Coupled with BOINC (the combined hive-computer/voltron synthetic super computer), the educational value of the internet trumps traditional universities and may make them extinct in the future. In fact, universities of the old age are nothing more than mere glorified book clubs where snobs mentally masturbate all over each other.
Oh my Gawd! I hate school...I'm going on strike you guyz!
Knowing that, I find it harder and harder to care for these greasy students (who are all liberal art students or other hipsters anyway). They are fighting over an increase of about 400 bucks...and with the tuition credits they'll get on their federal and provincial taxes when they join the real world will absorb those costs anyhow. Do they really have to block all the roads and mess with the metro (subway) over this?
One of the sillier demands of one of the student groups behind the strike is to cut funding to universities research budgets. This is so strange in the fact that Quebec universities have made significant discoveries (including these last year alone: http://www.quebecscience.qc.ca/decouverte2011), and the student groups want to pull the money out of research so every little hipster can go to mental masturbation liberal arts book clubs for free.
The politicians and cops have made matters 1000 times worse by being so violent in their handling of this strike (as stupid as is it) that they have made more members of the public support the students than ever before.
This toy for example, the ARWEN 37mm Less Lethal System, that fires huge hard plastic "batons" at 242 feet per second should not have been used under any circumstances against citizens. Whoever gave the order for the police to use this weapon should be fired. The plastic batons, tear gas, sound cannons, and non-bodily marking torture techniques have only made things worse.
Now, how can you take a lemony situation such as this and make it into a lemonade situation?
...By Creating the Newest and Kewlest Spectator Sport the World has Evar Seeeeen!
This strike has made world wide news, and you know what they say..."all publicity is good publicity." Thus, someone with ingenuity must devise a way to turn this heavily publicized kerfuffle into something that is fun for everyone and a boost for the economy.
The Montreal Canadiens didn't make the playoffs this year, so we have a totally vacant arena with the seating capacity of 21,273. So, all they have to do is, pass an emergency law that states that all protests must be held at the Bell Centre. Then you sell tickets at $20 a pop, hire a bunch of concession and beer vendors and bam you got yourself some lemonade out of this nonsense.
What is the sport you ask? It's called Extreme Evasion and is heavily based off of the greatest TV show of all time, American Gladiators. The police are in essence the American Gladiators and the students are the contestants. If you've never heard of it before, this is a short briefing...
That video displays my man Wesley "Two Scoops" Berry running through the "gauntlet." Now picture a student trying to break through a police kettle formation for cash prizes! It's genius, it really is.
The police will get paid good money for taking part, the students will compete for luxurious prizes (free scholarships for breaking a kettle? How 'bout that?). The public will love this shit because it would be as entertaining as hell, and it would create jobs for vendors, ushers, scalpers, and a whole lot of other folks.
To include the politicians in this too (bums like Jeans Charest, and Pauline Marois), the Extreme Evasion halftime show will feature a dunk tank where a politician will be placed upon a board above a tank of water. Lucky spectators chosen at random will be brought down to the playing grounds and be given three chances to hit a target with a ball...if they connect the politician will fall into the water and get all wet. How's that for entertainment? Am I right or am I right?
People ask sometimes, what the necessities of life are. Most would answer: Sleeping, Eating, and Drinking. It seems the most basic of life's necessities, the act of breathing, is never discussed at length. I'd go as far to say that we as a human race are taking breathing for granted, and we shouldn't be doing that.
You can eat right, exercise, and take your vitamins...but you have to ask yourself at some point, "am I breathing correctly?"
Breathing is an art and science that we are only beginning to comprehend. Only by getting down and in-synch with your breathing can you begin to get down with your bad self.
So let's talk about breathing...at length.
What is Breathing?
Breathing is the act of sucking in oxygen and releasing carbon. Oxygen is what keeps our asses alive and without it we suffocate and die. All humans are oxygen junkies, we are so addicted to that shit that if we don't get our oxygen fix for even 10 minutes we will drop dead and die.
Oxygen is such a long stuffy word, it has 3 syllables (which is ridiculous) and has stupid letters in it that nobody likes, I'm talking about "x" and "y" of course, I mean, what, are we plotting a Cartesian plane here? No. So what's with the axis letters? Someone at some point got sick of saying this ugly-ass word and replaced it with the word "Air" which is a nice word.
I love air. Ever since I was a little kid I liked air...I think it was this song in particular that won me over on air:
Air...air...air...air...It is everywhere!
How to Tell Time by Counting your Breaths
If you can get in-synch with your breathing then you can know exactly how many breaths you take in a day, and that is really useful for you. You can tell exactly what moment of your cyclical day-routine you are currently situated in. Ahem...let me explain:
Breathing is like an inherent time measuring stick. Everyone's time measuring stick is customized to their own life cycle and/or micromanaged routine-cycle. Once you set your base unit for 1 personal breath you take, then you can start stratisfying your mental time units in accordance.
For my personal human routine-cycle, 1 unit of "inhaling of breath" is roughly ~0.556 moments of elapsed "time", and 1 unit of "exhaling of breath" is roughly ~0.661 moments of elapsed "time". Your body has a built in subconscious breath counter that records this, there is no need to literally count breaths (that's cumbersome and mentally crazy, do not count your breaths with words)...therefore...I can know exactly and precisely how many moments of time has elapsed by my breathing and I never ever check clocks or time pieces.
