Video Game Review: SLAPS n' BEANS

Can't remember the last time I wrote 'bout video games. I don't really play them super often as I did in the oldener and more goldener days of my spring-like youth.

But, I played a game this week that makes me feel like praising it and that game is:

 

Bud Spencer n' Terence Hill: SLAPS AND BEANS!

After the Greatest and Best Actor in Recent History, Bud Spencer, passed away I wrote about him and how much I enjoy watching his and Terence's old films.

(You can read the Bud Spencer article here: https://writingsonsubjects.blogspot.ca/2016/06/great-film-icon-bud-spencer-passes-away.html)

(I've also previously written 'about side scrollin' beat 'em ups once too so let's link there too, why not: https://writingsonsubjects.blogspot.ca/2014/02/the-super-mammal-side-scroller-of-ages.html)

Basically, Slaps and Beans, is merging two things I like together. It is merging the subtle refined tried-and-tested video game genre of Side-Scrollin' Beat-Em Ups with the funnest and maybe most-likeable tag team in film history.

You know when you have the great idea to mix cereals together? You're thinking, well, I like Frosted Flakes and I like Cap'n Crunch ... what would they taste like the same bowl? Or when you mix soft drinks at the self-serve station at a fast food place? I like Coke and I like Fanta .... what would they taste like in the same cup? You know that feeling? For me, this game, feels like that. It's like taking two things I think are wicked and putting them together in what should be buck wicked when it's all said and done.

Before we praise this game, let's first cover some of the history of Licensed video games. Many of which back in the day were not good.


Licensed Games 

Back in the 80s and 90s .... a lot of companies bought the rights to make video game versions of popular brands/shows/movies. We had video game versions of EVERYTHING back in the day and very few of them were any good at all. You want to play Addams Family the video game? It's there. You want to play Home Improvement the video game? It's there, you could have played that in the day. Home Improvement the video game is probably one of the dumbest ones I can think of actually. I would see this in the game store and look at the back of it and go ... "So Tim Allen is shooting a flame thrower at dinosaurs .... did the Japanese people who made this and owned the license to Home Improvement even know what the frig it was?"

No, thanks. What is this?

Maybe I missed some Very Special Episodes of Home Improvement during its run, and I'll admit I'm not a Home Improvement expert ... but I really don't remember Tim Allen fighting dinosaurs on this show? Do you?

I liked a lot of older re-run style shows when I was a kid, and I remember renting one of the most worst of the "License Anything" wave of titles that came out and that one was ... Gilligan's Island the video game. Hahahahaha, just thinking about this makes me laugh. This barely even qualifies as video game, even. You controlled the Skipper whilst a very mentally challenged Gilligan would follow behind you and constantly get lost and you'd have to back track and find him. Ugh. I watched a video of some person beating this mess recently .... and I'm happy at least someone beat NES Gilligan's Island ... I know I didn't even get to the first boss as a kid when I played it.

Why does this even exist for? 

The only nice thing I can say about Gilligan's Island the game is that the Japanese people who made it at least had SOME idea as to what this show was about and I'll give them credit that it does, in some manner, capture the spirit of the show. Ginger is mysteriously missing from the story, though I've read she took her name off anything Gilligan related after the show ended and apparently there was bad blood between Ginger and the rest of the cast. OMG. Either way, Ginger's not the main focus of this article so let's mosey on, shall we?

My point in this section is that the vast variety of mass produced liscenced games ranged from nonsensically-horrendous to sort-of-sensically-bad. Except for ONE. One game, which falls under the "why would you make a game based on this?" category and that's....

... The Three Stooges for Nintendo (crica 1987)!

Yes!

I don't care what anyone says, this game was GOOD. Five year old me used to play this way more often than you'd think a five year old would want to play a game based on characters from the 1930s. It was THEM though, it wasn't like ... okay, uh, here's Moe and he's got a rail gun and Curly is floppin' behind him falling down and you have to uhhhh get Moe to the zombie's lair .... NO! This game was the stooges doin' Stooge shit like from the actual shorts and movies! It captured the spirit of them 100%.

The Stooges had to save an orphanage that the evil bank wanted to close down and to get the money they embarked on various jobs inspired from their vast lore of comedy films. Sometimes that's all you can ask for from a liscened game is that they at the very least capture the essence of what their source material was.

I would not call it a great game by gamery standards but the Stooges game on NES did what it set out to do and that's give homage to the legends of legends and let you have a little bit of fun along the way. I can attest that many of the levels were fun ... Curly eating those crackers was pretty cool complete with audible nyuk-nyuks, the one where they just stand in an alley and hurt each other is good, there was one where you throw pies at sophisticates .... who doesn't like throwing pies at sophisticates? This game was good. Admit it. It was!

