Oh hello, Welcome to "Writings on Subjects" a collection of light humorous essays and short stories.

This site has existed since 2011, there are almost 300 articles.

Click here for an index of all essays and stories written over the last 15 years:

-INDEX-


Short Stories over the decades:

The Swamp-
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

The Journey
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

And,
The Ballad of Turkey

And, added to that list has recently been:
Lights Out.......

As Well as....
The Golden Greek Goes Upstairs and The Thrilling Conclusion to that story!!

Oh and let's add to the list: The Haunted House
Vol. I
Vol. II

New One: *NEW* A Spring Story *NEW*
Vol. II
Vol. III


Twitter: D DeeDee223

(All posts in this blog are written by Deric Brazill)

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Zomb-A-Movie

Super fucking famous movie director Christian Kole is making a second attempt at a Zomb-a-Movie, after having somewhat internet success with "28 Terms Later" (available here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcCzRWbNBWI).

Fresh out of the prestigious Las Vegas Film School of Movie Arts, Kole has his sites set on making his second zombie movie a littler raunchier, and way more disgusting. His previous passion of documenting the mentally crooked and deranged members of society in their natural habitats (as seen here as they eat pizza and listen to some Etta James) should give him the edge and necessary experience to take on such a difficult film making endeavor.

The first draft of the script seems very well written
Back in Montreal after a long haitus in the wastelands of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, Kole is excited about his project and hopes it turns out quite good.

Monday, March 28, 2011

On Human Oddities (as such)...

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Olden Times
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There are two polarized views on human oddities, one side thinking that putting these people on a pedestal for all to see is demeaning and horrible, while the other side thinks putting these people on a pedestal is simply celebrating their uniqueness and individuality.

The advanced political correctness of modern times has deemed this as demeaning and eliminated the "Freak Shows" of yesteryear for the most part. The most popular circus, Cirque de Soleil, does not even have one human oddity on its roster of performers. That brings up a very obvious counter argument right there... where do these folks work now? Most of these folks in question's handicaps make it difficult for them to find gainful employment, and unless they were born into a rich family and able to secure a large inheritence then chances are most of today's human oddities only income is through their respective government's relief programs.

I think they represent a very important cog in the human machine, I believe their personal oddities are actually the height of individuality and should indeed be celebrated. In the back of all our minds we can probably picture a world where everyone is the exactly the same and it's actually scary. A world where everyone looks the same, acts the same, walks the same, talks the same, and behaves the same. The pros of a world such as this would be many obviously, we'd get a lot more stuff done and more efficiently if we were all on the same page I guess, but wouldn't it be fantastically fucking boring though? Can a frightening society as this ever really exist? Can the great big combine harvester of human conformity really meld us into being one and the same? Or are there people who exist out there who are so different that conforming them would be a physical impossibility? Human oddities are indeed those people and they represent the burden of proof that hopefully a society of fully conformed humans will never ever be able to exist.

We've tried over and over to rid the world of these human oddities, most people are aware that Nazi Germany was big on this...they rounded up many people and had them weeded out of the human gene pool with hopes of "improving" it. Most probably don't know that every nation has had it's turn attempting to kill off these offshoots of humanity. Winston Churchill's Britain had tens of thousands of oddities and mentally handicapped individuals sterilized or lobotomized. In Canada, each province had mass sterilizations, the Alberta Eugenics Board was the most fervent in it's attempt to weed out these people (see wiki: Alberta Eugenics and google Canadian eugenics for other data).

Get away from Hans you lascivious howler you!
A great 1932 film entitled "Freaks" (available for viewing here: I mean here) made in the height of the eugenics fervor attempted to show that they were in fact humans with personalities and emotions of their own. It details the plight of a German dwarf named Hans who is in the process of being duped out of his family fortune by a beautiful acrobat, yet before she has the chance to poison poor lil' Hans and kill him, Hans' Freak brethren and sistren corner her on a stage cart and horribly mutilate her...turning her into something she reviled most...a freak herself. It should've been called "Revenge of the Freaks" or "Take that Eugenics" in my opinion, but it is a really good movie nonetheless and it has that Indian parapalegic guy in it too.

