Zomb-A-Movie

Super fucking famous movie director Christian Kole is making a second attempt at a Zomb-a-Movie, after having somewhat internet success with "28 Terms Later" (available here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcCzRWbNBWI).

Fresh out of the prestigious Las Vegas Film School of Movie Arts, Kole has his sites set on making his second zombie movie a littler raunchier, and way more disgusting. His previous passion of documenting the mentally crooked and deranged members of society in their natural habitats (as seen here as they eat pizza and listen to some Etta James) should give him the edge and necessary experience to take on such a difficult film making endeavor.

The first draft of the script seems very well written

Back in Montreal after a long haitus in the wastelands of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, Kole is excited about his project and hopes it turns out quite good.

On Human Oddities (as such)...

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Olden Times
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There are two polarized views on human oddities, one side thinking that putting these people on a pedestal for all to see is demeaning and horrible, while the other side thinks putting these people on a pedestal is simply celebrating their uniqueness and individuality.

The advanced political correctness of modern times has deemed this as demeaning and eliminated the "Freak Shows" of yesteryear for the most part. The most popular circus, Cirque de Soleil, does not even have one human oddity on its roster of performers. That brings up a very obvious counter argument right there... where do these folks work now? Most of these folks in question's handicaps make it difficult for them to find gainful employment, and unless they were born into a rich family and able to secure a large inheritence then chances are most of today's human oddities only income is through their respective government's relief programs.

I think they represent a very important cog in the human machine, I believe their personal oddities are actually the height of individuality and should indeed be celebrated. In the back of all our minds we can probably picture a world where everyone is the exactly the same and it's actually scary. A world where everyone looks the same, acts the same, walks the same, talks the same, and behaves the same. The pros of a world such as this would be many obviously, we'd get a lot more stuff done and more efficiently if we were all on the same page I guess, but wouldn't it be fantastically fucking boring though? Can a frightening society as this ever really exist? Can the great big combine harvester of human conformity really meld us into being one and the same? Or are there people who exist out there who are so different that conforming them would be a physical impossibility? Human oddities are indeed those people and they represent the burden of proof that hopefully a society of fully conformed humans will never ever be able to exist.

We've tried over and over to rid the world of these human oddities, most people are aware that Nazi Germany was big on this...they rounded up many people and had them weeded out of the human gene pool with hopes of "improving" it. Most probably don't know that every nation has had it's turn attempting to kill off these offshoots of humanity. Winston Churchill's Britain had tens of thousands of oddities and mentally handicapped individuals sterilized or lobotomized. In Canada, each province had mass sterilizations, the Alberta Eugenics Board was the most fervent in it's attempt to weed out these people (see wiki: Alberta Eugenics and google Canadian eugenics for other data).

Get away from Hans you lascivious howler you!

A great 1932 film entitled "Freaks" (available for viewing here: I mean here) made in the height of the eugenics fervor attempted to show that they were in fact humans with personalities and emotions of their own. It details the plight of a German dwarf named Hans who is in the process of being duped out of his family fortune by a beautiful acrobat, yet before she has the chance to poison poor lil' Hans and kill him, Hans' Freak brethren and sistren corner her on a stage cart and horribly mutilate her...turning her into something she reviled most...a freak herself. It should've been called "Revenge of the Freaks" or "Take that Eugenics" in my opinion, but it is a really good movie nonetheless and it has that Indian parapalegic guy in it too.

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Modern times
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One of the main reasons I love the Howard Stern show so much is their attitude towards the human oddity, they take the latter stance and celebrate these individuals and make them incredibly famous and rich. They love the individuality of oddballs, whackjobs, the criminily insane (see: Elegant Elliot Offen), and for and foremost phyisical human oddities. You've had your dwarfs over the years such as Kessler, Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf, that little shitball Eric the Midget, but one stands head and shoulder above the rest...the great Beetlejuice.

Lester "Beetajuice" Green (background peice) is a microcephalic dwarf who may be the most iconic and beloved human oddity in history and with very good reason. Microcephalic basically means that he has a very tiny misshapen skull.

They're Children!

Three microcephalic dwarf girls appear in the 1932 film "Freaks" as well, they are actually in two of the most poignant scenes of the film. In the first scene we see them, they are running around and playing and laughing and singing outside when two men happen upon them and start telling them that they are "monsters!", their teacher responds by yelling back that they are simply "children!" In the second scene the strong man of the circus is telling one of the girls that he is going to Paris on a trip and that he's going to bring her back a present, and while she's all smiles he follows up with "...yeah! a big old hat! hahahaha!" He makes you want to jump in the screen and beat the shit out of him.