.... and we have now figured out why Three Stooges the game worked, and it wasn't because it was the greatest video game or anything like that at all .... but because it rended homage to its source material properly and let us have some good natured fun as we tried to save those poor ol' orphans. 

Now ... with that in mind of what makes a good homage game let's review the Slaps and the Beans!

SLAPS AND BEANS!

Movin', movin'. movin'. mooovin'. Cruisin', Cruisin', Cruisin', Cruuuisin'! 

Now with the criteria established as to what makes a obscure-source-material licensed video game good (1. Capture the Spirit of the Source Material and 2. Be Fun) ... let's see if Slaps n' Beans meets the criterion as such.

I'll give you a hint ... It does.

They capture the spirit of the source material very very well. I've been following on social media the makers of the game's trailers and updates on stuff over the last year or so and I know that they made this as a homage more than anything else. They made this game because they loved these movies growing up. This is definitely not some game where they make a generic side scroller and slap some beans on it and put it to market ... this is a video game made with LOVE!

Graphics-wise it's retro SNES-like style graphics that look very nice. I don't think you can make a side-scroller beat 'em up with anything other than sleek retro graphics ... it wouldn't look right otherwise.

The only one problem I had with this game was it was made for controllers and for co-op. I don't have like consoles and controllers. I have a PC, so I gotta use keyboard and it's klunky at first. One set of keys is for Bud and another set is for Terence and in harder modes you have to control both during fights to win it seems. This game is probably a lot more fun gameplay-wise with two people playing on controllers ... but I still beat it in fairly short time using a keyboard and controlling both Bud and Terence (left hand for player 1 and right hand for player 2) ... so it's not a big deal.

Music-wise, ohhhhh wow, they have the music from the movies which are some of the most catchingest albeit silly tunes ever made. I lost at the Dune Buggy race like 5 times in a row (because I thought you had to RACE BOTH CARS at first, Bud's buggy and Terence's buggy at the same time, but you don't, if you let one fall behind it'll catch up automatically). But I didn't care if I lost at that level like even 100 times because they play the dune buggy song during that level! The dune buggy song is so good!

DUNE BUGGY! YA!

In the jungle level they give you the movin' n' cruisin' song for the entirety of the level ... which will be in my head for a pretty elongated amount of time. I'll be singing this song for the next month in my head I think.

Movin' n' Cruisin'!

Beating up endless thugs to this song is just something you need in your life. You probably don't know it or believe me ... but you do. You need to slap some thugs and bonk some punks on the head whilst this song sweetly carries you through a hot jungle.

Conclusion

Alright so, a Bud Spencer and Terence Hill video game in 2018 .... it's a hard note to hit, that's for sure. Did they hit the mark? I think so, 100%.

This game was born after Bud passed away and the people who made it really made it because they love these movies and wanted to show their love for them. The people who made this game really knew the source material inside and out. It's really a nice homage.

It's on Steam today on sale for like under 20 dollars ... so if you are interested in this, even if you're not familiar with the Bud Spencer and Terence Hill films ... it's under 20 dollars so it's not like it's an arm and leg to play this side scrollah.

As a fan of these films I think the game serves its purpose and then some. I wish there was a few more level to it ... I could have kept playing much longer. Since Bud Spencer and Terence Hill movies are in the Ernest movie range of quantity (there's a good 20 or so of them) you can't cover all the ground in one game though. 

I'm not sure how many people are like me and who's interests of Bud Spencer/Terence Hill and side-scrolling beat-em-ups overlap but I can recommend this game with my whole heart ... because I can tell when a video game was made with passion for the source material and this one was.

More things need video game homages, I think. There's so many things I can think of that need fan-made homages in video game form. I hope this is the beginning of a whole genre of stuff like this.


(EDIT: You don't have to control both characters, I just set up the game wrong when I played. You can play one player and the CPU will control the other character and you can switch between them. I played the whole game controlling both Terence and Bud for no reason ... it was fun though).

The Greatest Debate Still Rages on...

So much in the news these days. So much to think about and have opinions on. I think as a society we must settle old debates before venturing into new ones. We must tie up these loose ends before biting off new and more difficult debates.


First on the docket is one debate which remains open and has never been resolved, this debate in question, of course, is the Joel vs. Mike debate. It is a question as old as time itself. Weighing all of the options, the correct conclusion to this question is:

Joel

Case dismissed. Moving right along, the next item on humanity's docket of unresolved dilemmas is what many refer to as "The Greatest Debate" and I must say I agree with the designation of this query being regarded as such. The Greatest Debate which has raged on for many years is... 