In accordance with my base time units, I measure "months" by a 1000 "day" cycles, and "days" are measured on a 10,000 unit cycle which consists of isolated "moments" which are measured in a 100,000 unit cycle of 1.217 fixed quantity per unit (0.661 + 0.556).
If you get down with your breathing, you can do this too!
...But, Don't Get too Down with Your Breathing
Some people take it too far. For instance, the Breatharians, take the idea of getting down with their own breathing, way too far.
Brooks only eats sweet tasty Air.
Similar to how a vegetarian only eats vegetables...a Breatharian only eats breaths. Its founder and lead breath researcher, Mr. Wiley Brooks, teaches that you can live a healthy long-lasting life by casting off food and drink and maintaining sustenance solely through the consumption of air.
The following is a rather insane excerpt from the Breatharian Institute of America:
"Wiley has been a Breatharian for some 30 years and has been giving seminars and teaching his intrinsically learned philosophy for over 20 of those years. A Breatharian is a person who can, under the proper conditions, live with or without eating physical food. Wiley was first introduced to the world back in 1981 when he appeared on the national TV show "THAT'S INCREDIBLE" demonstrating his strength by lifting 1100 lbs of weights, nearly 10 times his own body weight. When in a non-polluted environment (air or electro) he sleeps 1 to 7 hours a week. Althought Wiley is now 74 years old (young) he teaches only Empowered Ascension to a very few pre-qualified applicants.
"EARTH PRIME" OR ''THE NEW EARTH'' IS LOCATED IN THE 5TH DIMENSIONAL WORLD. THE WORLD WITHOUT THE VIBRATIONS OF PAIN AND FEAR. YOU FEEL ONLY INCREDIBLE LOVE, PEACE AND JOY. LOVE AND JOY YOU CAN ONLY DREAM ABOUT IN THE 3rd DIMENSIONAL WORLD YOU LIVE IN AT THIS TIME.
[Wiley's] goal is to populate EARTH PRIME with as many people as possible before March 20, 2013.
Wiley Brooks, Breatharian and teacher from the 5th Dimensional worlds
Wiley has had past lives as:
ADAM, ZEUS, ENOCH, JESHUA (JESUS THE CHRIST), JOSHUA, ELIJAH, JOHN THE BAPTIST, ST. FRANCIS OF ASSISI, KUTHUMI, BALTHAZAR (KING OF SYRIA), MUGHAL EMPEROR SHAH JAHAN (Builder of the TaJ Mahal in Agra, India), JOSEPH SMITH AND WILLIAM MULHOLLAND."
The 5th dimensional world of Earth Prime sounds awesome and everything, but I'm not sure I believe Wiley when he talks this gibberish.
Wiley is a nice man, I think he just enjoys breathing a little too much. Movin' on...
Does Air Care?
We humans have a love affair with air, we cannot live or breathe without it. Yet, is this love affair mutual or totally one-sided? Sadly, it's hard to admit but entirely true that air does not love humans back.
Check this shit out....
That's a high pressure air vacuum (or sumthin') that is ripping shit apart like an unstoppable freight train of destruction. Air is not a sentient thoughtful creature like us, it is a mindless killing machine. Air does not care, it just doesn't care about the consequences of its actions.
Conclusion
Humans have a love affair with the air...but air just doesn't care. It's a sad story when you think about it, no?
The Spaceman Bill Lee called him "The Moderator of the Conclave," and the leader of the Montreal Expos teams of the glorious era of the late seventies and early eighties. This man in 1979 proclaimed that the Montreal Expos were "for real" and "as serious as a heart attack."
Who is he?
The legend...Warren Cromartie. Who else?
Today on April the 4th of 2012, almost 34 years after proclaiming to the world that the Montreal Expos are for real, he's back to let 'em know that even though they are gone...they are certainly not forgotten and may one day live once more. The Cro came back to Montreal to announce that he is heading a group who's purpose is to revive the Expos.
Why do I care? Because baseball reminds me of a simpler time. When April came around in the old days it used to mean that I got to play baseball all day, watch Expos games at night, then read the boxscores in the mornings and absorb all those wonderful numbers into my brain. Now, I work all day long and don't have time to play baseball, the Expos are dead, and in the morning there's nothing to look at the in paper except boring political and business articles...no more boxscores. To each his own, you know? It reminds of a simpler time and it gave me something to believe in.
Circa 1979.....for real
Cro stated in his press conference that this has got to start at the "grassroots" and that it's gonna take a "unit" of people with a positive attitude. It's a baby-step but everything has to start somewhere...and if I may say, this baby-step is as serious as a heart attack!
The Montreal Baseball Project will be holding a charity golf tournament on June 15th, 2012 for the Cedar Cancer Institute and the MUHC in memory of the Great Legend Gary Carter who passed away earlier this year from brain cancer. The game will feature many of Carter's teammates of the 1981 Expos (including the Great Legend Tim Raines and the Great Legend Andre Dawson).
My Thoughts
People are saying that Montreal is too accustomed to big league attractions and will never support a minor league team, but I'm not sure about that. I think a minor league team could work here. Personally, I would use some Bill Veeck-ian gimmicks to sell the game. I would keep open 4 of the 25 roster spots for the following:
A) Two Quebec born players in order to have hometown players on the team for the fans to support.
B) Two women players in order to break some ground (this gimmick will get some headlines for sure)
The 21 roster slot system won't fly with the MLB players union, so a triple-A team (or any other MLB affiliated team) is not in the picture. The best idea would be a Can-Am team, where the Quebec Capitales play and thus a rivalry can start between Quebec City and Montreal. With a Can-Am team the 4 reserved roster slots for seat-filling reasons will be able to fly.