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Modern times
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One of the main reasons I love the Howard Stern show so much is their attitude towards the human oddity, they take the latter stance and celebrate these individuals and make them incredibly famous and rich. They love the individuality of oddballs, whackjobs, the criminily insane (see: Elegant Elliot Offen), and for and foremost phyisical human oddities. You've had your dwarfs over the years such as Kessler, Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf, that little shitball Eric the Midget, but one stands head and shoulder above the rest...the great Beetlejuice.

Lester "Beetajuice" Green (background peice) is a microcephalic dwarf who may be the most iconic and beloved human oddity in history and with very good reason. Microcephalic basically means that he has a very tiny misshapen skull.

They're Children!
Three microcephalic dwarf girls appear in the 1932 film "Freaks" as well, they are actually in two of the most poignant scenes of the film. In the first scene we see them, they are running around and playing and laughing and singing outside when two men happen upon them and start telling them that they are "monsters!", their teacher responds by yelling back that they are simply "children!" In the second scene the strong man of the circus is telling one of the girls that he is going to Paris on a trip and that he's going to bring her back a present, and while she's all smiles he follows up with "...yeah! a big old hat! hahahaha!" He makes you want to jump in the screen and beat the shit out of him.

They tried to stop people like this from existing for so long and fervently, yet over seventy years later there are still microcephalic dwarfs and they are living life large. I'm kind of an opponent of organized religion yet I like seeing Jewish people being Jewish because I know from reading history that a powerful group of horrible Nazis tried to kill every Jewish person just for being Jewish and thusly when you see a Jewish person proudly being Jewish it represents a testament to the determination and perseverance of the human race. Similarly, after all the sterilizations and lobotomies and attempts to weed out microcephalics from the gene pool, it is very uplifting to know that there is still at least one out there and he is living life as large as can.

Yeah...you.
Is Beetlejuice that cog mentioned before in the human machine that is impossible by any means to conform? No matter how hard any person, combinations of persons, or streamlined collective subconscious rule system tries...people like him can never be successfully conformed. Does he represent a golden ray of hope that a totally homogenized society can never truly exist?

Is Beetle the best? Yup, and he knows it too...

For radio transmission 8

-Mr Expo-

They call Ernie Banks Mr. Cub, because he is the most recognizable iconographic face in that franchise. I'm not talking about the most talented player in history which is by far Vlad Guerrero but the guy who represents the Expos the best throughout their existence.In my opinion there's only two guys who can be considered as possibly being Mr Expo...and that's Warren Cromartie or Tim Raines. Guys who were infinitely proud to wear the uniform and always talk glowingly about the organization. Carter and unfortunately Dawson I don't think can be considered.

Warren Cromartie is Mr. Expo because of the flag waving event during the 1981 playoffs against the Phillies....which isolated Cro as the most iconic Expo in my opinion.

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1981 NLCS
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The Philadelphia fans were notoriously fanatic and crazy. These guys threw snow balls at Santa Claus one time, the city of brotherly love was regarded as being the most hateful city in sports for decades and decades. So Cro, after catching the final out off the bat of Manny Trillo and the Expos win the 81 NLCS over the hated Phillies the guy runs towards two fans who drove down from Montreal and takes the Canadian flag they're waving, and starts running around the field waving the Canadian flag and gesturing and taunting the Philidelphia fans...they responded by whipping batteries and other projectiles at him. That to me is the single most badass and iconoic image and event in Expos history. The culmination of victory and the Cro's Badassery is what makes it the pinnacle moment in their existence.

It really is the only glorious victory in Expos history...they won a playoff series. Expos history is a long series of defeat after defeat after defeat...from the expansion years to Blue Monday then the 94 strike year...and finally the Death in 2004. You really build character through hardships...and after seeing so much defeat, to watch the video of this game and see their only glorious victory in history is really impressive.

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Heart of those late seventies early eighties Expos
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If they awarded Captain "C" in baseball (the Red Sox did for Jason Varitek), Cro could have easily been Captain...though management would have surely given it to their golden guy Gary Carter. I think the Cro was captain of those Expos teams in that era.

Oh shit, it's Oh.
To illustrate the point, a great quote from his time in Japan I got here...it's from a dude named Saduharu Oh-San, the legendary Saduharu Oh-San...who hit over 800 homeruns in the Nippon league...he was asked after his Yomuri Giants won the championship who in the locker room was the team leader...and he responded, "KU-RO-Matei-san." Which is how they pronounce Cromartie in those parts.

