday is not Friday. It is Un-Monday, Non-Monday, or Anti-Monday.

How can Friday be the opposite of Monday anyway? Saturnalia (AKA Saturday), the precursor proto-version of Christmas, is far more the visual opposite of Monday than Friday is, no? Indeedement. Saturday under this polarized-oriented logic is more conducive to the opposite of Monday than Friday is.

I don't see Saturday or Friday as the opposite of Monday though... I see Not-Monday as the opposite of Monday.

The world can become so polarized under the weirdest of ground rules at times. In the Real-Reality of Everyday Life we have some of the most non-sensicle and un-logical polarized non-nuanced views of the world from millions of bizarre angles and think nothing of it. In this Black and White, Up and Down, Right and Wrong, Left and Right, Good and Bad World of ours.... we get hung up on what "side" of "things" we are all "on". 

There's a common saying that Grey is the Balance between Black and White... that Justice is the Balance between Right and Wrong.... Forward is the Balance between Left and Right.... etc....

...but that's a bunch of hokey phony bologna too, Bullwinkle. There's so much more than just the Grey Area between Black and White, gang. There's endless color combinations that exist in between those polarized concepts. There's pale-pea-green, submarine-interior-grey, not-so-Van-Dyke-brown, and dis-jarringly-drab-orange... like the background colors in the World of Rocky and Bullwinkle. Colors that are disjointingly out-of-placingly almost uniquely odd in their own inherent nature.

In the silly polarization of Rocky/Bullwinkle in a boat and Boris/Natasha on a boat... what would society deem as the "Balance" between the two polarized concepts? Why this of course....

...Bullwinkle confused, on a boat, but not with Rocky... but with Boris (dressed here as actor Spencer Tracebeck). Now, how is this Balance? I mean it is the merged concept of both concepts .... but in the end doesn't it just leave us more confused?

What was I writing about again? I wish I had a Rocky to explain these articles to me as I write them... but I don't. 

It seems we try our best to understand concepts, and sometimes we don't like those concepts we conceptualize... so we create polarized opposites of these concepts to try and cancel the original concept we conceptualized out....and then we feel the polarized opposite may have gone too far... so we trace it back a bit and attempt to find "balance" between these concepts we have conceptualized...

....yet in the end... it still MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL!

Now watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat, you guys. Have any of you ever thought that Life doesn't make sense but in a shocking shaggy-dog twist of fate... that not only does Life not make sense but that.....Life Is Not Supposed to Make Sense?

Is it fair to say that, under that logic, that the Notion that Life Doesn't Make any Sense... totally makes Life Make Sense?

Okay, I have to exit the Rocky and Bullwinkle Zone now. This is getting a bit out of hand here. Mayhap one day we shall return here.... but this is enough for now.

Skeletor Radio and Ice Storm

Skeletor Radio

I was without power for many an hour recently, as a high-gust wind-storm decimated trees and power lines in my region. I didn't have TeeVee, video games, computer, lights, or even heat for a while.... which really reminds you how addicted to these things we are.

Suddenly, I remembered a Skeletor radio from 1986, that still works. It's a small transistor radio, with Skeletor's face on it... and his eyes are speakers that can output various AM and FM stations if you tune the orange wheel to recieve the signal.

You've gotten me through some tough times, Skeletor. You've gotten me through some tough times, Skeletor.

It's hard to sit at night in the dark... with candles and stuff. Your world can quickly become more Edgar Allan Poe-esque or Vincent Pricey than you would ever want it to be. Darkness looming like a wave of human malfeasance all around you. The phantasms and ghastly forms of the next world begin calling out to you... as you are imprisoned in darkness. For all you know, the 13 Ghosts of Scooby Doo, are just waiting behind the bathroom door to steal your soul and cast you from the Land of the Living forever and for always.

I ran frantically about the darkness, of my soul and of the house, trying desperately to escape the madness of night. Lo, what is before me? Surely not a Skeletor Radio? It is! Please Skeletor! Tune in to an AM talk radio station and through the speakers in your eyeless eyes deliver me from the darkness of my mind!

AAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIEEEEEE!