Who is the prime candidate to be the female star of the Montreal's hypothetical Can-Am team?
Eri Yoshida
Yoshida is a side-arm knuckleballer from Yokohama, Japan. She has pitched professionally against men on several occasions, including as a member of the Kobe 9 in Japan, and the Chico Outlaws in the U.S of A.
She has trained extensively with knuckleball sages such as Tim Wakefield and seems to have perfected the technique at a very young age. Some claim she has mastered 36 divine deception techniques and 72 earthly ones, giving her more than enough deceptive notes in her pitch sequence to fool almost any batter.
Would Yoshida sign on to pitch for a Cromartie led Montreal minor league franchise? Yes, she would in a heart beat. The Cro is a MUCH BIGGER legend in Japan than he is in North America and is a baseball icon over there.
I think women would flock to see her throw and make men look foolish with her deceptive knuckleball, I think she would be an instant-star in Montreal.
Montreal was where the first black player gained confidence to smash the color barrier in Major League Baseball...could it be the place where the first woman player gains the confidence to strike out men in Major League Baseball? I don't know...I think it would sell tickets though.
Lots of students filling the streets this week in Montreal to protest tuition hikes. Yes, it's annoying that they are non-violently protesting and blocking streets off...but I can't be mad at them because I know that non-violent civil disobedience is one of the major factors that made Canada what it is today, and although it is a little annoying, I respect the students.
Canada has a long history of non-violent civil disobedience and it's pretty interesting.
History of Canadian Civil Disobedience
This got really big in Canada after World War I, when all the veterans came back bloodied, tired, and broken...to nothing. They were thanked for "Fighting for Freedom" and then forgotten about. Out of the 500,000 (est.) that returned home from WW1 many were disfigured or amputated, and a person with no arms has no chance of finding a job. "Returning soldiers were angry. They had risked their lives for their country and now were returning to economic chaos. They had great difficulty finding jobs. They sometimes saw them occupied by immigrants. They bristled at annual inflation rates of about forty percent. They heard tales of people who had profited immensely from the war. "
People were starting to notice that maybe World War I was more about sending poor people to die off and making rich people more "war-bucks" than it was about "freedom" or some bullshit word...and so they got really really mad.
You can search "Winnipeg General Strike" or "On-to-Ottawa Trek" for some good examples, or read through the link after the quote mentioned above...but to sum it up, Canadians protested like crazy and won all of the gains we take for granted today. All the social gains we have today were won from the powerful elite class by unions, veterans, and regular folks who practiced civil disobedience in the streets. That is not mentioned very often, in fact, usually when they talk about something we have in Canada they tell us it was given to us from an elite, like a God giving his peons something.
Take medicare for instance, in the interest of the history of medicare, we are told a horribly sappy story about how Tommy Douglas was once treated for free by a doctor and he decided that one day he will give everyone free health care. This is bullshit, Douglas was a crazy Christian preacher who wrote essays in support of eugenics and establishing a "Canadian Master Race." This crazy fool didn't just hand Canadians health care like some sort of God. Real Canadians took to the streets and fought for these gains.
Similarly in the U.S.A. veterans came home to nothing as well, and at some point must have said to themselves "fuck this shit, I went to kill other poor folks over the pond for what? To come home and live in the fucking street? Fuck this." In 1932, a group of 17,000 veterans (plus their families and supporters, which in turn made the group total about 43,000 people) marched on the White House demanding compensation and a better life. This protest did not sit well with the Americans in power at the time and they ordered the protesters removed, President Herbert Hoover told the guards to use force if necessary and two veterans were shot and killed by police. So basically, two people who went to "die for their country" did indeed die for their country...but in their country and by their country. That's fucked up. (see: "Bonus Army" for details)
Civil Disobedience All-Stars
NVCD Icons of Yesteryear
The two most iconic faces of non-violent civil disobedience are Gandhi, and Martin Luther King Jr.
If you are interested in knowing about these two men and their methods please by all means use the power of the internet and research them. Putting their names into a search engine will give you all you need to know about them...also having King's "I Have a Dream" book in your library (either print or digital) is a must have.
(I might fill this blog out more after, but that's the basic reason I'm not gonna hate on the students for blocking off the roads even if it is annoying. It's good to keep pressure on your government.) Ammendment (May 27, 2012:)
After 100 days of greasy students and crazy cops fooling around in the streets, it might be time to end this silliness.
Think about this...
As more US and UK universities are making their research and curriculum available for widespread free use online (example: http://webcast.berkeley.edu/)...it looks like the whole face of education is changing.
Online free education is really good, you can pause the lecture (to open a new tab and search for a term you didn't understand), you can rewind it to see a part over again that you didn't quite get. It's so convienient and free.
Right now, for instance, I'm watching lectures on computer programming as presented by the notorious mutha fuckin' Paul N. Hilfinger.
...and it's FOR FREE! You can do this for any subject! You people are fighting for an ancient educational model that is going extinct fast. It's pointless...
I don't write much 'bout the good old fashioned game of Ice Hockey. But yo, I wrote back in 2012 that those high flyin' Montréal Canadiens were gonna win the cup this year.
It's the article with the most reads ever on this dumb blog, I don't think it was that good, re-readin' it now I like the Guile joke, whoever made that gif is a funny person. I like the riot-domes joke....that's sorta funny.
