Rodney Movies

Well, I have to admit, I had a lot of fun writing that 90s high school video game story... and I hope anyone who found it and read it liked it too... but it's time to move on from that.

We have to move on from that fun, yet, on the longish-side story and explore new venues of thought and diction... and... whatnot. So now, my friends, amis, amigos, and freunde... let's cleanse our palettes with a palette cleansing article... like those pickled ginger things you get with sushi... and make way for new ideas and thoughts for our brains.

I was writing that story for a few months. I liked it, though, it had its moments.

Now, like Rocky of Rocky and Bullwinkle fame used to say before the show would switch to something totally unrelated and disjointed.... after coming off of that months-long story... Next...

Now, here's something that I hope you really like...

I'm going to summarize and rate every single movie that starred Rodney Dangerfield in it. Note though that this article is not going to be very long for it is just a palette cleanser and the summaries and ratings might only be a paragraph long in some cases. Please, people, please... do not dive into this thinking it will be the one end-all article to read if you are very interested in either watching or avoiding watching movies that have Rodney Dangerfield in them. I am assuring you that the summaries and ratings will be on the quick side... this will not be a dissertation-lengthed article about Rodney Dangerfield films.

Okay? Cool, good. I am happy that you understand this.

I am quite sure, by the way, that I HAVE seen every instance of Rodney in film... though if I get to a film in the IMDB list that I shall be using to remember them all and one appears that I have not in fact seen... I shall skip the entry and write N/A (non-applicable in the rating).

As for Rodney on TV? No, I shall not include them in the ranking list for there are too many instances of him on TV from Carson/Late-night to comedy specials to guest appearances... etc.

As for cameos? No, he's in A LOT of roles of that nature and it would be too many entries to add to the list.

However the list will contain the failed TV pilot turned into a one-off "tv movie" entitled "Where's Rodney?" (circa 1990) where a misguided young man can summon the spirit of the still-alive Rodney Dangerfield to give him life advice. Rodney is not a force-ghost like in Star Wars or an imaginary friend to this troubled young man who needs dating tips and stuff... this teenager can somehow summon Rodney, at will, telepathically, to ask him these questions. This one shall and will be included and given a score.

There are some miscellaneous credits he has in films from 1950 to 1979... before he was a smash-hit all-star heavy-weight comic genius. I shall not include these... it seems he was an "extra" from central casting in some things in the 50s. I don't know what these films even are or if they are worth watching just to see two more seconds of Rodney in movies.

Rodney only really became famous in the 1970s at a fairly advanced age. Rodney's real life before he was famous was horrible to say the least. He was orphaned at nine years old when his mother and sister just moved to another state during the Great Depression because they couldn't afford to take care of Rodney. He sold aluminum siding for years until, one great day in the seventies, he became HUGELY and AMAZINGLY FAMOUS.

The ratings shall be from 0 to 10... and yes both of these scores will come up. There is a perfect 10 Rodney movie as well as MULTIPLE instances of perfect zero Rodney movies...

Alright, blokes, without further ado... here are my summaries and ratings of every single movie Rodney Dangerfield has starred in (plus one obscure and strange failed TV pilot turned into a TV movie).

These shall be presented chronologically as such...

Are you ready? Okay? Get ready... here we go!


Caddyshack 

Hot damn. Looks like we're coming out of the gate, hot, with Caddyshack... an instant classic! This wasn't even supposed to be a Rodney movie. It also had Ted Knight, Bill Murray (who's very famous), C. Chase, and many others... but guess who stole the show? Rodney, that's who.

Rodney came on the movie scene like a bolt of lightning! He stole the entire show!

Portraying the rich but lacking in class golfer Al Czervic... the first Rodney movie forever solidified Rodney as being a terrific super star... but would it last? Nobody, back then, even really knew if he would thus catapult into terrific stardom or be a one-hit wonder.