...what was the Greatest Ernest film ever made?

Now unlike the Joel vs. Mike debate which is easily decided with little thought or after-thought, the case of what was the Greatest Ernest film in the history of Ernest is a whole different can of worms, Vern.

Who Was Ernest?

Before we get knee-deep into this burning question on all of our minds, let's look into the phenomenon that was Ernest for those of you who may have either been living under a rock or not born yet in the era in which Ernest was Ernesting.

Ernest was a veritable amalgamation of heavily versatile yet good-hearted stupidity portrayed by the iconoclastic actor Jim Varney.

Jim Varney was an accomplished actor of the theater (seriously), and his first big television appearance was on Fernwood 2 Night hosted by Martin Mull (side-windered by Fred Willard),

Above, he's doing some variation of a "redneck" character. I know these sort of "redneck" characters are popular now a days with the likes of Jeff Foxworthy and that Fat Boy the Cable Fat Idiot...but there's a huge difference between the likes of Jim Varney and those talentless hacks. The key being that Varney's character(s) are funny whilst todays so-called "Blue Collar Comedians" lead by Jeff Hacksworthy are not. 

Varney first developed the character we know as Ernest for commercials for various southern United States companies (ads for milk, tape, meller yellers, etc., etc.).

At some point someone realized that his character was testing very well with children viewers and the Ernest phenomenon grew wings and took shape. Much in the vein of old time 1950s acts that kids loved such as Johnny Jelly Bean or Soupy Sales, the program Hey Vern! It's Ernest was one of the big three whacky kids shows which came about in the late 1980s era (the other two being Pee Wee Herman's and briefly Al Yankovic's Saturday morning programs).

The Ernestial Explosion was in full gear. Soon, Ernest had his own special, vhs tapes, tv show, and finally MOVIES! That Ernest made a slew of exciting and efficacious Ernest films. For example (but not limited to):

Ernest Goes to Vegas
Ernest Learns Karate
Ernest in Africa
Ernest at the Theme Park
Ernest Saves Christmas
Ernest gets Motivated
Hey Vern! Ernest just Joined the Navy!
Ernest Scared Stupid
Ernest Goes to Jail
Ernest at the Improv
Ernest in Funny Munny
Hey Vern, Win $10,000...Or Just Count On Having Fun!
Ernest Goes to Camp
Ernest Rides Again
Ernest Goes to School
Slam Dunk Ernest
Ernest in the Army
Hey Vern! How 'bout that Ernest!?
Quitting Smoking with Ernest
Ernest Goes to the Park


Yet Only One Ernest Movie May Reign Supreme

Look, I understand that a lot of people "don't get" Ernest...but those people are dumb. I'll go as far (and on record) as saying that anyone who doesn't like Ernest is a Bad Person.

Ok so, for us regular normal Good Persons, I would like now to present to whoever wishes to know of it, my opinion on this long raging debate. Which was the best Ernest film?

I will only focus on five Ernest films (in the interest of time) and those Ernest films are in no particular order:

Ernest Saves Christmas
Ernest Goes to Camp
Ernest Goes to Jail
Ernest Scared Stupid

and last but least (well maybe),

Ernest Rides Again


1. Ernest Saves Christmas

Synopsis: Ernest is working as a cab driver to make ends meet this Holiday Season and picks up a man claiming to be Santa Claus in his cab. The purported Santa must find a successor to carry on the Santa torch before nightfall or Christmas will be ruined. Will Santa find a successor in time?

My Opinion: This film is not very Ernest heavy. The story focuses on other characters (Santa, the successor, and the runaway tween girl) more so than it does on Ernest. Ernest is almost a supporting actor in this film and it's a gross miscarriage of intelligence when that is the case. Making an Ernest movie which is light on the Ernest is not the right way to go.

Would you make a Yogi Bear episode without much Yogi in it? Would you make an A-Team movie without Mr. T in it (come on, why did they do that?)? Would you make an Evil Dead movie without Bruce Campbell in it (seriously why did they do this?)? It's like making a peanut butter sandwich but forgetting to put on the peanut butter is what it is and it's fairly unfathomable to operate like that, I must say.

2. Ernest Goes to Camp:

Synopsis: Ernest finally fulfills his life-long dream of becoming a camp counselor after working as a maintenance man at the camp for years. Sadly, he was only promoted because the other counselors didn't want to deal with a troublesome group of youths sent from the juvenile hall for rehabilitation. Ernest gets stuck with these inner city toughs yet he and the youths really develop an understanding and respect each other.