Look, I take my prognostications pretty serious, so if they don't win the cup this year I'm gonna look like a darned fool is what I'm gonna look like.
I doubt any Canadiens read this blog but if they somehow find it on google or something....here's a small pump up for the whole team. I hope it gets them 75% pumped....exactly the right level of pumped. Not too hot, not too cold....just right like baby-bear porridge. If you are a Canadien then just scroll down to your name and hopefully the pump-up works for you. Your paragraph will be a short assessment of your play over the season, a report card, and a mini-pump.
Read this shit with this song on so it is more good to read!
Ooooh that song pretty good...
Defensemens
PK Subban
Subban?The man's a legend, he doesn't give a fuck. He'll beat you in a variety of ways...he'll beat you on D, he'll beat you on offense, he'll slap you in the mouth. Subban? He's a legend, man. He's crazy. He got 60 points this year and was plus 19! The guy's amazing....he's the greatest hockey man! He doesn't care! He plays like 30 minutes a game! He's a living legend! He's like a crazy man! He's a walking Norris Trophy is what this fucking guy is! He's a walking Norris Trophy! That's insane! He's the greatest! Holy crap! He's a LEGEND!
A+
Andrei Markov
This man!? He's the best! He's actually the greatest! He's the quiet leader of the whole entire fucking team, he doesn't give a fuck! He leads by example....he leads by ALL the EXAMPLES! Who him!? The guy's a maniac, he's crazy! He is like the smartest hockey player in the world! His Hockey IQ is like a billion million! That's a huge number! Holy shit, you guys! Markov? He's fucking amazing at hockey....oh my word! They should nickname him The General because that's what he is....he's a Hockey General leading by quiet leadership...and leadin' with examples! Many many many examples! Yeah.
Он очень талантлив
A+
Jeff Petry
Who Petry? This guy? He's wild, he's crazy...he literally doesn't even give one fuck. Not even ONE! He never did and he never will. He's a wild and crazy dude! He is amazing at Ice Hockey....he's got long hair and wins games. Petry? He's a fucking wild case....he doesn't give a fucking shit about shit....he just wins at it and wins at it well. The guy knows what to do out there and doesn't fuck up...wow. A+
Alexei Emelin
Oh my word....this man is nuts, he's a nut-ball, he's a damned crazy man. He's a wild horse on the fucking loose! Oh wow...this guy is fucking nuts! He even got into Milan Lucic's head! He's a feisty fucking guy is what he is! He'll fuck you up....he doesn't care. He'll punch you in your fucking face, he doesn't give a shit. He's a nutcase....he'll kick you right in the ass....DIRECTLY IN THE ASS! He'll even punch you in the fucking ass! He's NUTS! A FUCKING NUT BALL! He is from like the weird part of Russia where they plant potatoes and AK-47s in the ground and farm potatoes and machine guns like they're vegetables! Those guys who come from there!? They barely even give a fuck!
Он Сумасшедший !
A+
Tom Gilbert
This long haired untamed Wyld Stallyn!? He's a maniac on wheels! He's like Speed Racer or Racer X! He doesn't give a shit! He's a race car driver on wheels....on ice! He'll run ya right down! He don't play around! He'll body check ya fucking hard! He'll make ya think twice in your zone! He'll make ya think twice you PUNK ASS SON OF A BITCH! Ya better think twice before you try and mix it up with this long haired Wyld Stallyn! Oh Myyyyyy Goooooodness!
A+
Nathan Beaulieu
Nathan!? The guy is a YOUNG GUN....he's literally a GUN and is YOUNG. He's like 22 years old! That's nuts! He's like the youngest guy and he's like the craziest GUN! He can become a GUN just like Megatron can! He can become a fucking GUN and he's YOUNG! He's like Megatron if Megatron was a young man instead of a greasy fuckin' robot! Holy fucking shit!
A+
Mr. Sergei Gonchar
I used to trade for this man in EA SPORTS NHL 97! I USED TO GET HIM ON THE CANADIENS IN VIDEO GAMES BACK IN 1997! THAT'S HOW COOL HE IS....HE'S ON THE TEAM FOR REAL NOW AND THAT'S FUCKED UP! THE MAN IS AN ICON! HE DOESN'T GIVE A FUCK AT ALL. HE'S A WISE ELDER LIKE SPLINTER OFF OF NINJA TURTLES! NATHAN BEAULIEU ASKS HIM ALL THE QUESTIONS HE NEEDS ANSWERED! NATHAN IS LIKE "HEY MR SERGEI...HOW DO I BECOME WAY BETTER?" AND THEN GONCHAR IS LIKE "OKAY, I WILL TELL YOU." AND THEN ALL THE YOUNG GUNS BECOME EVEN BETTER! IT'S FUCKING CRAZY!!!! THAT'S WHAT IT IS!!!!!
A+
Gregory Pateryn
Greg? This guy knows how to do it! He'll hit you and he'll fuck you up....he doesn't care....he barely cares all...in fact...he doesn't give a fuck at all...not even one. He's a friggin' maniac with a heart of gold! It's nuts! He's very very nuts!
A+
Mike Weaver
Weaver? What the fuck!? The guy has a degree in Web Design from an esteemed University! The guy is intelligent! He'll punch you in the throat! He'll invite you to dinner and then punch you in the balls! This guy? He'll design a website up your ASS! He's CRAAAAAZY! CRAZY AS FUCK! ABSOLUTELY CRAZY AS ALL FUCK!!