I struggled to find a huge square shaped battery that this 1986 Skeletor Radio required, thankfully there was one. As I turned it on, the voices of talk radio show host Elias Makos brought me back to reality as his voice slowly emerged above the darkness through the eyes of Skeletor. Skeletor's eyeless eyes pierced the darkness and acted as a portal to a world of Light.... where people had power and were calling the Hydro people and asking them when people trapped in the darkness would regain their Light and be delivered from a world of fright.

So thanks you to Skeletor, Elias Makos and the rest of the CJAD talk radio gang, for helping me make it through a rough time where I couldn't watch TV or play video games for a little while.

That Skeletor radio unlocked some memories inside of me as well.... and if you want to follow me into the next section you will enter into the world of 1998... a world of natural disaster and movie theaters.....

Ice Storm 1998 

That Skeletor radio reminded me of the last time his services were needed, back in 1998, during the Ice Storm of '98... which was not a joke, at all.

The Ice Storm of '98 was as if Hell literally Froze Over... and it sucked, big time. We woke up one morning to find a city entombed in a prison of Ice. Whole-ass trees....FROZEN. Whole-ass houses.... FROZEN. Whole entire cars.... just FROZEN in ice. Power lines? Forget it.... they froze and broke into millions of pieces like a sub-zero jigsaw puzzle.

It was a legitimate natural disaster, I'm not exaggerating. If you're from the North-East of North America... you probably understand that some winter weather related events can be classified as Natural Disasters.... and Ice Storm '98 was one of those. 

According to this source, almost two million people were without power for extended periods of time and 600,000 people left their homes during that time.... mostly to go stay at someone's place who had power... or maybe a shelter.

It was not as bad as say an earthquake or a typhoon... or a more well-known Natural Disaster... but it was in its own way a total Naturally Occurring Disaster. 

It was during this time, once again, that Skeletor acted as a portal to the outside world for a small family with no power. The youngest memeber of that family, me, being unable to go to school (YES!) but in an ironic twist.... not being able to watch TV or play video games whilst home from school. At that point, if you don't have to go to school, but cannot play ten hours of straight video games... then what is the point of not going to school, you know?

It was cold too. We had to make fires and pet our pets (Astro the Cat, and Cubby the Dog) to stay warm. My mom even used her super cool looking Fish Candle to get more light. This was the coolest candle I had ever seen and had been in our house for as long as I could remember. It was a burgundy, orange, red, yellow Fish of multi-colored layered wax....that looked cooler than you can picture in your mind right now. It was the coolest fish-candle I'd ever seen.... and we used it to make more light. I miss you, Fish Candle. Wherever you are, I hope you are burning brightly.

We had two transistor radios back then, a cool looking old-school grey one that looked like it fit the part of being an old radio.... and one that didn't fit the image of what an old transistor radio should look like....a radio, you guessed it, that was Skeletor's head and who's eyeless eyes acted as speakers.

Do you know what was on the other side of my Skeletor radio? You'll never guess. You won't. Do you really want to know? Okay, I will tell you.... it was ....

 HE-MAN

Yes, the other side of the radio was another head, that of HE-MAN, which is really cool. Yes, the Skeletor (or HE-MAN radio if you prefer to call it), tuned us in to CJAD where Mark Rennie helped many get through the Ice Storm of '98. After looking up this broadcaster it seems he passed in 2006... he was a great man who thanks to Skeletor's eyes helped me through those lonely powerless days. Wherever you are Mark Rennie, I hope you are burning brightly.

Eventually, we gave in and went to my uncle and aunt's house who had power and chilled there with my cousins for a hot minute or two. My dog wasn't used to being in a new environment and I think he peed on their kitchen floor.

Yet, one thing we could not shake from our minds, was my paternal Grandfather, who went by the self-titled moniker of Paw Jack. He was a stubborn old man who didn't want to leave his powerless apartment. So, to get him out of there for a while we told him we'd take him to see a movie and then go eat something. He agreed.

There was a movie theater with power... so we checked the listing in the newspaper... it was January 1998, and the movie we went to I believe had Jack Nicholson, Helen Hunt, Greg Kinnear, and Cuba Gooding Jr. in it.... according to research this film was called... "As Good as it Gets."

I want to warn Mr. Nicholson, Mz. Hunt, Mr. Kinnear, and Mr. Gooding Jr.... that the following paragraph(s) of what my Grandfather thought of your film are not kind. He hated your movie so much. He thought it was the worst movie he ever saw.