There's a great video on youtube where Bill Lee is giving his opinion on what killed Expos and surprisingly he states one of the reasons was the owner's coddling of Gary Carter. Like they say in wrestling "a babyface sells seats," so they made Carter the babyface of the Expos and put his big smile on everything imaginable. Other guys resented that and Cro was the one who was the most vocal about it...one story has Carter pandering to the media and smiling and running up to the cameras after the game and the Cro goes..."at least wait til they ask you a question man!"

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Japan (49)
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In 1983 he journeyed east...

They're really superstitious there and into all kinds of pseudosciences...like making lineup changes over silly things like blood types or graphology. So when Cro got to Japan and chose to wear the number he wore with the Expos...they were shocked. The number 49 in Japan is like the number 13 here but times 100...the number 4 looks almost exactly like the Hirigana symbol for DEATH, and 9 has a striking similarity to the symbol for Suffering. So here's the Cro strolling into superstition central with DEATH and SUFFERING written on his back.

originally written for the Throwdown Radio show on Mike FM

Irony

Looking into Google Adsense for a day now the ironic thing about it seems that the best way to make money with Google Adsense is to write a blog about Google Adsense.

The statistics they record for you are "unique page impressions" which means your site's traffic, "clicks" which means how many times people have clicked on the ads on your site, and your "effective CPM" which is described as follows...

"Effective CPM doesn't represent how much you have actually earned -- rather, it's calculated by dividing your estimated earnings by the number of page impressions, then multiplying by 1000. For example, if you earned an estimated $0.15 from 25 page impressions, then your page eCPM would equal ($0.15 / 25) * 1000, or $6.00. If you earned an estimated $180 from 45,000 ad impressions, your ad eCPM would equal ($180 / 45,000) * 1000, or $4.00."

That shit's intense!
All this being said, you get the most money from when people click on the stupid ads. In all seriousness have you ever clicked on an internet ad. Me? I remember when they made those game ones a few years ago where a target would move over O.J. Simpson's head and when you clicked it you got whisked away somewhere but other than that I've NEVER clicked on an internet ad. The only time that they get me to click on them now is when your held at gun point to do so, like say you wanted to get that great game Photoboy for the TurboGrafx 16, the ROM dealers will make you fill out 6 surveys and click on 5 ads before you can navigate your way out of the maze and they allow you to get to the download link.

Now that being said, who aaaaaaare these people who are clicking on internet ads? It's those people who go into the google and search for things like..."how to make money online," "make money from home," "how do I get the free monies?"....those are the ONLY people on earth who click ads. Guess what? Each ad niche on Adsense is given a price multiplier as well, for instance ads about food give you X monies per click and ads about music give you Y amount of money per click, and what are the ads that net you by far the most internet money per click? Ads about making money online! It's a cycle of ironic stupidity.
Hey Guy! Click the Target and Get all Rich!

You then throw your RSS feed on StumbleUpon, Tehcnocrati, Digg, and other venues and tag your blog with labels about making some money...and low and behold you are gonna get the hits and nothing but the hits.

If I continue updating this blog, I guarantee you the only blog update that ever has a good chance of raking in any good amount of free internet money is this scam one you are reading right now.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Radio transmission 7

Billy Space

Not just in Montreal baseball history...Bill Lee is possibly the most eccentric dude maybe in baseball history. You gotta factor in guys like Dock Ellis, and Dick Allen maybe...but Space is the cookiest fellow probably in the history of major league baseball. I heard Woody Harrelson that dude from Cheers was trying to a sell a script to hollywood to star in a Bill Lee movie...so maybe might even happen.

We talked Cromartie last week and how he was the in my opinion the heart of those old teams. There was a few guys like that, not necessarily the highest echelon of talent but real gamers and Rudy types you know? Gamer type guys, good clubhouse type guys on those Dick Williams era teams. All these guys got pushed out when Fanning took over for Dick Williams in 81. 