A villainous natural resource developer played by the always impeccable John Vernon attempts to force the venerable Chief Saint Cloud (portrayed by Iron Eyes Cody) to give him his land.

Faced with the under-handed tactics of the treacherous Krader Company...Chief Saint Cloud is left with no choice but to train Ernest and his gang of inner-city youths and instill unto them the ways of the Warrior. Can Ernest and his rag-tag troupe of diamond-in-the-rough youths act as the front-line defense against Krader, repel the intruders, and save Kamp Kikakee? Or will all be lost?

My Opinion: This movie came out around the time where I would go to Camp Jackson Dodds every summer and have zany adventures and a ton of laughs of my own. The whole camp atmosphere of the film was something I could really relate to as a youth.

The themes touched on within this film, such as Native American issues with the establishment and the difficulty under-privileged kids face in comparison to privileged kids, were a little deeper than the themes in standard Ernest films. It's a pretty deep movie, it has loads of character. Man, this movie is Punk Rock, it really is.

3. Ernest Goes to Jail:

Synopsis: Ernest is an up and coming janitor in a bank who's dream is to one day become a bank teller. He has eyes for his co-worker, the beautiful and charming Charlotte Sparrow and truth be told she has eyes for him as well.

Misfortune befalls our loveable hero when he gets called for jury duty for the trial of one Felix Nash, a dead ringer for Ernest, one might even say his doppelganger. In a flurry of confusion on a visit to the prison Nash pulls the old switcheroo on our best bud Ernest and assumes his place...while Ernest goes to jail.

What will Nash do while living as Ernest on the outside? How will Ernest cope with the harsh realities of prison life?

My Opinion: This movie is shakespearean in nature. People will tell you that the rawness of a play like Othello, with all the emotions flying everywhere, as the lead character feels fear, betrayal, jealousy and anger, amounts to an emotional roller coaster for the audience...yet Othello is not a very good play in comparison to Ernest Goes to Jail.

The emotions in this film are very raw. Rawer than Othello. Take for example when the evil Felix Nash lures Ernest's girlfriend to his nest of deceit and tries to convince her to commit the heinous act of adultery under the most unrighteous of pretenses. Jim Varney's portrayal of both the hero and villain displays his versatility as an theater actor. Many might scorn my comparison of Ernest Goes to Jail to Shakespeare but I honestly believe this to be true in all seriousness. Jim Varney is an unstoppable force of acting in this film.

4. Ernest Scared Stupid

Synopsis: Years in the past, an evil troll roamed around Briarville, Mississippi turning young children into wooden dolls and absorbing their energy. Ernest's ancient ancestor, the great Phineas Worrell, devised a method to seal the evil troll into a big ole oak tree.

Fast forward to the present and poor bumbling Ernest P. Worrell unwittingly releases the seal of the oak tree and unleashes the troll once again. The dastardly troll recommences turning defenseless children into wooden dolls and after he absorbs the spirits of 5 children the troll can unleash his army of lesser demon trolls to begin a reign of terror. The only thing that stands in his way...is Ernest and a wise Haitian woman.

My Opinion: A standard spooky monster movie, but the threat to the kids is made to feel real to the viewer. The troll is very successful at turning innocent children into lifeless wood carvings of their former selves. It's a movie that despite Ernest's antics would genuinely scare a very young child and give them some cool-ass fever-dream nightmares too. Ernest does a lot of heroic mano-y-mano fighting in this film and pulls off a sort of Buffoon Bad Ass character...once again displaying his immense range with the Ernest acting style.

5. Ernest Rides Again

Synopsis: The crown jewels of the Royal Family of England get stolen and transported in a cannon and Ernest and some geek have to do something about it.

My Opinion: I had this thing on VHS ..and I must have watched this movie like 100 times...and it sucks. I don't know why I watched it so much but I guess there was never anything else on.

The geeky doctor was played by a guy named Ron James, who's a popular Canadian comedian now. He speaks normally in this film though which is odd because in his present day act he talks like how a retarded Canadian guy would talk.

This movie is proof that the voice Ron James uses in his act is not his own voice and he's trying to "hose-it-up" so to speak to appeal to Canadian audiences. I think Ron James is going Full Hoser though and it's kind of an over-done act. I understand that Canadians have to hose-it-up to sell (even the brilliant Canadian director Christian Kole made a hoser movie once) but Ron James shouldn't go Full Hoser, and if he wants to he should put on a tuque, drink some stubbies, and send Bob and Doug a royalty cheque.