I think because it was a Natural Disaster, that people in the theater weren't in full-society mode... and because of that the ensuing tirades my Grandfather hurled at the film were taken more leniently. I guess you get a free pass to be grumpy when a Natural Disaster is going on.... but... man, my Grandfather hated this movie soooo much. It was a memory I will never forget.

In 1998, I was probably like what? Like, 15, I guess, 15 years old. I was a shy kid, if you were to ask many people who knew teenage Me.... there's probably many students at my high school who spent five years with me who never heard me talk.... like, teenage Me was shy, and introverted... BIG TIME. What ensued in public, in a movie theater, by a person in my party of people in the theater ... .was something so foreign to me.... so unusual.... like.... the stuff he was saying... and how loud he was saying it.... it was just jaw-droppingly an event I had never seen before.

The things he was saying were so Unique though too.... I still remember some of his lines to this day... one of them was....

"A BABY COULD'VE WROTE A BETTER MOVIE THAN THIS WITH ITS LEFT HAND!"

-Paw Jack

Who says something like that in a movie theater? IMDB says James L. Brooks from the Simpsons wrote this film.... well, James L., I'm sorry to inform you that my Grandfather believed a BABY with its LEFT HAND could write a better screenplay than you did.

Another doozy that he laid on this film... for the whole theater to hear.... was this unique doozy,

"IF I HAD A VIDEO LIBRARY AT MY HOME... I WOULD NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS INCLUDE THIS IN MY VIDEO LIBRARY!!"

-Paw Jack

This is my favorite line, ever. He felt the need to assure you that he's not some geek who has a video library in his home (i.e. walls of VHS tapes)... but in the event that he did have a video library in his home.... he would not let a horrible movie like this be allowed in his collection... because this movie is that Bad.

So, to all involved in the making of "As Good as it Gets" ... I don't necessarily agree with him... but just to have some record of my late Grandfather's opinion of your film as recounted to me in a pretty full movie theater during a Natural Disaster.... for posterity .... so, to all involved in that film, in the case that my Grandfather owned a video library (which he did not).... your film does not meet the criterion to have been included in his non-existent video library. 

Oh man, I miss that guy. I'm gonna jot down one more Bonus Paw Jack story which is of a similar vein while we're on this topic....

I went with him to a movie again a few years later... it was the year the first Harry Potter movie was out. Research says this film was out in 2001... so this story takes place in 2001.

My grandfather took me to Harry Potter 1, Harry Potter and the Gimmick of Eastwick, or whatever. Now get this, I didn't want to go.... I didn't know what a Harry Potter was. I was like already 18 in 2001... that's older than the age range for H. Potter....it was Him who wanted to see it very badly.

At first I didn't know why, I thought maybe he read it and liked the book or something.... but on the way there he told me why he wanted to see it. He told me that he read a newspaper article that said the Harry Potter series was getting kids to read books again... and he wanted to see what this gem was that was finally getting kids to open books up again. That was the reason. He had no idea, like me, what the books were about or anything.....and guess what?

....HE HATED IT!

When we got out of the theater he summed up the first Harry Potter film as so....

"WHY WOULD ANY KID WANNA READ THAT GARBAGE FOR!?!?!?!"

-Paw Jack

I don't necessarily agree with him... but for the record... if anyone involved in the making of Harry Potter is interested in knowing my Grandfather's opinion of your literature and films....

Mz. Rowling.... a BABY could probably write a better book with their LEFT HAND! As for the films, if my Grandfather had a video library (which he did not)... he would never put such a sub-par film series as the Harry Potter films in his non-existent video library. That's what my Grandfather thought about the Harry Potter books and films... not that I agree or anything...  but it's just nice to have it recorded for posterity.

My Grandfather was from an older time, he was in World War II, and got a grenade exploded near him and shrapnel caught in his gut.... so he had a reason to be a grouchy man. I think these memories are dear to me just because of the sheer unique element of the statements. I've never heard any film critic describe film in such terms. The line about his non-existent video library is to-this-day one of my favorite lines I've ever heard anybody say.

Conclusion 

Thank you Skeletor (or HE-MAN depending on what side your facing) for getting me through the Wind Storm of '19 and reminding me about the Ice Storm of '98.