A+
The Fuckin' Forwards
LISTEN UP TO THIS FUCKING SONG! WHY DON'T YOU!?
Tomas Plekanec
This one? Don't even me started on this one! He's the most under-rated human player in the whole damned NHL! He is a defensive forward who just happens to get 60 points! He's a two-way forward...he's a fucking two-way forward! He plays his heart out! He actually plays his whole heart out! That's crazy! To play your heart out? That's absolutely nuts! Wow!
On je skvělý !
A+
Maximum Max Patch oh RETTY
Oh this fucking guy right here!? Oh shit....this man'll score like 80 goals a year because he barely even gives two fucks about it! He's a sniper....he's a fuckin' sniper....holy moly! Oh man...I bought that MAX 67 fucking cheese burger they sellin' at MacDernDern's lately...that shit tasted so fucking gooood! It had these weird red sticks in it! They were like spicy red french fries or something! It tasted soooooo gooood....I STILL REMEMBER EATING THAT BURGER LIKE IT WAS YESTERADAAAAY! IT HAD A LOT A LOT OF MAYONAISSE, OH MY WORD! IT FUCKED ME UP! IT CHANGED MY LIIIIFE 4 EVER! HOLY FUCKING SHIT! I LOVE HAAAAAMBURGERS!
A+
Brendan Gallagher
He's so young....he has his entire human life ahead of HIM. He's only 22 fuckin' years old this guy! That's as young as fuck! He charges the damned net all the time! He doesn't care AT ALL. They be slashing him and cross checking his ass....but they can't even get this fucking guy away from the GOALIE BECAUSE HE'S AN UNMOVABLE OBJECT! AN UNMOVABLE OBJECT! HE'S THE BEST! HOLY SHIT! HE REMINDS ME OF PAT VERBEEK! HE DOESN'T PLAY AS DIRTY THOUGH! HE'S AMAZING AT HOCKEY! HOLY FUCK! HE DOESN'T NEED TO GET PUMPED! HE'S ALREADY PUMPED....I can tell from his face.
A+
David Desharnais
Oh my gosh. This guy plays with all his heart! What he lacks in size he makes up in heart like that guy RUDY from that movie RUDY starring that dude RUDY! Rudy was being a punk but Charles "Rock" Dutton told him to shape up and then RUDY did! In real life....the Mayor told Desharnais to shape up...AND HE DID! NOW HE'S AMAZING! HE'S A SLICK PUCK HANDLER! HOLY FUCK! WHAT IN THE WOOOORLD!? HE'S LIKE GLEN METROPOLIT TIMES FIFTY!
A+
Alex Galchenyuk
This young man? OH WOW! HE'S A YOUNG GUN! He's gonna be a fucking total super star in the fucking league for like 20 years! HE'S GONNA MAKE LIKE A ZILLION DOLLARS! HE'S GONNA BE IN THE HALL OF FAME in 2045! THAT'S FUCKED UP! I PROBABLY WON'T EVEN BE ALIVE BY THE TIME HE MAKES THE HALL OF FAME. THAT'S MENTAL! HE'S GONNA SCORE MORE GOALS IN HIS LIFE THAN GRETZKY! HE'S ONE OF THE YOUNGEST GUNS.
A+
Jake De La Rose
This mother fucker is from FUCKING SWEDEN! THAT'S WHERE INGE HAMMARSTROM CAME FROM! Jake is 400 times more powerful than Inge Hammarstrom! If Inge was a STORM of fucking HAMMERS....as in....hammers raining down from the sky killing everything in its vicinity...then Jake is like a hurricane of POWER DRILLS RAINING DOWN ON THE FERTILE LANDS! DRILLING EVERYTHING! A TYPHOON OF FUCKING POWER DRILLS! ASSHOLE! FUCK!
A+
Lars Eller
Lars Eller!? I love this fucking guy! He's one of my favorite guys on the whole fucking team! He's a great great player...I REALLY LIKE WATCHING HIM PLAY...IT'S VERY ENTERTAINING! HE'S VERY VERY TALENTED! HE'S A DANE! HE'S A GOD DAMED GREAT DANE! HOLY SHIT! I HOPE HE WINS THE CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!
A+
Brandon Prust
This man wears number 8! He looks like Cam Neely. He fucks all the mother fuckers up! He kicks people in the fucking ass! He kicks them in the ass HARD! When he kicks you in the fucking ass...you fucking feel it! You feel it....in your stupid ASS! YAAAAAAAAA! YAAAAAAA! He'll kick ya in the butt...he don't care! He's a mental case! WOW! From the coast to the coast...he's even more powerfuller than SPACE GHOST! HE'LL KICK ZORAK IN HIS ASS! HE WILL PUNCH LOKAR IN THE FACE! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
A+
Dale Weise
The guy looks like a seventies hockey man! Look at his hair! The guy looks like he's playing in the SEVENTIES! THAT'S FUCKED UP! HE'LL FUCK YOU UP! HE'LL SCORE A GOAL AND THEN PUNCH YOU IN THE FAAAAACE! WHAT DA FUCK! HOLY SHIT! THAT'S CRAAAAZY AS HELL! THAT'S SO CRAZY! Ooooh my wooooord!