They tried to stop people like this from existing for so long and fervently, yet over seventy years later there are still microcephalic dwarfs and they are living life large. I'm kind of an opponent of organized religion yet I like seeing Jewish people being Jewish because I know from reading history that a powerful group of horrible Nazis tried to kill every Jewish person just for being Jewish and thusly when you see a Jewish person proudly being Jewish it represents a testament to the determination and perseverance of the human race. Similarly, after all the sterilizations and lobotomies and attempts to weed out microcephalics from the gene pool, it is very uplifting to know that there is still at least one out there and he is living life as large as can.

Yeah...you.

Is Beetlejuice that cog mentioned before in the human machine that is impossible by any means to conform? No matter how hard any person, combinations of persons, or streamlined collective subconscious rule system tries...people like him can never be successfully conformed. Does he represent a golden ray of hope that a totally homogenized society can never truly exist?

Is Beetle the best? Yup, and he knows it too...

Irony

Looking into Google Adsense for a day now the ironic thing about it seems that the best way to make money with Google Adsense is to write a blog about Google Adsense.

The statistics they record for you are "unique page impressions" which means your site's traffic, "clicks" which means how many times people have clicked on the ads on your site, and your "effective CPM" which is described as follows...

"Effective CPM doesn't represent how much you have actually earned -- rather, it's calculated by dividing your estimated earnings by the number of page impressions, then multiplying by 1000. For example, if you earned an estimated $0.15 from 25 page impressions, then your page eCPM would equal ($0.15 / 25) * 1000, or $6.00. If you earned an estimated $180 from 45,000 ad impressions, your ad eCPM would equal ($180 / 45,000) * 1000, or $4.00."

That shit's intense!

All this being said, you get the most money from when people click on the stupid ads. In all seriousness have you ever clicked on an internet ad. Me? I remember when they made those game ones a few years ago where a target would move over O.J. Simpson's head and when you clicked it you got whisked away somewhere but other than that I've NEVER clicked on an internet ad. The only time that they get me to click on them now is when your held at gun point to do so, like say you wanted to get that great game Photoboy for the TurboGrafx 16, the ROM dealers will make you fill out 6 surveys and click on 5 ads before you can navigate your way out of the maze and they allow you to get to the download link.

Now that being said, who aaaaaaare these people who are clicking on internet ads? It's those people who go into the google and search for things like..."how to make money online," "make money from home," "how do I get the free monies?"....those are the ONLY people on earth who click ads. Guess what? Each ad niche on Adsense is given a price multiplier as well, for instance ads about food give you X monies per click and ads about music give you Y amount of money per click, and what are the ads that net you by far the most internet money per click? Ads about making money online! It's a cycle of ironic stupidity.

Hey Guy! Click the Target and Get all Rich!

You then throw your RSS feed on StumbleUpon, Tehcnocrati, Digg, and other venues and tag your blog with labels about making some money...and low and behold you are gonna get the hits and nothing but the hits.

If I continue updating this blog, I guarantee you the only blog update that ever has a good chance of raking in any good amount of free internet money is this scam one you are reading right now.

Dear Carl Sagan who art in somewheres...

Dear Mr. Sagan,

In your book Demon Haunted World on page number 26, you cite the popularity of Beavis and Butthead as a sign of the decline of intelligence in civilization. I feel that this point is mistaken.

The creator of Beavis and Butthead, Mr. Mike Judge, was a man of scientific intellect. He worked as an engineer previous to creating cartoons for the masses. Judge's "Beavis and Butthead" is in much the same vein as your book Demon Haunted World.

Your book is in essence a social critique of the decline of intelligence of our times, and more so a request for people to practice skepticism and foremost critical thinking. Similarly, "Beavis and Butthead" is also a social critique on the decline of national intelligence. As for promoting critical thinking? Beavis and Butthead's harsh critique of the music industry's chaff garbage forced upon the youth of the era gave the teens who watched it at that time an inherent Bullshit Detector. Anything that was fake or pretentious was automatically tossed aside and labeled as "sucks" on the program and similarly the teens of the era took a critical way of thinking to the entertainment media they observed.

Wherever you are in the universe, whether you are star stuff or whatever...please don't hate on Beavis and Butthead bro.

(Sources: Sagan, C. Demon Haunted World, p.26)

True

"If I were a little weaker, I may have died more easily.."

true brother, true.