All in all, Ernest Rides Again isn't an Elite Ernest picture.

The Greatest Ernest Movie of All Time is...

Ernest Goes to Camp.

La crème de la crème of Ernest is the one where he goes to camp. There's no doubt about it.

Gee I'm glad it's rainin'
There's always something to be thankful for.
I'm awfully glad it's raining
Cause no one sees your tear drops when it pours.

And no one knows the thunder
Is your heartbreak in disguise,
They think the rainy nights
What put that sad look in your eyes.

Sure am glad it's rainin'.
The gentle rythmn soothes the pain inside.
I'm glad the stars aren't shining.
A wounded warrior needs a place to hide.

I thought I had found someone
I could count on til the end.
What they wanted was a hero,
All I needed was a friend

Gee I'm glad it's rainin'.
I hope the morning sun won't come up soon.
As long as it keeps raining,
No one knows my heart broke right in two.

I thought I had found someone
I could count on til the end.
What they wanted was a hero,
All I needed was a friend

Sure am glad it's rainin'.
I'm awfully glad it's rainin'

Passing the Torch

For those of you living blissfully unaware lives, Ernest died in 2000 of cancer. Yeah, on February 12th of the year 2000...the earth stood still for a moment as Ernest had to say goodbye to us.

People may not have realized it yet, but Ernest's passing has left a hole. The universe is incomplete without Ernest. We need Ernest.

I'm calling out to everyone in Hollywood to listen up. I'm calling out to every artist, stand up, and preformer to put down what they are doing and listen.

Someone out there has to become Ernest. Someone has to step up and accept the torch. Someone has to put on the grey t-shirt, dawn the jean-vest, and adorn themselves with the grey cap. It's not a joke anymore...Universe needs Ernest.

Now I'm not talking like when Hollywood re-booted The Three Stooges with three horrible lame-wads. That 2012 Three Stooges Movie is a punishable crime, it's almost blasphemous in terms of its mockery of comedy. Taking something as good as the Three Stooges and turning it into shit is the absolute worst thing that could to be done to bring Ernest back.

No, I'm not talking about a money-making horrible reboot. I'm talking about someone becoming Ernest. I'm talking about someone accepting the responsibility of being The Ernest. Putting the three holy vestments of The Ernest on some unfunny bozo and releasing a movie with the Ernest name is not the plan.

The Plan is to do it right. The plan is for the New Ernest to dawn the vestments and be proud of them...to put on the Ernest uniform and WANT to make COMEDY proud. I'm talkin' to you.

You, YEAH YOU! Step up! Put it on! Become ERNEST...

 

Promotion for Web-a-Sodes

Watch He's Talking Dead Eh, a great show about the last dudes left on earth who gotta find beer, chicks, and food and all the while fend off terrible urban zombies, rural zombies, zombie bees, and zombie ants.

 Sodes (1 and a 2)

Greg and D have mixed feelings about being the last two knobs on earth, and decide to go find some food and shit. They hope they are not attacked by terrible zombies or ants.
 

Greg and D decide to return to the city but run into a major pity when they are attacked by a surviving commando who is involved in military arts once again. Will they be able to cope?

Gregis and D-Head?

Similarity

An odd similarity exists between the pilot episode of He's Talking Dead Eh which aired November 9, 2011 and an episode of Beavis and Butthead which aired on December 1, 2011 (approx. one month later).

The premise, story, and dialogue between the characters is very similar. Especially in one particular scene. A cheesy wind sound is playing in the background while the respective heroes assess their respective situations...

In He's Talking Dead Eh (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxKOo98O8_k), watch from around 1:15 to 1:50.

In Beavis and Butthead (http://www.mtv.ca/tvshows/beavis-and-butthead/video_content.jhtml?id=1675253), watch from around 2:29 to 3:03.

He's Talking Dead Eh didn't steal this bit. It aired almost one month prior to this episode of Beavis and Butthead, any similarity is just a coincidence.

"Influences"

To be fair, the show is inspired by the following:

1. Bob and Doug McKenzie (particularly the opening scene of "Strange Mawfucking Brew" where Bob is the last man on earth)

2.Bruce Campbell (his heroics in the face of evil deadites)

3. The Three Stooges expressions and slapshtick

4. Beavis and Butthead (the intelligence level of our intrepid protagonists).

We have our "influences" but we did not steal the above bit, and the dates are the proof.

(writings on this blog about Beavis and Butthead: Here, and here too)