A+
Torry Mitchell
OH MY LANTA! THIS GUY SCORED A GOAL IN GAME ONE! THAT'S FUCKING COOOOOL! HE MIGHT SCORE EVEN MORE! THAT'S AMAZING! HOLY GOD DAMNED SHIT YOU FUCKING GUYS! I HOPE HE GETS A STANLEY CUP!
A+
Diamond Devante Smith-Pelly
DSP? This guy is like 230 pounds of BEEF! THE DUDE'S A BEEF STEAK OF POWER! HE'S LIKE A RUNNING BACK ON SKATES! HE'S LIKE GOD DAMNED MARSHAWN LYNCH ON SKATES! HE'LL RUN YOU OVER LIKE A FREIGHT TRAIN OF HUMAN JUSTICE! HE'S ABOUT TO GO INTO BEEEEEEAST MOOOOOOODE! BEAST MODE, OH SHIT! MOTHER FUCKING BEAST MODE! BEAST MODE, you sonna va BITCHES! OH Wow!
A+
P.A. Parenteau
This man!? OH SHIT! HE'LL SCORE ON YOU. He will score on you! Get ready asshole...cuz he's gonna score on you....right on your damned net. Get ready! Holy fuck he's gonna score on you...really hard. Oh shit....he's gonna shoot the puck right past you! What the fuck are you thinking? The dude's gonna shoot goals on you! YES! HE'S BEEN WATCHIN SLAPSHOT STARRING PAUL NEWMAN ALL WEEEEEK LONG! HE'S READY TO START SCORING FUCKING GOALS LIKE NED BRADEN and SHIT! YA!
Lui? P.A.? il va magané tous les gars! Estie! TABARNAK!
Everyone's gonna get Maganed.....FUCK EM ALL!
A+
Brian Flynn
WHAT? The man's name, according to wikipedia, means scoring goals? Now just what the fuck is that shit!? HIS OWN NAME LITERALLY MEANS SCORING GOALS!? THAT's CRAZY! It's ironic because that's what the man does! He scores goals and shit! He got 3 points in game 1.....holy shit, everybody. Holy actual shit!
A+
Manny Malhotra
Him!? Are you crazy!? HE'S AMAZING! HE WINS ALL THE FACEOFFS ALL OF THE TIIIME! HE LOST HIS EYE AND THEN CAME BACK TO PLAY AGAIN! HE'S AMAAAAAZING! THAT'S CRAZY! HE'S LIKE A PIRATE! HE'LL PLUNDER YOU! HE'LL PLUNDER YOU AT HIGH SEAS! HE DOESN'T EVEN CARE CUZ HE'S THE GREATEST! HE WINS FACE OFFS! ARE YOU LISTENING!? THE GUY'S AMAZING! HE CAN WIN AT HOCKEY! HE'S A VETERAN WHO TEACHES WISDOM TO THE YOUNGER GUYS! YEEEEESSSSSSSSS! I SAW HIM A PEEL PUB ONCE EAT 18 PLATES OF RAVIOLI! THE GUY IS A BEAST! HE'S THE GREATEST GUY! A+
Da Goalers
RIP KENNY JENSEN!
That Carey Price!
Carey Price!? He's the best! He's one of the greatest goalies of all time! I can't believe it! HE wins cups! He's good at it! WOW! He is quick like a fox! He's smart like a dolphin! He's unbreakable! Ya can't break his concentration! He's indomitable! Absolutely MENTALLY INDOMITABLE! HIS MENTAL FACULTIES ARE AN IMPREGNABLE PYRAMID OF DIVINE CONCENTRATION! IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE! This guy is in The Zone.
A+
Dustin Tokarski
That's a polish name! His grandpa probably fought in world war 2 for Poland and slapped that motherfucking bitch Hitler in his bitch-ass mouth! His grandad probably kicked Hitler in the fucking ass! THAT'S AMAZING! HE'S A HERO! HE'S A FUCKING HERO! YEAH!
A+
The Coaches
He's listening to da fucken song! What the fuck is wrong witchu !? Are you stupid?
Michel Therrien
This is the guy who knows all the tactics! He knows what line to put out against who! He's the best at it! He's so tactically sound it's unreal! He's like the Zhuge Liang (諸葛亮) of Ice Hockey. He has a powerful-ass mind! He knows about all the tricks and all the deceptions. He has his finger on the button! He knows what button to press! He's in control of these damned situations and shit! He's the man with the plan. He knows what to do and WHEN!
A+
Dan Lacroix
This mother fucker right here? Dan Lacroix? This maniac!? He got 466 penalty minutes with the Granby Bisons back in '87! THAT's FUCKED UP! THAT'S THOROUGHLY FUCKED UP! This guy probably killed a guy that year! He probably suplexed a dude! He probably ate a guy's heart! How the fuck do you get 466 mother fucking penalty minutes!? He's gonna punch the other assistant coach of the other team in the throat! HE'S A NUT CASE! WHAT THE FUCK!?
A+
J.J. Daigneault
Jean Jacques "mother fucking" Daigneault? You never heard of this guy before? Are you on drugs? He won the cup in 1993! He held the cup over his fucking head! OH WOW! This guy can coach his ASS OFF! HE's NUTS!
A+
Clément Jodoin
He had 15 points for Concordia University back in nineteen seventy motherfuckin' three! WOW! The Big C will round house kick you in the face with a 180 degree power kick....AND BARELY EVEN GIVE A FUCK! THAT'S FUCKED UP! THAT TRULY IS! IT IS TRULY FUCKED UP IS WHAT THAT IS! HOLY SHIT!