Radio transmission 6

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Pride
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Friday, September the 17th 1993, almost 50,000 people there that night, Phillies get 7 runs in the sixth innings and we're down 7 to 3. The Expos inch back and tie it up again in the bottom of the seventh culminating with a two run double by a young rookie name Curtis Pride. The kid's first hit ever and it's maybe the biggest hit in Expos history in the last 20 years. This guy by the way was a deaf guy, you can't even make this up man. A deaf guy name PRIDE (of all things) being the hero in front of 50,000 fans. He said he couldn't hear the ovation but could feel the vibrations and reverberations of the 50,000 people showing their appreciation. We made a deaf guy hear! You can't make this stuff up, even for like a cheesy/corny TV movie or something no one would believe it...but this is a 100% authentic factual information!

I was 10 years old, I was cheering and clapping so much for him I lost my voice and my hands were red! It was great dude.

Jackie Robinson

I remember being at school and having to write an essay on the American civil rights movement and wrote my essay on Jackie Robinson instead of Martin Luther King or Malcolm X. I got a very poor mark, like a D I think. The teacher said he was not that important a figure in the civil rights movement. I think in his nerdiness he was too far removed from the importance athletics has on a nation. In Malcolm X's book he states that the thing that got him through his prison time was calculating Jackie's batting average on the walls of his cell each day. I don't know why I find this whole situation of Jackie Robinson and baseball's color barrier to be fascinating beyond belief but the fact that the people of my home city have a role to play in this story makes it even more interesting still.

On Malcolm X's stone wall in his jail cell he'd chalk up the stats...one day Jackie may have went 1 for 4, and he chalked up .250, the next game Jackie may have gone 2 for 5 and X scrawled it out and changed the running tally to .333, and so on as the days and games progressed. Why was it so important what Jackie Robinson's batting average was?

Let's put this into the context of the era, in this time pseudo-scientific notions of eugenics (google it) plagued the minds of all nations of the globe. Eugenics made race into a backward science and made an arbitrary hierarchy of who was better than who by what they looked like. For example German eugenics purported that Jews were inferior and exterminated them. American eugenics held that people of darker skin tones were not as intelligent, physically capable, and advanced as those with light skin tones. Sadly, most people thought this way in that time. The U.S. Government set up laws (called Jim Crow laws) outlawing people with darker skin tones from advancing in society, and even weirder crazier things like not using the same fountain as light skinned people. This mental narrow mindedness was even in the heads of the law makers of the country. Obviously this is a problem to say the least, having heads of state who govern in this fashion is unspeakably dangerous.

Luckily science is dogged at all times by a great little thing called proof. Science is also dogged by a great little thing called mathematics. What if on a mass scale with everyone watching, eugenics was put to the test? That is exactly what happened in 1947. America's past time is baseball and the invention of radio and television meant everyone in the nation could listen or watch the test in progress. Jackie was given the chance to display his abilities by Branch Rickey of the Brooklyn Dodgers and he could single handedly destroy a backward mindset of entire nation if he succeeded.

Let's say Jackie hit .197 and made 10 errors in his first 20 games and was sent down to the minors and never came back. This was a totally possible thing that could have happened in the test. Sadly, this result would have set the civil rights movement back a few decades. The millions of Americans watching this would have had used this data to further convince themselves that eugenics was correct.

Fortunately this was not the case. Jackie Robinson hit .297, with 125 runs scored and lead the leauge in stolen bases in his rookie season of 1947. Two seasons later in 1949 he led the league with a .342 batting average and was awarded the MVP that season. He was the most valuable player to his team and everyone knew it...there was no denying that Jackie was the most valuable human in baseball in 1949, and that is a huge blow to American eugenics and probably convinced millions of narrow minded fellows and ladies that the way they thought was wrong. Jackie through a series of events was given the burden of disproving American eugenics and despite all the death threats, hardships, violence from opposing players...despite everything being stacked against him he managed to gloriously succeed.

I think everyone knows that Jackie was a Montreal Royal (Brooklyn IL league farm club) in 1946 prior to his tenure with the Dodgers. Jackie hit .349 that season and won us the championship. The Montreal fans embraced him and loved him and that makes me proud to tell people that I was born here. When baseball universally retired his number 24 on all teams I went to Olympic Stadium the night Rachel Robinson was there on behalf of her deceased husband and she thanked Montreal on behalf of her husband and it really made me feel connected personally to one of the most significant events in the history of North America and the world.

Written by Deric Brazill

for radio transmission 5

Gotta keep expos on the minds of the sports fans.