Note: As if this truly is a "Rodney Movie" or not... If you look at promotional material for this film... most of the time... the top face on the promo material is Rodney. The others? Ted Knight, Bill Murray? Chevy and the dude from Roseanne? They are faded behind Rodney who is in the foreground and most visible on many covers/posters/promos.

Rating: 10/10 (Perfect)


Easy Money 

After stealing the show from Chevy n' Bill... looks like it was time to give the Big Kahuna his own lake to swim in... because those small fries were just gettin' in the way!

In this film, Rodney is paired with Joe Pesci.

I've seen this movie... but I don't remember much of it. That being said... that isn't a bad thing, necessarily, as you'll see down the line... as many Rodney movies are memorable but for the wrong reasons.

If I've seen this film and don't remember much of it ... it could not have been that bad.

Rating: 5.5/10 (Very Average)


Back to School

This film features a rich guy who wants to go back to school and get his degree but all he does is party and act the buffoon much to the chagrin of his professors.

It has lots of people in this that you'll say "Oh! It's that guy!" such as loudmouthed comedian Sam Kinison, Robert Downey Jr. of Iron Man fame, and M. Emmet Walsh.

Oh, and also, Tim Stack (Notch Johnson) is also briefly in this movie.

This movie, the best thing I can say about it... is that... it is a movie. It makes sense, is endearing at times, and works as an actual film with real actual actors and actresses in it. It is even pretty funny at some parts.

It is an above average Rodney movie!

Rating: 7/10 (Decently Above Average)


Where's Rodney?

As mentioned above, this was a TV film, which was supposed to be a pilot for a series but didn't really get off the ground. It exists in some form on the internet somewhere and it is worse than it sounds. As I explained, in the introduction, it is a show set in high school where the protagonist can communicate telepathically or somehow summon the spirit of Rodney to ask him how to do common life tasks... like help with women problems or how to pass some test or something.

It makes no sense and therefore should be stupid enough to be funny, right? Wrong!

This show not only makes no sense... but it falls short on actual Rodney scenes. He is basically summoned here and there to give the kid pointless advice and is barely even on the show. Thusly, not only does it not make sense but it also sucks and is very boring.

You probably think you want to seek it out and see how bad it is...but trust me... don't do that. It's not any good, you guys.

Rating: 1/10 (Severely Not Any Good What-so-Ever)


Rover Dangerfield

I have never seen this but if he is the voice of a cartoon dog... I assume it is possible that it could be good... but I do not know.

Rating: N/A (I've Never Seen It)


Ladybugs

Rodney wants to impress his boss by coaching his boss's daughter's soccer team... but the girls suck at soccer so very badly... so he dresses his girlfriend's son as a girl and uses him as a ringer to win a little girls soccer league and somehow this will impress his boss... I think.

Ladybugs is unique, in the sense that, it is always somehow threading an imaginary needle of being endearing but it can never quite get the thread through that endearing head. A lot of kids sports movies have this issue and most overcome it. Walter Matthau, for example, in that baseball one is an asshole guy coaching kids but it still pulls it out at the end and manages to be endearing to the viewing audience like most kids sports movies do.

Does Ladybugs ever pull the thread through at the end? I'd have to say... no.

There's parts that are endearing and make Rodney and his ringer seem like they are on the up-and-up and good people... and then there's moments where you are somewhat angry at just how awful Rodney, his female accomplice, and his ringer are. They are genuinely bad people... not rootable-for people in the least... there is no reason for him to be doing this... he is doing absolute nonsense and terrible behavior... for no reason... he is a complete moron and a total asshole person... they almost still do pull the thread through though... when he makes the nerdy girl with the dopey glasses feel not-so-ugly about herself...  it's almost back to almost being endearing to the viewer again... but in the end still fails and falls flat.

It's not so much that it tries to be endearing and fails as to why it's bad ... it's more the always-apparent blatant contrast between the endearing scenes and the absolutely stupid ones that make you wonder what the hell is wrong with Rodney (or whatever his name is here... Chet, I think)... he seems kind of like a stupid asshole guy and not a lovable guy who never gets respect that we assume he deserves.