A+
Conclusion
YEAH! JUMPIN' IN THE FRIGGIN' AIR!LOOK AT DIS SHIT!
Jeepers....I got pumped just writing that garbage. I take my prognostications seriously. My baseball ones especially but my hockey ones too. I did say they'd win the cup this year back in 2012....so it's coming time where I'm either gonna look super savvy or like a total bozo. I hope this mini-pump will turn the tides of the human future. If even one guy found this on google by googling his name...then I hope it gets said human pumped....but not too pumped...only the perfect 75% pumped...because the refs are calling all kinds of shit now and if you're too pumped you might get suspended or some shit....so 75% is a good pumped to be right now.
In all seriousness, if they do win the trophy this year....please don't riot up the place. It's kind of embarrassing when you fanatics set the shit on fire and shit. I agree it looks cool....but in the end it really isn't. It makes us look like bad and everything with all the rioting and this and that.
...Chill out and let the team grow. That's not only the fans but the media too. Chill out and let this team grow.
The next 2-3 years are "rebuilding" years. We got to finish at the bottom in order to get higher draft picks, and by 2015 we will be serious serious business. This team has a lot of talented young players and will have a few more with the draft picks of the next two years. You got to chill and let these kids grow, you can't scare them out of town, you can't use them as the scapegoat of the week, or any of that crap.
Look at these guys, you got Pacioretty who's already got 25 goals this year. You got P.K. Subban who will probably be the first black captain of the Canadiens and who has merchandising potential to make the team millions and millions with his popularity. You got Price who is looking really good and will probably get better. You got Lars Eller who is huge and skates like a bat outta hell. These young guys are good. Let them develop, grow, and meld as a functional human unit.
This is what I think the respective parties involved should do:
The Front Office's role:
Don't waste money on tempting free agents. You will need a lot of dough to sign these youngsters longterm when they get real good so do not use up your budget signing washed up guys like Gomezes or Cammaleries.
The Coaches role:
Don't interfere too much if ever. You don't play as big a role as you think you do. Just let these kids get out there and do the do. Your egos can do more damage to a team than good, and in no way can your ego make players play better unless you're super-chill and cool like a Reggie Dunlop type guy.
The Young Playas roles:
Don't over-indulge. Montreal is a fun city, it has lots of dance clubs, strip joints, massage parlors and all kinds of cool shit. You kids cannot ruin your lives by wasting all your energy on Montreal's slut population. Yes the sluts are bangin' and good, but their pussies will not win you a Stanley Cup. Plus, there's plenty of time for them in the off-season.
The Media's role:
Shut the fuck up. You make a new scapegoat every other week, and make mountains out of mole hills in the space between those weeks. Let these kids play hockey.
The Fan's role:
Enjoy this shit. It's just a hockey game, it's not important and not anything to get too crazy over. You don't have to riot, but if you think you do have to riot when they win the cup in 2015 then please keep the damage to a minimum. The city should invest in what I would call "Riot Domes" or "Designated Damage Areas" where enclosed spaces are closed off with ply-wood walls and filled with old beat up cars and plate glass windows where rioters can go and smash junk up without damaging public or private property. The fans could thus punch and kick cars like Guile off of Street Fighter with all the gusto they want, but nothing of value will be lost or damaged.
Facebook gives users webspace to upload pictures of themselves, write crap, and whatever. It's like Geocities or Fortunecity used to be except Facebook has a very odd ulterior motive behind it.
It takes all your data and sells it to advertising firms who use that data to figure out how to sell products to you. It sells everything you put on it, even your personal private messages, and even the stuff you deleted. The ad agencies then crawl through all the data and draw up battle plans. I really hope this is done by a program which searches out popular terms used and compiles them, I hope ad firms aren't paying people to read everyone's status updates and private messages to figure out how they should make their next commercial. A theoretical conversation at an ad agency could be something like this:
"Hey Gordon, did you know that Susie Q. Pollyanna prefers the color blue to the color green? She just stated it in a private message to Gilberta Sanchez while she was at the Slurp N' Save on LaQueen avenue."
"Woah David! That puts the tally of people who prefer blue over green at 1,233,121 and the people who prefer green over blue at 910,236!"
"Wow Gordon! For our next ad, our product should have more blue in the background and the actor should display our product while wearing a blue shirt!"
"Great idea David! You're so cool!"
Oh shit man. I think those conversations really are happening and that's sad. Can you believe those people get paid huge salaries at those fucking agencies. My lands...my motherfuckin' lands, this is a crazy world we are living in.
In the FAQ published by facebook, they have an entry for the question "Does Facebook sell my information?" and they answer it like this:
"No. You have control over how your information is shared. We do not share your personal information with people or services you don't want. We do not give advertisers access to your personal information. We do not and never will sell any of your information to anyone"
The lead-off NO is a very misleading one. I find the "you don't want" part to be odd. By that statment they are telling you that they share your personal information (so the "no" is a ridiculous lie) but only with "people you want." You know when they ask you before you install an app if you will let the app have access to your information and you accept? That's all it takes for that service to become someone/something "you want." Say you signed up to allow New York Post stories on Facebook with their app, well, the New York Post is now someone "you want" to have your information.
Basically, they don't sell it in a legal sense (in a way that you can sue them), what they do is: they state that any info you share is up to you, then they take a lot of money from 3rd party companies and let them put apps on facebook for you to use, the trade-off for using those apps is to share your info with them (they even straight up tell you that when you install them). They are "sharing" your info with the parties you allow them to.