Me and the Space ridin' in a benzo (minus the benzo)
To name a few of these guys: you had Cro, Bill Lee, The "Cool Breeze" Rodney Scott, and Jerry White. These were not the main components of those winning teams of that era but they are still key components. Bill Lee referred to Cromartie as "The moderator of the conclave." or the team leader in regular speak.

A domino effect took all these guys off the team by the end of 1983. When Williams quit the new guy who took over as interim manager was Fanning and then the next year it was Bill Virdon. When a new guy comes in they want to make everything in their opinion and their image like they're some kind of deity of the team...and what they did was literally dismantle a winning team. They destroyed Dick William's winning Expos and made a new inferior unit. Jerry White (who had some epic hits in the  81 playoffs) was sent packing and they called up Ken Macha, Cro was platooned with a jabroni by the name of Jim Wohlford. Rodney "Cool Breeze" was flat out released, they just bought out his contract and sent him packing. Now this where Spaceman comes in...now he doesn't get released...he notices they are effectuating this ridiculous dismemberment of the Expos and he just stops showing up, he flat out walks off the team in protest in 1982. Here's a quote from his book after he finds out the Breeze got his pink slip that is pretty good...

"I wrote Fanning a message which read, 'I'm going to Brasserie 77, if you want me come and get me.' I ripped my game uniform right down the middle, went to Brasserie 77 and draped little Quebec flags around a picture of Rodney Scott. The customers loved it."

The next week, he got a call from Chief Frosty Deer to play in the Kanawake Softball League and signed on with them to finish the 82 season.

He was blackballed from baseball after that.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Dear Carl Sagan who art in somewheres...

Dear Mr. Sagan,

In your book Demon Haunted World on page number 26, you cite the popularity of Beavis and Butthead as a sign of the decline of intelligence in civilization. I feel that this point is mistaken.

The creator of Beavis and Butthead, Mr. Mike Judge, was a man of scientific intellect. He worked as an engineer previous to creating cartoons for the masses. Judge's "Beavis and Butthead" is in much the same vein as your book Demon Haunted World.

Your book is in essence a social critique of the decline of intelligence of our times, and more so a request for people to practice skepticism and foremost critical thinking. Similarly, "Beavis and Butthead" is also a social critique on the decline of national intelligence. As for promoting critical thinking? Beavis and Butthead's harsh critique of the music industry's chaff garbage forced upon the youth of the era gave the teens who watched it at that time an inherent Bullshit Detector. Anything that was fake or pretentious was automatically tossed aside and labeled as "sucks" on the program and similarly the teens of the era took a critical way of thinking to the entertainment media they observed.

Wherever you are in the universe, whether you are star stuff or whatever...please don't hate on Beavis and Butthead bro.

(Sources: Sagan, C. Demon Haunted World, p.26)

True

"If I were a little weaker, I may have died more easily.."

true brother, true.

Rock and Roll concerts I saw one time...

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 George Clinton (once)
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    A group of aged men and women came on the stage, none of whom I identified as being George Clinton, they dwelved deep down into the funk, the whole funk and nothing but the funk so help us god. They burst through the funk-o-liciousness of the P-Funk and the full bodiment of the funkoplasm covered the room up good. Then they gave a toast to their dead friend who apparently wore a diaper and nothing else during performances...

...then they introduced the legend himself, the King of Funk, George Clinton. He was dressed modestly and not overly funky. He looked like an aging funk hermit...who came out of his eternal funk cave resting place for one final funk explosion.

He had difficulty remembering words and timings. He looked out of shape yet this 70 year old man exuded more funky particles and funk-o-lectrons then anyone else. When he began his Maggot Brain opening statement before Mr. Hampton took over for a 10 minute guitar solo I began feeling emotional. I really like that little poem at the start of Maggot Brain and seeing him say it a directly in front of me was actually kind of emotional for me. I felt real raw dirty funk...

Trivial memories:

-a couple hot chicks danced with me briefly and gave me a resounding high five.

-George Clinton saw the waiter going through the crowd with a tray of beers and called for his attention, the whole crowd gestured for the waiter to take notice and he turned and handed Clinton a beer and then everyone cheered.

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Oliver Mtukudzi and friends (once)
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Oliver Mtukudzi in concert was a very enjoyable experience.