He is dressing up a dude as a chick to win a house-league soccer championship so he can impress his stupid boss.

This, though still is an okay movie, is the beginning of the end of Rodney movies... you can see it in this one. You see the end of the era of Rodney movies happen while viewing it. You can even feel it. There's times in this movie where I stop rooting Rodney on... which is a first in the history of Rodney movies that this can happen but will be almost the norm in Rodney movies to follow.

He's not endearing anymore... he's more like just a big stupid fuck-up that should be in jail for his blatantly idiotic behavior.

I can't go over five for this one even if part of me wants to...

Rating: 4.5/10 (Under-Average but still Okay... I guess)

 

Meet Wally Sparks

Ooof... here we go. Rodney, now a talk show host, rides a horse through a rich guy's mansion, which results in Rodney breaking his leg... and for some reason gets to then live at the rich guy's house and film his show from there while he is injured.

It actually sounds sort of cool, on paper, but it doesn't come out well on the big screen.

This movie is not good... if you like bad movies, like me, and might want to check it out... don't... they are past the point where no one is rooting for Rodney anymore and are basically phoning these Rodney movies in, stampin' his face on 'em and shipping them out... and it is apparent from the get-go. Rodney is older now too and looking a bit... I dunno... in rough shape.

There's a lot of cameos in this like from briefly famous wrestler Damien Demento and from Gilbert Gottfried... which is pretty cool... but it is a very bad film... there's nothing else that can be said about this movie. It's very bad.

On a side note... I believe the name of "Wally" is somehow a homage to Wally George who was briefly incredibly famous in the Anaheim region (and possibly also Orange County). George also hosted a terribly outrageous talk show.

Rating: 4/10 (Under Average Offering)


The Godson

Oh gosh. Is it even fair to really rate Rodney in this complete mess of a movie? Yes, in an odd way, it is. This, strangely enough IS a Rodney movie... thanks to the post-production and marketing people.

Like in Caddyshack... Rodney steals the center of the promo material for this.

From the cover of the package to the artwork to promote the film... you'd think it STARRED ol' Rodney opposite Dom Deluise in a Godfather spoof... that's how they presented it in advertising and promos.

Yet, the fact of the matter is, even though he is showcased on the cover of the movie poster (or VHS box is a more likely place someone would see that artwork)... he is barely ever in this movie. This movie was a flop and a half! It probably made ALL of its money, if any at all, off of people who thought this was a Rodney movie and went to see it or rent it on video to see Rodney. 

It actually isn't a Rodney movie, at all.

You see, The Kids in the Hall were big in this era, I was a big fan of them as well, and they were getting big offers from media people after their sketch show ended. Some of them went on to SNL or to NBC sitcoms... while Kevin got his big break in a feature film! This was Kevin of the Kids in the Hall's big break... it was his movie...and it was a complete and utter disaster. 

To put it mildly... Kevin is in every frame of this movie... he is the lead actor of this movie... he was the star when they filmed this... but... when it came to finally releasing this movie he got a tiny diminutive billing on his own movie! He's buried under Rodney n' Dom... and his name is listed third in a movie he's in every frame of! Rodney is in this movie for like a few minutes. The studio must've hated how this movie turned out and just banked on the fact that Rodney's face would sell a few thousand tickets to screens and move a few VHS out of the bargain bins.

They salvaged this flop by marketing this as a Rodney Movie... but it isn't.

We've now hit a weird vein here... In the History of Rodney Movies... this is the point where Rodney movies don't even need Rodney to be in them anymore and they can still somehow release and market them as Rodney movies just by putting Rodney's face on the box. 

Rodney-less Rodney movies! What a concept!

Rating: N/A (Not a Rodney Movie just a film posing as a Rodney Movie)


My Five Wives

This is not a good movie, guys.
John Pinette is in it though! I love that guy!