I think this era that we are currently living in (2010 and beyond) is a crucial moment in the future of baseball in Montreal. I mean major league baseball has been gone for over 5 years now, there's sports fans coming up who have no idea that the Expos even existed you know? All the new kids these days, they don't know about it.

I think what should be done now is keep interest in the Expos alive, on the minds of this generation and following ones so that at some point....when the montreal economy gets better or some big Rich Guy with a lot of dough like Bronfman comes on the scene again at point in the next 25 years or whatever...the memory and the interest in the entity that was the Expos is still on people's minds, and the want or need to have the team return is still there in generations to come.

So I mean you gotta keep talkin' Expos even though there gone, cause if no one talks about it no one in the next generations will care at all. They'll care about soccer these kids, with the running, or the UFC with all the punching and mongoloid brutality. the great experience of baseball will be lost, the intricate tactical underpinning and grace of a game like baseball will be dissolved from the montreal sports atmosphere.

What I think should be done now by those who lived in the Expos era...is even exagerate the history into legend, to keep the spirit alive. When I tell kids about Timmy Raines, I talk about him like he was larger than life you know. Make them really want Major League Baseball here again. When I tell the younger generation about Dawson I talk about him like I'm talking about a Greek God or something...like Poiseidon or something eh.
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Andre Dawson
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-NICKNAME-

This data was retrieved from Warren Cromartie's great book "Slugging it Out in Japan"

The Old Cro says the name was derived and evolved from Dawson's original nickname which was the Cobra! He said, even as a rookie Dawson didn't take guff from nobody even veterans on the team like Tony Perez or Pete Rose....but he wasn't a violent guy though...he did it all with stares and the look in his eyes. He'd like hunch his shoulders up like a COBRA and HAWK you down with his eyes. It was a predatory style nickname for an intense guy. Dawson was a well respected dude, a real stoic and silent leader type.

A little proof here illustrate how intense Dawson was:

When the Expos played the Astros in the Eighties, they would sometimes run into a guy named Nolan Ryan. Nolan Ryan used to be pretty intense himself and he had this thing where if you'd hit a homerun off the great Nolan Ryan, he'd walk to third base and wait for the you on your homerun trot to round third and then GLARE at you to show his internal discontent over losing the pitcher-battle duel....but there was one guy he would never do it to.....he would never do it to Andre Dawson. Andre would just Hawk him down.

I think Nolan Ryan avoided it for same reason the Americans and Russians avoided using nuclear arms in the Cold War. Just Imagine the Electrons of Nolan Ryan's intensity bouncing off the Protons of Dawson's intensity during that staredown and ultimately culminating in an inevitable nuclear explosion.

Being Disrespected by the cops

It wasn't all roses for the Hawk in Montreal you know. In 1981 after getting to the post-season for the first and only time, Andre Dawson and Jerry White were mistaken for criminals in front of the Eaton Center downtown....

Here's a quote from Dawson's book:

"As we walked along, three men approached us from behind. Each had a gun. Two men came up behind Jerry and me, put their guns to our heads, and forced us, face first, against a wall. I was shocked and scared. I began to panic..." -A. Dawson & T. Bird, Biography (page 49)

To sum it up, the police said they matched the description of of two robbery suspects, threw them up against a wall and threatened to kill them if they moved, then opened their wallets and saw who they were and let them go. That's not good to treat the Hawk like that.

Collusion of 87

The owners got together and agreed that they would not sign any player for more than the contract he had at that time. So players who were deserving of a raise were being given contract offers of significantly less than what they warranted, and when they tested the free agent market for better offers it was the same thing. The owners agreed not to give any player any good contract. So Dawson's there in 87 going "why am i being offered 250,000 dollars when the highest paid guy in the league who was Mike Schmidt was getting over 2 million." The players didn't know about the collusion, the expos front office justified the offer by telling Dawson he was washed up and wouldn't get any more anywhere else. so Dawson getting this 250,000 chump change offer took it as a real insult.

-ERIC SHOW-

He was one of the most respected hitters in the league. Guys used to throw at him all the time. He lead the league in being hit by pitches 3 times. The worst was the psycho Eric Show of the Padres who was a nut case (he died of a overdose in the nineties)...he was nuts...he was in a branch off group of the KKK called like the John Birch Male Christian League Society or some crazy thing, and he hit Dawson in the left cheek bone with a pitch which resulted in a bench clearing brawl which at least showcased the wrestling talents of the great Rick Sutcliffe.