Oh and why are "advertisers" even mentioned in that FAQ answer? It wasn't asked in the question, kind of odd...isn't it?
How do you think Facebook is a billion dollar corporation? By magic? It doesn't cost anything, sell anything, or make a profit in any possible way. How can it be a billion dollar business? Only by selling (sorry I mean "sharing") your info with other businesses and agencies who want to research their target markets.
Personally, I use Facebook, I think it connects a lot of people and I don't think another network will get off the ground any time soon that will have billions of users (that's a lot). I like to communicate with writing because I write better than I talk. I think I grind my teeth too much when I sleep and my jaw is kind of messed up from that, but with writing you don't have to move your jaw...only your fingers and hands. I can just go on the facebook after work and take a few minutes to socialize, comment on shit and not use my jaw.
I know they got algorithmic robot compilers scanning my stuff and throwing my tastes into some huge Taste-O-Base Database but I don't care. You want to know why? Because I am immune to advertising!
Back when I was an ugly teenager, I was into that buddhism shit. Especially the mantra chanting. A mantra chant is when you repeat the same sentence over and over in your skull ad nauseum until it's engraved and tattooed into your memory. I started with "Namyo Ho Renge Kyo" like Willie Davis and the guy who looks like Lu Da from Suikoden II used to say, and it means that all things that happen have an equal and opposite reaction. Then one day I made a fire in a fireplace and I was listening to a CD called "Repeater" by this band called Fugazi. A song called "Blueprint" came on and I listened to it while I gazed fixated at the flames in the fireplace. The fire made my eyes hot and I put my face really close to the fire and absorbed all the colors and heat with my eyes, and then the chorus of the song went like...
Never mind what they're sellin' It's what you're buyin' (...and receivin' undefiled)
Never mind what they're sellin' It's what you're buyin' (...and receivin' undefiled)
Never mind what they're sellin' It's what you're buyin' (...and receivin' undefiled)
That was a mantra, man. A mantra you listen to while you look at stuff burn, a mantra you say while wood burns away. That mantra is engraved in my skull just as the fire is engraved in my eyes.
That shit is true too! I don't care what anyone tries to sell me! I only worry about what I am buying. It's my action of buying something that's important...not the trickery, gimmicks, and tactics of the people trying to sell me shit! I don't care what tactics the ad agencies devise to try and get me to buy things because I am in control of what I buy, and that's that.
Everything is streamlined now too I think. Like if you buy something on Amazon, that purchase will go in some big ad agency database and next thing you know I'm seeing ads on my facebook or on google adsense for "similar purchases" to the thing I bought on Amazon. I don't care if Gordon and David know that I recently purchased The Dolemite Total Experience off of Amazon. I bought that because I wanted to, Dolemite movies are one of my many bibles and I wanted to have a hard copy of it. You're not going to get me to buy other DVDs you consider similar to that by throwing them in ads on the right hand side of every website I visit.
Anyways, I use the facebook because I don't think the downside outweighs the upside, but I am aware that it's a data farming tool for ad agencies. Your opinion might be different than mine, if you don't want Gordon and David or whoever reading your statuses, looking at your photos, and snooping through your private messages to figure out what ads to throw at you while you browse the internet then you should use another social media service (or if you're really smart and a real go getter...just invent and program a new better one).
Honestly, I think it's kind of sad, I really do. Ad agencies are shelling out billions of dollars to study you, and figure out the best way to trick you into buying some garbage. Me? I don't care if you know I like Dolemite and wear jeans in my photos...you're not gonna get me to buy NOTHING. I don't care what YOU ARE SELLIN'...because it is what I AM BUYIN'....and I buy my Dolemite movies UNDEFILED...you no business, rat-soup eating, dilapidated, born insecure, AD AGENCY MOTHA FUCKAHS!
Mookie Wilson has the greatest name I've ever heard. I don't care who knows about it. Mookie Wilson won the 1986 World Series. Mookie Wilson is either the uncle or step-dad or father of Preston Wilson.
Mookie Wilson hangs out with Muppets. Mookie Wilson started a school for inner-city low-income teenage girls in New Jersey and those young ladies are called "Mookie's Roses". I think that Mookie is like Bosley from Charlie's Angels and he shows up on a TV screen at the school after class and dispatches his Roses on international spy missions.
This is a song about Mookie Wilson:
Mookie Wilson was put on this earth to help us....
This is also a song about MOOKIE WILSON......Click on the following LiNk...
Wait, I want to talk about it first. Did you knowwhen Mookie was in High School that he didn't even play baseball his first year? Holy crap. He didn't play because he was scared and so much smaller than the other guys. Oh man. Then he realized that he has more confidence than those big guys and he made the team. Wow.
One time he was playing the Pirates and it was extra "ainings" and there was one out and he was on third base. Mackey Sasser hit a ground ball and Mookie scored the winning run! Whoa! Then as a matter of fact he did it again the very next night against the Montreal Expos. You know why? Because he took care of himself, ate right, lived the clean living, and because he BELIEVED IN HIMSELF! Yeah! How's that for inspiration!?
(Important and Crucial Advisory: The next link will make you believe in yourself)
Now that you believe in yourself you have to understand that Mookie Wilson is a cool guy. You can do anything you want. You can be anything you want to be. It is very uplifting. Don't let life get you down. You can cure cancer or win the world series...or you can do both. You can score the winning run. You can be like Mookie Wilson too.