He played with Habib Koité, Afel Bocoum, and 6 Mali players. It was very good, they were in unison and played together, danced together and sang together. They are funny too, they introduced the next song always with a interjection of comedy or an anecdote.

They had some instruments I've never seen before like the balafons and the drummer had an extra piece on his drum set which was this wooden globe. Some of the guitars were ones I've never seen before or know the name of and they sounded really good.

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Jello Biafra and the Guantanamo School of Medecine (once)
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Biafra had not appeared in Montreal since 1986 with the Dead Kennedys. When I was 18 I bought a Dead Kennedys t shirt and wore it around a lot, I stopped wearing it when some people at John Abbott mistook the symbol for being something skin head related but of course it represented something very opposite of that mentality. I dug it out of my garage and put it on under a sweater before going to the carpet store I worked at during that time. When I got out of work and went to the concert I threw my sweater on some table and bought beer and moshed with crazy kids to Let's Lynch the Landlord, California Uber Alles, Holiday in Cambodia, Come on Bleed, and Police Truck.

During Police Truck the aged and very sweaty Biafra jumped off stage and right into me while we were moshing around....that was kind of memorable I must say.

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D.O.A. (numerous times)
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The best time I saw D.O.A. was thanksgiving day of 2010. I showed up late and tickets were sold out and they wouldn't let me bribe my way in or sneak in. When all hope was about lost and I was ready to pack up and go home Joey Shithead checked in the bar and I started talking to him. Many words later, we agreed that if I bought him one beer upstairs he'd put me on his guestlist and get me upstairs...

"Yo one more for Guestlist...."

Upstairs I bought Shithead a pint of beer and asked him about his recent travels to China. When they went on stage I went to the front...there were two Qubecois metal acts that opened and the crowd was very very rowdy that night. One kid that I was talking to before got up on stage and jumped off i caught and propelled him into the crowd and it was cool. I became the designated lifter to get people crowd surfing after that as everyone wanted to do it after they saw one monkey do it. I launched like 40 people into the air that night and it was really fucking fun.

This one chick was being moshed with inappropriately by a male and she started punching him right in the face. I like when chicks are cool like that.

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The Residents (once)
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The Residents are fucking weird but there's some deep raw honesty about their lyrics, and fantastic absurdity and originality to their shtick, that I just can't get enough of these effing mystery men.

There were these two crack heads who were smoking crack pipes right in front of me and they smelled like urine. I don't know how they managed to get in but at the time they were really annoying and if you watch any youtube vids from this concert you can hear them yelling at innoppurtune times through the whole song. Now their smell and annoying behaviour just helps me remember the concert very clearly so I guess I have to thank them.

The lead Resident's voice is so unique and odd that I want to absorb some of it into the way I talk and his mannerisms are cool too.

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Devo (once)
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Devo's shtick is pretty original as well, they are dudes from the future who are coming back to our time to tell us to be smarter and cooler in our day-to-day lives. Their show had a big screen backdrop that had video to accompany the performance, at one point the electricity gave out and the screen died but they kept going with flashlights because they are pretty good people. I danced with a young lady and we sang "Mongoloid" together and everyone had a great time as such.

The one knock on these guys is that they were hawking their "energy dome" chachkies for 30 bucks a pop, that's 30 bucks for a plastic hat. Mark Mothersbaugh was throwing them into the crowd for free though after as well as towels, and then it got sorta tongue in cheek and he started throwing towels that he wiped his butt with (over his pants though no worries) and then the dude that sings "Secret Agent Man" was throwing the dilapidated duct tape that held his mic to his mic stick into the throng of screaming Devo devotees who wanted souvenirs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhPvd1zMLN0&feature=fvst

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Hanson Brothers (coupla times)
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In 2001 I went to my first real punk rock show and it was the best. Everyone was throwing beer EVERYWHERE, people were jumping off the top deck into the mosh pit, one jumper left in a stretcher...it was nuts.

I knew every word to all their god damn silly songs too. I left a man after the show hanging on a high five cause I was tired and not really thinking about high fives in those days...I vowed never to leave a brother hanging ever again at that moment and have never done so since.

We're Bad! So Baaaaaaaaad! We're Bad! I believe this in my HEART and I believe this in my Soul but we will never live long enough to kno-ow! Cause We're Bad!

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