Dice is in it too! He's okay too.

Rodney goes to Utah... for some reason. I really don't think much happens in this movie, honestly. I remember John Pinette is a lackey working for someone who wants to frame Rodney for some reason... I don't know.

They must have filmed this with like five thousand bucks on them... or not even... I think Utah probably paid them to make this to promote Utah or something. I know Rodney had a song he released (which I actually have somewhere) called "You Don't Have to Drink in Utah" as a public service to Utah to help its residents not be alcoholics in this era... he had some sort of deal with Utah of a public service nature, I theorize. I am almost 95% sure this would be the case. I think he had some sort of deal with the state of Utah in some manner or other and that's why this movie exists.

I think Utah paid Rodney and a production company to make a movie in Utah and if they made it there and mentioned Utah numerous times they'd give 'em like 100 grand or something for promoting the state. Rodney probably got the big purse of the Utah money, like 60K, Dice probably got 20K, Pinette and the rest of the cast got the last of the "bag" as comics say these days. They then filmed the movie on a zero dollar budget, I presume.

I don't want to give it a zero because it is a movie and John Pinette and Dice are in this so...

Rating: 0.5/10


Back by Midnight

Ooooof.... still going... still pumping out Rodney movies with an elderly Rodney now... still churning out Rodney Movies even in 2008...

How they still managed to make one last Rodney Movie after the last one is not believable but they did. 

He is a warden of a jail who lets his inmates out of prison to buy stuff to decorate the prison with, or something, and though they are incarcerated felons they, I guess, are endearing to the audience in some manner... or... whatever.

Actually it is more endearing than Ladybugs in a weird way... I could root more for these inmates wanting to steal a pool table from a mall and dragging it back to their lonely prison than I could root for Rodney and his ringer trying to put one over on an all-girls soccer league and Rodney's boss.

The head inmate of Rodney's rag-tag gang of felons is Paul Rodriguez who is actually a likeable actor. The acting is pretty good in this.

Truth be told... it's not that bad. You can watch this one and make it to the end if you tried. The inmates are cool and Gilbert Gottfried is in this one too... he has a guard dog they make poop, I think, or something. Or wait, no, the inmates get by his guard dog to rob Gilbert's mall by bringing a hot female dog to distract Gilbert's mean guard dog.

The always funny Harland Williams is in this too... he has a very very endearing scene with Phil LaMarr.

It's up there in the almost average region... I'll give it a fiver just to go out on a positive note.

Rating: 5/10 (Okay)


Anyways, I think my last short story was a little on the long side and I'm gonna write some fluff stuff in here for a while. This is the type of shit I'd write about in 2012 (back when people actually read stuff in here). This is the exact pace, style, and quality of a 2012-era article I'd write. I think I even wrote about Wally Sparks once in 2012 at one point.

So, in conclusion of this essay, I shall say... that I love these Rodney movies! Even the bad ones!

Oh and remember kids... Rodney's right about not drinking in Utah. There's plenty to do in Utah without the need to imbibe yourself with beverage.

"You don't gotta drink in Utah
You don't need that Stuff
'Cuz once you live in Utah
You'll be HIGH Enuff!"
- Rodney Dangerfield 
(See: Full Song)


One more inspiring Rodney quote...

"......aaaaaaand that's hooooooooow ugly sheeeeeeee waaaaaaaaaaaaas!"
-Rodney Dangerfield



Take her away Rodney! Take us out on a low-key number, baby, none of that funny business now, y'hear?

(Edit: I wanted to include something when I mentioned the Kids in the Hall but can't find a place to go back and shoe-horn this small tid-bit in. Basically, the name "The Kids in the Hall" this comedy group is named... was derived from something Rodney used to say. Rodney used to say if a joke failed on stage... "Ho! Oh! Those kids in the hall back there must've wrote that one!"... as if he paid some kids who couldn't get into the show some money for some of their jokes... of which... several to all of them were not worth the money.)